Do We Have a Third? Undecided...

I really love having 3 kids (5,3 and 1 boy-girl-boy). The older ones love playing with the little one. Although it can be hard at certain times of day or in the beginning, I feel like 3 takes the focus off of the intensity of the 2 in a healthy way. It sounds like you want to do it, so when you feel ready, go for it! I think the biggest life change is the first child. 3 kids is often logistically challenging but the different combinations of relationships is wonderful.

I am 36 and just had my third daughter 3 months ago. There were many times during my last pregnancy that I wondered if I could manage having a third. But let me tell you, I love having a family of 3 children. I think once you get past the juggle of 2 kids, having a 3rd is so much easier and I am so much more calm and enjoy the baby so much.

Because I've been thru it twice now, I know how fast it really goes, so I don't let the little things bother me. It does sometimes seem like an eternity when the baby wakes up earlier than expected in the night or fusses so much that you can't even leave the house to go down to the post office for even a few mommy minutes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. My third daughter is just as beautiful and precious as the first 2 and I'm enjoying her more than the first 2. I think it's just because I have the experience of 2 behind me & I'm just more relaxed and enjoying every moment because they don't stay babies for long! My 2 older girls, ages 5 and 3, just love her so much and are really great helpers!

So go on, and have the 3rd! You'll love it! It's easier than it seems.

S.- This is a decision only you and your husband can make. I am having the same issue. Although my decision is a little easier since I have a boy and a girl. My husband and I have both always wanted 3 kids but I don't think we knew how hard it would be with just 2. Neither of my kids slet through the night until they were almost 1 year old. In fact, my 4 year old girl would not let me put her down at night for the first 3 months of her life, we "slept" in the rocking chair for 3 months. My son, now 19 months, would only sleep, at most, for 2 hours in a row before he wanted to be fed. Now besides the sleep issue we are now in the time when we can't ever just relax when we go somewhere. one of us has to constantly be chasing after our 19 month old. When we go to my parents or my inlaws we have to be following him wherever he goes because he gets in to everything. We are both looking forward to the time when we can go and actually enjoy Christmas/Thanksgiving/birthdays etc. Some may see this as selfish but we both are just looking forward to when we can enjoy going places. There are so many other things that come to mind when thinking about another child, you just have to weigh which means more, sleep or lack of or another child. While I would love to add a brother or sister for my children I also would like to be able to concentrate all of my attention on the 2 that i have. I feel like throwing a 3rd in there would not allow enough time and attention to each child. Hope this helps.

We have three boys(3,2,and 6 months)...it's the best and we are going for # 4. There are moments when things get very hectic...but that happens with just 1 or 2. We wouldn't trade the moments of craziness for our wonderful guys! Good luck!

Being 45yrs old and the third and last child of my parents, I am sitting here reading these posts and realize that I am soooo.... very grateful that I was the "mistake" that happened after the girl and boy came!!! I say this because there is never a "perfect" time in our lives to have children and after they are born, we cannot imagine life without that baby!

My family are extremely close and it didn't matter growing up whether we went to Disney World(which we didn't)or went on a picnic together. Finances or stuff is not what makes a family better. It is relationships that form and grow in a secure environment. Of course, you all know that already! :-)

S., I would say that you should go ahead and let nature takes its course, because it sounds to me as if your desire is to do just that. My sister and hubby decided to have another and it took them 3 yrs to conceive, so just because you go birth control free--does not mean that a baby will come tomorrow!

Hi S.,
Though my kids are all much older than yours, I remember well the decision making process when thinking about a 3rd child. We had the first 2 about 20 months apart. Money was really tight and though my first 2 were very much surprises, I went on the pill so #3 would be a planned event. Because of the money situation, we stayed on birth control until my system couldn't take it any longer. I wasn't a good candidate for hormones at the time. I was working as a parochial school teacher by day and a waitress a few nights a week and weekends. My husband was also a teacher at the same school by day and after school, they paid him extra to be the custodian! This was in the late 80s. I actually resigned from that job because I wasn't able to spend enough time with my family and I knew in my heart I wanted more kids...I just wasn't sure it was going to happen. As we talked about our situation, we thought that if we really waited until we were ready, there would always be a reason not to (mostly money), but I left that job and luckily got a job in a public school more than doubling my salary. I was still using birth control and by this time, my kids were almost 5 and almost 7. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered I was pregnant just weeks into my new public school job! I made it through the year and had a baby boy just 2 days after the end of the year....my daughter turned 7 in April, my son turned 5 the January before that. That was more of an age spread than I imagined when I thought about how to "plan" a family. We actually thought about trying for another so the youngest would have someone his age. Luckily (but sadly) I had to have a hysterectomy before he turned 2. I experienced so many problems after his birth (he was just under 10 lbs), and I needed the surgery. I am very satisfied with my life and know now that somehow, the decisions were almost made for us. Things are tight and have always been so since we're both in education and as everybody knows, teachers aren't going to get rich in their profession. Though the idea of another baby was enticing, the pain I was experiencing helped me accept the fact that there wouldn't be a 4rth. Now, with my youngest 15.5, I couldn't be happier that things turned out the way they did. While they were younger, it posed problems now and then because the interests of the older 2 didn't match the youngest. Now, however, they look out for their brother and he has a great relationship with both. He feels very grown-up when his big brother and his pals include him in their baseball games or video games. Now that both of the older kids have moved out, they make time to come see him (and us) and he's even slept at his brother's house.

It's a very personal decision, bottom line. But sometimes, the decision seems to come from somewhere else and it works out just fine too. I love my family of 5 and couldn't have planned it better myself.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and enjoy everything that you can...it goes by far too quickly.
K.

Hi S.!

I went through this intense intellectual struggle before we had each of our kids too. It was so agonizing thinking "I love what we have soooo much, do I dare mess with the dynamic by adding another kid to the mix?"

When we had just 2 girls (3 years and 18 months at the time) it was so glorious. I was both thrilled and a wreck when we found out we were pregnant with a third (girl). I didn't want anything to interfere with the close bond the first two had formed with each other. Of course, when #3 was born we all adored her instantaneously and the three sisters are as tight as triplets. They are all so lovely and unique and fiercely protective of one another :) How could we have NOT had her?

So, 5 years passed and the second I gave away all my baby gear (thinking we were done, of course) and fully satisfied with our family of 3 girls, we found out we were pregnant again and I freaked. I had just started a great new career, the girls all cried when we told them the news, I didn't know how it was all going to work out with such a big age difference. On paper, the whole thing seemed very impractical...
And here we are now, with our beautiful 4 month old baby boy who is SO loved by all of us. The girls adore him and are so gentle and loving. We're struggling a bit financially with me not working ... but you know what? Who cares.There's nothing more important in this world than love.

I guess my point is...
Making the decision to add another child to the family isn't really something you can do in an intellectual, practical kind of way. It's something the heart decides all by itself. I can't believe I stressed so much before each of my children were born. I can't imagine life without a single one of them. Each has added such immeasurable joy to our lives :) I used to think it was possible to regret having had that next kid... but you look at the kids you have right now in front of you and you know in your heart that's just not possible.

Each time we were loosely contemplating another child, my husband and I just kind of adopted the attitude of "letting fate decide" and semi-conciously got lax with the birth control. If we got pregnant -okay. If we didn't - okay too. It took a lot of the mental decision-making pressure off.

Best Wishes to you and your family!
...and to that little angel out there that keeps whispering in your ear :)

May you be well in all ways,
Annie

I'd of had a ton of kids if I could have had help with raising them as it was and is, I am the sole parent of almost 10 year old twins and a single parent of 15 son.

Wouldn't trade a one of them and like I said I'd of loved having more.

I think if I had help I would have enjoyed their younger years and it is a regret that I have now.

So enjoy what you have NOW as it goes to fast.

Smiles-
-W.

I had to laugh when I read this because I am totally in the same boat. The moment my second daughter was born my husband shouted that he couldn't wait for the next one. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 15 month old daughter (still nursing). I love my girls so much, I don't think I could handle a boy! I'm at the place where I haven't slept through the night since the end of my second pregnancy (gestational diabetic) and only had a few months of full night sleep at the beginning of my second pregnancy. I nursed my oldest until she was 17 months and got pregnant immediately after. I am afraid that if I get my "body" back and some good night sleep in, that I will not want to go through it all again. I am mostly a SAHM, but I do work 4-5 hrs a week away from home. We are not financially well off, but blessed enough to pay our mortgage on time. I also have no idea what to expect as far as finances or my mental/emotion capacity. Right now, I have one eye for each of them, one ear for each of them, and one arm for each of them. I'm afraid that adding a third to the mix will encourage sibling rivalry. My husband is one of 8 and the sibling rivalry and cliques within his family really tear at my heart. All that being said, I feel like there is still one more missing piece to our family puzzle. My husband and I have decided to wait until the end of summer to make a final decision either way. I hate to feel like it's a now or never type scenerio, but I know myself well enough to know that I need to do this all at once so I can begin the next leg of my mommyhood journey to the best of my capabilities. I guess only time will tell if I'm PTA bound or EPT bound. I wish you and your family the best in your decision making process and hope that you will be blessed whatever the outcome. ~K. M

S.,
I am not a mom with 3 kids...I actually have 4 and the oldest is 4!!! When my oldest son was 3 we were so excited to find out we were pregnant-only to find out we were having twins!!! When my identical twin boys were only 6 mos old I found out I was (surprisingly) 6 weeks pregnant. At first I was so upset wondering what we would do with 3 under 2 plus a 4 year old but the second my daughter was born I couldn;t remember ever second guessing myself. She is the happiest easiest baby ever and although my life is not what I would consider easy (or quiet), it is fun and full of love and hugs and kisses and these 4 wonderful kids! I definitely would not recommend it to everyone but my husband is the perfect dad and a huge help and I keep thinjking it will get easier when they are a bit older but I do spend lots of time smiling and laughing just watching them interact (and the baby just watch her bros and smile). I think if you actually want a third then you can handle it! My husband wants a fifth!!!

Hi! I have three little boys. 6,4, and 3. although it is very stressful, and at times hard, i wouldnt want it any other way. I even would like to try for a girl!! but right now, with three children, it is hard financially. you must think about that. if we owned our own homw, and was more financiallystable, my husbad would probalby say yes to a fourth, but right now, it is just three. :) good luck to you!!

I totally agree with what the other three moms said here, and feel the same myself. We have two girls 22 months apart, and we both work full-time, so there is no way I would throw another kid in the mix, making our lives crazier than they already are. If time and money were different (if money was not an issue, time would be different because one of us would work part-time), I would definitely have more, but I feel that our lives are what they are for a reason and that we should enjoy the two we have and give them as much attention and time as they need to flourish. We want to be able to take a vacation some day, add on to our house, and provide our girls with the lessons, activities, and things they are sure to want. I totally understand where the other mom who wrote is coming from in terms of being able to enjoy holidays again and relax with family at outings - that is NOT selfish!! Anyway, it is obviously your decision and your life, just be sure you would be having the third for the right reasons, not because our society tells you that "three is the new two" and you "should try for that boy"! I will always be nostalgic for the special parts of pregnancy and birth, but like everything else, it comes with a trade-off. Good luck and let us know!

As I type this I am listening to the sounds of my youngest playing in the next room. She is 5, the youngest of 3 and a sweet, loving and happy little girl. My first 2 children were planned and anxiously anticipated. I was very happy and content with my daughters but my husband always held out hope that I would change my mind and want a third. When my 2nd was about 1 1/2 I got pregnant unexpectedly. Most people thought that we were going for the boy (I was hoping for another girl!). It was not what I had planned but there is not a day that goes by that I am not profoundly grateful for my little princess. Was it easy having 3 children under the age of 5 at the same time? No but having 3 I feel was not that much harder than having 2. She truly completes us as a family and taught me the valuable lesson that not everything in life needs to be planned. Only you and your husband can decide what is best for you but for me I can not imagine a world without my Lily.

I am the mother of 3 wonderful kids (2 girls 7 & 3, 1 boy 4 months old)! Having our 3rd child was one of the best decisions I have ever made. My husband had always wanted 3 kids and I was happy with just the 2 girls. When my youngest was approaching 2 I got the baby bug because my baby was no longer a baby. We only tired for 2 months and then got pregnant. We couldn't be happier with our decision to have a third, even though the money got alot tighter than we had imagined.

I would say to wait maybe a year because your 6 month old is still so young, but then go for it. Of course this is something you and yur need to dicuss and agreed on. Good Luck!