Exhaustion - Shelburne,VT

No more caffeine. It may take a while for that to help, but it did for me. Also, someone mentioned going for a walk at lunch time. Seems counter-intuitive, but it makes an afternoon at work a lot easier to deal with.

My sister is constantly exhausted and started eating green peppers and they give her an energy boost. She heard the advice on TV from Hilary Clinton. You can probably google the info and see exactly what kind. here is the link to the story on NY Times

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/02/12/hillarys-health-...

Hi J.,

Wow. I wish I had the magic answer that could solve all of this for you. Unfortunately, I don't think that there is one--but if you find it, please let me know! ;-)

Anyway, here are some things that have helped me through this time period and a whole host of other issues that arise at different times which have deprived me of sleep:

1. Exercise--even a little bit helps (but not too close to bedtime or it will keep you awake)
Seriously--even if you can get in a 20-minute brisk walk each day--it can do wonders.

2. "Emergen-C"--it has Vitamin C to help ward off illness, but also several B Vitamins that so often get sapped by the body and when low, you can feel over-tired. There are also a varied number of flavors; just add to water. I've noticed an energy change, and when I've felt a cold coming on, it is only very slight. Check out a package to see--I started taking it on the advice of a dear friend (mind you I was extremely skeptical but figured if it couldn't hurt--even when nursing!!!--then I would only lose the couple of dollars it cost) and have continued to take it for about 4 months now. My friend has been using it for well over a year and began taking it at this same time period for you (under 12-month old child not sleeping AT ALL!!!) Also helps with that afternoon slump.

3. If you're not already getting it in--a daily morning shower!

4. Housework--if you can swing it, hire someone to come in once every 2-3 weeks to do the housecleaning and only worry about the "straightening" yourself. Before we leave the house, before meals, before bed, all toys/books are cleaned up by the kids (age appropriate work, of course). If you can't work out a cleaner, don't try to do it all at once. After you use the bathroom, take a Lysol wipe to wipe down the toilet and sink/countertop. Then quickly go through the bowl of the toilet. Job done--for now. Grab a dust cloth and go over the surfaces of one room (should take a minute or two). Saturday morning, vacuum the upstairs. Sat afternoon or Sunday vacuum downstairs. Clearly, I don't know what your house looks like and all, but you certainly can taylor what I'm saying here to fit your needs.

5. Try to put things away as you use them--every area of the house. Don't just throw worn clothes in a pile or whatever, immediately put them in the laundry or hang them back up. Not seeing that pile can help. And so on.

6. Meals: Can you get out on a weekend to do something like "Let's Eat!" or "Dream Dinners?" You can stock your freezer with meals for a month and then simply thaw and heat. DInner is done and you didn't spend an hour or more in the kitchen.

I have no idea how organized or not that you/your house are, but I hope that this helps. I find that the more organized the entire house is, the stress and fatigue also decrease to some degree. It may not stop the baby from being awake a lot. It may not help you to sleep more hours, but you won't wake up thinking about these things. Sometimes it helps me to rest just knowing that everything is in order. A trick that I have found is to try to accomplish a lot by doing a little bit at a time (see the cleaning paragraph). Otherwise, good luck. This time, too, shall pass.

Hi J.,
I am a SAHM now with two boys 17 mos apart, so I have been through the exhaustion & still having to function, etc. I found a few things helped. 1) Always eat breakfast, especially if it can include some version of eggs (for protein). Eat breakfast even if it means getting up 15 min. earlier. 2) Take a shower daily whenever possible (for me that's difficult because of my boys' curiousity and lack of nap schedules). 3) Take 15 minutes every few hours just for yourself. If you can get outside physically, perfect; otherwise sit in the sunniest spot you can find. The vitamin D has a calming and rejuvenating affect. 4) Healthy snacks (fruit, yogurt, granola bars) 1/2 hr BEFORE when you know your energy usually dips to head off that afternoon slump.

To cope with the housework... 1) ditch any guilt, it only makes you tired and doesn't make the laundry walk itself to the washer 2) go visit www.flylady.net and adopt her philosophy that "you can do anything for 15 minutes". Because truly, you WILL see results after just 15 minutes AND you will often be surprised how much you get down in that time. Then, take 15 min. to sit, relax, take care of yourself (recharge your batteries) because a rested mom is best for everyone concerned. Pick certain nights to run 1 load of laundry before dinner, fold & put away after the kids are in bed. Other nights do other chores. Break it up. The house never got in whatever state it's in, in just one day, or even one week. So don't pressure yourself to be SuperMom because it's completely unrealistic and counterproductive. FlyLady has changed my life these past 7 months on many levels. Well worth looking into!

Lastly, instead of watching TV (if you're a TV watcher--some folks aren't) go to bed early, even if you're awake and reading a book under the covers, at least twice a week. The extra zzzs even when you might not be tired are a good way to catch up on the sleep deficit. It's better to have extra laundry than to wake up tired because you get more done in the same amount of time the next day when you're more refreshed than on a day when you're beat.

Good luck!

Hi J.,

Ah, the "exhausted years". First, know that this too shall pass. One day, after your commitment to nursing is fulfilled, you'll get a good night's sleep again (okay, that's only half the truth, you'll be exhausted until your youngest is about five!).

You've gotten some great short-term advice so I will only add that you might want to use a crock-pot to prepare meals in the morning before work when you have the energy, then enjoy the gift to yourself of a hot meal all ready at the end of the day!

In the long-term, the exhaustion shifts to different dimensions. When the kids start doing their own activities (sports, scouts, religious education, etc.) it only adds to the demands on your time. Now may be the time for you and your husband to start planning out your priorities. Is both of you working full-time more important than a healthy, balanced home life? My husband and I always both worked, and our lives were certainly very full then. Adding children doubled it, and again with each subsequent child. I loved working, and the work I produced. But at the point when both of my children were in school, I realized my plate was simply too full. I was going from point A to B to C all the way up through Z, and getting it all done. But I was spent. I was connecting all the dots but too worn out to find any joy in it.

Spring two years ago, as I was signing up both of my children for summer camp so I'd have childcare while I worked all summer, I realized how few years I have left with them before they're grown. So, I spoke to my manager and she encouraged me to take a leave of absence for the summer. She'd done the same thing at a certain point in her career (no children, but a new house and husband, and a job she wasn't happy in). She knows that a burned out employee is no good to the company, any more than a burned out parent is to the family.

So, I took my leave -- and my company reorganized and eliminated my position while I was gone. It was a mixed blessing though. One of my daughters was diagnosed with type 1/insulin dependent diabetes two weeks into my leave. So much for my "perfect summer" with my girls! But it sure helped me to crystalize my priorities.

I had been telling my husband for a while before my leave that my plate was simply too full, even with a housekeeper who came every two weeks. It was tough for me to transition from a breadwinner to a stay-at-home Mom, I'd always earned my keep, I even put myself through college. Although the cash flow isn't what it used to be, I think I've made the right decision for our family. My oldest daughter started high school this year, and I'm thankful I'm home to help her navigate through these tricky years (and to keep an eye on her!). Being home, I can also bring her to swim team, which she really loves and couldn't do when I was working. My other daughter is in fourth grade, and is really into Tae Kwon Do. Again, I couldn't give them these opportunities if I weren't home to run Mom's taxi. I still do the other things in their lives that I did when I was working that for me are important: Girl Scout leader, CCD teacher, active in our local education foundation. But now I have more time to approach them creatively instead of just stressing myself further in getting them done. That kind of stress doesn't do much for a marriage either. We want to be the kind of family where the father is an equal parent not just the breadwinner. My husband works nights frequently, so we have a deal where he gets up with the girls every-other morning so he can spend some time with them (and never forget how much work they are, nor take me for granted!). I get to sleep in and/or get up and get to Curves before I jump into my day. He gets to sleep in too without guilt.

J., these are choices for you and your husband to make. Do you require two full incomes? Can you go to part-time for your own sanity? Telecommute one or more days per week? I did for years, it's great to throw in a load of laundry while you work, or get dinner started on a short break. And be there when the kids get off the school bus. The work environment has become so much more flexible in recent years, see what you can strike up with your employer.

I know you're just trying to get through today, but start thinking about the opportunity to plan for the days ahead because they just get busier and busier and you don't want to lose yourself in the juggle. I've concluded that yes, you can have it all, just not all at once! I look forward to getting back to my career when my kids are grown, and in the meantime I keep my skills sharp and serve as a good role model for my kids through my volunteer work in the community.

This is just one woman's journey, yours will be different, but take control of what you can before you're pushed too close to the edge!

Good luck, you're certainly not alone!

I was wondering myself about having hubbie helping out with the night time routine..taking turns getting up..and if you can use a bottle with breast milk for him to do a feeding that would help too. Dont worry to much about housework..leave that for weekends(the tough stuff). Just do the normal picking up during the week and throw in some laundry too (hubbie can also help with this. Another responder is absolutly right about doing a 15 min a day sweep thru the house just to organize the clutter a bit..it really does help! Try to go to bed wehn the kids do..I do that and it is really a big help! I am up at 430am every weekday and go to sleep no later than 9pm..sometimes more like 8pm. My kids are older now..the yongest is 5...but he does still get up with bad dreams (I also have to wake him 2x each night to go potty due to night time bed wetting) When you bath your 3yr old..that is a perfect time to clean your bathroom! Do the toilet and the sink at that time. and wipe down any other areas that need it. After he is out of the tub use his towel to wipe the tub out!(granted you still have to scrub it on the weekend) Its amazing how I never have to "clean" the downstairs bath as I do it every other day during regular bath time. Good luck and just know this to will get easier with time. Take care!

I have a couple more tips-

1. Naps- even if you can work in a 15 minute break to go somewhere quiet in your office building, or at your desk, and just set an alarm on your cell phone or watch once a day. Even if you don't actually fall asleep- practice deep, slow belly breaths. This will relax you, bring more oxygen to your brain and be refreshing. (good to do the deep breathing anytime that you can remember during the day.)

2. High protein lunches- grilled chicken or other meats, tofu, nut and bean dishes will help to keep you feeling more alert and able to deal with things during that time in the afternoon.

3. Stay on those prenatal vitamins- you still need the extra iron and B vitamins to stay healthy.

4. Get up and stretch frequently from your desk, focus your eyes across the room once in a while, and definitely get walks outside when you can to help wake up and get your circulation going.

Hi J.,
You've received great advice. I agree and would advise:
1. A short, brisk walk at work. I do that and it has done wonders for my energy when I feel sleepy around 2 or 3pm.

2. Stay hidrated. Not having enough water in your system saps your energy. You don't even realize it until it's happened (if you don't know it at all you don't recognize that feeling) and it's hard to catch up once you're dehydrated. Make friends with frequent trips to the ladies room!

3. Ask your husband for help and do anything you can to simplify home tasks. For example, for dinner prepare foods that require little preparation and cleanup - grilling, broiling or baking your meats or fish and fresh salads or microwave veggies with olive oil, garlic and salt. For bathroom cleanups, keep wipes around (out of reach of the kiddies) and just do a wipe here and there for your piece of mind wihtout having to do the full clean routine that overwhelms you.

4. Someone suggested having your children help cleanup, your 3 year old boy is old enough to do cleanup of his own boys or books.

5. NAP, NAP, NAP if you can on weekends. Even 15 minutes. Research has shown naps are good for your heart. :-)

6. Finally, whatever doesn't get done in a day is fine. There's always tomorrow and you need your rest!!!!

Good luck!

HI J.,
My husband & I were going through the same issues with our 11-month old son a few months ago. I hope this doesn't sound cruel, but this is how we handled the situation & as a result, we are a much happier, well rested family. Before I go to bed (typically 11pm), I wake my son up (unless he has already woken up) to feed him. He typically takes 5oz (he seems like he's sleeping while I'm feeding him) & he immediately goes back to bed (the feeding usually lasts 10 minutes or less). If he wakes up crying at any other time during the night, we let him cry it out. It was very difficult the first couple of nights, but he quickly got used to the fact that he needed to work it out. As a result, he rarely wakes up during the night, & when he does, he typically soothes himself to sleep within a few minutes, & then he wakes up at his usual time in the morning. The only time we attend to him is if he's sick, unusually upset, etc. Assuming your doctor agrees that your daughter weighs enough to sleep through the night, this may be the best method for you. I realize this may be difficult at first for you & your husband, but you are doing your daughter, yourself & the rest of your family a disservice if you continue to attend to her duing the night.
Good luck,
R.

I am in the same boat as you right now. I have a 4 year old daughter and a 6 month old son. He can mostly sleep through the night now. I am exhausted everyday and my house is a nightmare. I am lucky if I wash the dishes and we have clean clothes. At least my husband cooks and has the kids clean when I get home at night. He works 1st shift and I work 2nd shift. SO we juggle thing around. I take a shower in tham am and it helps for a bit ti wake me up. Also, I only use the heat in the car for the kids. That just puts me to sleep. I roll down the windows or put on the fan on cool air when I am in the car by myself and I put on some music loud. No osft slow music. I have come close to the eyes closing when driving. Also drinking water, or soemthing while driving helps keep me alert. On my two breaks during te day I take a 20 minute walks each time. It helped me lose weight after my first child and it keeps me energized and awake. I also don't let myself rest usually until bed time/ or I should say when I can go to sleep. Once I sit down to rest, there is no getting back up again, exhaustion takes over. Between my husband and I , we make sure the dishes get done, and I always do one load of laundry a night. I have never breastfed, so I can't be of any help there. But I hope I have helped a little. Let me know if you want to talk more about this. Good luck, D.

Have you discussed this exhaustion with your husband? Maybe he could take over some specific chores to make your life easier.
It is extremely difficult to be a working mom- you are really doing the work of 3! Housekeeper, Mom, and your full time job. If your husband can take over some of the housework it will help you out a lot.
I only work part-time, but babysit for a friend's child 2 additional days a week.
My husband does the dishes everyday, as well as does the laundry. He also vacuums every other day and keeps the playroom tidy. I find that my load feels lighter when he does his share. He says that if he can keep me less stressed- then he makes out better in the end! ;-)
Also- have you thought about hiring a cleaning person to come in once a week, or even every other week? If you are working full time, then this should be a reasonable expense. It will take some of the stress off of you and give you more family time and personal time.
As far as getting more sleep- all I can say is that this will pass. It seems so awful when you are going through it, but it is over pretty quickly.
I always kept my girls in the master bedroom until they were old enough to go all night without a feeding. I didn't have to completely wake up if I just had to pick up my daughter and bring her into my bed to nurse. Sometimes we'd fall back to sleep together, and sometimes I'd put her back in her crib. But I never felt like it was disrupting my sleep too much.
My husband always took the morning shift. He still gets the girls up and dressed in the morning. This way I can grab an extra bit of sleep and have the time to shower and dress without little helpers. He gets a bit more time with the girls too.
I hope some of my suggestions can help you!
Good luck,
S.

Keep yourself hydrated. Dehydration is a huge cause of exhaustion. It's a vicious cycle that starts because you're too tired to think about drinking water. Then you're body becomes sluggish from lack of it. Then you're more tired....you get my drift. Especially if you're nursing you need to make sure you're getting LOTS of water every day. Believe it or not the caffeine is probably hindering more than it's helping. I second the idea about the greens too. As a raw foodist I eat lots of greens and can attest to the energy boost. Every morning I have a "green smoothie" using bananas, frozen fruit of some other kind and about 2 handfuls of any greens I have in the house. Add 2 cups of water and blend. Some combinations take a bit of getting used to but after a while you begin to crave them.

I think using your weekday time to just get through to the weekend. If you don't need those clothes yet, don't wash them. A lot of things can wait. You need a little time each day to relax. Then on the weekend, you can catch up somewhat.

At work, is it possible to push your lunch break back as late as possible? Maybe you can eat quickly and go for a quick walk. The food and a little exercise will help keep you awake for the afternoon. I have a friend who does that...her lunch is at 2:00...and she just has a snack at her desk around 11 to keep her going.

Lastly, I agree with the others about talking to your husband. Maybe he doesn't realize what a toll this is taking on you. He can probably do more. Even if he doesn't and just insists on you going to bed early or makes you take a bath to relax. My husband had to do that to me. Nursing can be time consuming and draining too (I nursed both mine to) and although I'm not encouraging you to stop, you may be able to cut back. Your daughter already has some feedings away from you, so I'm not sure if you're pumping for them while at work or what, but it is possible to nurse some feedings and use bottles of formula at other feedings. That's a really personal decision and I wouldn't want to influence that...other than to consider that all these things are wearing on you. If you are pumping in the evenings or at work, that time could be spent differently.

Good luck. Motherhood can be so, so hard. But it's the best job you'll ever have.

Hi J.,

The mid afternoon slump is a killer! I would echo the advice about a snack and a walk-even for 15 minutes in the afternoon. Try to have a snack with protein, fat and carbs-like string cheese and whole wheat crackers, or some nuts and a piece of fruit? Kashi bars and other granola type bars sometimes have it all if they are to your liking. Also I think the advice about hydration is good, too. Good for you for keeping up with work and nursing. It is hard, but it is worth it!

Cheers,

C. B

Hi J.. I have a 10 month old and work part time and find it difficult to keep up. I commend you for all you have accomplished. I think giving yourself more time requires a mental leap that can be difficult to make. You need to be taking on less. For yourself and for your family. I recently hired a cleaning person to come once a month-we have a small condo and this is enough. She does a fantastic job and it takes the pressure off of me to keep the house clean. It allows me to focus my free time on other things. Also, I found that while snippets of free time sprinkled throughout the week are beneficial, I also be sure to carve out a chunk of time for myself. Whether it is to get my hair done or even a splurge on a massage. Treating myself to some self care carries itself very far. I am nursing as well and nutritious meals are hard to come by sometimes. When I am out I carry water, a kashi bar and an apple with me and grab a milk whenever I can. Best of luck to you. K.

First sounds like you need some you time. For me it's scrapping and stampin. I would say during that down time you get at night, take a bath or do something relaxing. I would get a massage in your situation. Believe it or not, it helps more than a lot of people care to think of. Every Mom needs some pampering. I'm sure Dad wont mind being with the kids without you for a little while.
I stay at home all but 2 days and what I used to do is take a nap when the kids did, so maybe it can be something you can try when not working. My husband has even slept in the car with them after going for a ride to get them down.
Trust me, it will get better. Hope you can find some relief!

Can you try to start bottling your breast milk...actually I imagine you do already if your working full time and still breast feeding (kudos to you for keeping up with the breastfeeding while working full time too!). But, is there any reason your husband can't get up at night with the kids and let you sleep a full night for once?? I mean, weren't YOU lacking sleep the last couple of months of your preganancy too??? I'm 8 mos pregnant now and I can't remember the last time I slept thru the entire night, whether it's to get up to pee or just being uncomfortable!

Hi! I know what you are talking about! Children surely do take a toll on parents sleep!

You didn't mention what your husband is doing to assist the children as they need help in the night. Remember that there are two parents and if you need to get a good nights sleep, your husband should be helping out. I know that nursing is something he can not do, but surely he can help the 3 yr. old and give you a break, or give the baby a bottle if you are doing that.

I read a wonderful hint once, that allowed one couple to share the night time responsibilities of children. One parent takes watch from bed time to midnight the other midnight to wake up time. This allowed parents to get at least 6 hours of straight sleep. Or try switching everyother night.

Hi J.,
I feel your pain. With four babes under 8, and my youngest still waking up at night (was it four times last night, or five??? I'm too tired to remember), and me working (half-time, thank all goodness), I am beat. The last time I had a full night of sleep was YEARS ago, and I do not exaggerate. Anyway, enough about that. Tips: I drink bitter (no sugar) tea to get through the afternoon - peppermint, or some of the fancier "traditional Medicine' brands, like DeTox, or whatever ..... the more bitter the better. Blkack tea works good too, and does nto affect me like coffee. I am still nursing, too, and my body cannot take coffee after the morning. Short walks work well too, to get me back into work. Good luck.
H.

You have to take turns with your husband. One night he's "on duty", and the next night you're "on duty". Same thing with weekend mornings. One morning one of you gets up with the kids, and the other gets to sleep in with the bedroom door locked. The next morning you switch. We did that, and still do it with weekend mornings. It's wonderful, and FAIR. You should not have to bear all the child-rearing by yourself, don't let him get away with that. You work outside the home just as much as he does, so he needs to chip in at home just as much as you do. My two cents, good luck!

Try to get a walk in or a mini nap during the day..... Can you cut back on your hours at work for a while?