Updated on April 15, 2009
L.V. asks from Ridgewood, NY
8 answers

I am almost 31 weeks pregnant with my first - about 9 weeks to go and I am SOOOO scared of giving birth. I do not like the "unknown" and am freaking out about all the things that can happen and the mysteries of childbirth. I am also anxious about seeing my son for the first time and hoping everything is ok...we were told in January he has a 1:100 chance of having DS...they found 2 minor markers...fluid in kidneys and echogenic bowels...both have gotten 100% better and have gone away completely but you still worry...once they "label" you it stays and they dont reduce the risk of DS..makes no sense to us but its what all the drs say...oh and amino was not an option for us..any advice for a first time mom?? thanks!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers



answers from New York on

Childbirth is not an easy thing, but when I was having my first, I reminded myself that millions of women do it... and they do it again and again.... If they can do it, so can you!

Honestly, that is the best I can do. i mean, it hurts, but the hurt goes away. It's bearable... The product is worth it.

And I also want to tell you that I did not have that instant love connection with my daughter the minute she was born. I don't want you to feel like something is wrong if you don't. It's ok. It took a while to get used to her. But now I am more in love with her than anything else in the world. You will love your son so much! Every little thing he does will absolutely amaze you. The first time she laughed I started crying because I was so amazed and overjoyed at that cute sound.... Every minute of your life will be amazing because of him.... no matter what. You won't believe your eyes that something you created became this beautiful boy.

It's scary... the unknown.... but wonderful. I truly could never have imagined a love so profound as the love I have for my daughter. The pain of a day of yopur life... childbirth.... it will be a blip on the screen. And even that... if you choose pain medication.... it's not that bad. For some, with the epidural.... it's no pain at all. I am going to try it this time around for a more pleasant experience.




answers from Albany on

Everyone gets nervous about the health of their baby, no matter how many they've had and how high the risk for a problem. There's nothing you can really do about that...it's in God's hands. Worry about labor, however, can be helped. Ask at your OB office about a birthing class. The class that my midwife teaches really put my mind at ease. It was just a one time class (some have classes that meet several times), but it really made me understand so much more and feel so much better. She taught about the actual birthing process as well as how to prepare for it and what to expect to happen at the hospital. She also included what would happen if there was a problem and a c-section was necessary. She really covered all the bases. We left there and were able to prepare much better mentally and physically because we knew what to expect.
Good luck. Keep in mind that every mom is nervous about this, but you'll make it through. Try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. The nerves, pain, and waiting will all be worth it when you hold your baby for the first time.



answers from New York on

Don;t be afraid... just try to relax.. get an epidural if you want one.. it could make the experience much easier.. Remember the outcome of labor is a BABY... your baby. I'll say a prayer for you, your hubby and your son. Good luck.. He'll be walking before you know it.. think how fast your pregnancy has gone.. wait to you see how fast the first year goes.. good luck..



answers from New York on

I wouldn't worry too much if they said that the markers are ok now. I understand how you feel but ultimately it's in God's hands. You would be surprised at the amount of strength a woman has, really has. It's normal to afraid of the unknown but we manage whatever comes are way just fine. The ultrasounds are not always reliable either. It depends on the tech, position of the baby as well.
Labor is a different experience. Yes, it hurts. But you can get an epidural. I got one last time. After the epidural, the only thing you feel is the burn. Your canal needs to stretch out so the baby comes. The head/shoulders is the worst. I assure you though, as soon as you see the baby you do forget. I always thought that was something that was aid to make us feel better. I was more concerned to see the baby, make the pediatricians were looking him over. Check their faces for signs of concern... Until they EJ in my arms and said everything was ok, I couldn't rest easy. The discomfort after, if you need, the nurses will give you Tylenol or Motrin. I didn't need it. You get cramps after giving birth so that your uterous starts adjusting to it normal size.
Last Point... Really don't worry. You will be surrounded by family and docs. You will be ok. It is as bad as we tend to make ourselves think prior to the fact.

Good Luck.



answers from New York on

Take a childbirth class ASAP! It will make you feel so much better! It'll give you all the info you need for labor, delivery, and even baby care afterwards. Call your hospital, and find out when they are. Many are 4-10 sessions, so call now!



answers from Buffalo on

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. All I can tell you is that if childbirth was so bad no one would have more than one and I am on #3 and all of my delivery's were completly natural (No Meds at all) also keep in mind both of my babys were born over 8lbs 9oz, and I am pregnant with #3 and planning to do it again(natural) oh and yes she is big too I am measuring 5 cm larger than I chould at this point.

As far as the DS, or any other complication is do you trust your doctor? If you do then trust he/she will do everything possable to make sure your baby is as safe and well as can be.

Good luck and try to relax, this is the most exciting time.



answers from New York on

Congratulations L. on the anticipated arrival of your first son - what an amazing time for you. Here's my advice to you. As far as the labor and delivery goes, definitely take a childbirthing class. I'm a believer that knowledge is power and while you can never predict what kind of labor/delivery you will have at least going through a class will help you prepare for what the different scenarios could be. I have two sons and each time it was totally different. You have to try to relax also, that will make a huge difference when it comes time to actually deliver. If you're all nerved up, every contraction will seem worse,etc. As far as the test results go, I'm sure you have a very valid reason for opting agains amnio. so in your mind you are prepared to care for your son regardless of any special needs. I am currently 13+ weeks pregnant with #3 and opted also against amnio and genetic testing. We do go to a high-risk ultrasound tech because I'm 39 and so far everything looks good. Yesterday when I was at my Dr. appt (belly check) he said if I chose, I could go have bloodwork done for genetic testing but to be careful since there is an elevated risk for FALSE POSITIVES and since we weren't doing the amnio why should we put ourselves through the worry. I'll keep you in my prayers, but I just know in a couple of months you're going to have a beautiful, healthy son and everything will go great!

P.S. - if labor and delivery was really that horrible, would we all consider doing it again!!!



answers from New York on

hi L.. we went through that with our third, got really lousy test results (1:34), and also didnt opt for the amnio. we didnt know everything was ok until after he was born. so i know where you are coming from, it sucks. but my little tyler was and is fine, and i truly do thank Gd every day. and i can tell you that during my pregnancy, i spoke to sooooooo many women who had the same thing, lousy results from those tests and everything was fine. im sure you will get a ton of responses here saying the same. i even tracked down a doctor who was doing research to develop a more accurate non-invasive test because he and his wife had gone through something similar. (this was about 2 years ago, i wonder if he has done it yet, he sounded like it was almost there, asked me if i would be interested in possibly answering some questions or trying it in a study if i got pregnant again... he had written a research paper on it... maybe you want to google it, non-invasive downs screenings, or something like that? unless googling things gets you more worked up like it does me)....i assume you got the ultrasound where they check for all the genetic markers? there are so many markers, if all the baby had was those 2, both of which corrected, i would really try not to worry so much. .
...and... if you declined the amnio then i assume you know in your hearts that you will care for and love your little baby no matter what. so try to find the peace and the confidence that led you to that decision.
the decision not to get an amnio was a very easy one for me with my first 2 pregnancies, a no-brainer, all my tests were good so i just had faith. i never thought i would even consider an amnio, but when you are faced with numbers like that, it is a whole new discussion. i know its not easy. so for you to have come to that decision, you must have faith, try not to lose sight of it. i know all these things are easy to say, but i have been there, and this is how i dealt with it. it didnt make it all better, but it did help. im sure it will be fine, and i do wish you all the very best.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions