Developmentally Behind

My best friend and I both have children with developmental delays, mine with speech/language, and hers with all areas, as they were both preemies. She has worked with her kids and my son, and we are going to be starting a tutoring program for young children, with an emphasis on children with delays. If you would like to talk to us about helping you out, just call Miss Sabrina at ###-###-#### or Miss J. at ###-###-#### if you are in the Columbia area.

I have a couple of questions for you. Was he born early? Who did the evaluation? Do you know what assessments they used? J.

I love this saying. "All children are gifted. Some just open their presents later than others."

Don't worry about your son. He doesn't sound like he's that far behind. And so what if he is? Does this change the amount of love you have for him? There's your answer. My brother was developmentally behind exactly one year. He had to repeat a grade in elementary school. He was put in a resource class and had a great teacher. He is almost 21 and about to graduate college. Yes he did struggle and yes he did get frustrated. The thing is he hung in there and never gave up. We all supported him and helped when we could without doing anything for him. That is the key. Do not do anything for him that he can do himself. If you do, you are only hurting him, not helping. It is obvious that you love your son. That is the most important thing. Period.

Hi R.,

I hope you don't mind, our situations are uniquely different but I can relate to what you are experiencing and thought I'd share. When my son was born, all 10 pounds 6 oz of him, his shoulder became pinned behind my pelvic bone. As a result, he suffered a brachial plexis injury and had absolutely no use of his right arm. We were devastated. I was not advised that is was medically necessary for me to have a cesarean but it was an option so naturally, I blamed myself for it. Long story short, he began physically therapy when he was 14 days old. At 2 months he was given a brace to correct the posture of his right hand and it looked like a little cast. He had a neurology appointment monthly and we were told that his arm would never be "normal". As a parent that broke my heart. While there was no delay mentally I think the physical became mental to me. It pushed me harder as a parent. In a way I think we overcompensated for everything but as a result our son is amazingly bright for 3. What I did was buy the little einstein and baby einstein cd's for my car, we watched some of them at home (not daily), we sang abc's constantly, every diaper change was the abc's, we put the a cd, 50 favorite toddler songs on at night when he went to bed. Hearing kids sing makes other kids want to sing. It will promote more babble. Another thing you may want to look into. When my son turned 1 we changed daycare. His new provider taught the kids sign language. I almost laughed at the thought at first because he was 1. How could he possibly learn to speak with his hands when he couldnt even verbalize what he wanted. Low and behold within 1 month he was saying milk, more and please via sign language and these were things he couldnt say with his mouth. Everytime she handed him a cup of milk she would sign milk. It was cool. You may try it. My son seemed so much less frustrated when trying to communicate until he learned to say them, it gave him a way to talk to us. All of this will take time but in the end your son will be exactly where he is meant to be. We took part in the Virginia Beach Infant Program. They were great. They sent a physical therapist out to our house on top of the therapy we were doing at chkd and it was free of charge. They do a great job to meet your needs and quiet your concerns. You may check into it. Good luck and hopefully I didnt bore you with my story.

L.

Talk to him when ever where ever. If you are at the store, talk to him about what you need to buy, ask him questions about what to get. People may look at you crazy but who cares!!! The point is to have him hear you talk and him to answer back even if it is babble. Talk to him around the house about things too. Give things their names when you play with him. Just talk to him like he can talk back to you the same way. I did that with my daughter and she was talking before she was 1yr old and now my 10 month old son tries to reproduce words. You might also want to think about baby sign language to possible bridge the gap. As you give a sign for 'more' you are also saying the word too him. As to the foods, are you still giving him baby food or table food? And what kind of child care does he go to? Make sure your care giver is working with him also and not holding him back. Don't feel like this is your fault cause it's not. By time he is 2yrs old he may be right on target or way advanced!!! Remember Einstein was behind as a child too!!

S.

R.,
My son at 18 monthes would not talk, babble, respond to anything...they said that he would have to be tested...a week after they told me this-and i cried alot..i was feeding him and he put his hand up and said "done"...by two years he was using full sentences. i don't know what his deal was but remember all those other people don't know your son the way that you do-trust your instincts- mine told me that nothing was wrong with timothy and then when they told me there was-not only did i feel like a terrible mother but how could i not know-well they were wrong-they mean well but trust your gut.

Talk as much as possible. Maybe look into teaching him some signs to get him to communicate. I think at that age, the only thing my son would say was bye. His language skills didn't pick up until he started daycare.

And it's perfectly normal for a 13 month old not to be walking. The normal range is 10-15 months. Some kids don't walk until 18 months. He's cruising, so he's close.

My daughter did not walk until 14 1/2 months, and didn't talk FOR EVER. You are right that kids develop at different paces, but there are other factor to consider, too. My eldest is just quiet- soft spoken and reticent. She also spent a lot of time with a paci in her mouth. These things contributed to her lack of verbal communication, but she communicated just fine in other ways. To help him with his walking, make sure your house is "cruise friendly" so that he has plenty of ways to practice. It's not much fun to go round and round the coffee table, but going round and round the HOUSE is way more exciting. Ideally he would be able to go EVERYWHERE without ever having to crawl, so set it up that way.

I recommend getting the foot checked out. My son has CP and wears ankle foot orthotics (AFOs) to ensure he holds his feet the right way. A Physical Therapist (PT) is the one to get him fitted and an Othotist will make them.

The Early Intervention (EI) in your area should be providing free therapy. Sounds like he should qualify for a PT and Speech therapist.

I think the other posters gave you some good suggestions. I just wanted to say that we went through CDSA when my son was almost 3 (he is almost 4 now). They were pretty quick with things. The services we received help my son a lot for the 2 months we received them (as he aged out). I went with speech concerns. HE received Speech Therapy and Developmental Therapy (Play therapy). I wish you and your family the best. If you have any other questions, please feel free to e-mail me.

I have a little girl who is developmentally behind as well, she turned 2 in October and has been seeing therapists since she was about 10 months. We had our Pediatrician write a script to the Carlton Watkins Center and they have been overseeing her care. She is doing well. We also took her to a geneticist to see if she had any other links to why she has all of these issues. She does have a lot of food allergies and aversions so her speach is very delayed but with the help of her speach therapist she has been strenthening her oral motor skills. She also has very low muscle tone so all of her therapists have been working with strenthening. I hope this helps. A.

I would not hit the panic button yet. My little girl was always been a little behind. Her fine motor skills have always been a challenge for her. She did not stand until 1, did not walk until 14 months and did not talk until after 2. At her 2nd birthday they wanted us to do an evaluation but we decided to wait a couple of months until after the holidays. By that time she was talking up a storm and now has a better enunciation and vocabulary than others who started earlier. I am not saying there might not be concern or he might not need help, but I do think children develop at such different paces that you need to keep that perspective. I have just learned to let mine do things when she is good and ready and she is now 4 1/2 and doing fine. But she still does not do anything until she is good and ready. She is behind in some things and ahead in others. I would watch your son, encourage, but not force and he may suprise you.

Hi R.,

I would spend as much time as possible talking to him. Let him watch some age appropriate TV (like Playhouse Disney, Noggin, PBS). Verbally label everything when you touch it, eat it, etc. Get down on the floor and encourage him to move. Put Cheerios or the Graduates Finger Snacks on his tray for him to play with and taste. Let him try people food, not just baby food (it may be too bland for him). Let him try a lollipop (with supervision). When my kids were little, if they gave something a name, we called it by their name until they knew we understood them then we corrected it. (My son called juice "doot", we copied for a while and then corrected it.) When he wants something, name it. Then, try to get him to say the name.

Once you get in the habit of doing all this stuff, it doesn't feel strange. Good luck!!

dear R...i'm a 37yr old mom with 2-7 yr old twin boys who are D.D.also..they have been in every special kind of classes since they were 2 yrs old..they are still D.D. they have been evaluated again in school about 6mths ago and they are slowly making progress they are at a 4yr old level..i know at times it so hard to understand why and what can i do to make them better..but i can only suggest get your little one in all those special classes and get him all the help that you can..because in time it will make the difference...if i can help you any more ...please feel free to email me at ____@____.com

I'm a mother of a 13 month old son who has all the exact same problems. We ended up having him tested and come to find out he has a genetic disorder call Cri Du Chat. I would talk to your doctor about it and have the test done. Did he have a cry when he was little almost like a cat? Most of them do..but not all..

I don't know very much about this, but I saw something about babies that never communicated their wants- it was because they never had to. Do you find yourself constantly filling his wants/ needs before he has time to ask or gesture. If you always give him a sippy cup or bottle without him being thirsty he may just know you're going to give it to him. Try holding out on giving him things. Obviously don't deprive him of anything, but just wait and see. Maybe even keeping something out of his reach- on a counter top for instance. Where he can see it- he just can't get to it.

Hi R.,
My daughter is 4 yr. old and has been diagnosised with server developmental delays and epilepsy. Her development is about that of a 5-6 month old. She use to never touch anything or put stuff in her mouth. She has a PT,OT,Speech, and Vision therpy. Your son may not like the way certain things feel in his mouth. It may be a textile issue. Babynet helped me get her all her therpies until she was 3 yr. old. I will try to find the information on how to get a hold of them if you would like.
D.