Four Year Old Boys at Play

Just because other boys are playing with sticks, doesn't make it "normal" or "right". I am all for creative play and I am not a paranoid mom, but ANY 4 year old child playing with a long, wooden, jagged, sharp, protruding object, is not a good idea. And, the standing on a picnic table? Yeah, people eat there - that's just plain bad manners & lazy parenting - on both accounts, if you ask me. Not to mention, the potential of a kid falling or being pushed or kicked off of the table is huge. No sticks OR standing on tables for my DD, even at age 6.

Personally, I could care less what the "other" kids are doing. My rules are my rules, and my DD has to follow them, even if other parents aren't watching or parenting their kids.

Not to mention, kids are impulsive & push boundaries - just because you tell them not to put the stick near someone's face or eye, doesn't mean they're going to actually listen. That would be a very dangerous lesson, now wouldn't it?

Normal for them to want to do this but it's the Parents JOB to teach them it's not acceptable as they don't understand the consequences. In my opinion hey shouldn't be playing with sticks in this manner as the risk is to seruios. It's not worth a permanently damaged eye to not be rigid about this rule.

Normal? Yes. Acceptable? No. Very dangerous!
When my son wanted to play like this I gave him cheap plastic swords. You can also take a single section of newspaper and roll it tightly, on the diagonal, and secure it with masking tape. That makes a great, safe weapon!

Normal play? Yes. Acceptable? No. That's why kids this age need parental supervision.

Yes normal play... but not ok. All kids, boys and girls, need boundaries. They have no foresight about poking another child's eye out or falling off a table and getting injured. It is our job as parents to draw the line on play like this.

This kind of stuff drives me bananas when I'm at the park. Mostly because the moms (and dads) are usually chatting among themselves and not paying attention to potentially dangerous behavior and games. Since my job is to watch kids all day long, I am always sensitive to seeing situations in which a child could be hurt. And more than once (in a nice way) I've brought a parent's attention to their child before they got hurt. The response is usually, "oh my gosh! I didn't seem him/her doing that!"

I think the balance is being aware of what your kids are able to do and the potential for injury. When my son was 4 he learned to ride his bike without training wheels. We live near a park that is surrounded by big hills and he loved to push his bike to the top of the hill and tear down as fast as he could go. It almost gave me a heart attack each time, but if he crashed it would have been on grass and I knew that it was important for him to have the freedom to push himself. At 4 he wasn't able to evaluate the situation and weigh the risks of injury.

Giving kids boundaries at these young ages and while supervised helps them realize the risks and gives them guidelines and tools for later play when they are unsupervised or at least not supervised as closely.

I don't have a son, so bear with me, but I would not allow my daughter to stand on a picnic table and play with pointy sticks. Just my personal preference. I say "tables are for sitting, not playing on". If you are uncomfortable with a situation, you have every right to tell your son to get off the table and play on the ground. Or you could say "we don't point sticks in other people's faces" and take the sticks off your son and maybe the other mom's would follow suit. It's all a matter of personal opinion what you will allow or not allow as far as play goes. Don't be afraid to say something in front of the other moms. Good luck.

"Feet belong on the ground , we never stand on tables."

"We do not use sticks to hit each other,,.You may use a nerf sword to play sword fighting.. "

FYI in elementary school, getting on the table is a no, no and using anything to hit each other with is a huge. no, no.. Really there is no need for this behavior. Teach him now, so he will not get into trouble or hurt someone later.

My son is also 4. He likes to play rough..like boys do. But, I do not allow him to play with sticks and pointy things. I encourage him to play with other kids...but to do so safely.

I also don't like my son to play with "weapons" either. I don't want him to learn that it is OK or fun to hurt other people. I know that boys at this age are into super hero's and whatnot...but I really discourage this kind of play and pretend hurting. That's just me.

Normal does not mean acceptable.
Yes it is normal for 4 year old boys (or girls for that matter) to play with sticks without regard for the possibility of injury. It is all normal for kids to wrestle, push each other and for toddlers to bite or hit each other. Just because it is "normal behavior" doesn't mean it is behavior that should be encouraged or even tolerated.
I have to say I am sometimes a bit surprised by myself, but I have found myself stepping in in situations like that and taken away dangerous items from kids on the playground if the other parents are nowhere to be seen.
I would be happy if another mom took a dangerous item away from my kid, if I didn't notice she was playing with it or couldn't get there fast enough.

So: yes, it is normal, you should teach your kid not to play with sharp pointy sticks, no, he should not play in a situation like that and yes, normally you would expect the other moms to react, but we are all human and it takes a village to raise a child - so don't be too judgmental if they don't.

Good luck!

This is normal play. It's also a disaster in the making.

BE the mom, even if the other moms aren't being the moms. The first time the stick is raised to another's face, say "No pointing the sticks towards anybody's face." Make sure he is looking at you when you say it. The next time he does it, tell him that the stick now belongs to you. Whoever it is. Doesn't matter. The other boys will know you mean business and won't make the same mistake. In a few minutes, you can ask him if he's ready to play with the stick in the right way, and give it back.

That way everyone learns the right way to play with sticks, and no one ends up in the hospital. If the other moms won't do it, do it yourself.

Dawn

Boys play in boy ways.
Fine.
BUT, the question is safety.
They are putting sticks near each other's faces and this is NOT safe.
So you need to tell them.
Kids need to know, what is dangerous.
Yes, you teach you son what is dangerous.
I would not want my son's eye poked and bleeding or have a potential emergency level injury.
Pointy sticks pointed near another person's face = dangerous. And a boy PUSHING another boy off the table, is dangerous.

It doesn't matter what the other Moms do or not about it.
If it were me, I would tell MY son.... to keep clear of those boys.
And I verbalize it to my son in front of the others.
The thing is, you gotta teach kids what is dangerous or not. So that they learn and can DISCERN, situations. Themselves.

Yes, normal. Boys love playing with long pointy sticks.

Some people allow it, some don't.

Don't hesitate to stop kids from pointing sticks at your son's face, or your son from pointing sticks at others, or removing your son altogether from the stick game on picnic tables.

Don't rely on anyone else to do it.

Don't worry about what they think of you.

play yes. dangerous stick play, no. no 1,2,3, no second chances. make it clear at outset of game, the first time a stick gets near anyone's face or gonads, ALL the sticks get broken and thrown away.
back it up.
khairete
S.

When playing with sticks like this, we have one rule: You can bang or hit the sticks against other sticks, but no one is allowed to poke or hit anyone's body with a stick. And we didn't let kids stand on top of tables, that's just a disaster waiting to happen. Banning stick play is ridiculous. Teach him how to make a bow and arrow with sticks, too :) he's only allowed to have inanimate objects as targets ;)

I find that when I have simple rules, they get followed. Hovering isn't necessary, and it's your right to insist other kids he's playing with follow the same rules or he doesn't play with them.

Yes, they all want to try it.
BUT you can't be letting them hurt themselves or anyone else.
Many 4 year olds don't have a very developed sense of impulse control.
This is why you hear Moms saying "Put that down before you poke somebody s eye out" over and over and over again.
My son's not wrapped in cotton, and I'm proud to say he's 13 and so far (knock on wood) we haven't had to run to the emergency room.
A run to the hospital is a sure fired guaranteed way to ruin everyone's day and on top of that it's expensive even with insurance.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Boys will play swords, light sabers, hitting, poking etc with sticks. Basically with anything long enough to hit another person. (get your minds out of the gutter). :)

This behaviour is genetic, unchangeable and unavoidable. The playground rule for boys (made by boys) is thus:

Not the face.

Simple rule - your son merely needs to utter these three words, and all of mankind (not womankind) will understand and respect the rule. Seriously.

Not the face.

So, is it normal? Well, there's a lot we consider 'normal' behavior for each developmental age-- that said, we don't let it carry on, right?:) I mean, biting is a normal activity for toddlers, but we don't encourage it. It's normal for nine- year olds to start smarting off, but we do correct them. For me, normal means "it's pretty typical that you will see your child trying/doing these activities/behaviors at this age" and has nothing to do with the social appropriateness of said behaviors and activities.

Do teach your son that we keep our sticks pointed low. I have pretty strict park rules for my son regarding sticks: no sticks in the play structure area, because even pointed down, they are at the perfect eye-level for littler children. He's even been given a couple Time Outs for this. I'm serious about it. It's my job to teach him to be careful for others when its not his first consideration because he's busy, distracted or playing.

Teach your son other things to do with sticks. Boys love to collect them....how about making a 'campfire' (gathering a bunch together in a pile) or a "booby trap" (angling and stacking with the sticks leaned up against other items to 'stop the bad guys'...they can do this for a long time).

No, he should not play where kids are pointing sticks at each other's faces,and it's okay to take your kid out of that sort of play. Who cares if the other moms are 'offended' because they aren't watching their kids? Eyes are not easy to replace and damage to the eye is incredibly painful; even scratches to the cornea can cause severe problems which require surgery.

NO, do not expect anything from other parents. Sad to say, but if someone is allowing their kids to play that way (and it's not on my picnic table) they might have to learn the hard way that perhaps they should step in sooner than later. If my kid isn't involved, and their parent isn't enforcing any rules, I've just learned that it's not my business.

Also, I won't let my son or kids in my care play on the top of picnic tables. Please remember-- this is where other people eat. We don't let our kids walk on tables at home for the same reason and the park actually has places designated for climbing. We need to teach our children to respect public spaces; picnic tables fall into this realm.

The balance for me is when the risks outweigh any possible benefit. We don't want to keep our kids in a bubble-- I let my son play some sort of throw-down wrestling tag with the neighbor boy because I can see that they are having fun and the potential for injury is pretty slight---maybe bonking their heads together-- and I know the other kid pretty well. We do have to take it on a case by case basis-- with a rougher child who was flinging kids around hard or if it was on pavement instead of grass, I'd say no. Take in the whole picture, assess the risk, and do what feels right for you and your family. I know a lot of moms who have different levels of comfort regarding risk--don't let another person's 'oh they're fine' stop you from making your own choice for your kids. I've heard a lot of 'oh they're fine's that have ended in tears and ER visits. Use YOUR good instincts!:)

I should add that while it's not necessarily nice or caring to stay out of it, I've experienced a lot of parents who feel that telling them their child is doing something unsafe is just being a nosy nellie. Certainly, there are parents who are tending to their kids and who don't mind being approached --and I don't mind approaching them. But many other times, I've gotten the stink-eye because the parents didn't really seem to care--they just brought the kids to the park so the adults could hang out 'without' the kids. Choose your moments wisely.

imo they are a bit young for this...my son is 5 and i wouldn't be comfortable with this kind of play either. i'm a little surprised none of the other moms didn't put a stop to it, especially when people started getting hurt????

i would be afraid of my child getting hurt, but i'd be more afraid of him hurting someone else. i don't know what the appropriate age for running around with sharp sticks would be (if any) but it's not 4. just my opinion.....

My son is almost 4. We have a no pushing/no hitting/no putting things in people's faces rule. If he has a stick, I'll let him play with it unless he is doing something he shouldn't, then it gets taken away. If another kid intentionally pushed my kid off a table, I'd be unhappy and would expect apologies. Two kids from my son's preschool - a boy and a girl - are in the same Saturday swim class. We play in the park afterwards. They didn't even try anything like what you described.

The rules
no pointy things pointed at the face-
no pointy sticks on tables
this is very easy to handle-
"hey boys pointy things on tables bad idea. if you want the sticks get off the table and no pointing in the face"
I dont care who's kids or where- sticks on tables bad idea