Grandma Needs Help.

Hi C.!!

So proud of you for helping your grandma. You sound like a wonderful woman.
You know, that is a subject that is tough. I know my grandmom has that problem of smelling like urine. The bladder just doesn't work like it's supposed to.
Maybe a way to approach that is to tell her that "We're all going to get cleaned up so we can go to town." or something like that.
Maybe make a 'to do' list. These are the activities that are going to take place today. Make it kind of fun. We'll get cleaned up and then go for ice cream...or something like that. Funny thing about the way God made us....we start out as babies and when we get old we tend to revert back to that.

Wow, just so excited that you're doing this. It will be good for you and the children.

I hope this helps if only remotely!!!

God bless you my friend!!!

T.
http://tinamccomb.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

Hi C.,
I want to first tell you that I think you are wonderful for doing this for your grandma. It is tough to care for a family member at home but I just love it when someone jumps in there and takes that on. What I would suggest is telling her that you are going to make a schedule for the kids to take baths but you don't want to interfere with her bath times so you will put her on there too. Put her first on the first night so she can get clean and while she is in there get some furniture febreeze and do all the furniture. That helps at the group home I used to work at. also line the furniture with plastic and cover it with blankets or throws. Also get a plastic zipper cover for her bed. All this will help with the oder.

Also because you will be living there find out if she is eligible for some in home care and take advantage of that when they are there you go do something with your children or get a sitter and do something for yourself. This is so you don't burn out on caring for her.

I wish you Luck
God Bless
L.

I would flat out tell her that you are there to help her so she doesn't have to go to the nursing home. Just talk with her and ask her if she is scared about taking a bath and see how you can help her that would make her comfortable. Just try and communicate with her and be honest. In my experience most elderly people don't want to go into a nursing home, so if someone is there to help they will usually let them help.

how awesome it is that you are willing to move in to help her out.

has your family thought about talking to her dr and maybe getting her a once a week nurse help come in.? maybe the nurse could be the 'bad guy' and get her to take a bath.
my dad takes care of my grandma(his mom). he just tells her like it is. she has gotten upset but he tells her he has to let her know these things so she can take better care of herself.
and says 'you want to take the best care of yourself right?'.
that's just what my dad does. i'm sure there is a ton of ways to approach the topic. and i hope you get some good ones that work for you and your grandma.
but i would highly suggest you or her kids talking to her dr ( if there is someone who has medical hmmm, guardianship(?). not sure if that's what it's called. it's where someone can have all the same information from her dr's as she does.
has your family gotten in order things like financial and power of attorny stuff in the event she isn't able to do these things for herself at some point?
my dad can sign on my grandmas checkign acct but he's not on her checks. he can also call her dr at any time and they will give him any information. i'm also on my dads acct the same way. and if anything were to happen to my dad right now(he's only 63) i would be able to take care of his affairs, wether he be in a coma or passeed. (alive or dead)

the visiting nurse is something to look into.
good luck.
hope to hear things are going well.
T.

I think that you should be honest with her and the nursing home. Also if you make out a calendar with what is going to happen throught out the week that might help. That way she knows what is going on without having to constantly ask. I think as far as the bath goes you need to make it a point to tell her that you are here to help and that she needs to take a bath atleast every other day. She might not be washing her clothes and sheets that may be part of the reason that the entire house smells. If I was you I would say that the entire house will need a deep cleaning. Go and get one of those plastic matress covers for he bed and slip it on after the sheets are washed. This will help with the smell. If she continues to be really stubborn, just remember that being honest will be the best in the long run

You might also try saying "Grandma, i ran you a bath. I thought you might enjoy having time to just sit and relax in the tub." If she's not cleaning herself, that would at least be a rinse and soak. Otherwise, I'd suggest asking her if a stool in the shower or a bathrail would help. You might suggest it by saying that sometimes you think it would make it easier for you or for your son/daughter for getting out of the tub.

Hi C.:
I know that putting your Grandma in a Nursing Home can be a scary thought but for the sake of her health she needs to get cleaned up. Not only is this a nuisance but it can make her very ill do to the ammonia in the urine. Since you are moving in with her maybe you should have a talk with her and simply explain that you really need your children to be in a healthy environment and if she is not willing to change then you simply can not live with her. If Social Services gets wind of the conditions she is living in then the decision to put her in a nursing home will no longer be a decision of yours or your aunts and uncles but in the hands of the state. Just the same when children are living in unstable conditions and they are taken away from their parents, the elderly are protected by neglect laws as well. Not saying that your grandmother is being neglected I know that you and your family are doing their best but I was not sure how else to word it. There is also the risk of skin breakdown, pressure ulcers, infections, etc, if in fact she smells of urine because it is on her skin and not being rinsed off.
I am not trying to scare you I just wanted to make sure you had the facts so that you can better persuade her to take better care of herself.
I wish you all the luck in this difficult situation that you are faced with.
K.

You are really taking on a lot. My grandmother was in the same situation after just being diagnosed with Parkinson's. Later we have found that her brain stem is shrinking. So needless to say she is slowly losing her motor functions. She has the mind of a 65 year old but the body of an 85 year old. So I understand how hard it is to talk to your grandma like she is younger than you. But if you plan to assume that role that is exactly what you have to do. Her not bathing is dangerous for her. You just have to tell her like it is. Good luck!

I can somewhat relate. My Grandmother has dimentia, and her personal hygen habits have paid the price. It is really hard to tell someone to take a bath. My sister bought our Grandma one of those shower chairs. Maybe you could check into that. Or just lovingly tell your Grandma that she needs to take a bath or shower. Say something like, "Grandma, I'm not trying to be rude or hurt your feelings but I can tell you need to take a bath or shower. I'm telling you this because I love you and I would want someone to tell me if I was starting to smell a little bit."

Good Luck with everything.
K.

if she has an intrest in reading discreatly lay articals around the house about hygene and it's importance. Does she have a good elderly friend who can hint to her? I have a schitozephrinc brother and I had to tell him flat out that he stank and he actually thanked me for being blunt and honest with him.
It is important to respect your elders but your children's health and well being is a must! a PERSON WHO DOES NOT CARE ABOUT HYGENE OFTEN MAY HAVE ANOTHER UNDERLINE REASON, DEPRESSION, MENTAL ILLNESS, OR THEY MAY JUST FLAT OUT NOT CARE ANYMORE. You need to find a reason for her to care.

The first thing you need to do is determine why she is reluctant to bath herself. If she's afraid of falling then you could install shower bars and buy her a bath chair. You could contact your local senior center, easter seals, or amvets to see if they have these things. They may loan them out for little or no charge. If it's simply poor decision making on her part you could gently offer to assist her without making an issue of her body odor. "Grandma, I know it's getting harder for you to bath yourself. Would it be easier for you if I help?" I hope this is helpful. Feel free to contact me if you would like to talk.