Custody Arrangments After Divorce

Have you talked to a lawyer yet? I read your other posts, and Im so sorry you are going through this. I dont know about AZ laws, but in MO you cannot file for divorce while you are pregnant. You and buttface are going to have to have a mutual aggrement until you can get it legal.

It just depends on how involved he wants to be. Have you talked to him about what he wants?

If you can co-parent you should share as much time as possible with as structured of a schedule as possible for your kids sake. If their dad wants to actually be an involved PARENT you can do a 50/50 split where you each have the kids 1/2 the time - swap every other week on Sunday at 3 or whatever works for you. That would cancel out child support (as you would each have all the kids equally), but you would each be paying for whatever they needed while they were with you and then splitting childcare, medical etc 50/50.

A friend of my daughters had parents who divorced and they each got their own apts and kept the 'house' - then the PARENTS rotated back and forth each Sunday and Wed. It was great for the girls, but I would imagine it would get pricey.

I think most of the time 'standard' parenting time is every other Friday at 5pm until Sunday at 5pm and then every Wed night after school until 8 or whatever (so basically.... dinner). But that's not very much time for the non-custodial parent.

DEFINITELY put together a custody plan. Nobody should take anybody's 'word' for anything - that will be a nightmare if someone decides not to hold up their end of what they 'said' they would do.

Good Luck.

I'm sorry Mama, you need an attorney, please call one and have a consult. Your OWN attorney. Then you will understand what your rights/responsibilities are. It will help you provide the best possible life for you and your kids. PM if you need some ideas.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

:)

If you are able to be on speaking terms - which it sounds as if you are, I highly suggest mediation.

Basically, you're able to determine any custody agreement that works for the two of you. Makes sense to me since no two families are the same anyway.

Also, I hope this doesn't sound offensive, but being 8 months pregnant, I'd be hesitant to make any rash desicions that couldn't be taken back. In some states I know you can be separated for a year before actually filing for divorce so maybe that's a way to go (or other states you have to be).

I kind of think most attorneys who were really looking out at HELPING you (rather than making money for themselves) wouldn't really want you to go through this while hugely preggo or postpartum.

Good luck!

My ex and I had joint custody w/ primary placement with me. He was granted visitation every other weekend (Friday evening through Sunday evening), Tuesday evenings (because I worked that night), split holidays, and one week out of June, July, and August. He rarely followed that order.

These days though, I see a lot of other arrangements with split families. I have seen the following:swap each week (like they each are full time parents every other week), a variation of this where they swap each week but the opposite parent gets the child one day during the other parents week (so no one goes a week without seeing the child), swap every third or forth day (one week you would have the child for 3 days, the next week you would have the child for four), and many variations of this. Holidays could be anything from shared/split, alternating etc. These days, these arrangements are designed to be fair to both parents but what I see is it being very hard and inconsistent for the children. They are never settled.
If you don't want the judge to set whatever the standard is, the two of you should work it out and agree ahead of time. You should also have a stipulation that says something like "and any other times that are mutal agreeable" so if you are agreeable neither parent feels like it isn't ok because it isn't in the order.

It can work in many different ways. You are limited only by your imagination and ability to work together. There are many books written on the subject that can give you ideas.

As a child of divorce, the best thing you can do is be polite and rational with each other where the kids are concerned. With my parents, dad got us every weekend and the family did holidays together. My grandparents included him in stuff. We all even got together for his birthday at my grandmoms house. Mom had primary custody.

Do your best to live within 1/2 hour of each other. If you can live in the same school district, that would be great.

That's a really personal question. It has to be decided between you and your ex. If you live close to each other you can really decide on a week to week basis depending on work and other schedules. If you live further apart it may be beneficial to pick one of you to be the primary care taker. This would mean the kids would stay pretty permanently at one persons home with visitations to the others persons home. It's really hard and very important to step up and not let your emotions restrict or control who has the kids when. You'll set an amazing example for your kids if you can collaborate with your ex over this huge issue. Keep in mind that primary, shared and sole custody all mean relatively the same thing. The important part is working out a visitation schedule that works for everyone involved. Good luck.

Custody and visitation are different. Custody refers to decision making (school, doctors, religion, etc). Visitation is who has the kids when.

Personally, I think 50/50 is h*** o* the kids. Kids need to have a home base, not just be bounced around so each parent has equal time. I think during the school year they should live at one parent's house, but still have dinners once or twice a week w/ the other parent, and as many phone calls as they would like. You're not trying to take them away from the other parent, just give them stability. And, of course, every other weekend. During summers you can do one week one place, one week another.

my shared custody worked out this way he never showed up cause he was to busy getting high