Feeling Down - San Clemente,CA

Oh man...have I been there. I have no advice, really. Just know, we've all been there. All moms have felt like this, at some point. You're not alone. This feeling WILL pass. It DOES get better!!! You're only 4 months in and my goodness, does it get better. Hang in there :)

Girl remember 9 months up = 9 months down - dont expect to lose it all in such a small amount of time. You'll bounce back!

Oh momma, it's gonna be okay. You know how I know it's gonna be okay? Because you care. The house is messy and it bothers you, you feel out of shape and it bothers you, and your 3 yr old is watching way more tv than you like. If you didn't care and weren't bothered, even a little bit, then this would be a whole different thread. Right now you are in what my hubby and I call survival mode. (We don't live continuously in survival mode, but we have visited it often through the years). Basically you are just getting by right now. That's okay! You have an important job to do that is once in a lifetime for your baby. You are caring for her and feeding her and right now that is taking all of you. The thing is, it won't be forever. In fact, when you look back you will think the time was incredibly short. I'm not saying you have to feel great and wonderful and happy all of the time. It's okay to be frustrated and feel overwhelmed. I just want you to hang on to the knowledge that this is just a phase and it will end. The baby will not always need you 24 hrs a day. Once you get to that point you can start working on the house again, and making sure your other child has plenty of other things to do.

If I could give you one piece of advice it would be to go outside. I know the weather may not always allow this, but take the baby and your 3 yr old and go for a walk. Even if it is just down the street. Maybe you will like it and you can start getting some exercise. Even if you can't do enough walking to help you lose weight, maybe you could get enough sun to help your mood. I promise, this is huge. You just focus on taking care of that baby, and your older child, and yourself, and let the other stuff go without too much worry.

Also, maybe you should talk to your husband. I'm not saying he could be much help, but maybe if he knew how you were feeling he could at least be sure you had the support you need. It's always a god idea to talk about your feelings.

Good luck and stay strong.

Not sure if you can afford it but why not treat yourself to a maid - even if it is just one time to get yourself back on top of the house work. I know when you have a clean house you feel so much better and more motivated to do things. Baby weight is tough to loose maybe you can just take the kids for a walk in the afternoons. My youngest is nearly 3 and I still haven't lost the weight.

I feel your pain , I find it so annoying when I have cleaned the floors to then watch one of the kids spill a drink!. You need to accept that your house will not look the same way anymore , really young kids does not allow for a show home and there will always be some toys or something lying around. As long as the house isn't filthy then let it go.

Getting outside for some fresh air works wonders , do you have a double stroller? If you do then get out for a walk , I have been going for daily walks and it makes you feel so good to have some fresh air , if you have someone to walk with and have a good chat then even better.

Try not to focus too much on what the scales say , you are still feeding your baby so this could be why you have not lost the weight yet , give it time , also keep in mind that even if you do get back to pre baby weight , you may not look the same , your body changes shape after having kids , once I accepted that I started to feel much better about my weight.

Your not alone , all moms feel this way , as I type this all 3 of my kids are now home from school and my living room floor has Disney figures all over it!

I just want to throw out there that now would be a good time to adjust your expectations of what needs to be accomplished each day/week. I have had to do that with each addition to my family and I have to admit that with 3 kids and a full time job, I do often go out without makeup or my hair being brushed etc. There just isn't enough time to do it all!
Things will get easier as your baby gets older. Cut yourself some slack for now. It is ok if your house is not spic and span.

Do they have Stroller Strides in your area? It's a group workout for moms and you get to bring your kids!

One day you'll get yourself back and a clean house back.

For now, just enjoy that your babies are home with you, depend on you and generally enjoy being around you. Because all too soon they won't want anything to do with us and after that they won't be home to mess it up.

As for now, just be sure to schedule yourself some much needed me time. Go to dinner with some friends.

Heidi...this too shall pass. I've been there and so have a lot of other moms. You will get those things, just be patient and enjoy the present day. You will get some me time back when the baby is a few weeks older. Try pumping and saving the milk so she can be fed a bottle while you are out. It's a phase in your life, it's not permanent.

I hear ya!!! I feel the same way. And I am just hoping this feeling ends soon. My husband is a doctor and has looooong hours. So for the most part the baby is with me all the time. So you are not alone, I don't know if that helps to know that but I hope it does. :)

It's just one of those days, but I am sure you will bounce right back soon. Don't worry about your figure right now, some of us have been going 2yrs and more and still don't have ours back yet either. Close your eyes to the messy house, put on some uplifting music or go outside with your baby for 30 mins or so, it will do you and the baby some good.

You have some pretty good advice from the other moms, but I wanted to add a few tips too. I took maternity leave for 4 months, and every day was really rough, being isolated at home with a crying, hungry baby.
The things that helped me were my mommy & me yoga class - the moms all brought their babies too, and nursed mid-workout if we needed to. It gave me some comeraderie with other moms struggling with their own new baby challenges, losing the weight, etc. And it got us out of the house every 2 days for 1.5 hours. I know our city recreation department even has a similar new moms stroller class that will likely do the same thing. Also, some of the church-based day cares in my neighborhood have something called "Moms Morning Off". It's 10 weeks of daycare on Friday mornings for $175. Something like that might give you just enough relief to catch up on your fitness, your house, or just feeling good.
The other big thing for me was to NOT sweat the small stuff. I figured out what was a non-negotiable part of my routine for my sanity and prioritized that. For you, if it's your sheets, prioritize the sheets (but seriously, if your family bathes every day, they're really not getting that dirty!) For me, that meant, putting my son in the swing for 15 minutes for me to take a shower, dry my hair, and put on some clean clothes. Even if he cried, or was bored, those were MY 15 MINUTES. It is a small investment in your mental and physical health, which will be healthy long term for your baby too. The other thing that my husband & I HAD to do was designate one evening for me to have as my own. Some nights, that meant putting in ear plugs for a few hours to take a nap. Some nights, that meant me sneaking out for 2 hours for a drink and dinner with a friend while he fed the baby & even folded some laundry. Even if you're breast feeding, your baby should be able to go 2-3 hours without a feed. Dads can figure out how to cope with a few diaper changes, bottle feeds and putting down for a nap. They're parents too, just not mom.
Also, see if you can enlist help from your kids in some household chores. If you're like me, it's not a problem to get the laundry cycled through the washer & dryer, it's folding it all & getting it put away. Even my 3 year old can sort his pants, shirts, socks & undies and put them into his dresser. Do I care if they're folded? No. Don't sweat the small stuff! You also need to make sure your husband is helping. Paperwork or not, you should not be the only parent bearing the burden of a new baby. Identify the highest 1-2 priority things you want him to help with, and have him do that. Maybe it's brushing your daughter's hair every morning, or maybe it's taking your 3 year old to the park for some quality dad time one evening per week.
Figure out what battles you want to pick & enlist some help in getting your top priorities done. And if you still are feeling down, and like your situation is insurmountable, go see your doctor. PPD is a serious condition that can impact you and the rest of your family. Get it taken care of.

Just get OUT of the house! lol Your hubby can do bay duty for an hour or two once or twice per week.
Seriously, start a list of what needs done and work it in no particular order. It will help you focus.
Check out www.flyladynet
She recommends getting "ready" for the day and dressing to the shoes to be more productive. It works.
Good luck!

Dear Heidi h.
Most of us go through this phase calm down this to shall pass but prenatally please enjoy your baby's days. You will lose weight be positive things will be fine.cleaning up the mess at home will also help you lose weight.
So cheer up n get going it will make you active & happy.
P.

Being a new mom is so, so, so hard. It's hard for almost everyone. Don't be so h*** o* yourself. Give yourself a break. Things will get easier and you'll have more time to do things as your child develops.You've been through it all before so you know. But you have 2 kids now and that's a big difference. You're not always going to cut corners. You're just coping in ways you need to cope. That's healthy. Hang in there.

I am feeling the same way! Just wanted to say, good luck! I know we will get through it, but it is hard to face the day sometimes. Especially when the baby nurses through the night and doesn't let you sleep more than an hour at a time...
Good luck!
R.

It's okay! I was there, too. Once your children get a little older it will get easier. It did for me and it WILL for you. This stage of your life will pass quickly.

your baby is only 4 months, will take longer than that to adjust, one thing i do when i feel house cleaning is over whelming....1 room a day (including sheets and dusting) that way it's getting done, but i'm not over doing myself.

as far as your weight...um my daughter is fixing to be 8 and i STILL am twice the size i was before i was pg with her so don't beat yourself up on that (will probably never get back down there, i'm over weight, but not discustingly, i try to eat healthy, and limit how much i eat and what i drink) so i'm an acceptable size, not where i want to be, but not dagerously overweight either.

I don't really have any solutions or answers for you, but rather just to empathize that it's really hard! My second is 4 months old and my oldest is turning 3 next month. I, too, have not dropped baby weight as I would like and fitting in workouts seems close to impossible! I mostly manage to stay on top of housework, but the last few days have begun feeling that doing so is becoming detrimental to my own health and well being. I have a cold I can't shake and I'm perpetually exhausted. I adore my children, as I know you do, but boy it's hard to not have anytime for yourself. I'm constantly searching to find a balance and I think will struggle with that for a long time. I would say reach out to your husband and talk about what you're going through. I find when I communicate my needs calmly to my husband, rather than waiting until I'm at the end of my rope, it helps him to see that I might need more support or a few hours of "me time". Wishing you the best!

start with a nice relaxing yoga class-not Power yoga or cardio yoga just old fashioned meditation combined with yoga If you cant get away for a 60 minute yoga class, then you should work on your baby's schedule he should be able to go without food for 90 minutes, he's just sucking for comfort if its more often. I agree with get outside as much as possible put them in a double stroller so you're not fighting a dawdling preschooler! does your three year old go to pre school Now would be a great time for her to get out with her peers a couple mornings a week and you dont have to feel guilty if you havent fit in appropriate activities for her. If getting outside and a little exercise doesnt make you feel a little better in a month or so TALK to your doctor it could be PPD and you'll need his help to feel better!

venting is totally allowed. I think you need to get yourself into some routines. I didn't know how to do it myself until someone on this site suggested to another mom in your and My situation to check out Flylady.net . So helpful to get you started. But this thing you are feeling, I think we all get it from time to time. Just take it one day at a time. Good luck.

Hello, I have four grown kids. I always felt it took a whole year to get over having a baby. Then you will notice you have more energy and can work on your weight loss. You are probably exhausted!!
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

go to Whole Food, buy homeopathic remedy called Calcarea Carbonica 30C. Add 3 tablets to the water that you drinking, shake well. Repeat every time you feel "down".
Good Luck
V.
P.S. a warning to anybody else reading this reply - homeopathic remedy is selected on individual basis. your "down" will be different from this mother's “down”, so don't waste your $8, since you may need different remedy.

I feel this way at least once a week. Sometimes longer. I think every mom has. You can get back to a happier state. I would look into baby and me excercise classes or find a video. These are workouts that you do with your baby, using them as your weight. I have four children, so getting out when they were younger was not happening, so my husband bought me a treadmill so I could workout at home. If I were you I would do just the minimum on the house for now until you can get your excercise routine going. After that you'll feel better and have more motivation to catch up on housework. This has worked for me. Good luck!

Not sure what you weather is like or what your neighborhood is like. But the thing that kept me alive during those baby years was walking with the baby. I walked EVERYWHERE. I would walk to the store and only get what I could fit in the stroller so that I could walk to the store again tomorrow. In fact WEEKS would go by without my getting into the car.

We got to know every neighbor, we were a staple. People would actually come out to chat when they saw me walking by with the baby(babies). Plus fresh air and sunshine and exposure to the human race (for me AND kids), not to mention excercise. Chatted with the ladies at the grocery store, CVS, gas station, etc. It helps avoid that 'if noone actually sees me do I exist?' feeling isolated SAHM suffer from. It also removes you from your messy house, tehehe.

Forget the hair and the laundry, toss the kids in the stroller and just walk!

:)

(cuz when you wake up tomorrow you'll be bringing them to get their learner's permit, no kiddin'!)

Congrads Mama! Can reach out to your close ones and ask for help? even if they come to the house and sit with the baby while you work out from a DVD, do yoga at home or wash a load that would help. Even with you still being at home are you planning your day and your attire the night before that may also help. One thing that always will work for me is trying a new hair style..get it all cut off or add some hair or change the color to something you never would have thought to get, you can experiment with your hair with you being at home most days. Tackle one household chore at a time and become deligent with that. I heard that walking as much as you can before and after pregnancy is the thing to do. More importantly relax your mind by listening to some jazz or reading a book or what ever activity will help you to do just that.

As long as the kids are clean and fed, along with you and the hubs the rest will fall into place. Take on one thing at a time. Sometimes looking at the big picture is overwhelming and makes you feel like it's not even worth trying to start b/c you won't get through it all!

Make a list of things to get done over the course of the week and be realistic. Prioritize... sheets need to be changed, towels need to be washed and folded, grocery shopping completed, 15 minutes of exercise twice a week (to start). As you get something done, cross it off and move on to something else!

Also, take the 5 minutes to wash your face and brush your hair- it really will make you feel better! Don't leave the house in sweats... again it's minor but jeans and a sweater are just as easy and you will feel better in them!

Exercise can be jumping-jacks for 15 minutes to get your heart-rate going. Better yet, if the weather isn't too chilly in CA... go for a 15 minute walk during the day with your girls. If you don't already own a double stroller- get one for Christmas! Our cable company has free workout videos "on demand"... check one out after the kids are sleeping. You can do it in your living room!

If breastfeeding is overwhelming, then start weaning the baby. If you need help to do so, ask for it. It's not an easy thing to do (especially if you are the only one home for most of the day).

One thing at a time... each little change will add up to bigger changes over time. Cut yourself some slack- it took you 10 months to add the weight... it'll take you that long (at least) to take it off- my doctor's words, not mine!

I also had my baby four months ago and I totally understand the scale not budging! It's so frustrating. I gained over 45 pounds. I lost a big chunk in two weeks but then it slowed way down. I bought a jogging stroller, and I get out almost everyday with my daughter as part of our daily routine. It has helped me shed some more weight and lifts my spirits.

I hope you have let your husband know how much you need a break in the evenings. If not, talk to him or show him your post. If possible, maybe you could hire a cleaning service to help out with the house work or ask a friend or family member to watch your kids so you can get have a day to get things cleaned up and reorganized.

When I get frustrated or discouraged about my house being messy or my clothes not fitting I remind myself that it's all temporary. There will come a day when my house is clean and my clothes fit again, but my baby will only be a baby once.

Don't lose heart.

You gotta do what you gotta do to survive, even if it means letting the 3 year old watch more TV than you would like. I don't how open your husband would be to this, but maybe he could do a quick pickup of the messes each night before bed. It's funny how when you walk into a house that you haven't been stuck in all day, it seems a lot easier to do a quick tidy up. I usually have my husband and two older sons do a 5 minute pick up for me before bed, and it's so helpful, and they are so happy to help do something that makes me happy. Our 17 month old is like a walking tornado! My house is always a disaster, but it is nice to start somewhat fresh in the morning.
With yours being only 4 months old, and you nursing, it might be hard to wake up before she does and get dressed, and take a quick shower before she gets up. But do know, it gets better! She won't be starving to death when she wakes up once she is about a year old or so, and you will be able to get up before her. I just wake up 15 minutes before everyone else in the morning, and get in my quick shower and put my make up on, and it does really feel good to walk my older son to school having my hair brushed, teeth brushed, etc.
I totally understand the nursing thing and being stuck to the baby. But it will get easier soon enough.
The mom that wrote for you to get out for a walk is right. I was depressed and lonely with my first baby, and my husband worked two jobs so I could stay home and nurse the baby. I walked at least 3 times a day, and it saved my sanity, and because of it, I met other neighbors I didn't know before with babies. Pretty soon we were all meeting at the park. These people are still my friends today, even though we live a lot farther apart now.
Regarding the weight, make sure you eat little snacks during the day to keep your metabolism going.
If you are interested, I'd love to give you a surfing lesson, free of charge, because I have found this is one of the BEST sports for losing weight if you do it often. It uses so many muscles, you just burn off pounds. I have a business in South Los Angeles which isn't too far from San Clemente. www.alivesurfing.com
I know how it feels to be in your shoes, and if a surfing lesson will help, I'd like to do that for you.
Maybe your husband could come up with you one weekend, so he can watch your kids on the beach while you take the lesson. I don't care if you have to get out to nurse, won't bother me :)

You are doing what you can so try not to worry so much. It is tough when you have a new one in the house.

Sometimes things just didnt get done, and so be it. Its just the way it has to be and it isnt the end of the world. Life goes on. You cant expect yourself to be super mom. Just give yourself a break and do what you can.
Write out a list of the chores you need done and divide them up between the week, and do one or two things each day. Everything will eventually get done and you wont be exhasted and stressed, and killing yourself to do it all.

As for your little one, I had to wear him in the front pack all day long. He didnt want to be put down for anything but maybe a short nap. So he was in the front pack strapped to me while I got chores done, it made things so much easier, and I found I got alot more done. I did dishes with him in it, vaccumed, cooked. You name it.

And about your weight, I bet you have lost more than you think, breast feeding is a wonder. Sometimes it just takes longer than you like to get to where you want to be weight wise, after a baby but dont worry about that either it will get there. Stress will prevent you from getting there sooner.

Your a good mom and just doing the best you can. Remember to give yourself some credit and everything will be fine. Love that baby as much as you can, and not stress. Before you know it the babe will be all grown up.