Dad Is Concerned About Daughter's BF

I'd talk to her about her bf in a casual way that kind of finds out how he treats her. Some people have somewhat of a control streak on certain topics so you have to be specific about that. Her dad could be a bit biased because he's mixed. You said you are building a relationship with her, are you around when her and her bf are together? Sometimes you can sense any hostility or tension between people or can see if he's overly bossy or mean to her. I'd try to be around when the bf is around. Is there a fair at some point where her and her bf can go with y'all? For now I'd just talk to her about her bf.
Have you met him? Generally you can tell if a guy is some thug-wannabe or just a cool guy. It's awesome she's very beautiful, but she'll definitely need guidance so guys don't take advantage of her. Is her mom around or is he a single dad?

Also, he may be (well kinda obvious) racist but how racist is he? Like my dad is a little racist, but with my friend Carlyle (black), my dad wanted me to marry him and stay with him forever because he is such an awesome guy. So a degree of racism is helpful lmao.

You lost me when you said mixed race was an issue. Sounds like a bunch of racist people looking for things to validate their thought process. I have learned a long time ago that a racist person will say and do ANYTHING when it comes to getting people to validate their feelings. The guy in question needs to get away from your family ASAP. Sounds like he's the one being abused.

Hi K.,

As a parent of a teen (boy) and a "veteran" worker in youth development programs let me say -

Please, Please Please don't abandon this girl. All children need an adult that they can trust - it sounds like there are issues with her parents, which makes it even more important that she have someone to give her guidance.

Don't talk negatively about her relationship - simply, when it comes up naturally, talk about what a healthy relationship is. She will hear you and be able to compare her relationship with your good examples. Frankly, so that with all topics. Keep the lines of communication open - it sounds like you are developing a good, trusting, adult/teen relationship with her. Keep at it. Ignore all the naysayers who tell you not to be involved because she is not your child....

after all, it takes a village to raise a child.

1) You are the "Aunt"?
Not her Mom.
2) This is your BIL's daughter...
3) So, are they expecting "You" to deal with her and this issue?
4) Are they asking you for help about it?
5) Where is her Mom in all of this?
6) How come her Dad, is not parenting her about it, besides just insulting the Boyfriend?

7) IF they suspect she is being abused, then what are their suspicions built on?

8) Your Niece and you do not have a 'relationship'. But you care about her and feel you need to teach her these things. BUT... is that okay with her Parents?
If not, you will be seen as a 'meddling' Aunty.

If at any time, you KNOW she is being abused or harmed by her Boyfriend, to me, you need to then, tell her parents.

9) Is she having sexual relations with this guy?
10) Does she know about safe sex and had the talk yet, with her parents.?

12) Again, her parents, should be handling this. If it is you, it may not be welcomed.
Just insulting her or the Boyfriend, will not help her nor make her want to even talk to them about it, IF/when she has problems with the Boyfriend.

I wouldn't bring up anything as a concern. You don't want her to react defensively, it will put her against you & push her more toward the boyfriend.

I'd probably just try to keep open communication with her about him. Just see what all she will tell you about him. Ask her about things they do. "So how was the movie?" "How was dinner?" etc. Maybe she will open up to you and tell you about anything bad he is doing, that she may not even realize he's doing (controlling, manipulating, etc).

I would NOT come right out and ask her about it. It sounds like you have a good relationship with her. She needs an adult that she can trust and that she can go to if there's a problem and it appears that you're that person.

Keep an open mind. Talk to her about her BF. Talk to her about relationships in general. Tell her about relationships you had as a teen, and what was good and what was bad. Basically try to teach her about what a healthy relationship is.

Just keep doing what you're doing now. It's sounds like you're right on track.

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