Gaining Independents

hi H.! i have twin girls that BOTH like to be held all the time. it's is impossible for me to do, though. do you have a baby carrier? i have a front pack one that is great , especially now that they have a lot more head control, but i also have a sling that was so wonderful when they were really tiny. it lets me carry one of them around when i'm doing house stuff, but still have full range of motion! also, both of my girls LOVED looking at mirrors. it would entertain them for quite a long time. i have a great baby mirror that will either stand up or attach to their crib. enjoy this time, though, it goes by fast. good luck!

Dear H.,
You are so cute, I have to agree with What Marda P. said, I haven’t checked out your profile but you didn’t say if you were a single mom or not. I am a single mom, always have been since my son was born and it was hard to get some mommy time, its not like I needed to go sit in a bubble bath or read a book un-disturbed, I just wanted to take out the trash to the other end of the apartment parking lot in the snow and it was hard with a little infant in one arm, bundled up and a garbage bag in the other, or to go check the mail, to take a shower, certainly your not expected to wait until your child is older to take a bath, so I actually tried to shower with him in my arms, Big Mistake, babies get real slippery when wet, so I bought a bath tub seat for babies, that helped a lot, He showered with me (when he was big enough to sit up, still a struggle when there small). Well I also liked the suggestions with what Cathy M. said, with the play pen, but sometimes my son just wouldn’t hear of it, it felt over whelming at first to not be able to do anything (cook dinner, open a can, what-ever) without him in my arms, so back to the suggestions of asking for help, I'd call my mom or ask a neighbor or friend if they'd tend to my son just so I could tend to some of my basic needs, then I'd be refreshed and ready-to-go. I did learn how to be the one-armed mother and in time, you too will be a pro.
Have fun with your little baby and good luck.

H., I am shocked that you are worried about getting your little four month old to play alone. At this developmental stage she needs interaction, particularly with the same sex parent, in order to pass crucial milestones and form important neural connections. Research shows that infants should be interacted with as much as is possible in positive nurturing ways. You have plenty of time to worry about "me time." They grow up so fast. Before you know it she will be in school, going to birthday parties and doing her own things. If I were you I would cherish this time with my child instead of worrying about myself.

go purchase an ERGO baby carrier
http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/
these are awesome!! and you can still carry them up to age 5.
my kids love them! and once they fall asleep go lay them down.. I have a almost 2 and 3 year old. I got it when my 2 year old arrived.. the best thing ever!! they are close to your body and you can use it on the front or back.. and it is like a piggy back ride when they are older!! it's great!!

No offense, but your daughter is 4 months old. She's not capable of playing alone. You are her world right now, and what she needs most in this world is interaction from other people, to stimulate her brain.

In my experience, I got mommy time when she was sleeping. At 4 months, my dd was still napping enough for me to get an hour here and an hour there.

She needs you mama... she's just a wee babe.

H. B
I went through this with both of my children. I have 2 children (3 and 1 years old).
I think it is very common and the good news is that it is a stage the little ones go through, so it will pass. But in the mean time-I used to make sure I continued to talk out loud when ever I left the room-this helped my children to know that I was not far.
Mommy time is very important for you and baby-so even if you can get your daughter into a safe area and play soft music and sit with her for a little bit then casulally leave for 10-20 min. It may be worth it.
4 months is a crucial part of their development process because they are just starting to become more aware of their surroundings. You little one may jsut need your time right now.
I hope this helps a little and I hope you can find the right solution for you and baby.
A. R

Do you have an exer-saucer? She's almost big enough for one, and they allow babies to play with toys as they move around in a circle. Also, try a baby-jumper that hangs from the ceiling/doorway. There are lots of other floor toys that she would like, too. But at this age, their attention span is so short that you do need to spend more time with them. A better way to get mommy time is to hire a sitter or get your family/friends to come by and watch her for an hour or two. When she gets older and more independent, you will miss this cuddly mommy time, so enjoy it now!

A play pen can be a life saver in situations like this. Put her in the play pen with some of her toys and go about your business. Keep the play pen near you so see can see you and know that mommy is still there. I have done this with my own daughter and it helped alot, until she figured out that she is a mobile little person!! I have also put my daughter in her highchair and put her where she could see me and still play with her toys. Hope this will help.

At 4 months old, they are just realizing who you are and how much they need you, of course they will want you, they DO need you!

Hi H., what i did when i had my 2 daughters was i bought a bouncer that vibrated and had toys. the vibration was like i was holding them and they loved the bright colors. and i could move them to any room that i needed to be whether it was cleaning or taking a shower. and when i was in the shower i would play peek a boo with them .they loved that they could still see me. as for your alone time take that when she is asleep. or finish what it is that you want to do. do you have a friend,or mother or the baby's father that can take her so you can have your alone time? if any of the responces you recieved won't work for you. i was 22 when i had my first child. you just have start off by making a schedule that can work for both of you. so everyone can have time. you didn't say if you worked or not. good luck.

I read some of your other messages and liked your idea of making putting into the car seat a game. That sort of creativity is what will get you through the years with your baby.

You say that your baby has been independent up until now. She wasn't independent. She just had needs that were easy to meet. She ate and slept most of the time. Now she is beginning to develop a personality and she needs you to interact with her. This need is more difficult to meet but it's every bit as important as food and sleep.

You do need to find ways to have time for yourself but if you do that at the expense of not being with your daughter she will not develop in a healthy way and you will have even more difficulty getting mommy time as she grows older and demands your attention in negative ways.

I found that I eventually gained relief from the constant responsibility of taking care of my daughter by the time she was old enough to play at someone elses house. I had good friends whom I trusted and this started around age 7 or so.

Now, you could hire a babysitter and/or have friends or relatives watch her some of the time but there is no way that you are going to make her independent and able to play by herself. She will eventually learn to play by herself for short periods of time several months from now but she will only be able to do that if you teach her how to play and spend more time with her now.

I know it's difficult having a little baby totally dependent on you. And you do need mommy time. It's just that you can't do it by expecting a 4 month old baby take care of itself.

The ideas about a swing and toys with lights and action are helpful for short periods of time but I didn't feel that I really had time for myself during those times because I still had to keep an eye on her. My mommy time came when she was asleep or with a babysitter or friend.