Custody-long

Yikes. Just a heads up, if you go to court, the judge will likely keep it 50/50 and make it so you HAVE to stay local where it isn't a burden for EITHER of you to get him to and from school every day. Its not your ex's fault that you are no longer in this other relationship and you have to move. Its also VERY unlikely that the judge will now give the father LESS parenting time, just because you are moving and its inconvenient. DO NOT just assume that because you are the mom, the judge will be in your favor. Sometimes it works like that, but usually with the dead beat dads, and your ex doesn't appear to be one. This is a tough situation and I wish you the best. Good luck.

I know you are worried about the custody battle for your older son, but do you want to let your 2 year old go with a man (his dad) who has been abusive to you?? You might be very careful with that one too. Also I don't think that a 45-55 minute commute is enough of a reason for the judge to change custody arrangements. You will both have to be more accomodating for the benefit of your son. A lot of kids spend an hour each way on a school bus getting to and from school.

If you have a court order and want it amended, do it through the courts. If you must leave due to an abusive situation and you are not moving out of state/county, the court might give you a break. It does not sound like the father of your older child does 50/50 at this time. This may have some bearing on the judges decision. Still, an order is an order, so get an amendment. Make sure you are the parent who is doing the right thing, even when it seems to be difficult.

Blessings...

If this man is not remarried, then I think he should step up to the plate and take you in with your son while you look for work. You married the man and you chose to have yet another child with another man. It complicates things. I'm not judging. I am stating the facts. I agree with the others that a judge can do whatever they want. One judge may tell him to get over it. Another will tell you to get over it. You not having a job right now will put him in a very rosy situation. I think you better do ANYTHING it takes to appease the man.

Your ex can ask for whatever he wants to ask for. Whether it will be granted, no one can really say. It will really depend on what he puts in his moving papers and the judge's take on it.

Basically, you're talking about your son doing a 40 minute drive monday - friday every other week. I don't see that a judge would think that's a problem. Of course, the judge can't make you continue to provide "daycare" services for your ex. So, if you think the drive is not good for your son, the alternative is for your ex to find daycare, not to change the custody arrangement.

I think you're going to have a hard time.

First you start off by saying you are leaving an abusive relationship and you end by saying you are letting the father have the child every other weekend. These are your children and it is YOUR responsiblity to keep them happy and safe. If you do not take a proactive stance in it, it will not happen. First I do have to commend you for bringing your children into the world. The children are here because of your actions and choices. You chose to get pregnant and chose to give them life. I think you need to start being accountable for your decisions. Talk to the 8 years olds father. Tell him why you are moving and ask for his input for a solution. Tell him you are open to ideas but your biggest concern is and should be the well being of your son. Talk to a child psychologist for recommendations. This is NOT about you anymore, this is about your childrens future, they will be what you make them! If you give them concern, and security, they will thrive, if you don't put them first and go for your convenience and needs, you may not get what you want for them. This may be a tough bullet to bite, but you brought those babies into the world and chose to keep them, so grow up and start taking care of them properly or give them to someone who can. It is not about you anymore, that changed when you brought them into the world!

I'm so sorry I don't have any answers for you. This sounds like a tough situation, and I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this! I think that if he's saying he can't afford child support, how will he afford a lawyer? I don't believe he can stop you from moving to another town, but may be able to stop you from leaving the state. Does he pay any child support now? I would think that if he's not adhering to your current agreement, he's going to have a hard time forcing any changes. Most counties have legal aid that is income based. I don't know the situation in your community, but there must be an organization that can help you. If you're a member of church, start there. They often have resources for single moms, and if not, should be able to point you in the right direction. You may also want to ask a guidance counselor, social worker, or psychologist from your son's school. They are aware of what resources might exist in your community. Best of luck to you.

If you move and still have the old court order in place you will have to transport the kids to him on the day in the order and just not see them until it is your time to have them back. You must get this addressed in court. All he has to do is call the police and tell them you have not done the court ordered visitation and you can be arrested for kidnapping them or for parental interference. You have to fix this before you move or plan on driving back and forth each day.