Could You Disown Your Child Because of Religious Beliefs, Etc.?

Updated on May 28, 2013
M.K. asks from Columbus, OH
24 answers

I'm not trying to start a big argument here or anything.... I'm just curious about your own personal feelings!

So, in addition to hearing and learning a lot about cults and the Amish - I've been watching a couple documentaries - one about the cult out in Colorado City, AZ and the other about the Amish. Both of which show how parents disown their children because of religious beliefs (term loosely used with the cult!). While I realize the cult members are so brainwashed to believe just about anything Warren Jeffs preaches I just don't understand how they could disown their own children. And with the Amish, just because the children want to remain outside the Amish community after their "running around" - I just cannot wrap my head around parents (especially Mothers) disowning, or shunning, their own children. I don't have a problem with the Amish way of life, per se - at least they're permitted to interact with the outside world; in fact, I vacation in Amish territory every year because of the peaceful surroundings, etc. The cult way of life, on the other hand, well, that's just insane!!!

There is nothing, and no one, that could make me disown my children! I was just wondering your thoughts - could your religious beliefs, or them telling you they're gay, or any other reason, enable you to disown your children?

Thanks!!

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone! I didn't think I was alone in my thinking but I never know! I feel like all you guys - I would never disown my children - I wouldn't care if it was because they had different religious views (they do, sort of), or they told me they were gay (they're not), different political views (I don't care!) or whatever. I just cannot fathom the thought of not having my children in my life.

My in-laws haven't seen two of their five children in over ten years and I just feel so sad for them. But then, I feel sad for them for sooooooooooooo many other reasons!!

Thanks!!

Featured Answers

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I would like to think I have raised my children with enough stability that they will never fall prey to groups like that.

But if! and that is a big if they did, I would spend my dying days trying to save them, not writing them off.

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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

NO I would never disown my child because of his religious beliefs.

Also, if he's gay or politically opposing, that doesn't bother me either.

I've seen Breaking Amish, while I don't agree with shunning in the least. I do think it's odd, how recently, the Amish are being picked on.. To me, there must be something behind it. It's kinda like when some people let loose on the Mormons when Mitt was running.. Again, there was more behind that than men have several wives, which not all Mormons do...

Personally, I think the media behind such shows is not looking to enlighten anyone with regard to the Amish, they are looking to make a buck and will do it off the most controversial part of a religion. In this case, shunning.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I could never ever disown my child for any reason. I, too, do not understand how they can do it. I'm guessing that the ability is related to the way cults work. The mothers are taught that they are nothing unless they obey the leader. They will lose their salvation if they don't obey.

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R.H.

answers from Houston on

My son could commit the crime of the century and while I would chastize him in private--I could never disown him. He is all I have rigiht now with deceased parents and estranged siblings.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

my kids didn't disown me over my evolving religious beliefs, so i guess i'll keep mine no matter what.
:)
i guess if i had super-hateful kids who were always making ugly remarks about gays or pagans or ethnicities i'd certainly limit my time with 'em. but i can't imagine anything that would make me cut then out of my life.
and i'm really glad they're so pleasant to be around that i enjoy them so.
:) khairete
S.

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G.D.

answers from Detroit on

We just went over this in my ethics class. Keno as witnesses will refuse life saving blood transfusions for their children. If my child e
Was facing death religion etc would be out tge window. If they needed a kidney I would be first in line to be tested. If they announced they were gay, I'd strap on a rainbow ribbon.
I was fortunate enough to have parents that were there for me and loved me regardless of my stupid mistakes.
I would not disown them or place them in danger-that's my job-right?

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O.H.

answers from Phoenix on

We are Christian and if my kids decided to be some other religion that I didn't agree with, there is NO way I would disown them. There is NOTHING they could do that would make me do that. They may disappoint me but I would always love them. I know not everyone feels like that and I think that is very sad.

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M.G.

answers from Seattle on

Absolutely not. I don't personally subscribe to any religious dogma but I don't disregard anyone who does. I may not always agree with my children's decisions in life but that does not mean I will ever disown them.

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M.C.

answers from Detroit on

No, I couldn't disown my kids due to religious beliefs. My children come first, not my religious beliefs. I am grateful that I was not born into and raised in a culture like the Amish. I think that the Amish are sheltered from the real world, which is why the women can disown their kids because they know no differently:(

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I do not believe that I would disown my child due to religion. I also was not brought up in a religion or culture that would ask that of me.

I do believe that if I were raised in that environment I would be more inclinded to do so as that was all I knew. You do what you know - that is what they know.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Religion makes people do stupid things. Personally, I would never disown a child over religion, but I'm not surprised there are people out there who do it. There are crazies in every religion out there and they tend to be the most vocal ones, so it wouldn't surprise me if they wouldn't want to be associated with their kids over it.

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L.M.

answers from Dover on

I can't imagine disowning my children for any reason....EVER. There are some things that would disappoint me more than others but I would still love my child.

That said, I can't imagine being brainwashed by a cult either so I guess we never know what we could or would do unless we were actually in that situation.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Mom:

Nope. My love for my children is unconditional.

Does that mean I won't be disappointed? No.
Does that mean I believe they are perfect? No.
Does that mean I have to LIKE them all the time? No.

It means that I understand they are human, like me, and can and will make bad decisions, believe something I don't believe, etc. There are some things, like cults, that are easy to get sucked into....being told and shown how "easy" it is, what they can get, etc.

Hope that helps!

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

To answer your title question, no, I could not disown my child. I am a no-doubt-about-it follower of Christ, my firstborn is an atheist. We respect each other's right to our beliefs, and I do pray for him. He posts a lot of atheist stuff on FB and has told me many times, "Mom, you know I love YOU, no matter what I post." And I post a lot of Christian stuff, he's even "liked" some ;)

It reminds me of something I saw, it read, "If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I would tell you I loved you as I took my last breath." I won't disown him.

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C.V.

answers from Columbia on

Absolutely not. Consider the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).

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E.A.

answers from Erie on

Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses do this, too. The Amish view it as a loving act, it's not a punishment although it is viewed as a consequence. It's a way to control the group (obviously) but it's also an act of humility, an incentive for conformity. And the Catholic church is well known for excommunicating members for all sorts of offences.

Could I do it? Uh, no. I'll leave the crazy dogmatic religious beliefs to those less secure in themselves.

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M.O.

answers from New York on

I can't see disowning my son for anything, no matter what.

BUT, I'm also acutely aware that for my son (and me) to be Jewish, generations upon generations of our ancestors had to risk their lives to remain Jewish. And, of course, get out of Europe while the getting was good.

So, if my son were to renounce Judaism, I wouldn't disown him, but I'd probably live in some sad space that isn't disowning but isn't forgiveness either for the rest of my days. It's something I'd prefer not to contemplate.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

People who practice Scientology do the same thing, disowning them if they leave the "church".

But then, we're Catholic and half of my dad's family didn't show up to my sister's wedding because it wasn't in a church and they were married by a Methodist. So I sadly can't say we're much better.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Nope never.

Just like if my child says she is gay, marrying into another race, culture religion..

I will always love my child.
I WANT her to be who she is. I want her to love and to be loved by someone. I want her to be happy and fulfilled.

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

I don't have a religion that is that important to me, so no, welll....if my child joined a crazy cult and started to do terrible things and turned against me maybe.....and as for anything else.... Maybe if they did something really really really bad and it was a permanent new lifestyle choice. Like they became a pedophile or something. I'd also turn them in if I knew they were criminally involved in things.

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O.O.

answers from Kansas City on

No, I don't think I could ever disown my child.

I think O. needs to remember when O. is brought up in a way that is all you know and habe been expised to, with very restricted access to news, current events, culture and throw in giant doses of intimidation and a hefty serving of fear--we probably really can never understand the actions you've described. No O. probably would think they would ever "shun" or disown our own kids--yet people do.

(But I love the word "Rumspringa!")

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

No, never...I would not disown my child for religious reasons! I am athiest and believe religion is man made. I'm glad it helps people but it all seems terribly fake to me. If they became religious when they were adults I would just think to myself that it must fill some need in them and it must be helpful for them with dealing with the cruelties in the world. Maybe the kind of person who disowns their child is a person who has mental issues. I believe they would probably have problems such as depression and anxiety and perhaps narcissism or borderline personality disorder as well as other issues.

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X.Y.

answers from Chicago on

My MIL disowned my SIL about 11 years now. My MIL is a JW. My SIL was also a JW and got kicked out for a silly reason so now MIL has to shun her own daughter.

I could never disown any of my children. Moreso, I couldn't call myself a Christian and shun a person due to differing religious beliefs.

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S.K.

answers from Houston on

I don't think I could disown my child for religious reasons unless that "religion" taught him/her to cause bodily harm to other people.

If my child told me he or she was an atheist, my heart would break into a million pieces but I would still love them just the same.

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