Freshman Can't Drive When They Are 14!! - Goodyears Bar,CA

Updated on June 11, 2012
D.D. asks from Goodyear, AZ
23 answers

My 9th grader has to be at one gym at 6:30am for lifting. They get finished around 725 He has to be across town at a field for off/def training on the field by 730. Freshman can't drive! I told my son call me if you need a ride to the field. Some times the upperclassman offer him a ride. (I showed up one time to take him where he has to go, and he cought a ride) SON calls and says he has to be at the field in 4 min when I am leavin the house to drop younger two off at preschool. The field is at least 4 miles from the gym, and takes at least 5 min to drive. The thing is I still have to drop my younger ones off.
Serously something isn't right here. My son is not getting the information correct or the coaches expect him and his parents to be at their beck and call. Help moms of children in high school sports.
What can be done?
How do I approach the coach?
Why don't they get their freshman taken care of? Especially if they don't have a feild at the high school??

What can I do next?

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answers from Seattle on

Coaches expect one of the following when there isn't a bus

1) parents drive
2) kids drive
3) non drivers ride with drivers
4) non drivers leave gym 20-30 min early and jog

Just ask the coach if he wants kiddo leaving weight training at 7 to jog over, or should he be riding with an upperclassman, since you can't drive him.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Boise on

This may sound harsh but in that type of situation my child would have to find a ride..or not go. A lot of times talking to the coach and explaining that you have other children at home and that the time schedule they have does not work for you is enough for them to help find a solution.

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from New York on

Hi first off I would just like to say I remember my kids playing high school sports..boy glad those days are over lol. From my experience I may be alone on this but I wouldn't go straight to the coach first. High School sports are very different from middle school and other leagues he may have played before this, they don't mess around. And from what I've learned, most coaches (esp football, if thats what your referring to) really don't like when parents call them for issues like this because most likely it is a miscommunication from your son and at this level they expect kids to be more responsible about time management, which is reasonable. Can you ask him how the other freshmen manage to get to the field on time? Does he have some friends who you could talk to their mothers about how they do it? If so- I would do that first because either your son is misunderstanding something or you're not alone in feeling like this is impossible. And if it does turn out your son was right and they really have only about 5 minutes to get to the field, set up a carpool ASAP. You said he gets done at about 7:25, so don't wait for a call I would leave about 10 minutes before that and wait in the parking lot for him to come. Rotate with other parents for lifting drop offs, driving to the field, and picking up.
Best of luck!!!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

It's time for your son to man up and handle his business. You support him and encourage him. It is his job if he wants to participate in these things to make the scheduling or explain the scheduling to his coaches.

This is what men do. It is time for you to loosen the mamma grip on him and encourage him to figure things out. In 4 short years he will be off the college and your job is to equip him in many areas of life and living. Time management and problem solving are only two. He would be better served if you back down some and let him figure this out and don't worry about it any further.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

honestly, & seriously, your son needs to "man up"!

He needs to coordinate his training sessions & be responsible for figuring out his transportation needs. This is not the coach's problem, nor the school's.

My son hitches a ride w/ friends, walks, or rides his bike. Occasionally, I will get a call....but it's rare. :)

& yes, it's a hassle, but it does teach coping/planning I don't stress over it.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

First, call the coach and confirm the information and schedule.
This is what happens when you have more than one child. You obviously can't be in two places at once. I learned years ago that carpooling is absolutely necessary if your child plays a sport, especially at the high school level. Get together with other parents and work out a carpool, I'm sure you're not the only one trying to figure it out. Maybe you can do the 6:30 drive, someone else can do the drive to the field and then a third person can do pick up. That way you're only driving once a day.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

I had children do sports in high school and yes you are responsible for getting them where they need to go. There is generally a team involved. My kids always told me when it was my turn to drive.

Your son is in high school, he needs to be more responsible. He should set up rides in advance and if he has none tell you in a timely manner so you aren't busting yourself to get up there.

You and your son are responsible, not the school.

Heck my kids schools didn't even have team buses for the games. We had to locate the school they were playing on and get them there. I was responsible for the goalie, talk about pressure.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I urge you to talk directly with the coaches. You approach them by saying your son and you are having transportation problems.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Sports are extracurricular, so transportation is not the school's job. Do you have any way of contacting the other parents? Seems like a carpool is what's needed here.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Barbara on

My daughter played softball through high school, the softball fields were not on campus but three miles away. Yes, parents are responsible for getting their kids to voluntary activities. I had the most flexible work schedule so I ended up doing most of the driving the first two years.

The information sounds pretty clear and you can figure out options with other parents or older kids. He's in high school now, he needs to be part of the solution. My daughter got her license a couple of days after she turned 16 (already had a car) but then had a 12 month provisional license and couldn't drive other kids.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Encourage your son to speak up to problem-solve this issue on his own. I think it just as presumptuous to assume that the kids of driving age even have a car or have access to use of a car. What do the other freshmen kids do? I think you need to talk to your son about putting together a solid transportation plan because obviously, you have your car and other family commitments at his time of need. He may have to politely ask the parent of one of the other younger kids if he can ride with them to the field, along with showing much appreciation for the favor. Or he may have to ask the same of one of the older kids, ask if they would mind offering him a regular seat in their car from gym to field on practice days because his parents are busy at that time. It sounds like maybe a bit too far to bike, or maybe that is an option to so that he doesn't have to depend on someone else. If all options fail, then he needs to see the coach and let him know he needs some help figuring out transportation. I would hope the coach will be helpful, but if he doesn't speak up, the coach probably has no idea this is an issue.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I suggest you work with the coach/your son etc to solve this problem - he can not be the only one with a simmilar issue and try to work out a carpooling system so everyone is where they need to be ontime. I would think they have a parent "phone book" where you can contact the parents and see who is willing and who is in need along with the upperclassmen who can drive other students and create a schedule. See if the above website can work for you in this instance and show your son how to become a problem solver on a higher level - do this WITH him, not FOR him.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

I think the best thing you can do is go with pencil and paper in your hand and ask the coach to talk to you about the schedule. Then you know if what your son says is right or not.

Tell the coach what he needs to know. Ask him for advice.

Btw, tell your son you are going to talk to the coach. You don't want him to be surprised and not know that mom spoke to the coach. BUT... if he tells you not to, remind him that you are the mom and you ARE going to speak to the coach. Your son needs to know that you are ALWAYS going to check up on him when something doesn't "feel" right. It's an important thing for kids to know as they get to be older teens.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Austin on

DO NOT call the Coach!!!!! OMG.. SO embarrassing..

This is your sons job to make sure he gets to where he is supposed to be..

Do you think if he is late 1 or 2 times, he will make sure he understands what the heck is going on? Let a natural consequence happen..

He is now in High School.. If you go to the coach the first thing the coach is going to do is ask your son, "Hey, why is your mom calling me? She is not on the team, you are."

Get your son to ride his bike.. it is even quicker than the car.

He is now a young man, not a boy.. He can do this.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

My girls are not in sports, but are in other school activities. In high school, coaches, teachers, etc expect the students to relay information to their parents.

You need to talk to your son and make sure he has the correct information. If he doesn't know, then have him go to the coach for clarification of the expectations.

Talk to other parents and see if they are experiencing the same problems. Maybe you can set up a carpool.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Set up car pool with other parents. That's what we did. More than likely you are not the only one with this situation.

Good luck

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

Could you get him a moped? There are some you dont need a license to drive and I bet he could get there fast enough with one, and drive himself to and from school that way. Plus I bet he would love it... or are mopeds dorky now?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

It's difficult-get the schedule and establish a car pool or hire a driver.



answers from San Francisco on

I second the idea of having him ride his bike. If it's only four miles, he should be able to get there pretty quickly.


answers from Biloxi on

Ah, my son's band director does this. Camp this summer is from 7am to 5pm. Which means that I will be at work 45 minutes early that week, and my son will not be picked up until after 5pm. He is 16 and still doesn't drive. Oh and it is at an entirely different school than the one he goes to.

Practices often end at 4:30 after school, and the director is often huffy about having to hang around and wait until I can pick my son up after I get off work at 5pm. You would think, that after almost two years of some parents consistently showing after 5 to get their kids the director would realize that 4:30 is just not gonna' work for some of us. LOL

You can try talking to the coach - but in my experience, they are dead set in their ways, and if a child misses practice, or is late, they can/will cut them. But, it will help you resolve the question of if their scheduling is insane or your son is not bringing you all the information. Because, that has happened to me - son tells me I have to be wherever, at X time, then calls me at work to tell me he needs to be there 2 hours earlier.

Best bet, and what I have done, is to carpool. Find other parent's to share the burden, so to speak. One does mornings, another evenings, etc. It really helps out a lot.

It does get easier - as my son's friends have started to age into driving he can now often get rides.

But, it is frustrating.



answers from Dallas on

We have had the same issues with my nephew in high school football and wrestling (wrestling was the worst). It's usually that the coaches are inconsiderate of parents and their schedules, and they often also extend practice beyond what is scheduled. My brother is a single parent with full custody and a job where he can't do chauffering during the day or early evening, and it is a challenge. Even if the kid could drive, it also assumes he has his own car, which isn't realistic. Fortunately, my nephew just got his license, and I gave him my old car. Now the issue is that the kid needs a job to pay for gas and insurance but can't get one with the time constraints of sports practices, required sports camps and the games!



answers from New York on

First are the two things related or are these two particular things he wants to do. If they are separate activities, then maybe he needs to choose one over the other. If they are related to each other, then I say let him ride his bike. Do not go to the coach. He needs to figure things out himself.


answers from Dover on

We had this happen but it was after school and they had to walk. Enough people complained that that ended (they started bussing them). You can tell you son that he needs to arrange a ride for the next morning before bedtime so you know and can be at the field in time...otherwise he will have to walk fast or expect to be late. You can also call the coach and ask about the timing and transportation (just asking for clarification)...this seems ridiculous to me so if coach doesn't give you a good answer, contact the athletic director.

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