Going Bananas!

Hi K.,
I agree that 1-2-3 Magic is a terrific book and did suggest it as a response to another request. It worked wonders in my household. As far as the dinner throwing, you can try putting a lesser portion on her plate. When we ran into the food throwing problem, a friend suggested that. To this day I have no idea why it worked but it did. At the very least, there will be less of a mess to clean up. Good luck!

D.

You will survive this. There was a moment with my son where I expected his head to spin around at 2 yr 9 mo, and he's FINE at age 6.

One book recommendation, also offered 3 times to another request today is "1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children age 2-12." Arm yourself now!
http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Ch...

Have you ever heard of 'No Greater Joy'? They have a wonderful book on child training, you should look into them!

Hi K.,
I have 3 great kids, but around that same time they really learned what they wanted, but they didn't know that some things had to wait or are just were not ok. When they were that young I would tell them what needed to be done, count to 3 and then remove them from the situation. I don't like time outs, but they made me feel better than yelling.
Good Luck!

Dear K. S,
I found myself in the same boat (and still do sometimes) . Recently my sister in law sent me a DVD course called the "Essentials of Discipline: Whats okay, What;s not and What works" Its really solid and has sound advice that is balanced. I have appreciated the tips, background, and feedback.

Good Luck!

I think what you are going through is all very normal. My daughter who is now 3 went through all the same things. Refusing to eat, refusing naps, ect. Its the age. There is no other explaination needed. Don't be surprised either if she begins refusing the potty if she is trained. She is trying to gain her independence. She is trying to make her own decisions. As far as meals, give her two choices. Ask her what she wants, but make the choices something you would want her to eat. Let her pick her clothes. Hold out 2 outfits and ask her which she wants to wear. Naps, well not too much advice there. I pretty much had to put her to bed and let her cry.....she now doesn't nap because its not worth the fight....and she is actually more crabby with the nap then without it now. If you are concerned about how much she is eating....the doctor had told me look at her meals over a 2 week schedule. If you find that in those 2 weeks she has what I called "eating" days where she eats and eats all day long, and some days that aren't so good...you can be sure that she is eating enough over that span of time. And make sure that you are giving her healthy snacks in between like cheese, yogurt and fresh fruits and vegetables. She may be like my daughter and doesn't like full meals, but rather lots of small meals. Which is a far better habit to get into then to eat 3 large meals.

I've been experiencing sort of the same thing.....girl, 21 mos old, very verbal, understands a lot, the light of my life, ...... you get the picture. She has also been acting out, (ex: yelling no and slamming her hand against the wall when I make her share a toy, or tell her to stop doing something) and luckily, it happened all weekend long with a girlfriend visiting who is a speech therapist for autistic children. She recommended using the word no as little as possible, and instead of telling my daughter what not to do, tell her exactly what I want her to do. (ex: Instead of saying, "Lilly, don't stand on the couch", say, "Lilly, sit down"). Once my girlfriend told me this, I really noticed how much I was saying no, and focusing on what I didn't want hr to do, rather than on what I wanted her to do. Now, she still does do the things she's not supposed to, but the outbursts of anger have almost completely stopped. I think it's because it's no longer a battle of the wills, and I've even noticed my tone has changed. Additionally, I tell her once, and if she doesn't do what I want her to, I physically go and get her or take her away from the situation. So I still feel like I'm sending the message that I'm not speaking for my own entertainment, and if she doesn't follow through there will be consequences. I can't really say this is the "solve all" but it has helped me tremenously with my frustration level, and it seems to have helped Lilly also. Good luck, and hang in there. I feel your pain.

You sound like a wonderful, loving and patient mom. Babies push limits as a part of their growing. Time outs should be based on a child's age - so I would recommend you try it. 1 and 1/2 minutes would be the max time. But making it clear that the behavior is not okay is an important message - as is letting her know that you are the mom and she is the kid. Not in a power trip way, but providing some sort of consisent structure makes kids actually know they are safe. She will modify her behavior and the seeds will be sown for her learn about other ways of expressing her feelings. Once she starts talking, I bet you'll have great conversations! I am a mother of 2 and grandmother of 3. I was much like you when my kids were growing up. My daughter is a 33 yr old mother of 2 - loving, amazing mom with a 4 yr old and 6 hr old. Using time outs when necessary has resulted in 2 very expressive children who know that she means it shen she says "it is up to you. you can stop teasing (or whatever) you sister or have a time out right now. She also, like you, has lots of positive reinforcement methods for rewarding behavior. As far as eating, don't worry - she'll eat when she is hungry - just make sure you give her stuff she likes too - mushed bananas, applesauce, yogurt with fruit etc. and protein and calcium rich foods like cheese. good luck!

It is always difficult to give advice on a situation like this when you are not the one in it. So, take what you can from this! First remember to choose your battles. Dinnertime is never a good fight. Children will learn to eat what is in front of them when they are hungry. (Imagine someone telling you what and when to eat when you were pregnant. That wouldn't fly.) Anyway, one way to break the cycle of tantrums is to get your child involved in anything and everything you do. Ex. Sorting laundry with a toddler can be fun, a learning experience and they feel helpful. All things that will make them feel good. Another way to prevent tantrums is offering your child choices before getting dressed, cooking a meal ect. Ask them, "should we have rice or pasta?" (Not to be mistaken with giving them total power to rule the roost!) This way he/she feels invested in the activity before it begins. Helping to set the table, empty the dishwasher, ect. are all ways to make even your young toddler feel like part of the household. And lastly, reflect on your parenting style and be sure that they do not have all the control. Children need guidelines and limits, be strong and stick to the ones that are most important to you and you family. (not suggesting this is the case with you but I have seen it before) Well, Hope this was helpful!

K.,
It's very important for you to know that most toddlers go through the stage of not eating very much. They are attempting to assert their independence and are attempting to push for more freedom, and at your little one's age, that's the only way she knows how to attempt these things! If she is cutting her last molars, her little mouth may hurt and she may be a bit frustrated because she can't express herself as you do.
Remember that the little ones learn by seeing how Mom and Dad and other siblings act and they feed off your emotions.
As for naptime, try "I know you're tired, but Mommy is. How about we lay day on Mommy's bed and you read Mommy some stories?" (Think reverse psychology! It often works best!)
Since I'm the mother of two and grandmother of 5, and a professional baby-sitter, I have a little experience in these matters.
Hope this helps!!
S.

Hi, K. S!

I noticed that you mentioned your child was 1 1/2 years old, which I believe is a pretty hard age for her to communicate her feelings to you. Even though she may know how to say some words, they usually don't understand how to explain to you how they are feeling.. And most of the time, they only know how to do that through actions. Almost like sign language with their bodies. Which of course, is their basic instincts on how to react to a situation. And like everyone, that's how majority of the way people react to others.. Body language is the main way of communications.. Since you daughter is but only at a young age, the best way to get her to calm down when she is in a defiant behavior, is to set her aside maybe to the kitchen or bathroom sink, and get a wash cloth or paper towel, and wet it with cold water to calm down their anger.. Which I assure is safe, and will not affect them in the future. I've done it many times when my son was a toddler. As he got older, he was able to calm himself down by going somewhere quiet to take a breather. However, your daughter might not be able to understand how to take time for herself when she is frustrated. So a little cold compress on her forehead, and neck may be able to get her to cool off and a soft blow to her neck will also distract her from what is upsetting her. Also, if you pretty much have an idea on what is upsetting her, explaining to her why you understand why she is upset, and having her either agree with you, by either saying yes, or nodding is a good way for her to know that you understand why she is frustrated and will help her out. Or she will simply say no, or shake her head to let you know, that she isn't in agreement with you. When you two clash heads with each other, it is good to show you are there for her when she's upset, and will help her understand the reason for finishing her food, or taking her nap. Also, I used to have a difficult time with nap time when my son was young, and I learned from his daycare when he was your daughters age, that soft classical music, and a dim room will calm down the child and soft spoken words to them will relax them to become tired. You don't have to force her to go into her crib, or toddler bed and expect her to just fall asleep. The gentleness will ease their excitement, and give them peace to relax. Also, it may be good for you to lay down with her, and read her a book of her choosing, and have her lay down with you, maybe caressing her hair, or massaging her feet or arms to help her sleep. I used to massage my son's feet all the time when he was young to make him feel safe in mommy's arms. It helped him relax a lot.

First of all I want to say that you sound like such a wonderful and dedicated mother and to know that you are in company of many of us who feel many times like we are "going bananas"! :) My daughter is the same age as your daughter and I understand what you are going through. The moms on this site have such great advice--I just wanted to say that I have used the tactic that Laura C mentioned in her post to you about focusing on verbalizing what you want your daughter to do instead of verbalizing what you don't want her to do--this has worked very well for my daughter and I. I will of course say "no" plenty--especially in dangerous situations but then when I say next what she needs to do, after several times she begins to understand without as much fuss. I hope this works for you!

First of all I would like to say that you are awesome! That's great that you're so into preserving the environment and into organics. I agree and try to do the same thing. Since your daughter is developing so quickly she may have an excess amount of energy and this is where her frustration is coming from. Try to give her choices. Even though she's very young, let her tell you what she needs. It sounds silly, but you'd be surprised by how easily this works. Also, if you sit down right before you feel yourself getting ready to explode, explain to her why you are feeling so upset with her. Tell her that you love her and you want to help her be happy and healthy, and you can only do this if she is willing to cooperate. When your daughter refuses something to eat, give her a choice. Either peas or carrots, and let her pick. When she points to one, praise her and tell her what a good job she's done. As far as the excess energy that she has, try telling her to draw pictures of what she sees or feels. Children aren't what they used to be. There are some very good books that explain how to treat kids with enormous amounts of energy and how to feed them. They enforce organics and natural foods. The titles are Indigo Children and Food for the Indigo Children. I strongly agree with these and I'm sure that you would have a lot of questions answered after reading these. Good luck with everything and please let me know if you need anything else. :)

First, since she's refusing to eat, I'd recommend a trip to the pediatrician just to be sure there isn't an underlying reason, like a thrush infection or Kawasaki's syndrome (which is a typical childhood virus whose only symptom is a blistery infection in the throat, it's not dangerous, but it does make kids stop eating) If that turns up nothing, I would highly suggest getting some of the "baby sign" videos and teaching your little girl some sign language to help her express herself more easily and with less frustration. When kids get into that "fast forward" learning mode they sometimes want to do more than their bodies can accommodate and she might not yet be able to make the sounds to produce the words that she wants to to tell you what she wants. As far as the naps go. Don't force it, but keep a routine "quiet" time. Even if she doesn't sleep, read to her, put on some soft music, but make it a quiet time to help her slow down and take a break from her day. And above all, give yourself a time out if you need one. It's better than yelling and she won't be traumatized if you put her somewhere safe and take 5 minutes to do some deep breathing or whatever works for you. Good luck!