Hello, well it's me again looking for some advice. I am soooooooo tired and need some sort of down time. I love my daughter dearly but I need to not think or keep a watchful eye for at least 3-4 hours just once a month would be nice. I am a single parent, yes her dad lives in town about 30 minutes away. I have a mother that is an hour and a half away. Here is my situation. Her dad thinks of every excuse as to why he can't take her for the day even on the weekends and when he does come over he wants all of us to go and do something together. He does not have a car to drive her around and do stuff. I have told him he can use my car no problem. We are still on somewhat good terms. He always says to her I can't wait till you can talk to daddy so that way we can go and do stuff togehter. I know it will be easier for him when she can talk but to me that is a stupid excuse. My mom whenever she comes to visit which is every other weekend cause she cleans a house in Clearwater on Mondays always says before she gets there that she will watch my daughter so I can get some alone time. Once she gets there it turns into a different story she either wants to come with me becuase she doesn't want to be cooped up all day watching her cause it is so beautiful out or she is so tired or she just makes me feel guilty for not wanting her to go. I have tried to explain to her that it is not that I don't want her to come it's just that I need down time. She will get on the phone in front of me and tell her friends that she must of done something bad becuse she has to stay home and watch her grandchild. She says it in a joking manner but it's still her way of getting a reaction out of me and making me feel guilty about her not going. It hurts when she says that sort of stuff because for years she bugged me about having children and now that I have one she never wants to watch her but always says that she loves her and can't wait to see her. She tells me that I am lucky because she never had anyone to help her when she had my brother and I? But what she doesn't understand is I don't have anyone to help me cause everyone wants me to be there with them all the time. I feel like I am being pulled in 50 million directions which I am sure every mother single or not feels like and I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I don't know anyone in the area and I have tried to get on sittercity.com but none of the sitters ever emails me back. I don't know if they are looking for something more full time instead of just once in a blue moon I don't know.
I have talked to my mom about this and told her that if she doesn't want to watch her grandchild that's fine but don't promise me that you will and then when you get here you change your mind. I know that it might seem selfish to some of you that I just need a couple of hours of down time but I have her 24/7 and she comes to work with me. So not only am I taking care of her I am working at the same time at an office. I consider myself very fortunate to be able to do this but getting just a few hours of down time once a month would help a lot. PLease let me know if anyone has any suggestions on what to do , where to look or how to talk with my mom so that she understands where I am coming from. She will be starting summer camp on June 2nd full time so I am happy about that cause she is going to be going to a great school and learning so much and to be around children her own age she is going to have a blast. I will feel so much better knowing that she is learning all sorts of new things.
Thank you,
R. J.
I am a licensed home daycare. I would be willing to barter babysitting with you from time to time... I have 3 children, but only need help with my 2.5 year old; just to be able to get groceries without any kids with me. My older two hang out with family when I need to go out... but since my youngest one is still in diapers, no one will help me with him.
M.
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I'm in N St Pete.
Depending on how old your daughter is, some churches have what they call "Moms Morning Out". Also the YMCA has Parents night out..but she may be too young for that.
You can take trips to the mall and sit in the playground area to just talk to other moms while the kids play.
the other suggestions listed here were great too.
R. - Don't feel guilty about wanting occassional time away from your mommy role! Everyone needs a breather :-)
I think you might be better finding a 'Moms Morning Out' type of thing where they offer supervised playtime from usually 9am-noon certain days of the week. I know of two mom/child playtime facilities local to Clearwater and Largo that have this a couple days a week. This will give you the break you need and take the pressure off your mother. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to really want to take care of your little one by herself, but this way yo can enjoy your mother and your daughter together when she comes over without the frustration hanging over your head that she isn't helping the way you want her too....it will make you happier and still enjoy the family time! If you really 'need' her to watch your daughter a few weeks later because you have an appt or need to do something that isn't kid friendly such as get your hair done or manicure or something then she may be much more willing since it is only occassional and your attitude will be different. Just tell her the appt is for xyz time and leave when she arrives....
As for her father....Again, you can only change yourself, not others....so, with that in mind I would still get your break by utilizing a 'moms morning out' or similar program (or friend, etc) to get the break you need. The more you expect of him, the more frustrated and disappointed you will be. Actually, I think it's awesome that your daughter gets to do things with BOTH parents TOGETHER on decent terms even though you are seperated. Not many kids in your situation get that, and it will do wonders for her emotional development. Sure, it would be nice if he wanted to see her one on one, but he doesn't, so I would just go together :-) I am sure your daughter loves it :-)
Hi R.- please know that every mom feels overwhelmed and needs time away, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for that. Being a non-single mom, I can't imagine not having my husband to count on when I need some time. Even if I don't take it, I have the peace of mind to know it is always available to me. I commend you for your incredible strength and love. You may want to check some churches in your area- often I have seen programs for single moms. You don't have to go to the church, I think they just see a real need for moms to get out for a bit and try to fill that. Also- check out the website Babynewsbits.com under events they are having a private meet and greet to connect parents with responsible sitters of all ages. It's like the way speed dating is set up, but with babysitters. It sounds like a great idea. There is a fee to register, but I've dealt with the ladies who run this site before and I guarantee it will be worth it. They do everything with great thought and care. What area are you in?
Good luck to you and I hope summer camp is a hit!
N.
R., I feel terrible for you! Especially since I can relate. The first 2 years I felt like I was on an island alone and I was married with 2 wonderful grandmas! It got to the point where I really thought I was going to lose it so I can remember a couple of times just walking out the door when my Mom or Husband were there and saying good luck - I will back in an hour - I love you but If I dont do this, I will lose it! And if you love me, you will understand. After the first couple of times, I could actually do it and leave the guilt at home with the baby! So like the Nike commerical, just do it. Dont worry about what your husband will think or your Mother, just do it. And if worse comes to worse, call me and I would be happy to watch your little bundle of Joy! PS: It does get better. Now that my son is 4 1/2 my husband takes him all day on Sat and Sun and Grandma even watches him while we take weekend trip! Its just when they are small everyone is so nervous. It will get better :-)
Why don't you trade babysitting time with another Mom nearby? You could have the "playdate" at your house and watch her child and then she would return the favor so you'll get some alone time. (Which every Mom needs!) It would be free and your daughter would have fun with a new friend.
R.,
I haven't read all the responses you have gotten so I am not sure if this was already written, but maybe you can suggest to her daddy that you will be willing to drop them both off at the mall or the playground for an hour or so while you run errands. Also I do know this was mentioned, the YMCA or if you live close to a place called Kids Club in New Tampa, sometimes they will let you leave her there. And if she is too youg, you can just sit in one of the chairs, chill out and let her run around. Kids Club was a down time for me when I was always with my son. Even though we were still together, he would play in the room and I would just sit and relax and watch him. And you are not a bad mom for feeling the way you do. And if you can't find anything then just remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel in June. Good luck!!
Hi R.,
I would be willing to give it a try to see if it works for you, her, and my family. I already watching a 19mnth old little girl along with my 21mnth old daughter. We can meet you two at a park some morning if you would like to get to know each other better and make sure it will be a good fit. My son is the one who goes to Country Day School.
R. ###-###-####
Hi R.,
You are completely normal to feel this way as I think every mom goes thru this. I have a 2.5 yr old boy. I am currently struggling with the opposite - Where my family is around too much and wanting to give advice, discipline, rules, etc. and it causes some problems where then he doesn't want to listen or mind me as much as he used to. Very frustrating! Anyway... my mom watches him during the day while I am at work and now my sister is out of a job so she is around a lot as well. They are actually interested in finding anotehr child to watch so that my son has a playmate. Not sure how old your daughter is or where you are located but if you would be interested in having my Mom watch her along with my son, let me know. We are located in Riverview.
I have to agree with constance. Don't give your mom room to manipulate you, just say thatnks to her as she comes in the door and good bye to her and your daughter and leave. When it's over and you come back to your house, then sit down and let your mom know that you really appriciate it. That you needed some alone time to get things done. then ask her, with your daughter there, about the fun things they did together. Hopefully your girl will say, in front of grandma, what a good time sshe had. Comeing from her, that might soften mom up a bit for next time!
Also I wanted to offer a free childsafe id kit to you. I give them out though my work as a community service. they are just cards that keep inportant info and recent photo, as well as fingerprints so you have something for your records in case, god forbid, something were to happen. This might come in handy to have before she goes to camp. If you're interested, email me here or at ____@____.com
Do you live near a YMCA? We joined the Greater Palm Harbor Branch, they have Moms morning out at least once a month. What that means is they have a "kids Zone" room the kids play in, supervised, and you can go home and rest, shop, chill. Best part is they have an open doors policy so even if you think you can't afford a membership they do not turn anyone away! It has been a god send to me. I work from home and when my computer goes on so does my darling! I take the computer to the Y now and she plays while I work!!! Too many good things to list, check it out! It might be what you need.
By the way, not sure where you are located but if you want to meet up for a play date, I am 38 also and expecting my first grand child in June, my younger daughter will be 4 in June!
Let me know!!
Good Luck
J.
Hi R.. Don't feel guilty for wanting some time to yourself. Everybody needs it. And you'll be a better mom for it. I agree with you that your mother shouldn't give you false hope of having this time. And she shouldn't make you feel guilty. How many kids did she raise? We love our kids to death, but still need time to remember who we are and do the things we love. So here is my suggestion.
When your mom comes over to watch her granddaughter, give them both a kiss and say goodbye. Don't let her manipulate you into staying or going with you. Just say "I'll be back in an hour or so" and go. Then when you get home, watch your baby girls eyes light up when she sees mommy. (Actually that is sometimes the best part of leaving - the coming home part.) and thank your mom for watching her. (My daughters have a wonderful relationship with their grandmother because she really does a lot with my girls and they love her for it.)
Regarding the dad: Okay, she can't talk yet, so he can't figure out what to do? To me, that is silly. You don't need communication to push your daughter on a swing. You can read to your daughter and talk to her about the pictures in the book - (which is really good for small children) and he could also help her in learning words. So, let him take your car and they can go to a park and have fun. No matter how much talking your daughter does at this point.
You mentioned you don't know anyone in the area. Well, my name is C. and I have three kids. My youngest turned 5. I am a stay at home mom and wouldn't mind getting to know you and your daughter. I know you don't know me, but if we met and you trusted me maybe I could help you time to time.
My email is ____@____.com
Hope to hear from you and good luck.
