Father Is Practically No Help

You two need to get into family counseling so he is forced to hear and respond to your desires regarding family life.

I was lucky. When my husband left everything to me in his "your home all day and I work so you can do all the household stuff and the kids" ideal, I stood up to him and told him in no nonsense words how I ecpected it to be or he could leave. I wanted an marriage and a partnership not two adults leading separate lives. I didn't need a marriage certificate for a roommate. Once I told hime what I wanted, needed and expected of him, he began complying...Sure he grumbled and comlained about it at first, and we argued some...but over time the kinks have ironed out and he was become the wonderful dad, partner, husband I knew he was...

If he had not listened, I would have dragged him into thereapy to work things out or I would have kicked him out. No matter how much I love my husband I refuse to make raising my children anymore difficult than it already is by fighting my spouse. Plus it is not healthy for my children to grow up in that type of environment...

Good Luck

My prayers go out to you , I really don't know what to say ,just that he needs to step up and help you out , Come On , this man seems to be very inconsiderate to your needs and your son's needs as well. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him about how you feel , If he'll listen , tell him that if he helps you out with your son , you'll be able to spend some more loving time with him ,if you know what I mean . Sometimes when you offer more quality time with them (your mate)they will do anything for you. I don't mean to bribe him but maybe I do mean that . I don't know , all that I know is that when my honey wants me to spend more time with him or what ever he likes doing like going riding on his bike (motorcycle) I tell him if you help me with the laundry and things that need to be done around the house . That will mean more time to go out riding after all is done , he agrees ,and that works for me ..... Good luck and I hope he become more helpful and considerate to your needs and don't stress yourself out too much , because than you will not be any good to your sons needs . I will pray for you and your family.....God Bless

The same thing happened when we had our first child and second child. What I figured out is that he wants to spend time with you. It sounds funny but he is jealous of the new baby. He misses time with you and doesn't want to share you with anyone. Take him up on having someone watch your baby so that you can have time together. I know this will be EXTREMLY difficult for you especially since you child goes to a sitter. But, you and your husband need time too. Try it an see if it makes a difference. Have you ever heard of the book"The five love langauges"? This is a great book. I found out that my husbands "love langauge"is Phisical touch. Meaning in order for him to feel happy and loved he needs time with you. It may sound crazy. Read the book and take the test in the book. You feel like you have to please two babies sometimes but things do even out. Things will get better my kids are 7 and 5 and he plays with them more. It was mainly the baby stage. Hope this helps.

I know exactly what you are going through except my husband was very helpful when it came to our first son but as soon as we had our second son which they are two years apart he didnt help me much with both of them. i became a stay at home mom with our second son and my husband thought since i was home all the time with the boys and he worked that when he came home he didnt have to help out with the boys which wasnt gonna happen with me because i was exhausted by the time he came home. him and i at first really couldnt talk about our problems since he thought i was always nagging so i had to sit down and write him a 3 page letter of everything that was bothering me mainly with him not helping out with the kids and believe it or not but he has gotten so much better with helping me. He also didnt help out with the boys when we visited relatives and thats hard doing it alone it kinda feels like ur a single parent and i had to finally tell him that. so hang in there and hopefully it will get better but for me writting him a letter really helped.

You really need to sit down and talk to him, some men are just scared of the baby stage and they come around later. I am not saying that is right for him to stay distant, and he should be helping ou out alot more. Tell him you made the baby together and you want to raise the baby together. I hope all goes well.

Hate to tell you but I had to do it all my daughter is almost three and it is too dam hard to get my husband to spend the time with her. It is like a chore to him. Good luck I will pray for you. Pray for me too.

It started that way and it didn't change. I tried everything but church. He won't go. I am alone with her all the time. And yet he says he wants more kids what so it will be me to raise them totally.

Sounds like your husband, like many others, does not feel comfortable with and does not have the tools to care for a child. He was probably from a home where for generations, men were not encouraged to care for their children. I call this - Living in the moment of joy with a child - intentionally. He hasn't experienced the joy. For example when the child is playing with blocks, actually clearing your mind of housework, bills, etc (tough call I know). Focus on the child's face and talk with him/her, sharing your enthusiasm with the child is huge. When the child looks gratefully into your eyes and that connection happens between the two of you it's a breath of fresh air - you'll want to be a part of it again. The feelings of gratitude wash out any feelings of inconvenience (for some folks). Your husband will be renewed and encouraged when he experiences this joy.

A book that I read when my daughter was in high school and my son was gone was called Recipies for Parenting and there is a new one out now called Don't feed the Dragon. I wish I had had these when my kids were young. Both books authored by Sandy Spurgeon McDaniel. You can only purchase them from her. She gave me the most incredible solutions for parenting that I did not get from my childhood. They work. If your husband would read these also - easy reading - one page answers, he will feel more comfortable in parenting when the tough times come.

I got her to come to speak to all the schools/families in our school district in CA and have bought many of her books for gifts over the years. Her website is: parentingsos.com

One little tidbit that will share in lifting his importance in raising your child.... Although any and all reading to children is important no matter who reads to them, there is a new study. I went to an informative pre-kingergarten literacy program at our church. One new source of information is that children actually do need to be read to by their fathers. There is something in that connection that stimulates the childs mind in a huge way (even more so than mom). It may be the first of many things that he can do to make a real difference in his child.

Regarding your husband's internet explorations...... The following may sound over the top but most extreme problems start small.

First of all, I apologize for not giving you moreinfo, I have to do some research. Secondly, there are some TV professionals when when presented with these problems infer that somehow the woman must have done something wrong. Having lived in a home with an abusive father and saw how my mom suffered and how she constantly tried to fix things and keep the peace, the problems can be perpetrated by one person. She loved him and catered to him constantly, so that his violence wouldn't erupt. Never worked. S. please do not put his actions on your shoulders. He is responsible for them.

Even though it doesn't appear that he views pornography, his dating intentions are clear. There is a problem. First pray, hand your hurts, your fears to God. He sees you and knows you and crys out for you. He wants to walk/run your husband out of this problem. See a Christian Counselor, even if he does not want to because the problems will escalate. His issues started before you were married and he does need and deserve help. You can not fix him. You have a lot on yourplate. Your heart cries out for healing, please get the help you need to be calm within yourself and be encouraged with new tools to manage the stress and problems. My sincere prayer for our Lord's hand in the healing.

About me: Married 36 years with all the joys and hurts. Blessed mother of 2 married children and have one grandchild.

Hi, S.,
What you are going through is perfectly normal. When a couple has a new baby there is a HUGE adjustment. The mom and the baby are now a couple, so to speak. I felt this way with both my babies (now 21 and 12). My husband seemed to feel jealous and left out. This will get better, especially as your baby gets older and dad can interact with him more. I promise you-men are not wired the way we are. Encourage your husband to help with his baby's car-diapering, bathing, etc. This is how they bond. Your husband is probably feeling left out. I know my husband did even if he never said it. He wanted me to go back to full time work when my baby was three months old! I held the line and worked part time until my kids went to kindergarten.
All three of you come first, to use your words-just at different times. All three of your needs are important. The baby's are more urgent right now.
No medication-being attached to your child is a fundamental part of your baby's healthy development.
To this day, my husband rarely does something unless I ask him to (and we are 50 and 54 years old!) I used to be frustrated by this, but I think men need very clear, specific directions. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm male bashing-I love my husband dearly. I'm just speaking from my experience and hope it helps you.
Congratulations on your wonderful baby (both of you). I'm guessing it will get better for your family with time as you all adjust to this amazing, wonderful, terrifying, exhilarating, lovely world of parenting!
Best Wishes!
D.

Hi S.,
Spend time together as a couple.
Don't feel like you have to have your son spen nights away from home, a few hours with granny or granddad is fine for now.
Encourage your hubby in a positive way. My husband was like this and I was content to just do things myself. Now that my baby boy is 2 hubby complains that all he wants is me, he can't even give him a bath as my son cries for me. I really think my son is scared of him at times b/c he's been so distant. Tell your husband all of these other mama's experiences and that he is risking precious time with his son. Oh, and I don't think you need medication!! God created mothers for a reason, even in the animal kingdom the mothers never leave their babies. Some people think something is wrong with a new mother for not wanting to go out and leave their child all the time - well - there is something wrong with THEM. Once you have children your life changes and it's not all about you anymore. I wish you all the best, you can get through this
God bless

Hi S.,
Ok I have big issues with men just like your husband! When it's time to make a baby men are ready to go. When the baby is born they do not want to help? You need to put your foot down. If you continue doing what you are doing, girl you will have a nervous break down. Does he give you some free time at all?

We have T. wonderful children and my husband was very involved since day one. I love my husband very much but if he would have done what your husband did I would have raised @$%@.

You need to have a very serious conversation with him. Tell him that your baby needs his father to be involved as well. Good luck and I really hope that he will change for the better.

Elisa

I know you got a lot of responses and I didnt' read them all so I am sorry if I am redundant. I really think you need to know that you are actually the normal one in this situation. Your husband sounds like he has some bonding issues and detachmnent issues he needs to work out whether it is through counseling or on his own. First of all, do not farm out your child. He is way too young. I didn't even leave my kids with a babysitter until they were over a year old! Now that your husband has a job, talk again about quitting yours. Your son needs you now and later, and there is no reason to pay someone else to raise him unless your financial situation really dictates it. You mentioned that the only time your husband does anything is when you ask...well keep asking, and asking and asking. Men are a different animal and need to be given tasks or else they will never do anything! Every night when the kids are in bed and I have dishes, lunches, laundry to do, my husband just sits in bed channel surfing. I used to get mad, but now I just ask him to help. He gave me the big eye roll the first few times, but then he realizes that I am as tired as he is and that if he helps, we can get things done faster and spend time together. Anyway, you are not wrong, you have maternal instincts and you should follow them!!! Good luck and God Bless!

I take it that this is the first for both of you! As you well know, men and women are different. Men do not adjust well to change. Having a new baby is a big change. It is not that he doesn't love his child. It's more that he is unsure or how his role is to be played. Unfortunally you now have to teach him. Be patient with him, you did say that he was wonderful. Fatherhood is not instinct for men as it is for women. Give him, at first just one regular job. With my husband, after he got home for work he had 30 minutes to himself, then it was baby/daddy time, while I prepared supper. After dinner, husband cleaned kitchen while I bathed baby and prepared things for next day. Afterwards, it was bedtime for baby. Men and babies love routines. Try it!

S. I know what you are going through. Men don't know what to do till the kids are about 2 and they are sometimes afraid of doing it wrong or hurting the child. You need to support your husband and help him learn and encourage him, so he is comfortable. He may also feel that by working and bringing home the money he is doing his part. You know thats the old way of thinking and some men still think that moms take care of the babies and the house and they make the money and take out the trash. Let him know that you need his help and you work too so its too much for you. My husband did the same thing with our first. He has been much better with our second. A man will never fully understand the bond between a mother and her child, no matter how many times you try to explain.But if you can get him to start bonding it will help. As far as the dogs go tell your husband that the dogs are becoming a health hazard for your child and they need to be outside or kept in their own area the baby doesn't go in. You also need to let your husband know he is important too. My husband thought that I only loved the kids because I am always taking care of them and there is little time left for him, so it is important to make time for him. I know its easier said tan done, but it may end up saving your marriage. I hope I helped. Good luck and don't ever feel guilty one minute about loving your baby. My son is 2 and has never spent more than a few hours away from me and its ok. He is well adjusted and happy that is all that matters.

Since your son was born have you and your husband done anything as a couple (romantically)? You still need grown up time, even if you let the Grandparents/Godparents just babysit for a few hours it will be good for the two of you as well as your son. Let the people that you trust the most help you. You sound like an absolutely wonderful Mother, give yourself a break and when your husband helps out with your son praise him. Trust.

I agree with Didi. This is all very normal. You really do have to tell men what to do. Most men are not attached to baby's. they are not by nature nurturing in that way. Your husband thinks that working and bringing home the bacon, he is caring for his family. As your son gets older, your husband will come around. Men don't normally bond with their child in the same way that we do, and they shouldn't. Mom and dad have distinct roles for a reason.
I would agree that you should "loan your child out" so to speek. It was really the best thing that we have ever done for our whole family. We started overnights at 3 weeks. (This is when I had to return to work for $ reasons.) This was time that grandparents, aunts and uncles have charished and my DD has developed a fantastic bond with all of them because of this one on one time. At the same time it has allowed my DH and myself great couple time. It is very difficult at the beginning, but has been great for everyone.
Meds, maybe not, but how about counseling? Not that there is anything wrong with you, but it coudle help you understand what your DH is going through. Counseling is very helpful for everyone. Maybe even bring DH with you. You could make a trade. One counceling session for one overnight. You want to stay close to your Dh also. Happy parents make for a happy child. It is really in your son's best interest to nurture your marriage, as long as your DC is happy and healthy and safe. Best of luck.

Dear S.,
Sounds like you and your husband could use a marriage encounter weekend or perhaps a short course of counseling before things get worse. Adjusting to your baby son and sharing inthe responsibilities of careing for and bringing up a child is a mutual issue that it seems you two are not on the same page.
It sounds like you love your husband and he is a great guy otherwise; so hopefully he will be see that each of you can make some adjustments so that you have valued time together as well as with your child. He is still very small and needs to be with his parents as much a s possible for the first few years at least. Finding joy in the care of his child rather than seeing it as a chore will make a big difference. Sometimes a husband may feel a ting of jeallousy when this new baby takes away your attention. In time the two of you will share even more love for each other in your care for you child. It takes a little time and attitude adjustment.If he would connect more and try to see the gift of being a good father comes with a few sacrifices that are well worth it in the long run. There is no greater joy than a proud father and responsible husband whose love shows.
this is more food for thought I hope it helps.
C.

Hi S.,
I know how you feel about being attached to your son. I have a 13 month old son and I am still very attached to him. I do spend all day with him every day though so I can't imagine having to leave him somewhere. I started working from home just so I could stay home with him. As far as your husband...(this probably isn't the right way to go about it but it is what I would do) I would say since I have been tending to our son I haven't had time to cook dinner, clean, do laundry, etc. so he needs to step up and help in some area.
I would love to share with you what i do from home so you could stay home with your little one as well. Visit my web site.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com

Your husband is probably very uncomfortable caring for the baby, especially on his own. Most men, that have not been aroud children, are nervous of hurting the child or not doing the right thing, or not knowing what the baby wants when he/che is crying. It also sounds like he wants time with you. ie: wanting your son to stay the night with family. I would suggest taking some time together. If you are unfortable with leaving the baby for an entire evening...which I would be at that age, maybe try a few hours so you can have a night out with your hubby. You can even leave the baby with grandpa and grandma so you can have a night "in". As frustrating as it is, as your child gets older you will notice your husband getting more and more comfortable caring for him.

I think that this is typical new mom, new dad behavior! when my son was born almost 23 yrs ago, I set out to prove to the world that I was a good mom. Women have that nurture trait and they want to be good moms and show everyone that they are to the point of over doing it sometimes. Men are proud to be a dad, but also deep down inside feel threatened by the baby or more over how the baby is going to affect their relationship with you! Suddenly you are not a couple any more you are a threesome, and just like when you get three kids together one of them is always odd man out; well your husband feels like odd man out so he is acting childish, jealous even! You and your husband need to have some time alone where the baby has no threat on that alone time (except in an emergency of course). So that your husband can realize just how important he is to you and always will be! For now try not to keep tabs on how many diapers each of you changes, just keep lovingly asking for his help and tell him in a sweet way you don't know how you would manage without him! Let him know what an important role he has with you and with your son, he needs to feel needed and appreciated! I can tell you now that my son is almost 23 me and my ex-husband still each insist that "we" alone did all the work! in fact my ex even says that he changed "all" the diapers and that I waited till he got home to change our son's dirty diaper! LOL! can you imagine me letting my son sit in dirty diapers all day long till my ex got home? some times he worked from early morning till late at night! My poor son with only one clean diaper a day! LOL! again! Make him feel important and not 2nd on your list and you will have your loving husband back and a great dad on top of it! best of luck!

Sounds to me like you have TWO children and there is some sibling rivalry going on. I think your family could use some couples counseling from someone with an unbiased view.
3 1/2 months is way too early for sleepovers away from home. I would not be so worried about the dogs, maybe because I grew up in a pretty relaxed family with lots of pets. Also saw a study that said that having pets in the home actually helped children develope immunity to common ailments.
It does seem that your husband does not have a clue about shared family responsibility and is very immature.

S., you are on track, he is not. It is wonderful that you want to spend time with your baby. I'm like that I hated to go to work and leave my babies. They do much better when we can stay home with them. Why let someone else tell you about what you missed. They grow up to fast, and better to stay home than have regrets later. Your husband is a man its not in their norm to be latched to the baby, however he's alittle bit to unattached. Don't let your baby take off over night this young and don't let your husband intimidate you about your wants and needs. About the help around the house and with the baby just keep asking for his help, men are like that, they can sit and be couch potatoes and not have a care in the world but since he responds when you ask then go for the asking. It sounds like he's a pretty good guy for the most part just doesn't see things the way they should be. Maybe if he talked to someone he'd see that you share common ground with lots of women. I know women at work who can't wait to get back to work not me I'm like you and I hated when my ex made me get a job with our last, I stayed home till he was 3 months and boy was that baby pouting at me and I'm not kidding he would give me the cold shoulder for about 6 months and he finally got over me being gone. I had to hear it from my mom what he achieved that day, I hated that I missed but didn't mind that it was my mom. By the way I think because it was God's intent that men work and take care of their families in that way they don't seem to mind if they haven't saw their kid in a few days their not emotionally attached as we are if that helps to know. Also men miss having their woman give them all the attention, so date night would be good, but I would not have my baby that young stay overnight till its bigger. Good luck hope your responces make you hopeful.

I say this because It re;minds me of me. Things I had to learn, even if you cannot afford to do anything take advantage of family and friends sitting for you and go out and spend some one and one time with your husband. Try to be specific asking him for what you need help with. Also leave the baby with him for short trips to the store etc and help him bond. It took a long time but my husband eventually came around.

Many men do not do well with babies period. That is part of their nature. You cannot change him. You can try, but he will resent it. My brother is the same way as your husband. So is one of my closest friend's husband. My husband isn't most of the time, but he does have those same tendencies. It's natural for us, but not for the normal man. It's not fair, I know, but it might be something you will have to deal with. Just keep asking for his help when you truly need it and you will get it. Ask for it more than that, and you might have a fight on your hands. Get the dogs outside. Now...It seems as though your husband is feeling a little down himself. He sounds a little jealous of your attention to the baby. Yes, babies need a lot of attention. But, you need to reinforce your love for your husband. He's feeling left out and probably very scared that this will be his life forever. Your husband desperately needs your attention even though you may not see it as a need. He may not admit it either (pride). But, it is. If he doesn't get it from you, he will either retreat away or seek it somewhere else. He wants the child to go away overnight to give you a break, to give him a break, and to get some time together. He's not wrong in any of this, just different than you. I know that many women will bash your husband for this, but he's a man, not a woman. Don't expect him to be a woman or have dominant womanly traits. You don't even want that in your man. Start loving on him. Explain your not ready for an overnighter, but send that baby off for a few hours and have some time for your husband. Reassure him (without too many words) that he still is #1 in your life. Your marriage should come first, because in the end, it's the absolute best thing for your children. When you put your children above your husband in general, then it hurts your marriage and ultimately will curse your children. What you're going through is common and normal. You have time for both. Prioritize. The time for your husband may seem a lot less now because of the demands of a baby, but make that time with him frequent and full of quality. Also, do little things in the day to remind him of your love and respect for him. He will respond to that, especially the respect part. He already sees that you need help at times and will help you. But, he may never just jump up before you ask. Accept that and you will be happier. Discontentment will destroy you. But, make sure you do get help from somewhere and get some sleep or you will be no good to anyone. Your husband will probably be wonderful with your children when they are much older and when you will need him more than you think you need him now. Love the fact that you have a true man and not a modern sissy that can't do anything but be pretty. I understand your need for help. I'm not saying suck it up and don't get it. Just get it from another woman. That's what friends and family are for.

I highly reccommend you and your husband do something my husband and I vowed to do right before our baby was born (11.5 months ago!):

We make it a point to go out alone, together once a month (like a date). I know it doesn't sound like much but I do believe that this has kept the flame going between us. Not only does it give us time alone, together, but it gives us time away from the baby, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. As long as someone you trust is with your baby (like grand/God parents) you all should really go out and enjoy your marriage.

It was awkward at first for me; as a matter of fact, I think I spent the first couple of dates on the phone w/my mother in law, checking on the baby, but eventually it got a little easier. Also, the first couple of dates were about 2 hours long, and now we stay out up to five hours. I haven't made it to the point where I let her spend the entire night away from us and I don't know that I will do that anytime soon.

Anyway, point is that I appreciate those nights alone w/my husband, and he's told me that he appreciates them as well.

This is probably way off from what you had in mind, but I can't express how important it is for you and your husband to spend time alone, together. If you haven't seen "World Trade Center" and you're up to it, you should definitely watch it. Besides the 9/11 story, there's a husband and wife story that'll open your eyes. At least it opened our eyes, hence the monthly dates.

Anyway...Good luck and enjoy!!!

Personally I would tell him to shut up and firetruck off. My husband has tried that buisness, plus he's military and gets deploys for multiple months out of the year so I have to do it by myself, so when he is home I do expect him to help out. it always ends up in a fight. But you are not "crazy" because you want your baby home with you, that's normal for any mom of an infant. I use the guilt trip when my husband tries to ship our daughter off. Things like you don't even want to spend time with her. It's not other peoples responsibility to raise out daughter. Things like that. I hope that things get better for you. The other thing I tried is letting my daughter cry until my husband couldn't take it anymore and did one of two things; A: yell at me to do something in which he gets the response " you have two hands and they work fine, you fix it." or B: he actually gets off his but and does what ever the baby needs to be happy. Best of luck, and hold your ground.

Hi S., I have been in your shoes. You need to take care of yourself first otherwise you will not be able to keep up with caring for your son or yourrelationship with your husban. It can be very overwhelming taking care of a baby 24/7, is there anyone on your side of the family that lives close and can help with the house chores, etc so you can take care of yourself and the baby? As for the dogs, you have a while before your son will be crawling or walking but if they have pretty much been in the house I would get them used to being outside(maybe in the mornings when it is cooler??). On your husband wanting to loan out the baby, my husband was always volunteering his Mom to take care of our son. She thought it was great, and never refused since he was her first grandchild(actually first on both sides). It drove me nuts because she fought me on everything. For example, the pediatrician said no more bottles at his 1 year checkup because our son would be getting teeth and bottles can lead to cavities from the milk, etc pooling in the baby's mouth. She argued with me that he was a baby and had to have a bottle. It was no big deal to him since I had been giving him a small cup with water, etc since he was 6 months old. She told me not to cut his hair because it would not be curly anymore but I was tired of people thinking my son was a girl and then there was the pacifier. My first son did not have a pacifier the first 6 months of his life. She told me he had to have one when she started watching him when I went back to work. Her watching him was my husband's idea -- we can save soooo much money since she will not charge us he told me. I was willing to pay her, but my husband's Dad said no because he did not want to claim it on their taxes. I know babies catch more germs when they are in daycare, but I had much less stress with my 2nd son at daycare than I did with my mother in law in my house and in my face with the first son. If you do not have a family member from your side that is close, you may have to go on strike and not do all the chores, etc you have been doing. If you do not want to go to that extreme, try making a list of everything that has to be done along with a time frame(once a day, once a week, once a month, etc)and ask him to choose what he will do and when Be careful on this too -- he will probably disagree on what should be done and when it should be done. I felt the garbage needed to go out every day with all the diapers, but my husband ended up buying a small garbage can and putting it on the porch and told me to put it out there and he would take it when it was full. It is a challenge to take care of a baby and your relationship with your husband. You need to take care of you first, then your relationship with your husband, and then the baby. You mentioned attachment issues. Do you have pictures of the baby that you keep with you? I know it is not exactly the same as holding him, etc but something to soothe you when you are apart. Also, are you aware of the symptoms of post partum depression? Some of them are hard to distinguish from just being a new Mom --Feeling restless or irritable
Feeling sad, hopeless, and overwhelmed, Crying a lot,
Having no energy or motivation, Eating too little or too much, Sleeping too little or too much, Trouble focusing, remembering, or making decisions, Feeling worthless and guilty, Loss of interest or pleasure in activities
Withdrawal from friends and family, Having headaches, chest pains, heart palpitations (the heart beating fast and feeling like it is skipping beats), or hyperventilation (fast and shallow breathing). I had no idea what depression was until I was diagnosed with it when my first son was around 18 months but looking back it probably started when he was about 3 weeks old. That is why I am saying for you to take care of yourself first and then you and your husband, and then you both can take care of the baby. Take care, P.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend all your time with your son. Counseling is a very helpful tool if you can get him to go. You will learn alot about each other and grow closer if you find the right one. A female would be best for both of you, especially a mother. In therapy I learned that I had post partum depression -hard to hear but it opened my eyes alot.