Chores - Circle Pines,MN

Pesonally I think at 6.5 and 5 year old that laundry is not an appropriate chore. Cleaning their room and helping with dishes is good. Maybe instead of laundry helping with the garbage take out or collection is another option. I agree with you though that there are some chores that should not be paid for, the whole family has certain responsiblities that come with being part of the family.

i think what you are asking of them is reasonable for their age.
You are basically asking them to clean up after themselves. This is the same thing they would have to do in school. They can't leave their stuff laying around there either.

I think chores are important, and even more important than that, I think attitudes about chores can make or break the experience. My grandson doesn't have regular, assigned chores yet at 4.5 beyond picking up his room, but is often asked to help carry things to the table or back to the sink, fetch things like extra chairs from the dining room for guests, feed the chickens and gather eggs, pull a few weeds. So far, he does these things cheerfully, and I think that's mostly because he sees his mommy and daddy pitch in cheerfully. And they ask him politely to help, no snappy demands or sassiness ever gets directed at him.

I understand that you don't "pay" for the help you expect from your kids, because they benefit from living in your family. That is great. I hope they do get some allowance, however, simply because they are part of the family. Learning to handle money – to save, to spend wisely, and to contribute and/or tithe to worthy causes – is another extremely important lesson that can start young.

Chores can actually help a child learn about personal responsibility, cleanliness and teamwork... as long as they are not overly tired or burdened from the chores, I think it is fine. My mom also had my sisters and I help out from a young age, and we were fine with that (yes, sometimes complained, but in the end, it really helped me learn some important skills). I would maybe add an allowance for extra chores when they are older (I would start at 6 or 7), because teaching financial skills at an early age is good, too, and learning at home is a great way to start. Nothing extravagant, but something small they can put towards something they want to buy or save in the bank. xo.

hi-
Chores are great for kids to do :)

Here is information from an excellent handout I have titled “Expecting Your Child To Do Chores-Should You or Shouldn’t You?” (by Marty Rossmann, Professor Emeritus, Family Education Program, College of education and Human Development, University of Minnesota) ….

“Household tasks build the vocational skills needed later in life to be successful in a work environment. One of the top seven reasons named as a reason for the dissolution of marriage is conflict over household tasks. Current research tells us that the key to success in later life is participation in household tasks beginning at ages three to four years. The older the child is when you begin expecting them to participate in household tasks, the more resentful they are about doing them.

What parents need to know about teaching a task?
􀂾 Learning the task will take considerable time.
􀂾 Decide exactly what needs to be done.
􀂾 Divide tasks in manageable steps and size – “Hang up the clothes you wore today” rather than “clean your room”.
􀂾 Introduce the task using the child’s particular learning style:
* Describe the big picture
* Start on the first step with no overview
* Give a demonstration showing the child how to do the task
* Write out the steps to accomplish the task
* Leave the child alone/Stay with the child to supervise
* Expect to have to repeat the instruction
􀂾 Communicate requests clearly and succinctly, trying not to give a lecture (say “wet towels on chair!”)
􀂾 Develop reminder systems: Charts, Plans for someone to remind the child, link the task to associations, such as do the task before you leave for soccer.
􀂾 Give appropriate rewards - Say thing like “Thanks”, “Well done”, “I’m grateful to you”, “You’re really helping this family”.
􀂾 Give lots of hugs and kisses-the best reward is affection.
􀂾 Provide supervision: Don’t hover, don’t help too much after initial instruction
􀂾 Give appropriate negative feedback along with sufficient encouragement
Say “the bed looks ok. Next time, be sure the sheet is pulled up before pulling up the spread”

Twenty ways to get a reluctant child involved:
􀀹 Understand the capability of the individual child: allow for differences among children in the family.
􀀹 Begin early: By two most children can, with help, pick up toys, take off their clothes and put in hamper.
􀀹 Get all family members involved: parents share tasks with kids, model how to do the work, provide company to make the tasks more enjoyable. All members in the family should be assigned tasks.
􀀹 Offer encouragement: thanks, hugs, and pats on the back. Use check lists, stickers, and charts. Intermittent rewards are best, the goal is for intrinsic rewards (coming from within the child) to take over.
􀀹 Communicate a lot about the reasons for being involved in the work of the family. Ask rather than demand and give reasons.
􀀹 Make gender-free assignments: Garbage and dishes can be done by either boys or girls.
􀀹 Establish realistic standards for the job: Perfection in towel folding may not be necessary for family functioning; consider if standards are being set by what others will think or to fit your family.
􀀹 Use common sense about the number of tasks expected of each child.
􀀹 Ask for volunteers and rotate jobs; vary the tasks to avoid boredom or getting stuck with an unpleasant job.
􀀹 Set an appropriate time, with the child’s input, for the work to be done; routines help everyone to know what to expect.
􀀹 Consider having children who can read and write compete a weekly contract that says what they plan to do and when the task will be completed.
􀀹 Avoid blaming or labeling: saying you inherited your slob tendencies from you father, doesn’t get the job done.
􀀹 Use humor: Are you leaving your clothes to be picked up by the clever invisible elf?”
􀀹 Set rules for the shared spaces in the home: All homework must be picked up by bedtime or they’ll be tossed.
􀀹 The child’s room is their sanctuary, within reason: General room cleaning weekly, no food in room.
􀀹 Make a place for as many things as possible: Label shelves, boxes and drawers so everything has a place.
􀀹 Don’t give in to bribery and inevitable bargaining.
􀀹 Don’t argue, refrain from confrontations. Explain the consequence and walk away.
􀀹 Avoid tying allowances to household tasks: everyone has to pitch in for family functioning, parents don’t get paid for tasks, allowances are important for learning money management, consider extra pay for some jobs.
􀀹 Don’t despair if the child backslides-all children go through periods when self-preoccupation is intense.

Principles of parent-child relationships that apply to household tasks:
• Children have rights and parents have rights too.
• One of parents’ most important goals is to teach their children to be responsible.
• Children learn a lot about responsibility by watching their parents and modeling their behavior.
• Parent-child relationships are reciprocal-if a parents respects the child, the child respects parent.
• The ability to participate in household tasks increases with the age of the child.
• To achieve eventual independence, all children need to know how to run a household.
• Convey respect by allowing children choices about which jobs they would like to do and how tasks should be done-but they can’t choose to opt out of household tasks.
• Consequences should follow logically, and should, if possible, be identified by the child.
• Try not to do anything for the child that they child can do for themselves!!!!!

Appropriate tasks for children at various age groups:
Ages Four-Five:
* Put dishes in dishwasher
* care of pets with help
* plan one family meal a week with help
* dust the family/living room furniture
* sort clothes for laundry with help
* water indoor plants with help
* clean sink and tub after using

Ages Five-Seven:
* Remove dishes from dishwasher and put away
* cook simple meals using microwave
* fully responsible for care of pets
* wash and dry clothes with help
* fold laundered clothes and put away with help
* make a grocery list for one meal with help
* manage a small weekly allowance (% to save, spend, and give)
* vacuum the family/living room area
* take out the trash
* fully responsible for watering indoor plants
* clean their bedroom (put away things where they belong, dust, vacuum)

Ages Seven-Ten:
* Cook simple meals using the range and oven
* make a grocery list for family meals for one week
* simple home repairs (cleaning sink drains)
* family laundry
* clean the bathroom
* recycle cans/ bottles/newspapers
* Answer phone/take messages
* help with yard work
* write thank you notes for gifts
* clip and use coupons
* shop for clothes with help
* help to clean the car
* help to paint their own room
* prepare own school lunch
* care for their own bike

Super Nanny has some additional tips/information on chores: (http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Family-life/-/Home,-wo...)
1) Start ’em young : It’s the ideal scenario because toddlers and preschoolers love to be involved in whatever you’re doing, and to them trailing around with a duster is a great game. ….
2) Motivate them: Encouragement and rewards are much better motivating factors than nagging. Use a reward chart (draw it up as a chore chart) and award points for the jobs she’s finished properly. …. With older kids, show them how much you appreciate their help – reinforcing the importance of being responsible and productive.
3) Negotiate a deal: If your child is particularly resistant, listen to her reasons why she doesn’t want to do something and then explain why it needs to be done. This will help her see how it all fits into the scheme of things. Giving her a choice in the chores she does may help too – jot down what needs doing on some postcards and let her select two or three. There may even be something your child enjoys doing: is she a born organizer? Then get her sorting the laundry! Does she like the outdoors? Then get her to weed the lawn! The postcard method has an added bonus in that it highlights to kids all the work you’ve previously been doing on your own.
4) Whistle while you work! Show a positive attitude yourself when it comes to chores – huge sighs of boredom and frequent cursing may encourages kids to copy you when you ask them to help out. ….
5) Don’t criticize: … If they feel it’s impossible to please you they may just give up making the effort, period. …. Show them how things are done, step by step. If they get it wrong be patient and show them again – and if they get it right, be sure to offer lots of praise.

Top 5 Store bought “Chore Charts” http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Product-reviews/-/Chil...

Good Luck!

Good, good, good for you mama. And I'm so glad to hear you are not paying them to be a part of helping the family to run smoothly. Its like learning to walk, talk or eat. Its necessary for life and more chores, more responsibility. Chores can be great fun and an opportunity for silly bonding or deep discussions. It also gives kids a sense of accomplishment and self efficacy. So on board with what you are doing for your kids now and in the future!

Jen

I couldent agree with you more teach them young and eventually it will just be a habit that they do on a daily basis...my 9 year old does the dishes everyday and my 8 year old takes out the trash usually in the morning and at night my six year old is in a wheel chair so he doesnt do much at all...they also fold and take care of there clothes clean rooms and bathroom my daughter cleans the kitchen once a week...when I was a kid I had list of chores everyday on summer vacation and a list on the weekends during school but I had to clean my room and bathroom everyday....It teaches kids disaplin and I dont think a child is ever to young to pick up after them self

L.,

I think if a parent waits until the child is 8, there is going to be mutany when chores are introduced. Young children can do everything you mentioned. They can also take out the trash (although I do help my 5 year old pull the roller garbage can to the curb), set the table, wipe out the bathroom sink and counter, wipe off the dining table, do light sweeping and dusting with a little training, etc. I don't pay my children for this. If they want to earn extra money, they can do mom and dad's jobs like yard work.

Good luck,
S.

I agree with you 100%! My son is 2.5 years old and my daughter is 13 months. They both help put away toys and my son helps put away dishes, trash, arrange the pillows on the bed, dust and sweep. They enjoy helping and I don't reward them either other than praise for a job well done. I think you can start chores at any age, especially when they think it is fun to mimic what you do. Kids like routine and thrive when they know what their boundaries are. I believe when kids show an interest and understanding of what you are asking them to do is the best age to develop these life skills naturally. They build a sense of responsibility and organization and feel a sense of accomplishment, if you wait til they are 8 they will think you are the maid!
HTH,
A.

I think what your doing is a good thing. I started teaching my toddler son to put up his toys after he got through with them. I think children should learn to help out. My son is now 9 and he knows what to do... he can do any chore that I can do and he has a better understanding of what goes into keeping house and helping others. I have a baby girl and I intend to do the same with her

What you're doing sounds good to me. :-) my son is 4 and has chores. He: picks up his room, sets and clears the table, unloads the silverware from the dishwasher, puts away his clean clothes, and brings in the newspaper and mail. He also picks out his own clothes and gets himself ready, but I don't consider those chores. I don't give an allowance. If I want him to have something I get it for him. Sometimes I give him a couple of dollars to spend at the donut shop or Target or something, but that has nothing to do with the chores.

In response to your husbands "shouldn't have to do chores til they're 8." I have a couple of things to say:
1) Why 8? Is there something else that happens at that age that chores would be a natural part of. I just don't get it, but would be interested in hearing his reason.
2) If you make chores something they don't HAVE to do, but later do HAVE to do, it makes it seem like helping the family is a burden and something to be avoided.

I think you're doing really well with your kids. Keep it up :-)

T.

You are AWESOME, and absolutely doing the right thing! The earlier that kids learn to take on responsibilities, the better! And I'm not sure why laundry wouldn't be an appropriate chore, if the kids have fun doing it and want to help. My kids are 4 and 1 (2 in July), and they love any opportunity to 'help' mommy and daddy.

I wish I had started younger with my now 11yo son. Now he thinks that they are negotiable and that there should be a reward for being part of the family. His chores are put away folded laundry, sort clothes, pick up dog poop, clean his room, vacuum his room and hallway, clean toilet, put dishes in dishwasher and load and start laundry.

My 5 does all the stuff your five does, except fold laundry, and that's mostly because it won't fit in his drawers if he folds it--and he helps take care of the dog, and does outside chores quite frequently. In my opinion...putting dishes and dirty laundry where it belongs is "maintenance"--it is taking care of what is yours so it's not a mess for someone else. To me, the "chores" assigned here are laundry and cleaning out the dishwasher, because they're helping care for the whole household, and teaching kids to participate as family members. My two year old puts his dishes away (sometimes...), puts his clothes in the hamper, and helps clean up after himself. We liked the idea of an allowance for our 5, but mostly so he could start to learn the value of money--not so much as compensation for those chores. I don't think you're off base at all.

Of course you are right. I don't know what's up with your husband, but if you think back to the kids you knew growing up who didn't do chores - look at where they are in life now (I wouldn't care to associate with them). Also, look around at all the brats I mean kids who are waited on hand and foot at home, and you'll know that you are doing the right thing. Chores instill a sense of accomplishment in kids - which breeds REAL self esteem (as opposed to creating a false ego by telling them how special they are...)

My 7 year old gathers up the trash and takes it out and puts the bin on the street every week, he does dishes about once a week, tidies his room, wipes down his bathroom, has started vacuuming, vacuums out the car on occasion, sweeps, mops, etc. He is perfectly capable of it and is used to it now. Every so often when he complains (which isn't much) I'll say something like "well maybe I'll just stop cooking because I'm tired of it". He gets the idea and says no more.

I recently made sweeping the dining room the sole chore of my 4 year old. He had major tantrums and fits about it for several days, but I didn't relent, and now he is totally cooperative about it. I have to remind him every time, but he is happy to do it. Again, he feels a sense of accomplishment for having done it, and likes seeing the results. He knows that he creates most of the crumbs. He is becoming more cooperative overall.

John Rosemond - the only parenting author worth reading, hugely advocates chores for raising happy, healthy children. If your husband takes charge of this, the kids will be lazy boobs. Just look around at the people who share his philosophy, and their lazy, demanding, spoiled kids. Chores keep us all grounded in reality.

If you look up my responses to chores I have written our chore schedule. I started when my 4th baby was still in diapers. He would help wash a sink or put away dishes He is now 9 and knows how to deep clean a bathroom, can do the itchen, plus any other room in the house. Is he good at it, not really, but he tries.

You are doing a great job.

If they are capable of a chore, then they are not too young. If you were really working them a lot, it would be different. A few chores a day is great.

These all sound like everyday tasks to me. Chores are cleaning out the litter box or putting out the trash cans. It's great that your kids are responsible and help around the house. They will have an advantage later on in life. Kids who don't help go out on their own and are completely helpless, they're used to their laundry magically cleaning itself and food magically appearing on the table. They struggle needlessly. You are giving your kids the habits they will need later on in life.

mine do chores they are 5, 6, and 7 they clean their room dishes in the sink after eating i do the laundry and at times have the oldest separate the clean laundry every one has a pile and the 2 older ones put all their clothes up or on hangers the youngest does it all except pants i put his pants on hangers and hang everything up since they cant reach the bar in the closet they feed dogs and fish they clean the living room and their messes i do give allowence if they remember to do them without us reminding them but i dont see anything wrong with kids doing chores it teaches responcibility and teaches the the value of stuff my kids already know the value of money and what it takes to get things i think that chores and allowence teach kids the value of having to get things themselves with out it being handed to them and they take better care of the things they have to get themselvs v.s. whats given to them.i say go for it and dont worry about what other people think if its right for your kid then thats really all that matters.