Gentle Boys

Updated on March 31, 2011
P.M. asks from Dallas, TX
18 answers

My son, who is 4.5, is a very gentle boy. His best friend is a few months younger and is all rough-and-tumble and loves sports and scrapping. Sometimes this is a bit of an issue, as my son loves to play but never rough. I mean, he will run and play ball and can take a tackle, but he would rather be doing something gentle like playing dolls with my 8 year old daughter or cuddling on the couch with me or my husband. He isn't really into the 'boy' stuff but I don't really care, we try to stay away from gender rolls anyway.He'll play happily with toy cars and airplanes, and he loves Mario. He is a little sensitive on the playground if kids won't play with him or are being mean. I doubt he will be in sports, he isn't really a fan of anything more than playing catch or running. I was just curious how many of you have calmer boys?

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So What Happened?

Thanks ladies, while I looooove my son's disposition so much it's nice to hear your stories as well. I always feel a little guilty every time he crawls in my lap and snuggles instead of playing rough and tumble, because I am greedy with the snuggles! Not having brothers or any little guys in my life before him, I'm always worried I am going to turn him into a 'momma's boy' (even though secretly I would be fine with that, if it wouldn't hurt him!) I am so glad to hear that it's not me, just his natural, sweet disposition! We love him just how he is, no matter what. Thanks again mommas!

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T.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

My brother was just like that too. All humans are different, regardless of what`s in their pants. Don´t worry about a thing.

1 mom found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

I have two boys ages 13 and 7, and both are very gentle boys. My oldest has never been interested in team sports at all, but this year has become a runner. Both boys swim all the time, and my youngest loves golf. They get along very well, and both are very strong academically. They are avid readers. They are seldom around girls other than me except when in school (just mentioning because of the sister topic mentioned by others). I love my gentle boys. :)

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A.P.

answers from Eugene on

My son is a gentle soul like his dad. He likes to run and play, but we don't rough house with him and a lot of his friends are mellow too. I'm always really proud to have such gentle son--I know he'll never be the kid to hit or hurt someone--I feel like it's one of the best gifts I could the world. We need more men like the boys we are raising.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Your son sounds like a great kid.
Good for you, you accept him for who he is.. instead of forcing him to be a rough and tumble boy.
Each person is an individual. Boy or girl.

My son's friend is like that. He is a great kid. Very cerebral/bright/creative/and he is confident. My son, knows how to play with him per his personality and does not bat an eyelash that he is not all rough and tumble like he is. And they are good friends.

You are spot on, for nurturing your son, as you are.
Good job Mom. :)

** I HOPE, your Husband is on the same page on this? And "ALLOWS" your son, to be himself.
That is the greatest 'gift' we can give to our kids. They get self-assured that way and believe in themselves.

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

I have 3 boys---two are very calm and gentle. One is a little rougher but no where near like some of their peers.

My boys tried soccer, basketball, baseball and karate when they were younger. None had the slightest interest in playing football.
In middle school and high school they all settled into swimming. Great sport and great exercise. My youngest likes weight training and yoga, too.
If he had to be mean and take someone down, he could not do it.

They are very bright, prefer small groups of friends and feel very secure in who they are. They are pretty even tempered and what gets them really going is injustice being done to others. They are responsible and are the kids in the neighborhood who get called by the neighbors to house sit, to dog sit, tutor a child in math,... etc....
(They even get calls from other neighborhoods to do jobs b/c some say they wouldn't trust other boys with their homes.)

Enjoy your son's even and calm disposition.

4 moms found this helpful

A.S.

answers from Detroit on

Yup. My little man is a Leo... The Leo boys I know are (this will sound a little contradictory, but if you know one, you'll understand) sensitive, cuddly, independant, mama's boys (not to the extreme). He'll play dolls with his sister, tea time with sissy, and then play catch, play with his 'tool set', and play cars with me or my husband. He's one of the first ones to hang with the girls. Lots of times, he'll tell the boys in his daycare class to 'shhhh! Be quiet!' The only 'rough n tumble' stuff my son likes is getting tickled or climbing on mine or daddy's back for a 'horsey ride'.

ETA- Kind of bugs the daylights out of me when I see that people are making it known that they think (in short) playing with dolls is only because he's got a sister and that it makes him sound like a sissy.

It's not just influence ladies!!! I was a born tomboy!!! Never had any siblings. My mother wished for a 'princess' and didn't get it! I'm going to tell you now... Embrace your child's uniqueness!

I am happily married to one of these sensitive guys. I wouldn't have it any other way!!!

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J.C.

answers from New York on

My little guy is a gentle, sweet soul.

One minute we are watching Spider Man and the next the Tinkerbell movie. 8)

On the playground he chooses to play with the girls. He actually avoids playing with the boys. Lots of boys his age are very into tackling and wrestling or running around roughly trying to knock each other down. My guy has outright said that he doesn't like playing like this.

Right now we have a little girl over for a playdate. They get a long so wonderfully, even though she is a bit rougher than he is.

He also has playdates with boys, but they tend to be boys who like to pretend play and use their imaginations, and of course dig in the dirt.

He is terrifically empathetic and is very concerned if a friend is hurt or he hears a baby crying. He will actually stop playing in the playground to go and sit next to the mom with the crying baby. I guess he thinks his presence will help somehow. lol.

As far as sports go, I could see him playing tennis or running track, or swimming......

He is a kissy, cuddly, lovey, sweetheart and I couldn't be prouder.

Peace.

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N.W.

answers from Eugene on

My 2 guys are gentle boys. They are 14 and 16, play sports, participate in airsoft wars, like boy stuff and have very different personalities. But they both have sensitive, sweet dispositions. I don't know if I'd call the younger one "calm" because he can be pretty intense. But he is extremely creative and will spend hours working on projects like building legos or making movies. The older one draws and plays the piano. They both prefer individual sports like swimming and rock climbing rather than playing on a team. I really enjoy my two teenagers!

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M.V.

answers from New York on

My 15 year old son is like this, too! And I just love it, and him (obviously). He was never into rough housing, contact sports, or making "mischief" like many of his friends. He is very kind and gentle, sensitive and spiritual - he is an artist and musician, and I think he just naturally gravitated to those activities because they feed his soul. Enjoy your son!! :)

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S.K.

answers from Seattle on

Sorry I have no input here because I only have a girl right now, but am pregnant with a boy and I just wanted to say that I am so hoping that he is like your boy! I have been so worried about how and if I could handle the rough-and-tumble, wrestling, etc. Your son sounds like a great, lovable, happy kid and I am hoping so much that mine is that way too!! Any secrets you can share on how you raised him to be that way would be appreciated! :)

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B.D.

answers from San Diego on

Hi P., I have 2 boys and my older son (now 9) sounds alot like your son. My younger son is 'all boy' and he is EXHAUSTING! lol
My older son is so very sweet and sensitive, a little uncoordinated, and his best friend is a girl. When he was younger (up thru 1st grade or so) he preferred to play with girls for the exact reasons you mentioned. Now, he prefers the company of boys. As your son gets older he may start to enjoy more of the typical 'boy' activities but he will probably always be more sensitive, prone to tears, hurt feelings, etc. For me, it's nice to have 'one of each' b/c I didn't get to have any daughters :-) Atleast I have one snuggle-B.! lol

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

ehh.. mine isn't into playing with dolls, per se. But he is definitely calmer than a lot of the "typical rough housing boy behavior" that you read about. He would play with action figures or bionicles. He likes video games (of course). But he also likes books and drawing. Climbing trees or just wandering around outside. He loves anything "outside". LOL

He is almost a teen, now. And is not into playing sports much (he'll throw some hoops outside, or the baseball or ask to play around on the tennis court with dad once in a blue moon- but he has never played on a team, except for one season of basketball at a small private school where none of the other players had ever played before either, when he was in 5th grade). He loves to swim, and he is a black belt in Tang Soo Do, though.

I wouldn't worry about it. I am actually rather glad that I may not have to worry about bone crushing on the iron grid during the coming high school years...as disappointed as my husband might be about that. (He LOVES football). To each his own. My son likes to ride bikes, and skateboard, and ride his electric scooter too. He isn't a daredevil with any of them, or particularly masterful with tricks or anything. He just has fun.

Enjoy your guy's personality!

(My son doesn't have an older sister, but he has a younger one. She is a tom-boy, and they get along famously!)

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D.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

My four-year old is like that too. I was say that he's gonna be a good husband someday. He's so calm and patient; a great kid. His little brother is the opposite though. lol

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi P. my oldest son was very much like you just describe when he was little, he loved to play with toys that most boys play with, but he was a gentle man at a very young age, but he did play sports when he got older, especially basket ball, and now at 27 he is training to be a UFC fighter. He still is gentle when and where he should be, he never lost that. My second won was more like the way you described hi best friend, and he too is training to be a UFC fighter, and he is gentle when and where he should be. I think gender rolls are important, I say that now because my kids are grown
but when they were little I thought the same way you do. My husband was very good doing father/son things at the same time they baked cookies with me, but we always had a balance with them. Our daughter, is 21 and she has always been all girl, and we love it, who they are when their little plays a big part of who and how they are when they are older, we know from experience so make sure he has a balance of rough and tough and gentleness. Proud mom of 3 grown children.

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V.M.

answers from Erie on

my son is, he is 7 now and picking up more of those rough and tumble, potty humor type behaviors than i thought he would but still a total angel. I just roll with it. there will be so many stages they go through as they try to fit into this world.

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P.O.

answers from Harrisburg on

As my husband puts it, those type boys he will be the lover boys, the charmers, smart type when he grows up, the committed kind...don't worry about it, however, as for the dolls though (not that anything is wrong with a boy playing with a doll - most boys will be curious about it and then gravitate to the trucks and planes, etc), but if he is the calmer type and is more comfortable playing with the dolls etc it seem to me that he is not being "toughened" up enough and may have too many female influence and nterractions around him. He is getting too comfortable being babied or treated the same as the girl. I would encourage him to still play with the rough and tumble friend, but I dont think his interest have to necessarily be in sports either.

T.L.

answers from St. Louis on

Honestly it just sounds like he has a older sister. Most boys who have older sister's seem to be more laid back and not as rough. Does his friend have an older brother? Or is the friend's father a rough houser? For the most part my boys are all pretty calm, but they do have an older sister.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son is not necessarily calm - he is always running around - but he is not into rough-housing, tackling, and other more physical/contact-related activities. He can also be sensitive and cry if others are mean to him.

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