Custody - Manhattan Beach,CA

There is more going on. Sounds like he doesn't do well with babies but now that the child is getting old maybe he finds him more interesting?

Are you recently remarried? That could also have something to do with this. I think it would be difficult for him to receive legal custody or join custody. If the circumstances haven't changed over the last year, I don't see the count changing just because he wants it.

Good luck!

Is he a US citizen? If yes he has every chance of getting joint legal, why wouldn't he? The court looks at that as a very separate issue from where his lives. So he can get joint legal and the child still lives with you, he could get joint legal and the court decides it is in his best interest to have joint physical as well.

Per your edit: as an accountant your question is well beyond my legal expertise.

I also have sole legal custody of my DS. His father lives in California (where we were divorced) we live in Maryland. I should point out that the distance WASN'T the reason the judge changed the legal custody from joint to sole. The decision was made around the same time, but for a separate reason (I didn't ask for it).

They may go ahead and give him joint legal custody but clarify that you have decision making authority. With him so far away, it would be ridiculous for you to try and make mutual decisions about schools and doctors etc... but joint legal custody would give him the right to call the school himself and request a copy of his records without asking you to get him one. Or have future schools automatically mail him a copy of all report cards each term. Does that make sense?

He'd need to show that something has CHANGED since the original order was put in place though... and it kind of sounds like he just doesn't LIKE not having legal custody. I'd be surprised if the judge goes his way, but it won't interfere with your physical custody or child support, they are totally separate issues.

Is your son a US citizen or a dual citizen? I think that will make a difference.

You REALLY need to talk to a lawyer.

just to clarify - a 3 year old is NOT a toddler. He's got walking under control and is potty trained - right? That's NOT a toddler (toddler is just learning to walk to about age 2 and even that's pushing it).

To the best of my knowledge - "legal custody" means a parent has the right to make long-term decisions about the raising of his/her child, as well as key aspects of the child's welfare -- including the child's education, medical care, dental care, and religious instruction. What is the problem with that? He wants to be involved in decision making for his child.

Please contact a lawyer.

I have sole custody of my kids. That means I solely make ALL decisions for them until they are 18 without any input or consideration of their dad. He has visitation every other weekend and pays child support. All medical, educational and anything else, is handled and decided by me. He is aware of heath issues or school issues if I tell him but that's as far as it goes and he can't really be bothered anyway so it works out fine.

Custody, visitation and child support are 3 SEPARATE issues. Even if he files for joint custody, it's likely he won't get it, simply because he isn't here to be active enough to have valid input on medical and educational decisions. However, he does have a legal right to visitation. I don't think he'd have a very good chance at getting joint custody simply because it would be too hard to work together for your child when he's in another country. However, I'm not a fan of the justice system because I know anything can happen. If he does file something for custody, I would offer him VISITATION 3x per year and only if HE come to CA and paid all expenses while he was here. I would NOT allow him to take your child to another country. Hope this helps, good luck.

Hi E.,

I have sole legal but initially the judge in California defaulted to joint legal (typical for CA) when my daughter was 18 months old. Her father had only seen her 9 hours in her life at that time. Three years later however, the judge could see her father was beyond uncooperative and uncommunicative that he defaulted 100% legal custody to mom (me).

Based on my experience and lots of time in court, legal custody is about both parents being able to work together to make the important decisions related to the child (medical, educational, religious). Not sure how the international part fits in to this but if you can show that this person has no interest in, and cannot communicate and cooperate in order to make these decisions on your child's behalf, that's a big part of it.

Good luck!

As a long-time stepmom who's husband had joint legal custody just across state lines, it meant nothing. It can't be enforced.The parent who has possession (physical custody) of the child makes all the decisions.

BUT, please talk with a lawyer in your state, as state laws vary and new laws and legal precedence are made every day.

Sole legal is hard to get, so if you currently have it- fight tooth and nail to keep it.

He won't. He lives ina different country. Since your son luves in and is a resident of Cali, they'll see he's always been there and dad will not be able to do anything until he moves stateside. He MIGHT get like two weeks visitation in summer later on but he'll have to foot the bill. personally i'd be scared of international kidnapping.. im not sure if the US has terms with them about that..

Well, technically your son is not a toddler, he'll be in pre-K next year so he's really a pre-schooler developmentally. A toddler wouldn't really do well traveling alone on a plane to visit or stay with dad. Older kids do travel like that but I can't imagine flying from Germany or London across the ocean to a major airport, change planes and perhaps have major layovers then get to another plane and fly to the middle of the USA then on to California. I would think it would take a couple of days and a kid wouldn't be able to manage that. So I don't see a judge granting over seas visitation in any way or any sort of custody since the judge wouldn't allow kiddo to fly alone and wouldn't make you spend that much money to take kiddo to see dad in his home land.

I don't know....really, dad's coming to see his kiddo and participating in his life. I think that's good especially since it's a really really long trip to get from there to here. Has he considered moving to California for a few months of the year and taking kiddo for extended periods of time? Is he wanting to take kiddo to meet his family and friends, to see where he lives?

I'd think he has that right if he takes kiddo with him and brings him back. I wouldn't let him take kiddo unless you knew for a fact he'd bring him back. That would be scary for me. What about him paying a ticket for you and kiddo to come there. If you have legal custody but you're in another country I don't know how much weight that would hold.

I do have a friend who goes to Finland every year to see her daughter who married a man from there. Life is so much better there, it is so different. They don't have juvenile delinquents. If she ever gets granted the ability to move there and be legal she is going in a heart beat.

Have you and he talked about this? Have you made an appointment with an attorney who knows international custody laws?

I think legal joint custody is still possible but clearly one of you would have to retain sole physical custody (and have visitation spelled out). Sounds like it's just a technicality that he wants to know that he has equal legal say.