Do You Ever Feel Like

I would rather see a mom having to correct her kid every five seconds than see a mom allow her kids to run rampant.

As for the babysitter... I know I certainly don't have the money to pay someone to watch my kid just to go grab some groceries. There is nothing "wrong" with getting a babysitter, but that isn't an option for everyone, and it extremely rude of that lady to say it like that.

before I go into a store, I have to tell my kids "what are the rules?" They will then say "best behavior, no touching stuff, don't ask for everything". I tell them that we are not buying anything extra and to not even ask. This doesn't always work and there are good days and bad days, but I usually try to get what I need and get out. If they miss behave in the store, then they loose tv for the rest of the day, or dessert, or something like that.
I know kids can still act out and no matter what you tell them. My kids are not perfect and sometimes make me want to rip my hair out lol! but I do try to keep everything under control with them in public.

Mom ,

What's wrong with a babysitter? Seriously? Since when do you not deserve a break?

I'm sorry - but my kids know I'm not fooling around. They know what I expect of them and it's clearly communicated when we go into a store - "we are here for x, y and z. NOTHING else. You will NOT touch anything."

When they were small? If they threw a tantrum - I took my cart to the front of the store and told the manager I would be back. And we left. I will NOT subject other shoppers to my child's tantrum. I personally think it's rude to allow my child to scream in a store and ignore their behavior. YOU REMOVE HIM from the store.

Why does your son get away with this behavior? Are you afraid to correct him? If you have to count and say last warning? Your son KNOWS you will NOT follow through. My boys are 11 and 13 - if I start counting? They KNOW to move their behinds and FAST. And this started since they were toddlers. They KNOW if I hit ZERO? HEADS WILL ROLL...

Start taking control. YOU are the parent. NO means NO. These ARE my expectations. He's how old? 3? He knows what he can and cannot get away with.

In a parking lot? When he gets out of the car? Have him touch or "hold" the tail light or the headlight. He cannot move from there until you are ready to go. It keeps them from running W. in a parking lot.

Be firm mom. Be loving. Be fun. You can do it all. But your son HAS to know who is in charge. YOU.

Good luck!

My oldest was more like you describe than my younger two boys were. I read a book on "Spirited" kids (Raising Your Spirited Child) and I could have cried with relief. He's 15 now so this was back before pages like this where you could connect with other parents were popular. His first 4 years were very, very challenging. It did get much better after his 4th birthday.

My younger two were just "normal" rambunctious boys but they were less than two years apart and, well, there were two of them and they would egg each other on, so I left them at home when I needed to go out.

I know this isn't the point of your post but seriously, you can cut down on A LOT of stress and tension by just not shopping with your kids. Unless you're a single mother (and even if you are...I was a single mom with my first and would shop on my way home from work) there is really no good reason to bring your child to a grocery store, mall, etc. (even to buy shoes - outline his foot on paper and cut that out and bring it with you for sizing) and you can always get coffee at a drive-thru. My younger boys are 7 & 9 and have maybe been to the grocery store 25 times in their lives. The mall? Maybe 10 times. Target or Walmart? 2-3 times a year at most. There's just no need to put myself through the aggravation of dragging them with me when I can do those errands when my husband is home. Make your life easier!

Though I really didn't have these issues with my boys, I just want to say that I don't judge you. Every child is different. Spirited, high strung kids can be hard. It's okay.

To all those who say "what's wrong with a babysitter?" or "you should get a sitter," I have to disagree. You need to bring your child into public in order to train them how to behave in public. How will a child learn to behave if you don't bring them, let them act a fool, end up being disciplined, and know better next time?

What's wrong with a baby sitter?
No - really - what is wrong with solving your shopping frustration by allowing your child to stay comfortable at home so they can play while you run your errands in relative peace and quiet without dragging him all over hell's half acre?
Your child will be fine and you won't feel frustrated.
I see people dragging their kids around - the kids are majorly MISERABLE - and the parents are oblivious to it.
Shopping is not a fun thing for kids to do.

Additional:
I have to strongly disagree with the 'you have to take them out so they can learn how to behave while they are out' concept.
It's complete nonsense.
An infant is not ready to attempt to ride a bicycle - they try when they are able to stand and walk - no one expects a 4 week old to ride a bike.
People take their babies/toddlers out and expect them to act like mini adults when they have zero zip nada capacity to act anything at all like adults.
They inflict their kids on the general public because <I can only assume> they are too cheap to get a sitter.
The kids are miserable, everyone around them is miserable, the parent isn't happy either but then maybe they get some sort of enjoyment out of being able to complain about the situation that they created.
It's not the kids fault.
Yes - I'm going to say it - it's just selfishness on the part of the parent.
I delete hate mail so don't bother.

With my son, I had to sign him up for a MDO (mother's day out program) and then I did my shopping. He just hated the grocery store, and I hated taking him to the grocery store. There was something about errands that put him in his worst behavior mode.

My daughter she went and was one of those who sat in the cart and "helped" mommy by holding things...or would calmly eat a snack or play with a toy. You never heard a peep out of her all though the baby and toddler and now school years.

Now at 9 my son and 6 my daughter shopping with them both is no big deal in fact I prefer their company. My son sits in the back of the cart with his DS or a sketch pad and my daughter still helps me.

It does get better as they get older and they learn more self control. I shopped many times as fast as possible with my son firmly strapped in the cart (that was my rule...in the cart strapped in, no running around) crying and screaming he wanted out. But I couldn't let him out, he pulled things off the shelf, ran in front of my cart and other's carts, was just a busy toddler...and stopping his busy day to sit still to shop was torture for us both.

You are not the only one...and the babysitter/MDO helped save my sanity!!

No, I am in the same boat you are. My youngest son who is 4 is EXACTLY like your son. It just doesn't get any better, does it? I have tried bribery, snacks, money...you name it to get him to behave. It rarely works. I get nasty looks and remarks from strangers all the time. I am desensitized to all of it. My son constantly runs into people, runs in front of their shopping carts, etc. My babysitter doesn't want to watch him anymore unless it's an emergency and my husband doesn't want to watch him either! Ha! It sucks, literally! So, I have no choice. If I were to walk out of the store every time he acts up, we would never have any food in the house.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son dearly as I am sure you do yours. But, darn it, it's tough, you know? I cannot constantly discipline him. I have tried that and discipline doesn't work with this kid.

Now that he is in preschool, I try to do all of my business during those days. The preschool teacher even says he is a handful. I pray he doesn't get kicked out of preschool:(

You have my understanding and support.

No child is perfect. Anyone who has ever had a child knows this.
Some children are also very active, curious and impulsive.. This all is considered normal.

Our job as parents is to guide and teach our children how to behave. We do this by figuring out what the child will need to be successful.

Our daughter needed to know the expectation for each event. We are going to the store, so we will use inside voices. We can look with our eyes, but not our hands. We will not buy snacks, you may go to the kitchen and pick out a snack, please pick one for me too.

I also made sure she had time to run around the yard, before we left the house. Or I would let her know, if she behaved, I would take her to the park, or play outside when we were finished shopping.

Most of the time, this all worked well. I was helping her be successful. But because she is a headstrong child, she could have her off days. If things could not be kept under control, I had to decide if I was going to continue our plans, or put these errands off till another time.

Things sometimes, just need to be rescheduled or cancelled if a toddler is just not able to get it together.

As adults, there are times, when we just cannot face the busy store, so we reschedule. And other times we can push through. Children do not have these choices, we have to decide if we are going to be able to guide them through these situations, or do we have to make the tough choice to push the child along and just hope for the best.

Having children is not for the faint of heart. We each just do our best. Being a parent can be very humbling .

Hang in there mom.

I felt like that at times also. Although mine never did have tantrums like I've read about. But the climbing out of the cart, reaching for items on the shelves, etc. ? Oh yes.

And leave them at home? Umm.. not very practical. That would mean that I spent the entire time my husband was at work not accomplishing the things I needed to accomplish, and then when he got home and we were supposed to be having dinner or going to bed or spending "family" time, I was rushing off to run errands or do the "Walmart" hustle. Leaving husband at home irritated that the minute he got home from work he was "abandoned" with a kid jonesing to get out of the house and see the sights of Walmart.

It's just silly to expect moms to do that.

But I will tell you, that it does get better eventually. Gosh, I thought those days would never end... but they do. My son is 15 now, and he and his sister both went through a phase where when we went to the grocery store they preferred to sit on the bench up near the cash registers and play their DS game while I shopped for groceries. They knew that if an elderly person needed to sit down, to get up and offer the bench to them. They were very well behaved. (tween and early teen ages).

Now at 15, he goes with me and walks around, randomly asking if we can have "x" for dinner and asking for various fruit to try from the produce section. And calmly "suggesting" Little Debbie cakes when we go down the snack aisle. And debating with me the virtues of the Jalapeno Cheddar Cheez-Its over the Monterey Jack or Colby ones.
Drives me nuts b/c I spend more $ when he goes with me, but he is a joy. Keeps me smiling and laughing throughout the entire grocery shopping "ordeal".

Your day will come, too. All those years of having them underfoot and in (half in/ half out) the cart while you shopped will have dividends down the road. My son has watched me from an early age avoid buying the "impulse" items at the checkouts. And letting other people with only a handful of items skip in front of me in line. And making sure to put things back on the proper shelf when I change my mind about purchasing an item. And how to order deli meat at the deli counter. And how to evaluate the best bargain (sometimes the smaller containers ARE the better deal). And how to choose produce. And check egg cartons for damage before putting them in the cart.
And how to control himself. And how to have patience. And how to wait until we get home to open containers (we do not open food and eat it in the store--it MUST be paid for before we open or sample. That's my rule.).

But yes... the seemingly non-stop litany of corrections seems like it will be a friend forever. It won't. But when you can, try to offer up something for THEM as part of the ordeal. It helps give them something to look forward to, particularly on those days when you just KNOW that they aren't really up to it. A cookie from the bakery just before wait at the checkout line (the grocery stores usually give the kids one free). A few minutes on the toy aisle at Walmart/Target to look at, try out something they don't have at home. "Window shopping" for kids, if you will.

At Target, a bag of popcorn to nibble while you are shopping can be great, too.

Hang in there. You're doing it right. And it won't last forever.

The lady at walmart was being a jerk. She and her hubby probably didn't have kids so they felt entitled to be judgie (wait until they do and find their little precious laying face down in the middle of the cereal aisle throwing a tantrum) or their kids are grown and they've forgotten how meltdowns can happen very quickly for no reason. Learn to ignore stupid people. They aren't worth your time and energy.

As far as your son's behavior? Well at 5 he should be able to control himself a little better than he is. Set clear cut expectations and explain what will happen if those expectations aren't met. When I go grocery shopping with my grandkids I tell them up front what we're going in to get and tell them that if they behave well then they can pick out a treat (it's usually pringles or a single serving size cup of cereal). We get the treat first so they have it in their hands as we go through the store. If a problem starts to develop I gently remind them that those treats will need to go back on the shelf and they stop. There's no negotiation because we all know what's expected.

If you do have someone who can watch your son for a short time (like trading childcare with a neighbor or dropping him off with grandma or an auntie) that could be an option. I've been known to keep a child or two for a while so their mama can get stuff done. Sometimes it's just easier to get everything accomplished in a hour by yourself than 2 hrs toting around a kid.

Handful or not rude passing strangers should learn to keep their mouths shut. Trust me no...your not the only one. My kids most certainly have bad days.

You are definitely not alone! I am right there with you. I guess some of us just have more "high maintenance" children than others....

I have had this happen to me once, when we were on aour way back from vacation and stopped at a college town for lunch. My twins were tired and hungry so therefore they were cranky. We were trying our best to keep them quiet and get some food in them, when an older couple started giving me dirty looks and then they actually walked upto me one after another and told me how I had ruined their lunch and I should not leave my home with such unruly kids.

I ignored them the first time, when they came around the second time, I could not take it anymore and had to tell them, that I understood a toddler having a tantrum, but was not sure why two seemingly normal adults who had kids were having a tantrum. The entire restaurant started laughing.
I understand where you are coming from, these are public places and sometimes kids have trouble.
While it is good to talk to them before we take them out and set expectations, I think we should also be aware of their limitations (age related mostly).

Hang in there mamma, it will get better with age.

My kids get compliments on their behaviour all the time, yet I have still had the kinds of days you are describing.

When the boys were little I used the free cookie at the grocery store to keep them in line. They had to behave to get their free cookie, so I didn't take them to the bakery for their cookie until I was done shopping, then they ate the cookie while we waited at the checkout. They actually looked forward to grocery shopping because of the free cookie.

Yup, ours is a high energy and spirited child. He is bigger, stronger, and more persistent than most kids his age.

With time, patience, some parenting training, rule statements (hands to ourselves, hold mommy's hand, keep quiet), and consistent consequences, he has grown to be pretty manageable, and even pleasant.

On Sunday, we managed a long drive, a trip to the coffee shop, a kiddie birthday party, another long drive, a classical music concert, another long drive, all while keeping dry and without incident.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

PS- Ours hasn't gotten in his head that he is entitled to ask for anything at the shop as yet, so we haven't had to deal with melt downs because he hasn't gotten his preferred item. The "how to talk so your kids will listen and how to listen so your kids will talk" book suggests making a wish list that your kids can state their preferences on, and you might buy items for them on special occassions or if they are well behaved. The "we'll put it on the list" can be an effective way of acknowledging their wants without making a firm committment.

My oldest was one of those "angels" you speak of, but my youngest was and still is (at 14) exhausting! I don't know if it's because of her ADHD (well I'm sure that's part of it) or if it's mostly her personality but she has been in constant motion since the day she was born. I can remember being at mommy & me events with her, and while all the other children were sitting and quietly playing and joining the circle she was all over the room, playing with the window shades, exploring the trash can, you name it.
I will say that I went out of my way NOT to take her to the store. I didn't get a sitter, I just tried to shop in the evenings when my husband was home. It was actually a nice break for me :-)

My recollection of my kids when they were little is that they were like yours. It was like a whirlwind anywhere we went.

I probably should have been a better disciplinarian in hindsight, but if it's any consolation they are all extremely smart, pleasant, highly functional young adults now, and they did very well in school.

No. You are not the only one:) I took my two to Cablea's last night and they were NUTS-O.
I just herded them the best I could smiled a lot at judging strangers and re-directed them to more appropriate options (oh, 6 & 10 years).
Hang in there. It will make you and them better in the long run:)

Mine only has a hint of this behavior when he is super tired. Then again, he'll be three in a minute, so that might be down the road. For now, I either make sure he gets his rest or try to make our outing a quick one.

When he is "in that way" andI have to keep talking to him and I start to feel a little embarrassed thinking about what others must be thinking, I remind myself that these people have no idea that this is not typical. They have no idea of what has led to a less-than-perfect response to whatever might be going on. Hell, I have "off" days, too. Sometimes I'm too tired to have pleasant conversation over dinner. <<<Big fat shoulder shrug right here>>> My kid always has compliments hurled at him. These strangers just missed those days. Oh, well.

It doesn't help that you feel alone when you're out, but please know that you are most certainly NOT the only one. Don't let other people who have no insight to your personal situation make you feel bad. Keep that in mind.

I still don't take my dd shopping and she's 10! She's always had twice the energy of other kids and on more than one occasion, mothers or nannies of twins would tell me that one of her was like two of them!

It's just who they are...assuming they don't have true "hyperactivity", kids who are harder to control, usually grow up to be leaders...they know what they want and they usually find a way to get it. This will be a real asset when they can funnel their energy productively when they're older.

At least that's what I've heard and what I keep telling myself!

I get compliments from friends about how well mannered, polite, and kind my kids are. I tell those kind people that the kids take a lot of their bad behavior out on me.
Sometimes they get away with a little more than usual because I get tired of constantly counseling and redirecting them.
I get very offended by strangers that feel the need to comment. I volunteer in my daughters Kidnergarten class twice a week. The only father that volunteers said that people are constantly telling him his granddaughter really loves him (his hair is silver). It makes no sense to me.
I teach my kids that if they dont have anything nice to say they shouldn't say anything at all. Too bad so many adults weren't taught the same!

Reminds of my a trip over the summer for my older kids. Final day of nature club for my daughter, family event held at a local wildlife rescue. My then 2 year old screamed so loud that I had parents giving me dirty looks even though we were sitting in the car with the doors shut. It happens. I've left him laying on the floor in a grocery aisle and had to threaten to leave to get him to walk with me. And I just try to forget what it takes to even leave the house, kicking screaming, hiding just to avoid putting on a coat and shoes, and his younger brother (they are 3 and almost 2 now) thinks doing whatever his brother is doing is the best thing ever. Fun times, but as I learned with my older kids, it passes, and changes and the sooner or later you can leave home without temper tantrums.