Am I Spoiling Him?

No, you're not spoiling him! It's impossible at this age. He isn't trying to manipulate you, he's just trying to get comforted. Try carrying him in a baby sling or front carrier; I did that a lot with my newborn. You can get a lot done with him held there, and he will love it. Don't worry about spoiling him for at least a few more months. I know it's hard to get things done, but enjoy these close times with him. Before you know it, they are grown up and running around and won't give you the time of day!

Hi A., I have experinced that with my three girls, it seems to start after those immunization shots. I am not sure if they have anything to do with it or not but my therory is that they find out that crying loudly and acting like that gets immediate attention. Maybe it is that he just learned it works. It seems to fade after they find out even soft noise and happy attitudes get our attentoin too. It also could be his tummy have you recently started him on baby cereal? It takes a while for them to get used to solid foods. Good luck A. V.

A.,

I have read that you can't spoil a baby that young (although I don't know at what age you can start to spoil them!) But I would say that no, you aren't spoiling your son. But don't worry, I'm sure this clingy stage will pass. But don't try to NOT spoil him, you want him to feel as secure and loved as you can, and not responding to his cries is worse than always picking him up at this age (in my opinion!)

C.

My baby and I have done this too. She will go through a time perfectly happy and then days of wanting nothing more than to be held. A lot is when she is teething, although she never showed any signs of teething for the first few months of it except not being able to be happy unless she was in my arms. Usually this lasted three to seven days at most and then she would go back to being content on her own. So it may be a phase he is going through, and if so, he will probably go through this over and over again. Each time my baby does, I think this is it. This is the time she won't go back to being happy without me holding her. Then she does and the world is right again. So I suggest patience although I know it is hard. Lots of support to help you because you need replenished. And lots of people to help you if the baby is content with others holding him. Gives you a break. So there you have it. HOpe it helps. :P

My daughter always wanted to be held, from birth! She started throwing temper tantrums at 3 months old! You can not spoil a baby with love, I don't care what anyone says, you just can't! I am sure you have done all this, but I am gonna say it anyway! Spend his floor time, down at his level, roll around with him! This will let him know it is good to be on the floor and not just in someone's arms! Another thing is, if you have a bouncer seat or swing, put him in that near where you are, this will reassure him that he is fine just watching you! Another thing, let him cry! I don't mean for hours, just a while, babies need to cry, it won't hurt them! I know that last one was the hardest for me, cause she's my baby, and I hated when she was upset, but they really do survive it! Good Luck!

I need to add a little note her! Remember that the housework/chores will be there tomorrow, you're child will only be small for a short time, enjoy it!

Front pack carrier worked best for us. Mine is 9 months and this evening he wanted to be held so I put him in the carrier and did my laundry. I always let him fuss for about 10 to 20 minutes (after he was older than 4 months) and after that I put him the carrier. He gets mommy close by and I get to do what I need to do.

My baby, who is now 1, always wanted to be held. I felt like I was spoiling her also. By the time she started crawling it changed A LOT! Now all I want to do sometimes is hold her and she won't let me. My daughter also started teething at 3 months and whenever she is getting a new tooth she is very attached so that could be it. Really all I would say is enjoy it while it lasts, everyone told me this too and I was like "I just want a break though." Now that I have breaks too often I really am glad that I go to hold her so much as a younger baby. So enjoy it now and know that it won't last much longer.

No absolutely not - from birth to 2 years old is when the attachment is formed and he is developing trust for you that you will respond to his needs. The only things I can think of would be teething and maybe try the teething tablets or some baby tylenol or maybe he has gas. The other thing I can suggest is a sling - I used them with both of my babies and it leaves the hands free to do lots of things while holding them close to your chest. Good luck and hang in there - he will be running away from you soon enough! :-)

Personally I feel that no child can be spoiled with attention. All my boys's personalities started coming out around that age and with every sinlge one I had to figure out what worked for that one. Around bed time maybe he is just to excited to go to bed. Try a warm bath with soft lighting and maybe soft music (whatever kind of music he is used to). Does he want to be held all the ime during the day (1 of mine did)? I would always hold my 3yr old and never wanted to put him down but i started to notice that he only wanted to be held and I started having a child that always screamed when I tried to put him down, so I started giving more tummy time with me next to him. Once he got used to this I was able to move around making sure he could still hear me. <thinking> maybe his not wanting to be put down is not spoiled as much as it is security? Maybe try what I did with tummy time and see what happens...Good Luck, Nicci

A.- I don't think you have to worry that you are spoiling him at this young age. It sounds like he may be having some cholic. Maybe you should talk to his health-care provider. You say he thrashes to get out of your arms when you try to rock him? Maybe he needs to be left alone at that point. I remember when my daughter would act that way and finally I would get frustrated and lay her down on a little cushion on the floor and just let her be and then she would calm down and usually fall asleep. I think sometimes as new moms we are overly attentive and they just need some space. Also, routine is very important, it helps them feel safe and like they know what is going on. Well, enough for now, hope that is helpfull. Good luck! Remember, you are all getting used to eachother and at this stage, changes happen quickly. Take care- A.

I agree that birth to 2 years old is a very important bonding time for children and their parents. Responding to a baby's needs / crying makes them feel secure in the wide open world around them. They were so close to you in utero, that sometimes the transition to the outside (being detached from you) is quite overwhelming and can take some adjustment time, even though your baby was "calm" before. Try a hands-free baby sling and become a baby wearing momma! That way you can fulfill the innate needs of your infant and still get some things done.

C. M.
Doula & Childbirth Educator
The Westside Birth Connection
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