Being a Step-mom

I am a step-mom to a 17 year old girl. She has never ever accepted me and I have been with her father for 13 years now. However, I always try to nurture/foster THEIR relationship! Little does she know that I am the one reminding Daddy of important dates/ times to call/ big upcoming events where he needs to be with her! but that's not for me to tell...it's really not about US...you just be respectful and treat her as you would want to be treated...you are the adult. If she never returns the favor it more than likely is that her Mother has never tried to teach her to create a relationship with you...her loss and it's not in OUR control! got it? hope that helps...it's a little blunt but I have been walking this walk for 14 years!

C.,

I am not a step-mom, however, I have 1, and my dad had been through multiple women before finding her. My mom is on her 4th marriage, so I had 3 step dads. I was 10 when my parents split & started seeing other people. So, I wanted to let you know how it may be from her side, since I had been through it myself. My mom's 3rd husband, my second step dad was the one who was with my mom during teenage years. I hated him! He would tell me what to do, and basically try to be my dad even though he wasnt. But, after a while, I fell so in love with him, and respected him so much, that I was upset when he & my mom split (that was 10 yrs ago, and we still keep in touch). Each child will react differently. Is her mom in the picture? How is your relationship with the mother? Is it possible that the mom is doing/saying things that is putting other thoughts in her daughter's head? I agree with others when they say that you should really try counseling, or having a mediator to help break the wall between you two. It will help tremendously if this can happen before she does become a teen. It will get easier, but it will get easier sooner if you are able to find out what is wrong with her. She may, in the back of her mind, blame you for her parents not being together. It's possible that she may not know exactly why she treats you that way. I didn't know why I didn't like my parent's partners. I will stop now, but you really should try a mediator. Good luck & God bless!

I am a step mom to a 13 year old girl and I have been in her life for 11 and 1/2 years. We have a good relationship but we have our moments and anytime I do something that my husband doesn't like he has something to say. What he doesn't understand is that our relationship is probably alot like alot of teenage girls and their real moms. We argue, she rolls her eyes, and slams her door.

Her mom and dad split when she was 6 months old so I have been a constant figure in her life for as long as she can remember. I think she respects me, but I also think she wishes her mom and dad were together, I think that just comes with the territory.

I do agree with an earlier post, be there for her, treat her with respect and if she returns the favor then great, if she doesn't then her bio mom probably has something to do with it. In our situation the bio mom is 5 hours away and my husband has full custody. Our situation is not typical, but my step daughter has always lived with us and I wouldn't want it any other way.

You have to set it straight to her and say ive been trying to please u for 7 years straight i didnt do nothing wrong to u .now im not sayin that u have to call me mom but u do have to respect me u can hate me all ur life if u want but u are not going to treat me like trash .Now unless u want to see another side of me o suggest u get it straight

Hello C.! I too was a child of multiple step parents and I know it was one of the hardest things for me to deal with as a child. My step-father came into my life at 7 years of age and I moved to live with he and my mom when I was 10, which I wanted to live with my mom, so it wasn't a scenario that I didn't want to be there. However, I REALLY resented my step dad because he talked to me like he was my dad and I remember HATING that b/c I truely wanted my dad to be there. My dad sort of dropped out between the ages of 10 to 18 and lived on the other side of the country. I don't think I blamed my step dad but I remember times when I really wanted him to leave and never come back. Now I am 28 years old and I respect him sooooooooo much and appreciate everything he did for me and I have since I was about 23 or so. I think every child will accept and do things in their own time which very much depends on their maturity and being able to see the BIGGER picture. My advice is to just show her Love and don't force anything and treat her as much like the other children as possible. You may also try doing a few special things periodically and showing an interest in what she finds interesting....and use the excuse to the other kids that she is older. I noticed in your "a little about me" that you said you have 2 1/2 children which implies to me that she isn't a whole child...its important that she doesn't feel less of a part of the family b/c your not her mom. I really hope this helps..and know that ONE day she will grow up and if you loved and cared for her she will see you in a different light!!! Lastly, giving her opportunities to be with just her dad and just with you is important too!!

Hi C.,

Is your step-daughter the center of your attention?

Have you heard of being co-dependent?

Have you thought about going to family mediation to discover what the underlying issues are?

The Community Mediation Center in Norfolk has a family mediator at ###-###-####.

Hope this helps. D.