Dealing with an Alcoholic Ex

Your son is fairly young and easily scared. No matter what he loves his dad and wants to spend time with him. Kids are very forgiving. I am not saying your ex is in the right here, but looking at it from your son's point of veiw.
Your ex has been court ordered not to drink when he has your son. Get out the court order and keep it handy. Next time your son calls and tells you dad is drinking, call the police and ask them to meet you at his home. Take a copy of the court order with you and show it to the officer. Ask the officer to remove your son and his belongings from the home. Now you have documentation in the form of a police report to take to court with you. For as long as it takes file a police report EVERY time you are told he is drinking while he has your son. Yes this is a hassle, and a pain, but do it.

Hopefully you can get a court order to make your ex go into rehab and start AA in order to continue seeing your son.

Situations like this are exactly why mom "disappear" with their kids.

Ask your Alanon group for advice, as well as your local police department.

Maybe a womens shelter could give you some legal advice on this situation?

I'm sorry this is happening. I don't have any other advice.

Get him a cell phone for the CAMERA! That should help your case. This will end badly, I can just feel it. How many more fingers will he have to lose before the courts see a problem?

Why don't you ask your son to call you next time he sees his dad drinking? Make it sound like he's not telling, come up with some story.. when he calls and says "daddy spilled his wine" then call the cops and drive over, he should have no qualms submitting to a breathalyzer test, if he refuses and you've explained to the police that he has orders to not consume any alcohol while your son is in his care and he's been badly injured before the officer can write a report saying what he observed (if he smelled alcohol on his breath etc..) and then take that with you to court. It'll be a lot easier if you happen to be friends with a cop. Best case scenario the cop shows up and he blows off the charts and you can take your son home right away.. go to court and demand only supervised visitation. Not sure how well it'll work but in theory, it sounds like a good plan to me.

I dont know how much they cost, but could you get one of those "nanny-cam" teddy bears for him and have him keep it with him at dads?? that way it can video the drinking. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this!!! I cannot believe a judge told you "accidents happen" about your son losing part of his finger while his dad was drunk!!!! I would try to appeal that ruling somehow or maybe see if you can meet with another judge. this is horrible. I hope things get resolved as quickly as possible and in your and your sons favor!!!

Go back to court and ask the judge if he can order that your son is allowed to keep his phone when with Dad. What reason could Dad give as to why child cannot keep his cell phone

Give your son a cell phone- one of those that you can only call the pre-programmed numbers. Program in your number, a neighbor and the police. If he feels unafe at ANY time, he can call. If he calls, drop what you are doing and go get him.

Write everything down that your son says in a notebook. Dates, times, locations, comments, etc. Look for patterns and just keep it. You may never need it and there is nothing to say that your son wouldn't have been injured if your ex was sober at that moment.

If you start to see a pattern, call your attorney. If your son calls you to come get him, call your attorney. Document it and keep track. That's pretty much all you can do.