Did I over react...?Sorry Bit Long....

You did not over react. I have a 20 month old and I would have freaked! What if there had been a fire?

Updated

You didn't punch him. You did great.

((And yes, I know I'll get slammed for that remark... but if someone put my baby on an elevator and they went elsewhere completely out of sight, god only know what could happen and then LAUGHED about it... oy.))

To answer your question, no. I don't think you've overreacted. I think you've under-reacted.

Your husband "didn't allow" you to pick her up..... that's worrisome phrasing. At 20 months old, your daughter isn't going to be doing much on her own. She has no sense of her own danger in most things and it is likely to stay that way for quite a while. That's not all bad. That's childhood. That's why parents are supposed to be diligent, looking out for their young ones.

Your husband thought he could "scare" your daughter into behaving? Teach her a lesson? Wrong lesson, wrong age, wrong tactic. Your daughter kept smiling, so all your husband succeeded in doing was scaring you. The fact that he smiles about that shows a further lack of respect for you as the co-parent.

I'm willing to bet there are more issues you are clashing over (especially as parents). The fact that you have a nickname for him giving you the silent treatment also bodes ill. Get thee to a family therapist!

Good luck to you.

You do NOT close an elevator door with a toddler alone inside. Period. End of sentence.

Here is how I'm interpreting it:

You guys were going to teach her to come when called by not giving in to the cute smile, but instead showing her a "consequence" (in your husband's mind) for not voluntarily responding to you. This, in itself is not bad, we taught our kids to come when called with discipline too (not leaving them in elevators though), and it worked, and we had toddlers who were safe and came when called. -- BUT, THEN, in a split second, your husband picked the dumbest action ever, and the elevator episode occurred.

It was an accident. He made a bad mistake. it was very dangerous. I'm fairly certain he dose realize he shouldn't do it again. But what will you do? KEEP Telling him again and again that he almost killed you daughter until he cries and begs for mercy? That may not be his personality. He may feel bad already, won't admit it and doesn't want to keep getting beaten up by you.

I would seriously drop it now. He's downplaying the seriousness of it, but he's not saying, "I will lock her in the elevator every day from now on if that's what it takes!" He won't do it again. If he ever does, FINE, call the cops and get a divorce and make sure he gets no visitation, but really, you need to let this go.

My husband isn't home a lot, he's not used to our routine. I take the kids to a park where one set of monkey bars was way too old for my son when he was 2, but I sometimes went up on it WITH him and held his hands and went down the slide with him while his older sister played. I mean, it was TOTALLY OBVIOUS he was way too little to go up there alone. Well wouldn't you know it, we all went once including my husband, and I kept going on a walk around the jogging track with the baby in a jogging stroller and when I got back to the play area, there was my husband, cradling my frantic crying son, and some other people were GLARING at me. Sure enough, he let me son up there ALONE and he FELL through the hole to a fireman pole thing, hitting every rung on a ladder on his way to earth. He could have broken his neck if he fell a different way. I was so angry I couldn't even speak, I just comforted my son. Finally on the way home I was like, "YOU DO KNOW HE"S TOO YOUNG TO GO UP THERE ALONE RIGHT??!?!??" And my husband practically burst into tears like, "I know I feel like such sh___" Of course he didn't deny it, because my son fell. But it was a mistake. Dads aren't moms. That's why we're the primary caregivers in most cases. I had to let it go, because it was over. Who knows, if my son HADN'T fallen, and I came back and ripped my husband a new one when I saw my son up there alone, my husband may have acted like, "See, he's fine!" Who knows. Men are dummies.

Your husband would have felt awful if something had happened to her, and believe me, he gets it. Don't give him the idea now that you think he's a worthless parent and you're the only one who knows about elevator safety. Let it go unless he does something again in the future. Again if this is a pattern with him, negligent, dangerous parenting, then you should act much more seriously and get authorities involved, but yelling at him won't do anything.

I would apologize and say you're sorry you freaked out so bad, it just scared you but you know he's a great dad who didn't mean any harm.

This story is so unreal on so many levels.

Ask him to ask his colleagues & co-workers what they think, and see how he reacts. If he thinks its funny, then he shouldn't have any problems telling them. Obviously, if he knows it is wrong then he will not want to tell anyone.
Or, have someone from CPS or even the police come by for a visit and let him hear it from someone else how wrong it is to leave a 20 month old child in an elevator by herself. Or, if many of the answers you receive here on Mamapedia support your concerns, print them out and have him read them, explaining what he did was wrong. One way or another he needs to get the picture. How are you going to trust him again w/your daughter?

GL

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That is not funny and potentially very scary for a child. I have a 3 1/2 and 4 1/2 yo and would never do that and neither would my husband. Try writing your husband a note about it and of course probably deep down he feels guilty and wrong...Forget about all the possible dangers. It is just not ok to do that to a small child period. Not at all an appropriate joke for a kid.

I would have been absolutely livid. Fuming.

Aside from the fact that she could have gotten trapped in the elevator, which is a minor concern since at least she'd be safe until they cracked open the doors... the bigger concern is when those doors open up at it's destination. If she walked partly out of the elevator and the doors closed... if she stood just the wrong way and didn't trigger the sensor to keep them open because she's so small. She could have lost a hand. Crushed a finger. Been irreparably wounded or killed by the doors while you weren't there.

The fact that he didn't even think this was a cause for concern then has the nerve to give you the silent treatment. I'd tell him he can stay in his nothing box until someone injects him with some sense, until then he's not allowed to teach your daughter any more lessons.

"One study found that about 2,000 children each year were injured in and around elevators, with the most common injuries occurring when the elevator doors closed on a body part, such as a finger, hand, or arm.

Of course, the most serious injuries, including those that were life threatening, involved falls into empty elevator shafts, including when the elevator doors opened and there was no elevator car to get in to. Deaths and serious injuries involving elevators also occurred when people get struck by the elevator between floors, fall when trying to get out of a stuck elevator, or when an elevator collapses."

Elevators aren't toys or things to teach lessons in. I'd write him a letter if he's too childish to talk to you and explain that although he thinks he didn't do anything wrong, he scared you and endangered your child, and when he decides to talk about it with you like an adult he knows where to find you.

Oh I would have lost my mind...and then he laughs about it???? If he had handled it differently and seemed to genuinely (sp?) be trying to teach a lesson (albeit the WRONG way) I would have still been upset but I could have talked rationally about it. His dismissal of your feelings and inability to comprehend the seriousness of what he did would send me over the edge. I would make sure he knew in no uncertain terms to NEVER endanger our child in that way again. She is 20mo for God's sake not even able to tell someone where she lives or what her parents names are... He's lucky noone was there when the elevator opened in the basement. I would have snatched that child up and gone looking for security before he could have gotten there to explain what happenned. Any number of scenarios could have happenned...thankfully they didn't, but he needs to understand the severity of the situation.

Where's the security, in the lobby? What if a creepo lives in the building and the elevator got off on his floor? What if in those three minutes she had gotten hurt in the basement by whatever is stored down there? It only takes a few minutes to ruin a childhood. That is what your husband should know. Don't let him put this off on you! I like the idea of asking him to relay the story to his coworkers. And punching him:)

I agree 100% with everyone's answer. And to add to that if you told a police officer I am sure they would say it was endangering the welfare of a child. I am shocked that he thinks it' funny. Luckily nothing went wrong, but it could have and then what??? YOU DID NOT OVERREACT!! You shouldn't worry about him not speaking to you, because I wouldn't speak to him until he apologizes!! Not to butt in but when he told you to put her back down, that sounds a bit controlling to me!! It's your child as well and I think you two need to have some talks on how you are going to raise your daughter to avoid future issues. It doesn't sound like you are on the same page. You have a voice, and I am sure you have things feelings on how you want to raise your child. AND DITTO to what RILEY SAID!!!

I would have been really angry. If, for no other reason, than I teach my girls never to get on or off an elevator (train, etc.) without holding hands with an adult. Elevators aren't for playing, and he just taught her to get on an elevator alone which in a 20 story building somewhere else would be pretty damn scary.

That said, I also think he needs to learn to discipline your daughter without scaring her if that was his intent. He was acting childish himself. And ended up making a game out of a time when she should have been obeying you. Not to mentioning ruining a fun day with his daughter.

And she could have gotten out at any floor, pushed the fire call button, the elevator could have gotten stuck or opened between floors, or yes, anyone in that buildign could hav eput their hands on her. Kids have been abused in restrooms while their parents were sitting 10 feet away. It was totally irresponsible.

Now, did he intend something bad? You need ot let him know you don't think he was TRYING to be a jerk :) His feelings are probaby a little hurt at your reaction and view of him as a parent. At the same tiem he can't jus tdismiss your perspective here. He should have more respect for you feelings and opinion here.

So, he loses the parenting argument in my opinion, but you guys have to work on your own communication issue here.

Now that you have all of that out of your system and he understands why you freaked out. Kindly remind him, never to do that again.

My husband is a doom, doom, doom spouse and after a while, I just have to laugh. Yes, he was wrong and an idiot for doing that, but he did it on a whim not to be cruel.. I am sure he was a bii freaked out.. But of course he could never admit that to you at this point..

She could have been locked in there for 5 min with no power, yes, she could have been,but she is fine. ... anything can happen at any moment even with you and him being completely vigilant. . She is fine. Move on and let it go.. This is one of those times, to just move on along.

Wow-your husband is a MAJOR Jacka$$. Dear lord-I cannot even imagine anyone doing that to a child let alone and adult parent. I hate to tell you this (actually you are probably well aware) but your husband is extremely immature and probably incapable of watching your child alone. And his mind is twisted if he would send a 20 month old down and elevator by herself to prove her something. Sweetie-these are the EASY days. Just WAIT until she gets a little older and REALLY starts to defy you. I shudder to think of his draconian methods of "teaching her a lesson" will be then. Nip this in the bud-maybe family counseling or even the police to drill into him the potential harm that he caused.

He's giving you the silent treatment? How old is your hubby? 3? I would have been pissed!

Scaring a 20 month old into 'obeying'? That is the problem. The rest was an accident (yeah a dumb one) and we all make mistakes. But the underlying approach of frightening your child is something you need to discuss.

Don't cater to him. He was wrong and he should apologize. Do your own version of the silent treatment and don't worry about his childishness about using his 'nothing box' to push your buttons.

That is definitely not something you do, especially with a toddler inside the elevator alone. PERIOD. Don't let his behavior hurt you, you were not in the wrong. You just better hope your daughter doesn't go to the elevator alone and try to do that same thing.

I remember being the baby on the elevator and then again you! getting stuck in an elevator. Pretty scarey. I say pout it out yourself for awhile. Even if she didn't look like she is scarred for life he didn't acknowledge your feelings. Then again, he's a man. And they don't like it when you won't talk to them either. You were not negative you were terrified. Two different things and he should learn to identify those.

i have a 6yo and a 4yo and i would have been beyond angry! my husband would have been sleeping in the elevator. or in the basement. but i wouldn't have listened to him to begin with and got her off the elevator myself.

I don't think you overreacted. Your BABY was alone on an elevator. That would put terror in MY heart! But my husband, too, seems to think I worry too much.

Ugh. I have an elevator phobia from getting stuck in the church elevator alone as a kid. (only I was stuck for 2 hours while my parents thought I was in sunday school...) It really played hell on me when the maternity ward at my hospital is only accessible by elevator!!! lol. But things DO happen! Plus, does he REALLY want your 2 year old to think it's OK to ride the elevator on her own????

How can you "sort out" the fact that your husband is an idiot?

You can't apply that type of logic to a 20 month old. He's an a$$--sorry, but true.

My real worry here was that your daughter thought it was fun and safe since you found her after a very short while. She probably can't wait to try it again, and who knows where in your building she will end up. Now the job you have is to drill into a 20 month old that elevators are NOT for playing on. What if she had pressed the red emergency button and stopped the elevator? (I know my kids always try to press it when we are on elevators.) And yes, there is a guard, but is there a guard on every floor? Is it the guard's job to find your lost toddler because you let her go? Do you know every single person in your building? If she is 20 months old I am guessing she is at a very cute stage right now, and you never know what people will do. Express to your husband one more time your concern, and show him the clippings from the Jamie Bolger case if you need to. Yes, there is a 99.9% chance that nothing bad will happen, but why take any chance at all. Your husband just taught her that it is fun to go on an adventure in the elevator. Now you both need to "unteach" her that!

What if she had pushed a button to let her out on another floor? Someone could have let her in their apartment and you probably wouldn't have known where she was until the police arrived. Your husband needs to grow up and be a responsible Daddy, in allowing her to get away with this he is also showing her that she doesn't have to mind you. If she doesn't get off the elevator, you take her hand firmly and take her off the elevator, believe me this is a lesson in life, you don't want her thinking that sometimes it's OK not to mind and to hide from you, no it's not funny.

You need to take charge of your baby and your own life woman!

Kids are defiant. But when mine were little, there were a few non-negotiable places where they could not be defiant. Parking lots, elevators and escalators and the street. Why? Because their defiance could get them killed.

You're much bigger than your baby. If she didn't want to get out of the elevator, you needed to be beside her, take her by the hand and pull her out. Either that or pick her up and walk out, and let her know there is no room for defiance there. You are just going to come out! You're much bigger than her and you are in charge of her.

You also are her parent and you cannot let your husband allow or disallow anything. He is not your dad. He is not in control of how you parent your daughter.

I don't know how to fix the mess you're in now, but I can tell you that you are an adult and you have the power to never let it happen again.