Do You Keep Secrets?

Updated on March 04, 2011
D.P. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
26 answers

If your friend confides in you do you:
A. Take that info to the grave?
B. Share it with your husband only?
C. A or B depending on the sensitivity of the issue?

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G.T.

answers from Modesto on

B, because my hubby is a safe. but I only tell him if I think it will help for a solution.... I dont bother him with trivial "split tail" matters that don't require his input.

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I have no secrets from my husband. If someone wants to tell me a secret, I first clear with them that I will tell my husband. If that is not acceptable, then I won't let them tell me. My relationship with my husband is first above all relationships. I will not keep secrets from him. Other than that, I will keep it. And, my husband is very good about keeping things confidential as well. Also, my issue would be the reason for the secret. I don't do gossip, but if they are seeking counsel, that is different.

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

C. Though I don't bother telling the hubs most things. And all my friends say "DO NOT EVEN TELL HUSBANDS" to the stuff that merits it, which I always honor.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

C. most things a friend would tell me are not important for my husband to know, and 'sharing' it with him would fall under the category of 'gossip.' if he asked directly i would either tell him about it, letting the friend know that i had done so, or tell him that it was told in confidence and that i was not free to divulge, which he would totally get. the nature of the information would dictate which choice i'd make.
khairete
S.

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B.B.

answers from New York on

Definitely C. My hubby is definitely not into gossip or drama AT ALL. So, I can totally trust him. I do not tell him all of my friends business, mostly because he really could care less. But if they confide in me about something that I know I can't tell anyone and I'm conflicted about what I can do I'll talk to him about it. He keeps the secret and is a wonderful advisor!

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Anyone I know is already aware I tell my husband just about everything. If they don't want me to tell my husband, they preface with that request. I always honor it. If I really need advice I will ask my husband and keep it completely anonymous. (I always ask if that's OK first, if it's not I don't ask for advice.) With that said, it's B most of the time.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

C. With some friends I think that they will assume that I will tell my husband, with other friends, I ask if it's okay if I share with him. If they say no, I don't share.

I would be okay with my husband keeping a friend's secret if if didn't directly concern me.

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T.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Hubby and I have been together 23 years, we tell each other everything, always have. All of our family and friends know that if you tell O. of us something - you're telling both of us. But that's as far as it goes, we don't share our friends secrets with anyone else.

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J.J.

answers from Allentown on

Well, I am single so it doesn't currently apply, but if I were married, I would not tell or share secrets unless it involved suicide(or harm to self) or homicide(Or harm to another). In which case I would get the person help and not run to hubby or anyone else to gab about it, unless they were somehow needing to be involved in the helping. I would never divulge secrets since the reason for a secret is to make the person feel safe enough to talk knowing it goes no further.

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D.G.

answers from Houston on

There are confidences I plan on taking to the grave with me. However they have nothing to do with my husband and have no effect on our relationship.

Most confidences that are made to me, I have been told it is ok to share with my husband, since my friends and family know we share almost everything.

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M.R.

answers from Rochester on

If it is "personal" but not "private" or secret, I might share with my husband about a mutual close friend. However, she knows that she can tell me things identified as secret and I will not talk to my husband about them. She can even talk to me about things she can't talk to her husband about (whom she adores) and nobody else will ever know. So yes, I keep secrets for people, but they are rarely "secrets," usually just feelings or experiences someone has to share and then move on from.

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V.T.

answers from Dallas on

Although I won't always tell my husband, I don't like keeping things from him either. So if someone tells me "don't tell your husband", then I don't want to know about it.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I always tell people do not tell me if you do not want "x" (insert his name here) to know and if you are looking for advice and I do not have any I may ask someone who will w/out giving anything too telling away. So, no I do not exactly keep secrets but I also tell you upfront that it is that way.

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Good question.
I guess I am a C.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

It goes with me to the grave. Unless it's such an awful secret that my friend should never have told me and NEVER should have done/said/thought the thing in the first place! If I am very concerned for her safety or well-being, I may ask advice. But not necessarily of my husband.

However, if it's not critical, a secret is a secret and it stays secret. I hope my friend would do the same for me.

My husband is more of a talker than I am, and sometimes he tells me things others have told him that he shouldn't have told me. It's just part of his personality. Sometimes he tells me what happened, and sometimes he tells me his interpretation of what happened. It can get confusing!

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Y.C.

answers from New York on

When is about a friend and not my close family (mom,sister, daughter) I am a B...UNLESS, my friend happen to be a hot single women, who loves having sex, is a movie fanatic and has a crush in Italian guys. Then I am sure I would be an "A" for her, lol.

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G.R.

answers from San Diego on

I think women use their husbands as an excuse to gossip. Most men don't want to her about our drama lives and don't even ask. I really have a hard time hearing a man say "so what's going on with Suzy and that new dude she's dating" tell me or it gonna ruin our relationship?'

Why would ur husband need to or demand to know about your girlfriends business? Most women just wanna blab.

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A.B.

answers from New York on

If I am told don't breathe a word to anyone not even your hubs, I don't. If it's basic stuff I share with hubs only if I feel he has anything good to add.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Unless keeping a secret would put someone in danger, I don't betray confidences.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

If i am told to not talk, i dont, not even to my husband. If i am told something sensitive but not told to keep it quiet, i talk to my husband about it.

I have so many secrets rattling around in my head, people for some reason tell me EVERYTHING.

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

There are secrets that I am aware of that I have known since BEFORE my husband was my husband, or we were even dating, actually. Those are not something he needs to know. They don't affect him anyway. But they aren't the kinds of things that someone would come to you and just tell to you. They are life experiences that we were "there for each other" through, and so I happen to know them.
But if that same friend were to come to me today, they would know that I would not keep it from my husband. I even tell family (his in particular) "If you don't want me to tell, I won't, EXCEPT "___", you know that right? I don't keep secrets from him." If they don't want him to know, then they shouldn't tell me, and they know this up front.

I have had friends tell me, "don't tell my husband I shared this with you", and I say "I won't, but I might tell MY husband." If they have an issue with that, then they shouldn't continue.

But, honestly, in general, I HATE secrets. Nothing good comes from them. My husband's family has/had so many secrets through the years that he and I BOTH refuse to listen if someone wants to tell us O., or we just say that we DON'T plan to keep it a secret. It's a joke between us and some of his siblings now.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I'm a C also. It totally depends. Even if my friend says "don't tell your husband" that's not a sure thing for me! Is that terrible or what, maybe I suck as a friend! ;) If it's something serious or private I won't tell, but I feel like a lot of times those 'don't tell hubby' remarks are just gossip, so sometimes I share. I feel like I have a pretty good barometer on what is a true secret and I won't share those.

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L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

A and B.
My husband and I share all.
We have no secrets.
That said, it goes no further.

LBC

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

I keep it to myself. My hubby and I share a lot of couple friends, and he's good at keeping his mouth shut, but if someone doesn't want me to tell anyone, then I feel they also mean him. I hold some pretty crazy secrets, and I plan to keep it that way.

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K.V.

answers from Lansing on

I tell my daycare lady everything. Well, not everything...but lately the things that my best friend tells me, I tell my daycare lady. My BFF has been getting on my nerves lately, and says some pretty rude things to me, so in venting, I tell daycare lol...I have to get it out and I know she won't say anything. But typically, if its anyone else...secrets are safe with me :)

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D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi, Denise:

The person needs to tell her secrets to her therapist.
D.

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