Am I Ready?

Just because you have a son and you're divorced does NOT mean that you can't have a dating/romantic life. You made it very clear in your post that you are putting your son first in all your decisions. I don't think some of the repsonses you have recieved are very fair. The fact that you keep separate apartments shows how you are taking things slow for the sake of your son. You will know when and if the time is right to take the next step with your relationship. Children from blended families can actually benefit from seeing a loving relationships as a role model.
Please don't get discouraged from the responses you have received. Listen to your heart and know that you will do whats best not only for you but also for your son.

S.

Hi,
I think it's good to be dating. However, I don't think 6 months is enough time to be having these thoughts of taking things to the next level. This is still the honeymoon stage of dating. I personally would keep things the way they are for at least 2 years or more. Divorce at this age is confusing. Your job is to bring consistency and stablilty to your son's life. Introducing another serious person into his life right now I don't think would be good. If your ex came to you and said HE was really getting serious with a woman and was thinking of moving in together 6 months, how would you react? I would be upset that she would be spending so much time with my little boy. It's too early. Also, there is a reason you got custody. I wouldn't put that risk. If your ex is a jerk he will be waiting for any excuse to go back to see the judge. I hope my perspective helps...mom of 2 boys.

If you have to ask then you are not. My parents divorced when I was 7 my father got remarried right away (a year later) to a kid thats FAST especially when we havnt gotten over it ... I hate her to this day. Not to say this will happen to your son, but I say that I am glad my mother who had me most of the time did not date until I was 10, and even then stopped right away. I truely dont think I was really ready for her to start dating/spending time with someone other than me and my still mending heart untill I was a teenager. You may be ready to have a companion but if you are putting th feelings of your chld first ... he needs to be ready, and I agree that it needs to be a while before you move in together or even dream about it. Once he brings up these topics tell him you need more time, see his reaction from there make your decision. Start having hi,mm hang around as a friend more and more, keep the PDA to a min. around your son, he may not be ready to see mommy kissing another. By the way with kids it's not always what you are ready for so much as it is what they are ready for.

To me, you've already figured this one out (in addition to all the good advice you've been given). You know that the only way to ensure there is no issue with custody of your son (among many other issues) is to be married, if someone moves in. So, don't risk it. At this point, you know if this man is someone you plan to marry or not. If so, then wait and make it a special covenant, legal and prevent any potential challenges going forward. And, God will bless your relationship and your family when living within His guidelines, which are always for our best (to protect us and to provide for us). You know the right answer...Many Blessings - L.

Personally I think you shold keep things the way they are for another year or so; however if you do decide to take that other step you really should consult a lawyer first to see if it could hurt your custody arrangement. I wouldn't think so, but just be careful. Nothing is worth losing your baby!

Hi B.,

It is nice to have me someone who you have such deep feelings for especially from your own country, but HONEY, YOUR SON should be the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW!! It is not about you anymore!! This is one my biggest pet peeve with single parents, partly because I have seen the repercussions from it in children and partly because you have plenty of time to get into another relationship!! You only have your son for 10 to 15 years (they stop listening to you around then) and you have got plenty of time to find another "significant other"!! I don't mean to sound so harsh, but I have a real problem with this.

Put your son first, he has already had to suffer the effects of divorce, concentrate on him. I think you allowing him to meet your friend and do activities together is fine, but slow down honey!! Six months is no time to really know someone, give it more time. You are a package deal and whomever you get involved with must understand that and that your son NEEDS TO BE #1 at this time especially at his young age.

If this is also the first guy since your marriage, go very slow! Rebound relationship (like someone else said) aren't usually successful. Take your time, you have so much time .....also, why do you just want to "live together"? I don't want to get moralistic on you, but what kind of example and impression are you making on him?

Consult a lawyer with regards to the "custody issue". This will definitely NOT make your EX happy and he will take you back to court over it in a NY minute! Texas law does NOT look kindly on folks "livin' together" with regards to ex-spouses, it just shouts "temporary situation" when you are trying hard to cultivate consistency and steadiness in your son's life.

Just remember, guys come and go, but children are forever!!

Good Luck!

G. B.

legally, you can live with him and your ex can't do a thing about it. Who you choose to spend time with has no bearing on your custody (assuming you're not dating an ax murderer, child molester, etc).

realistically though, don't intentionally do anything that you know will cause stress to your son and if that means not living together before getting remarried, so be it.

I disagree with the others who said you shouldn't get remarried so soon, etc. That's a very personal choice and you have to do what's right for you. It took me 2 years to even WANT to date someone 'with potential', but once I was ready, I married my husband 11 months after meeting him. Everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not work for others. To me, waiting 2 years would've been crazy. For others, it's just right. Do what's best for you and your son.

Not to sound overly simplistic---but, if you love him, then why don't you marry him? The statistics of people living together show that people have TWICE the breakup rate of married people. If you love him, marry him.....you're also spared any problems with your ex.

B. - I agree with the other responses. Your son is very young and very impressionable. Your post didn't indicate what the primary motive is for moving in together this summer - is it financial? If so, that is the absolute worst reason ever to move in together. Is it because this is how yousee taking it to the next level? if so, then you should wait to be married before living together. What if things don't work out? A year is an awfully short time to know someone. And you're not technically single. You are a package deal - with your son. This makes relationships much trickier. Not to mention it sounds like this is the first person you've been with since your divorce. Rebound relationships do not have a good track record.

While it is very possible this relationship is meant to be (and I hope it is for you), you have a responsibility to your son to ensure it is before disrupting his life. You, yourself mentioned how difficult it will be should you move in together - with your ex. Why even risk it, then? I would wait. I would not even entertain the idea of moving in together before marriage. It sends a not-so-good message to your son about morals and values. If you had no children, I'd say go for it, you've got nothing to lose. But you have an awful lot to lose now. Simply not worth taking the chance! Good luck.