Am I Being Selfish with My Husband.

You're not being selfish. You're being honest. That should be valued in a marriage. Does not matter that he is the breadwinner in the relationship - you still count. Voicing your wishes does not make you selfish. You have made sacrifices for his plans - which is understandable. If there is more work and he provide more income in Texas, then it makes sense that he would try. If it were me, I'd say we need to have a plan and a timeline and then decide what you will do by that time. Saying you'll wait till God makes it happen .. I don't know, but for me that would not work. There's being supportive of your spouse, but there's also 2 people in the marriage. The higher income (if it happens) may not be worth giving up everything that matters to you. There should be compromise and discussion.

Is there any way he'd go see a counsellor with you? This is exactly the kind of situation where a counsellor can really help people see each other's point of view.

You're not being selfish. You're looking out for the best interest of your family. You're very close to retirement age, and you both need to seriously think about how you're going to retire in the next 10 years. Since you're in a precarious situation now, I would think that it's in your best interest to move back to Florida and be near people that can potentially help you rebuild your life. Can you possibly live with one of them for a while?

Regardless of what your husband thinks God wants, most lenders aren't going to loan you the money to buy a house. I admire his faith in God, but the thing is, God gives us many gifts. And one of those gifts is the gift of wisdom-- the ability to learn from our past and utilize that knowledge in making future decisions. Does he have a minister that you can both speak with?

The parents of one of our neighbors went through a really tough time several years ago. The IRS levied a tax lien against they business and they were forced to file bankruptcy. They lost everything they had and were in their mid-sixties. They moved in with daughter's family for about a year until they were able to move into some really nice low-income senior housing that they could pay for with their social security benefits. I view that as being the best-possible outcome from them. They're daughter supported them, but it was a short-term situation. And they ultimately ended up in a nice apartment that they'll be in long-term.

If you husband won't go with you to Florida, tell him he can continue to chase his dream while you spend time with family.

Good luck@

Did you mean BUY a house, or just move into a house? I don't believe that your husband will be allowed to buy a house with a bankruptcy under his belt. If you don't want to move into a house (you're in an apartment?), you do NOT have to.

You sound like my mother used to sound about believing a woman should do what her husband wanted. At the point where my dad wasn't thinking right anymore and made some really questionable legal decisions and left the car running all night and wouldn't let her go out and turn the car off, she still did "what he wanted". But then she had to live with the consequences of the legal decision. AND she ended up having to hide his car keys. Because "God" was in the picture, he expected her to continue to do what he wanted. But faced with the understanding that God had nothing to do with him keeping his car keys, she finally had to put on her grown woman pants and stand up to him and say no.

And at some point, you must do this too.

Stop talking about God's plan and start getting smart about what is necessary for you to do in order to be able to take care of yourself. It sounds to me that you don't have a job outside of the home. How long have you been a homemaker? Did you work for 40 quarters to earn social security and medicare benefits? Has he paid into social security for 40 quarters?

If he has paid into social security, if you two divorce, you will be able to collect social security based on his larger income. You can go talk to the social security office and get help from them so that you know what your options are. (Take a snack with you - you will sit in line for a long time.) Look at their website and see what papers you need to take with you.

You will need to talk to a divorce lawyer - most will allow a free talk one time - and find out what happens if you divorce. Make sure you have copies of bank statements, the bankruptcy stuff, tax returns, and credit card information when you go. Even if you don't want to divorce, you need to know what the ramifications of this continued financial spiral down will do to you. If he borrows money, you are on the hook for paying it back and there cannot be another bankruptcy. Sometimes the only thing that you CAN do to keep from having to pay a spouse's debts is to divorce.

Can you stay with your kids/grandkids or sisters in Florida? That might help you.

Whatever you do, you need to try to work it out that you are not responsible for your husband's debts. That is something you need to figure out with the lawyer.

Buy a 1 way ticket home to Florida. Your husband probably feels like if he goes back, it means hes failed. Do what's best for you.

when a friend of mine had a bankruptcy on her record she was denied every kind of loan to purchase a house. she was informed that legally she could not attempt to purchase a home for at least 7 years. i don't know if its true or not, but it is something you should think about and check into. and no your not selfish. you are missing home and want to go back

You're lonely and miss your family. He's happy to be living somewhere else and working, at least a little bit. You have to have funds to go home every couple of months. It's 16 hours to drive from Houston to Miami, Houston to Orlando is 13, 7 to Pensacola. Depending on what part of Florida it's not more than a day trip to home. You could take a plane and build up points or something. There are ways you can go home to visit more often. Have them come visit you too. One plus is that a house would have more rooms for guests.

Ask him to sit down and work out the budget so you can see how you can afford a house.

In this budget ask him:

How will he pay someone to care for the yard and repairs, he's a truck driver and won't be home all the time.

Apartment rent and utilities are about half of what a house cost, show you how that's going to be paid.

There are more questions but my point is that you and he need to communicate and he needs to know how your heart is breaking for missing home.

But bottom line.

I am a City girl through and through, to the core. I moved from a university town, that I thought of it as a small quaint town, to a town that is less than half of the university town. Okay, I got used to that but still, lived in town. With neighbors and stores and sounds and safety.

I moved to the country with my husband because his father is older and isn't going to live forever. We live here on family land. There are no tornado sirens, my weather radio picks up alarms way before or after a storm. The TV goes out if there is wind, rain, snow, ice, or anything else that can destroy the satellite signal. We live far enough out of town that it's almost like town is a different climate zone. There have been times when town schools were shut down for ice or snow but we have dry grass here and our roads are normal.

I have a storm cellar but it's out in a field so that no debris should fall on it if a tornado or strong winds destroy our house. I'm the ONLY one that goes to the shelter. Everyone else thinks I'm neurotic for even having a storm cellar. I think they're sort of living on the edge.

I cried myself to sleep every night for 6 months after we moved out here. I go to town just about every day thought now and it helps a lot. I realized it's not really that far to civilization and people.

I also went to work, volunteer a lot too. I do better when I'm around people and active with my mind and use my skills. It's something you need to do too. Even if it's just a couple of hours per day at the local library. You'll be around people and your mind will find refuge in it.

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God is telling him you all need to move back to Florida.

NO. In fact, you are being proactive. Maybe you should go home for a long visit with kids and grankids, they grow so fast, check things out for him and maybe he will follow. Btw go to government loans for small businesses even free money.

You're not being selfish at all. You're watching out for yourself and for him as well. Your husband is avoiding responsibility by saying, "God is telling me." There's a saying that God helps those who help themselves, which your husband is not doing.

I think you need immediate support for yourself and your husband, lest you go down the drain to total financial ruin as you approach retirement age. Are you connected with a local church? If not, call a few and see if the pastor will see you or refer you to a pastoral counseling center. I live in a suburban area, and we have one that serves all the surrounding towns, staffed by area clergy members. Maybe your husband would do better with someone who could explain to him that religion doesn't preach that we should sit around and wait for God to do the work. Your husband needs to learn to make better decisions.

If he won't go, then please go yourself to learn how to stand up for yourself. Being a supportive wife doesn't mean letting the man make all the decisions. And right now, you are your husband's best hope if you fight this downward spiral he's dragged you both into.