Bad Monday Mornings

Are your Monday mornings rushed and very different from Sat and Sundays? Does he wake up at drastically different times on the weekend? Do you let him know Sunday he is going to school and you and/or your husband are going to work on Monday? is he throwing more temper tantrums lately in general, maybe it is getting him extra attention.

Maybe make a photo calender of the week, for school days put a photo of him going to school and you going to work and for Sat/Sun/Holidays put up a photo of all of you at the park or something. Then let him help you set it up every Sunday evening. That way he will know what to expect and he can anticipate the week. I have to constantly tell my kids our schedule, sometimes hour by hour to keep them feeling like they have some control.

Hang in there,
R.

Maybe you could try this....when you pick him up on Friday, slip a little somthing special from you into his cubby. It could be a silly picture you drew for him or a dollar store toy or something. Tell him that he'll have to wait and see what it is when he gets to school on Monday morning. Remind him through the weekend by "thinking out loud" about what-oh-what could his special little thing from you be? And on Monday morning remind him to look in his cubby as soon as he gets to school to see his special thing from you. This should make him eager to get there and make him feel a stronger connection to you (since he will be able to see this as going TOWARD a special little weekly ritual with you instead of seeing it as being parted from you for the first time that week.) If he doesn't have a cubby at school, you could put it in his backpack and only hand him his backpack once he's in his school room with instructions that he can't open it until you're gone.

My daughter cried almost every morning from age 2-5. She stopped briefly around 4 1/2, then started up again and it was worse than ever. turns out that her best friend moved away without her getting to say goodbye and her favorite teacher got moved to a different room at the same time. I would talk to your son's teacher to see if there are any changes in routine. Once she switched to the room with her old teacher she was fine since. She usually stopped the drama once I left and was much better if someone else, like dad or grandma dropped her off. The other thing is he over-tired from a long weekend? My daughter gets like this sometimes, esp if she had a lot of fun with us. On sundays now I start telling her about school tomorrow and how exciting it will be to see her friends and tell them all about what she did over the weekend, we review the routine for the next day, and it usually solves it. I wouldn't punish him and I wouldn't make a big deal out of it either (gives him more attention for behavior). Just know that this too will end.

I had a problem like this and a friend chatted with my son and explained how it made him sad to say goodbye to me. He really liked her validating that.

Also, I told him how sad it made me to drive away knowing that he was crying and unhappy. I called the school to quit after a month of this and they put me on hold and then went to observe for a while. They told me he was happy and playing. So when I picked him up, I said they told me you were playing and having fun and I would feel better if you wouldn't cry as a way of saying goodbye. We talked about it and he agreed that he liked school and had fun. Drop offs were much nicer after that.

Monday mornings were toughest. Our weekends were so busy with errands and fun stuff. I started making Sunday night much quieter with no TV and early bath so there would be time for lots of quiet reading or music. That helped although we all still like a quiet Monday when possible.

Good luck.

Since this is just his way of showing you how much he loves you and misses you, I wouldn't try to punish him for it. Just lavish him with extra hugs and love and let him know you'll miss him, too. I think we all go through this to some extent and it's just part of the trade-off of being a working parent.

One thing that helps in our family is that my husband takes our son to preschool, while I pick him up. This allows him to say goodbye to me at home, but then he goes off with his daddy, so it's a gradual transition away from mommy. On the days I have to take him myself it is definitely harder and more dramatic. Is it possible for your husband to do the drop-off?

If you can spare a Monday, go to school with him. certainly be on the lookout for behaviors or individuals that give you bad feelings about your child's care environment. Also, interact with his teacher(s) so that he doesn' feel like he's left with virtual strangers. I know it's a time investment, but spending some time with him before you leave him there could help out too. Or dropping by to have lunch with him unexpectedly.

I'm almost 32 years old, and I remember being a terror when my mom dropped me off at preschool. I would cry and hold on to the car handle with all my might while screaming, "Mommy! Don't *leave* me!" By the time someone came to pick me up at the end of the day, I was hiding from them, wanting to stay and play longer. I just was really attached to my Mommy. That's not a bad thing. "Make friends" with one of his teachers, and tell her "Now if you need something, Mommy's good friend Miss Susie is going to take care of you." Also encourage his friendships in school by arranging playdates during the weekend, particularly long weekends. If he has a friend he looks forward to seeing, it takes the sting out of not having his parents. Lots of little things should help your family work this out.

Hi BT,

I don't know if he must go somewhere like if you are working or something but sounds like he's 'telling' you in his 4 1/2 year old way that he is not happy at that preschool.

My son did something similar for the first month of pre-K and I finally just took him out of school. Just saw no need to traumatize him by sending him somewhere he clearly wasn't wanting to go. Turned out the teachers were sarcastic, caustic people and he was reacting to them. He's a happy, very bright, well adjusted 2nd grader now.

Maybe its time for a change of school? Just a thought.
S.

Sounds like a stage- which usually repeats every year or so for a period of time as the child readjusts to life from the changes children go through growing and understanding their life. Think of it as a BIG change for him every Monday. Prepare him, get him up a little earlier to give him more time, or later to keep him busier.. give him a routine that starts at home. LET HIM CRY AS HE GETS READY (DON'T LET THE CRYING SUPPORT DELAY). Let him cry, empathize (you look sad about leaving dad and I, we love you very much... I see you happy at preschool, on other days, so you're going today... it's okay to be sad, I get sad, too when you are away... I love you very much, and I picked a preschool that is just right for my loved one... etc.) Ask the teacher to let him be sad, too. She can be encouraging by reminding him he is loved here, there and anywhere. THEN distract him slowly, carefully, give him time, but distract... This is part of your child's temperament, he will always have these feelings with BIG change/ separation, in cycles. You set the stage by providing a loving, safe environment that allows him to do what he has to do, through the feelings. As he gets older, he'll associate facing these changes and his sad feelings with confidence he'll still live happy.

i'd second the poster that responded with make sure sleep routines are the same on the weekend. other than that, i mean, sometimes i find it hard to go back to work on monday. sometimes i think that if throwing a fit would let me stay home i'd try it! i wouldn't punish him. one thing we did to get through the separation times is to have scheduled snuggle time after arriving to school. then when she started dragging her feet i'd say 'we have to hurry up so we can get inside and snuggle!' worked for us! now i have to remind her to kiss me good-bye. *sniff*

Children don't need to go to preschool. Your child wants to be with you. Do a homeschool preschool with him. When he matures he will not be anxious about going to school. Keep him close while you can. Children grow up so quickly. You will be glad for the close time when they were young. AF