Father Not in Picture

Just to give you a good out look on what could be> I had my daughter 5 years ago and her dad and I were not together. 5 years later we are getting married and are happy as could be. I didn't meet his family until after I had are daughter and it was weird but they love there grand daughter more then anything in the world. I don't care what the dad is like the grandparents have the right to know that they have a grand baby. It takes two to have a baby and he is getting off free and that is not right. I think that you should march right on over to his family's house and say I want you to meet my wonderful son. However you better have proof and/or be positive that this is his baby. Good luck.

I would not just drop by anyone's house. I would send a letter and some photos to the grandparents. Tell them the situation, and ask them if they want to be a part of your son's life. I would send the package via a trackable method, like UPS. That way you know that they received it. If your Ex still lives with his folks, make sure he can't tell the package is from you--he may intercept it. Address it to one of his parents, type the address labels if you can, and don't put your address as the return address--ask someone close to you if you can use their info as the return address--someone your Ex doesn't know.

Since you never met his parents, keep in mind that he might be telling them all kinds of garbage--like the child is not his.

You are entitled to receive child support, and your Ex is obligated to pay it. Keep the courts on him! Since child support was court-ordered, that must mean that your Ex either never contested that child is his OR you had a paternity test done. Whichever it is, make sure his parents know that.

It sounds like the family probably know and both the dad and they have no intentions of doing anything about it. File with the court, and get the support your child needs, and forget these people and move on. At the very least, if he gets enough pressure to pay up, maybe it will incite some response from him and/or his family.

As for pursuing a possibly toxic relationship, I don't see any benefits here. If he wasn't committed then, he won't be committed now. Don't give him any excuses to label you a trouble maker, intrusive, or accuse you of "stalking". If he's nasty enough, or even his family, things could backfire. And remember, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. In short, this won't be of any benefit to you or your child. Rather, focus on the positives. You have each other, and hopefully supportive friends and family. Your child doesn't necessarily need to know all of his/her relatives to be happy if they have others for support. When they are older, they can try to establish a relationship then.

I think you should send a picture of your son with a letter,(certified mail) stating that you would want them to be a part of your son life. Leave the ball in their court, (meaning give them your contact info and tell them if they would like to meet him please contact you) If they do not contact you, then you know they have made their decision not to be a part of his life, and if that is the case then at least you know. You and your son will be just fine with or without them being involved in your lives.

Sound to me like he doesn't want to be a part of your son's life. I'd skip the father part and see if the grandparents are any more receptive. If still nothing, then file for full custody without paternal parental rights.

I have NO contact with my blood father or his family, as he chose to give up those rights when I was about 4/5 and with that, his parents and family honored his decision to not be a part of my or my older brothers lives. There are worse things in the world than not knowing your blood father and his family. My suggestion is to move on if he or his family do not want to be a part of your sons life, as your son may just be better without them. I personally don't feel that my life is lacking because of their absense. I feel that I'm stronger for it and have learned that family is important and family can be what you make it...even without a blood bond.

Hope this helps.

I would at least see if the grandparents would like to see thier grandson. I to do not know my biological father and he has not had anything to do with me since about 1, but my mom and i did keep in touch with his mom (my grandma) and she always enjoyed seeing me. We did a separte christmas with just her, etc and it meant a lot to her. Do his parents even know he has a son with you. I would definatley just forget about the father because your son will be better off without him, and he will probably never be a dad to your son anyways. But see if the grandparents would like to get to know him. If they dont then it is their loss.

As a mother of a 6 year old daughter whose father is trying to get better at being her life my advise to you is talk to his family and let them talk to him.....let me know if you need to talk more...my email is ____@____.com

You said that you did send them a letter and a picture early on. If you sent it directly to their address then chances are good that they did get it. If I were you I'd just let it be and figure that they already chose how they are going to deal or rather not deal with a grandchild.
That may be for the best. You say you never met them. They raised their son to be irresponsible and just maybe they aren't the type of people you want your child to be around.

But if you feel like you need to give them one more chance, then give them only one by writing a letter and let them know that they can contact you if they would like to see your son.

but if I were you I would weigh out the pros and cons very carefully before opening a can of worms that I may regret later.

as for the bio donor, take him to court for failure to pay. I would give him a choice; pay up or sign off all rights.

Patty's right, there are worse things than not knowing your blood relatives. and sometimes what's worse is knowing them.

I tend to agree with Nicole S on this one! If the grandparents raised their son to be a caring individual he probably wouldnt be ignoring you and your son now. Your son deserves the financial support and you need to make sure you get it for him. After 2 1/2 years I wouldnt be holding my breath that he is going to come around, he hasnt expressed any interest in his son and its only his loss! I was raised mostly without my father and turned out fine and so do plenty of other people, especialy if that father is an as***ole! You are doing a great job raising your son by yourself and introducing him to a potentially bad family situation may not be in his or your best interests. Have the child support enforced, you owe it to your self and your son, and if the father decides he wants to know his child then give him limited visits until he proves that he is going to stay in his life. I wish you all the best in this sticky situation, God Bless you, you are a better woman than I am for even wanting the miserable turd in your and your sons lives after the horrible way he has treated you both!!

Hi T.,
Your story really touched me. I was about 3 months pregnant with my now 12yr old son when my husband of 2 years decided to leave. Granted, we were young (early 20's) but it hurt a lot. The very first thing I did, before I even filed for divorce, was to have him sign away paternal rights. I don't know what kind of financial situation you're in, but if you are able to handle it, then you absolutely need to do this. You did all you could by sending a letter and picture.
I think you need to remove yourself and your beautiful baby from that situation and concentrate on the future. You do not need the headache of fighting for financial support and acknowledgment, if you don't need to do so. You sound like a strong woman with a good head on her shoulders and you will work it out on your own.
Let that son be your life...all else will follow.