Dinner Time Struggle?

Here's a good rule to remember:
They will eat if they are hungry.

They're at the age where it will seem like they barely eat enough to survive. You won't be satisfied with what they eat at a meal until they're going through a growth spurt, or until they're about 3 or 4 years old. Maybe you noticed the same thing with your older daughter?

At any rate, you're good to be looking in to solutions now, because now is when the foundation is laid for good table manners/eating habits and bad ones alike.

First off, the melt-down hour. At 4:00, it makes me wonder if they're napping well, or if they're getting an afternoon snack. Even if they're down to just one nap a day, you may still want to enforce an afternoon "rest" time where they're in their cribs or playpens with some quiet toys/activities. If you know the melt-down begins at 4, pre-empt it by starting their afternoon "break" or "rest" at 3:45. or load everyone in a wagon or stroller for a walk or trip to the park about that time.
As far as snacking, you should remember that toddlers really need to eat small amounts often. A nutritious snack around 3:00 might help. Maybe goldfish and a cheese stick, some yogurt, peanut butter on crackers, apple juice and a piece of fruit, etc.

Meal times -- here's what we do in our house (it took lots of persistence and consistency, but we finally crossed over to peaceful family meals):
I make sure that at least one item on the plate is something they will definitely eat. Put the food on the table. If fits or drama begin, we say, "This is family time. You may eat nicely with the family, or sit on your bed (or in the playpen) while the rest of us enjoy family time." If the behavior doesn't change, that's you cue that they've chosen to leave the table. Here's where your pack n plays will come in handy with twins. Plop them in a pack n play, placed out of sight, and potentially out of earshot, and finish your meal. Don't feel bad about a kid skipping a meal. She'll make up for it the next time it's meal or snack time (just be sure you don't over-compensate with snacks, or she'll make a meal out of them!). When we began enforcing "peaceful family meal time" our daughter missed a full days worth of meals, then got up for breakfast one morning and ate eggs, toast, yogurt and fruit. We went through it again another time, and when she finally decided she was hungry enough to eat, she actually ate asparagus and salmon.

You have no reason to feel guilty or worry as long as you are offering healthy snacks and meals at regular intervals.

Also, watch how much of their calories they're drinking. Milk is pretty filling, and juice has a lot of calories. If they're drinking a big cup of milk just before a meal, they're not going to be hungry, and will not likely sit for a meal

Do you give them an afternoon snack? Maybe they are so hungry by dinnertime that they fall apart. My oldest son had a hard time in the evenings, too. I really never figured out exactly why or what to do. We just got through one day at a time until that phase passed. As far as food choices go, my oldest is picky and it turns out his little brother might follow in his footsteps. They will not eat what we eat and dinnertime is full of tears and crying. We make them what they want as long as it is healthy and simple to fix like cheese and crackers or cereal. I'd rather have a pleasant, peaceful , happy dinner with my family than make it a struggle. That's just what my husband and I decided was best for our family. I want my kids to have a healthy attitude towards food and spend dinnertime talking and enjoying each other's company. Good luck!!

K.,
I understand your concern, and I grew up eating at the table. My husband's side wasn't like this. We have two older kids 13 and 11 and then our 2 year old. Our 2 year old liked his high chair for the longest and then right before he turned two he didn't want to sit there but next or on my lap at the dinner table. Maybe look into getting booster chair to attach to your chairs. Secondly, my youngest will only eat a little at a time, so I always have a little food just sitting out. Maybe it's a bad habit now, I know he's growing, and I want him to be full when he does go to sleep so he sleeps good.
This is only my opinion and other mamas will not agree with me, but I think it's also important for her to eat. As she grows make the rules tighter, but right now, you want to make sure she's getting enough to eat. And yes, they will eat pretty much whatever when they are hungry. I have a niece who is so small, she's always been a picky eater, she hated eating meat. Her mom used to hide it in bread, after awhile she figured it out, removed the meat and ate the bread.
Good Luck!

I was never a small kid - HWP, but definitely not tiny. My cousin (younger by a couple of years) was little.. and would go on starvation strikes and refuse to eat anything other than BK chicken sandwiches, onion rings, milk shakes and honey buns... starting well before she was 4. She was tiny all the way up until 8 or 9 years old (and terribly malnourished)... then she blimped. She's in her early 20's now, and I (still not tiny) could hide in her shadow. Her cholesterol and blood pressure are through the roof, she's diabetic, and she can't stand real food - she still eats her top 4.

Your baby needs GOOD food for the nutrients that it offers. It's as bad for her to be malnourished and fat as it is to be malnourished and thin. I'd look into the sneaky chef or the what to eat when you're expecting book - SC has recipes to hide veggies in kid favorites. WTE has recipes for calorie dense, nutrient rich foods for women who are having trouble gaining enough for pregnancy.

As for sitting at dinner - I put mine on a toddler table in snack size portions and let them eat at will. They still had to sit at the table at dinner, but usually ate a bite or two off of a parent or sibling's plate and were finished eating.. just hung around for the conversation.

I don't know if it will help, but my rule is that if I am serving something he doesn't like then I will make him another offer of something I know he likes after he has at least tried the first food. I wouldn't force him to eat something I know he hates. If he refuses to eat something I know he has enjoyed before, then too bad he'll skip the meal. Lucky for me, my son enjoys the Gerber Graduates Ravioli and vegetable meals so I keep those in the house at all times for those stand by meals. Yes, there are times that he won't even eat those, but those are the times he just skips a meal. It rarely happens, but when it does he has never complained of hunger in the night or anything like that. As far as books, I read several of the popular ones, "Love and Logic", "Happiest Toddler..." etc and I combine their ideas. No one plan will work all the time, but if you read several and arm yourself, you will find what works best for your kids.

Maggie gave you lots of good advice so run with that, but we also added letting the girls "play" with a toy at the high chair. When that stopped working we let them have some fruit or veggie that was already a part of the dinner meal. When we gave them something to do it helped the crying to stop. I have 3 girls myself. They are 9,7 and 3. We still have dinner issues. My 7 yr old only weighs 48 lbs so I understand about wanting your child to eat. The struggle with getting my 7 yr old to eat has only gotten worse the older she gets but I still maintain control of it. Don't give up. We just limit dessert night to Friday and Saturday. Also try to start dinner a little earlier if possible or if the "rest time" that was suggested helps then do dinner a little later. You are doing a great job and you are thinking ahead and that's a sign that you are a great Mom. Don't stress to much just try different things until you find what works. It will get easier.