So after my hubby drinking a lot and staying out couldn't shake this feeling that he might be seeing other women...I wasn't wrong at all...I guess us women have a way of finding stuff even if they try to hide.teltale signs were he would guard his phone like crazy like take it with to the shower,then his laptop when he is using it in the morning he will sit at an angle where you can't see anything...so we have this R.V Park that we rent out spaces and I manage it,so I asked him if we could have some rental agreement for all the renters which he said its a good idea n to go ahead and do it..I have an iPad so Microsoft word is h*** o* iPad haven't used on it before,so he tell me just use the laptop which I know it has a guest accnt which I'm fine with..when he hands me over the laptop and he goes to town for a while I just placed on the table grab the stuff I needed gave my kids snack so I can get on with this rental agreement..the laptop. Screen is black so I just touch it coz it's windows8 and boom there it was he forgot to logout n what I was staring at shocked me pictures of naked women he chats with...he has a Facebook accnt that I don't know about he goes with a different name...I'm sorry but I got curious and I had to go through everything...my jaw hit the floor on all the conversation he was having with this women but there was a particular woman who lives in the same city like 9miles from our hse and look like they have been chatting a lot calling her sexy,gorgeous ,my love...tellin her that I wanna come make passionate love to you right now all the things that he tells me but not lately..when I look at the time when he had this conversation it was when we are having breakfast at the table...I am heart broken crushed I feel rejected unwanted ugly this is the man I knew I was gonna spend my whole life with I gave tu is man kids two beautiful girls aaaarrrrgggg it hurts..so do I confront him coz I can't keep it in I'm going to explode I can't fake it he will know something's wrong...how do I even start this conversation please help me ladies I feel lost I have been crying my eyes out..my daughter seen me crying and she's like what wrong mommy I just didn't know what to tell her but hold her tight ...even writing this I'm balling can't comprehend I just don't know what to do HELP?
Great answers below. Just wanted to say "I'm sorry" and give you a hug. You WILL get through this....
Added. Of course you're devastated. Counseling will first help you deal with those feelings. Take one step at a time. Do not confront your husband. From your description of him I think he will not be sympathetic and you'll have a fight and you'll feel worse and your daughter will only see the anger. Tell your daughter you are feeling very sad and angry but not the reason why. She is a child and you're dealing with adult issues.
You've asked this question with some variation a couple of other times. Go back and read those answers. Are you hoping we'll have different answers each time? Or perhaps you don't want to face the ugly truth that your marriage isn't working and it's your responsibility to do something about it?We ccannot do anything for you.
I urge you to start counseling to help you figure this out. If you can't afford counseling make an appointment with county mental health. Call a women's shelter. You can get help from them without leaving home.
Stop wishing life is different. You are overwhelmed with feelings. Take one step towards action even if you think you're too depressed to do it. One step will get you started.
what do you think we're going to tell you that's different from the other times?
khairete
S.
I hate to break it to you but he wanted you to find out. If he guarded this computer with his life and all of a sudden said "sure use it", yeah he set this whole thing up.
What do you do? Well.. pull yourself up and open your eyes. This is not YOUR issue, it is HIS. You are a lovely person and he has been privileged to be married to you. If he doesn't understand that then why would you want him?
I would print EVERYTHING out. EVERYTHING. I would also make copies of the financials and anything else I could get my hands on. Next, set up an account in your name only. Next, talk to a lawyer. Find out what you're entitled to. Next, put his stuff on the curb with a copy of the evidence and change the locks.
If you want to stay married and he is WILLING to put in the effort with counseling then do that. But I would NOT let him move in until you felt there had been a change and the counselor agrees. If he doesn't want to fight for the marriage, then end it. This will continue. I suspect this isn't his first time.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know you feel like your world have tilted, but I think this marriage has been in trouble for a long time from the looks of your previous posts. You did not cause him to behave in this manner. He is an adult and decided to do this. That is on him and don't for one minute let him make you feel this is your fault. It is NOT!!
You know the answer already. You either suck it up and stay with someone who doesn't want to be your partner and raise your children in a loving, stable home or you break up your marriage and move on with your life. He is choosing to live a life that doesn't respect or include his current family. If this is ok with you then stop whining and accept it. If it isn't then you need to do whatever you can to make sure your children are the first priority in your life.
If I have to beg a man to stay with me - he isn't worth keeping.
If he doesn't understand that I am the greatest thing that ever happened to him - I'm not going to be explaining it to him.
He should be begging on his knees for the privilege to be WITH ME.
THAT'S the attitude you need to cultivate.
Then get your ducks in a row and kick his behind to the curb.
Me personally - I think I might start this conversation by connecting the laptop to the tv and displaying the conversation on the big screen and then asking him "Do we have something we need to talk about?".
Print EVERYTHING out. Make copies , you keep all the originals and hand over the copies to him. Change the locks on the house. Pack his clothes and a toothbrush and set it in the driveway. This last bit is all up to you...Make copies of all the property and financial documents. Open a checking account in your name only, split everything down the middle. Call a lawyer and file for divorce. Personally, I wouldn't give him the "out" of a divorce, but I would talk to a lawyer and make sure my aft was financially covered as much as possible.
Good luck.
Some psychologists would say that if he forgot to log out of the account on the laptop and has all this stuff on a machine that you might use, he was MEANING for you to find it sometime. I can't imagine staying in a relationship with someone who behaved like you have described, especially since there have been problems for a long time. I'm with Marda and Suz and Theresa and the others... time for you to get to counseling and start taking steps to leave and show your kids some strength. Good luck!
You know you have to face this. I agree that you need to go back and read the previous answers to your prior questions. You are with someone who wants to control you and who doesn't respect you. He most likely suddenly agreed to let you use the laptop (after so carefully guarding it) precisely to hurt you and so you would find this! It's no accident.
So why are you with someone who emotionally abuses you? Your daughter will grow up to think it's normal to be with men who manipulate, control and cheat. Go get counseling, right now - ask your doctor for a referral to someone who takes your insurance, or contact your town's office of family services for low cost, sliding scale counseling. You need to learn how to stand up for yourself and how to protect your financial situation from someone who lies and cheats and deceives.
You need a backbone. You need a plan. Get help to develop both.
This is not the guy for you. Get over him. He's a loser.
If you are living with him, you have to get set up on your own. Good luck.
