Entertaining Neighborhood Kids

Use some kind of color code. Get sturdy poster board or similar durable fabric, foam board etc., and cut out a star and a stop sign shape. Make the star green and stop sign shape red. Get your son to help decorate them (glitter or stickers or designs). Teach your son and the neighbors that when the green star is on the door or in the window (somewhere visible where a child can see it), he can invite them in or they may ring the doorbell. If they see the red shape, that means "no friends inside right now" or "we're having family time or doing chores, please do not ring our bell or knock on our door". Role play with your son. Have someone pretend to be the kids outside, and show your son how to check whether the star is posted or the stop sign. And also, teach him how to politely invite someone in when the star is visible. Be very very clear, in simple blunt terms with the neighbor kids. Don't say "we'd really rather that you avoid..." Just say "When you see the stop sign, that means no door bell, no knocking, and our son is not able to play then, outside or inside. Do not come to our door or play in our yard when you see that red sign. You will see this bright green star when it is neighborhood play time". It might be a pain at first, but it will be less painful than disconnecting the doorbell!

the social two year old is going to be a challenge but try telling him that before he invites anyone into the house or over the house he has to make sure it is okay with you first. Might work

The six year old needs to understand that there are limits. Explain to him that your son is a lot younger than him and can only play at certain times and maybe it would be best if called before coming over

"Honey, Bobby can't come over to play right now. We are busy."

Meanwhile, these kids sound a little neglected, so hopefully you can be a bit of a surrogate family for them. I've done it, when neighbor kids didn't have a great home life. Sometimes it does take a village.

For the inviting. Explain to your son that he has to ask you before he can invite anyone over.

For the 6y, give him a specific time frame. If you just tell him that B can't play right now, I can see why he would come back an hour later. Now isn't an hour later. Give him a specific time. Come back at 2:00p. Check with us tomorrow after lunch...

M.

Our neighbor kids come over all the time as well. We can tell them nope our kids are at Grandma's this weekend and they will still come back an hour later. I don't think they have any concept of time. We discussed this with our neighbor. When our new baby got here 7 months ago we told the neighbors that we would not be up and about until 9 to please not let their kids come knocking/ringing the door bell. This worked great. BUT in return we also don't let any of our kids go knocking on the neighbors doors before 9:00 a.m. If they are already outside then it is fair game.

I think you have a perfectly reasonable desire to have some family time and some privacy.

If it were me, in regard to the 6 year old, I think a face-to-face visit with the stay-home parent is in order. "I see Kevin really wants to play with Dylan, and it seems that he's having a hard time figuring out when he should be coming over. I'm thinking it would be best for you and I to arrange those playdates over the phone with each other in person." and give them your number. Write on the paper the three best times for playdates, and bring it to their attention. Then you've made your boundary with the person who actually matters.

When the little boy comes over again and doesn't want to leave, just explain "we're having family time now. Your dad/mom/caregiver and I will make a playdate with you a little later. It's time for you to go home." If he doesn't leave, either close the door or walk him home.

For what it's worth, it's always good to check in. When I was a nanny, one of the neighborhood children about this age had figured out how to call his friend, who I cared for. It was often the case that I had to firmly say "I need to talk to your mom and make arrangements with her". This reassured me that she knew that her son wanted to visit and had a plan, and that she knew where he was going to be. I also made it clear that if he showed up on the porch to play without a playdate, he'd have to go right back home and have mom call me, because "I can't let you in until I talk to your mom. Have her call me!" Be firm.:)

In regard to your son, I'd also introduce the Family Time concept. "Some times are for friends, and some times are just for family to be home together." My almost 4 y.o. son has invited total strangers 'over for a sleepover' because he just thinks it's a neat idea and something to talk about. I tell him 'Oh, those are the kinds of plans grown-ups make the choices on' and leave it at that. Or "You know, we only ask our school friends for a playdate" (give it context... *Who* can be asked?) . If it gets awkward, I often just say to the other parent "He's just practicing how to invite people to do things, and he's just a little new at this." and then offer to make a date or leave it at that. This is, thankfully, just a phase...

I would let all the kids involved know that play time is "x" time and that it will be outside unless you invite them in. older kids are old enough to understand that they can't just let a 3 year old make the plans. just a side note. those kids are too old to be playing with your 3yr old. unless they can sit at your feet while playing you need to say no. and if your son opens the door and goes out while your nursing the baby then you need to put hook and eyes on the doors so he can't open them. its just not safe.