Deaths and Holidays

This is his first holiday season without his son, not even he knows how he will react. Just be supportive and listen, don't bring it up yourself and don't ignore him when he wants to talk about it.
Most likely he is feeling all sort of things and how if he had it to do over again he would have done it differently. Obviously he cannot do that and hopefully depression wont engulf him forever.
He probably should be on Xanax or something until the holidays pass if they helped him.
Time will make it better tho.... it takes a while.

I lost my Mother a few years ago, just before Thanksgiving....so I went through the holidays with the loss still a fresh scar in my life. I know that losing an elderly parent is not the same as losing a child, but I would think the process of dealing with it would be the same.
I would expect a lot of the same feelings that he experienced after the initial loss to surface again. There are so many family traditions and things that you do that remind you that someone is missing!!! Maybe it would be good to change things around a bit...do things a bit differently than you have in the past. Of course maybe the memories will be comforting for him...sort of like cuddling up on the sofa under a nice warm afghan!!! I Would let your SO guide you....he knows what makes him feel the most comfortable.
Some people like to talk about the person that they lost...some people find that too painful....each of us is different and you know your SO other better than anyone!!
Good luck and God Bless

Here' s nice site to guide you through. Maybe there is a local chapter in your area you can contact. They help everyone through this process.
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/resources/ways_you_ca...

I feel your pain, I just lost my 12 yr old niece to suicide 2 weeks ago. My heart aches for my brother and his wife. Just after her birthday and right before thanksgiving. I said I wouldnt send a christmas gift to them but they told me they will still hang her stocking. So I will send something out

Encourage him to seek counseling and yes take his antidepressants. This will be the worst holiday season since it is the first.
When he talks about his son listen and ask leading questions.
What did he like to eat? Serve that. Make it the "Johnny" dish.
Be very patient.
Grief from the loss of a child is never over. My MIL lost two brothers in the 60's and 70's. The family still talk about the boys and what they would do. They still name the babies after the lost brothers, we're now working on great nephews.
He may have a complete meltdown at any given time. Just work through it. Be there and listen.

Time eventually heals all wounds. In addition to what the women below said regarding antidepressants and therapy, I would lead by example and try what I do... Take the holidays as a time to fondly remember your favorite moments with your lost one, instead of grieving the fact that they're not physically there... because in death, they are constantly with us and constantly watching us now more than ever before. My Uncle (who is also my godfather) passed away 2 years ago on my birthday... instead of taking that time to grieve, I always take my Aunt (godmother) out to lunch (so she's not alone), then I celebrate my birthday like I normally would, but I always ALWAYS take a moment to ask all my friends and family to raise their glass, remember him, and remember him fondly (he was really sick towards the end, but he was -still is- the funniest person I've ever met in my life, and that's how I want to remember him forever). He even requested that a jazz band play 'when the saints go marching in' at the end of his funeral... and they did. Think of all those happy memories and cherish them... smile thinking of the loved one you lost, realize everything happens for a reason, and he was blessed with his son while he was physically here. Anything that happens after that is in God's hands. Again.. time heals all wounds. Hope it gets better, because I know it's not easy on either of you!

Last christmas was my husbands first without his dad. I expected crying on christmas. I didnt expect napping. He snuck in bed and took a 3 hr nap with 15 people here. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it. I am sorry for your SO loss.

I have never lost a child but I did loose my mother, who was the most important person in my life, when I was 24. Grief is a mysterious beast and you never know how it will surface. If he is already noticing changes in himself all you can do is be there for him. My grandfather (having lost 2 children in his lifetime) once said to me "There is nothing in this world harder than loosing your child". At Christmas you can expect any number of emotions to surface at any time. Such as, your SO may be fine at Christmas, he may be angry, he may be sad, he may want to remember, it may be hard for him to see pictures of his lost child or he may just want to sleep through most of it. There is no normal for grief, unfortunately you just have to play it by ear. I would advise you to keep things simple and acknowledge his loss as well as acknowledge the child. Remember them at Christmas but don't obsess about them.