Dirty Hands or Feet Causes Meltdown for 3 1/2 Year Old

Hi A.. When I read your story, I think I read between the lines a bit. You see, I don't think your son has an issue with cleanliness, or germs. Now, I am not a doctor, just a Mom, but I am the Mom of a daughter who for 3 years struggled with sensory issues. She was JUST like your son with not wanting anything on her hands or feet or face. She would also melt down. The way we uncovered her problem is that she was also super sensitive to food textures and had to go to occupational therapy to help her get through that, because she got to the point of not wanting to eat anything because she didn't want to touch it or it to touch her mouth. So, I have to ask - how well does your son eat? Either way it sounds like he has coped fairly well for this long. The problem is really very simple (IF this is it) the feeling in his hands are amplified and it feels different to him than to me or you when he gets something on them. In my experience this only applies when he gets something on them and not with human touch. My daughter is completely over her issues now, but it took a little work. Here is what her doc and therapist prescribed: Messy Play. You look for textured things such as Playdough, Floam, raw rice, raw grits, cold pudding, whatever you see that you think might work, and you create an activity to get his hands dirty. You might start with something easy like Playdough and then move up to Floam, which is slimy and bumpy, and then finger paints. Then get a big bowl and hide some of his favorite things in some raw rice or grits and get him to dig through with his bare hands to find the items. Then maybe the same thing with cold pudding. You start slow, and only offer one activity a day. Let him know that it will be ok and try to understand his fear. Tell him that he must try it every time you offer, but he gets to call it quits when he feels he can no longer handle it. Beware, for a while he may only last a few seconds, if that. But hold your tongue if you get aggravated and praise him for it. Everyday try to beat your old time, even if by a second, but don't force it on him or you'll do more harm than good. You just keep this up, upping the difficulty of the texture for him as he gets better and can handle it. Just be creative and soon he'll be ok with walking through wet grass and building sand castles. You can find more info on the net about this and more ideas for "messy play". You can email any questions, if you like. I wish you and your son luck. Happy playing!

A.,
Has something happened to your son to make him believe that dirt is so aweful?
Did he ever get into trouble for being dirty?
It could be that he is developing a phobia or a control issue. He could also become obsessive compulsive.
I would really recommend you have him talk to a counselor about this behavior. It's not that he is bad, or weird. However, it could turn into something that becomes out of control.
He may need a bit of therapy to show him that dirt is ok and natural.
Something to try is to gradually help him to get dirty on purpose. I would start very small with a small cup of dirt. I would then allow him to feel it with his fingers. Then move to holding it in his hands. Then I would move to a bowl of dirt and let him touch it with his toes, and the put his feet in it.
All the while, ask him to describe to you how it feels and smells, etc... The more you do this, the more he will feel comfortable with getting dirty. However, you may need to get a professional involved.
Take Care,
T., nonpracticing conselor(so I can stay home with my children) and mom of 4

My son wasn't as severe as yours (he didn't care about anyone else being dirty) but he was similar as a toddler. I have video of him eating in his high chair and he froze when he got applesauce on his hand and wouldn't move until I cleaned it. He did outgrow it- he's 10 now. But if you think it's severe, speak with your pediatrician about it. I wouldn't worry TOO much, though. At his age, their world is full of an adult always telling them what to do and the world being full of new experience, so (some more than others) sometimes they thrive on any kind of structure and order they can get and they try to find things they can control. Toddlers and preschools often show the same types of behavior as OCD, but it's just age appropriate and not something life long. I'm not sure, though, what age the "average" child outgrows it.

yes it is fairly normal. different children have different personalities. i have 3 boys. my oldest used to be the cleanest child i knew to the point to where he wouldn't even get toys to play with in his room and when i asked him why he said he hated to do the work of having to clean them up. my second child on the other hand was completely opposite and when they wound up having to share a room due to having a small place and the third child it turned into constant fights. the third child he tends to lean toward the wanting to put everything in places that he is familiar with seeing me or my husband put them in. mind you this is talking about a 9, 7, and 3 year old. all boys. the 3 year old will usually tell me where things need to go if he can't reach or will put them there on his own. he tries all the time when it comes to the laundry or dishes and he hates to see dirt or messes on himself. he is the only one who begs me for baths and gets mad if i don't fix him one when he wants it.

Hi A.,

Sometimes this is very normal behavior and sometimes it's an imbalance in the neurological system. (The same as when you accept something easily most of the time but when your hormones are racing, you can't handle it. Your hormones are simply chemicals in your system.) I have found that neurological issues in children and adults are sometimes the simple fact that they are exposed to too many SYNTHETIC chemicals.

My daughter's diagnosis of ADHD was UN-diagnosed when we detoxed the house by removing all the chemicals that affected the neurological system. Chlorine bleach was invented by our military as a neurological toxin. Lysol has Agent Orange in it. Pledge and Windex go straight to the brain. Remember that the pharmaceutical companies are now making drugs absorbed with a patch because they know that the skin absorbs quickly. Sometimes this can be caused by a laundry detergent.

This may not be the issue however I have found it to be more of a problem than most people think it is. Detoxing a home is NEVER a bad idea. It's amazing how many health issues just disappear when there is no stimuli. If you'd like more information, I'm always available to talk.

God bless!

M.

Well, A., here's some ideas. I don't know where you live, but have you taken him to the beach yet? where he might have to walk on the sand to get to the water to swim? Has he not ever gone to pre school and played with other children or in a sandbox with toys? How about you buy some finger paints just for you. You get on the table and lay out paper so it won't get on the table. And get a nice big white construction board from walmart to paint on. Put paints on a plate. And put your fingers in it and draw a pretty flower and let him watch you. Don't ask him to do anything, except watch. And take a picture of what you painted. Let it dry and also hang it up for all to see what a pretty painting you did. Maybe he may want to partake in that project and get his fingers wet with paint. You never know. How about buy a little pool for the yard. The one you blow up, put water in and swim. You get in it with your swimsuit on and a few new toys to play with. Take the baby with you. Your 3 1/2 may get in with you. Don't ask him to. Just answer his questions as you're getting it all set up. Tell him you're going to sit in the pool and play. Don't invite him. Let him figure it out on his own. Leave him out so to speak. He may want to join in. Let me know what happens.
T.