Always Imagining the Worst

Yup! I am the same way. There are nights where I go to bed crying because I worry so much. I know I have a problem with anxiety, sounds like you may too. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I'm going to track this post to read the other responses.

Oh my, can I relate. I posted a question exactly like this some time ago. I'm attaching the thread so you can read my responses... I got some wonderful advice.

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/15939680656921985025

First, don't watch the news or read news headlines. The news can make it seem like thousands of children are being abducted, people are constantly being murdered in their homes, etc. The reality is, the incidence of crime like this happening to you, is incredibly rare. The news reports on stories, that brings people in. They aren't going to report on the hundreds of millions of children, that aren't abducted, because no one would watch. They are going to report on that one. While, it is a great tragedy for the family, it is not even close to common enough, for the rest of us to live in fear. Crime can be random, but it's usually not. Stranger on stranger crime is very rare.
Don't bother yourself with this fear. MOST crime is against easy, opportune targets. Are they going to bust into a locked house with people inside? Not really.

This happens to me all the time, and I have been diagnosed with (among other things) Generalized Anxiety Disorder. There is help out there for you. You don't have to feel this way. Find a good psychiatrist in your area and they can prescribe you medication to help with your worries and fears, which are also known as anxiety. Medication probably won't be enough if it is as serious as it sounds. I would also find a good therapist you can talk to once a week or every other week, whatever suits you, to talk through these worries. You might be able to find an Anxiety support group in your area as well.
Good luck to you. I know how horrible it is to feel this way.

Yep, me too. After my first was born, I had to stop watching the news and any sad or scary tv shows or movies. I only watch or read happy, uplifting stuff now. Really the things that happen in the news are usually pretty rare occurrences. That's why it is news. And those sorts of stories really serve no purpose other than to make you feel bad about the world and people.

I also have to try to control my thoughts and not just let them go wherever they want, which is usually to the most dark places. When those thoughts start to come into my mind, I try to remind myself that all these things are very unlikely to happen, but keep faith that whatever bad things might come into my life, I will be able to handle it.

I try to be on guard a little bit about dangers or hazards in the world without obsessing over them. It is a struggle to keep that balance, but that is what I work toward. Try not to think too much about things that "might' happen in the future and just worry about the things that 'are' happening each day.

For some pessimists, it is helpful to run through these negative scenarios and work out in their mind how they would deal with it. It makes them feel empowered and like they will be able to handle the situation if it happens so then they can stop thinking about it. If this sort of thing helps you then do it, but if the negative thoughts just make you feel helpless and overwhelmed then you should try not to let your mind wallow in negative thoughts.

All this being said, I sleep with my cell phone next to my bed in the unlikely event someone breaks into our home at night. Just knowing it is there helps me sleep at night. Oh, and I also say a prayer to God and all Guardian Angels to look after my family and keep them safe.

Hope some of this helps, but know that you are NOT alone. I think this is familiar territory for most mommies, but if the feelings get too overwhelming, don't be afraid to talk to a professional about them. I'm sure they could give you (and all the rest of us) some better coping strategies for all this worry.
all the best,
B.

It's a scary world we live in. We have to try not to worry ourselves sick. The chance of the same exact incident happening is rare, but one thing is for sure, these incidents open our eyes, make us aware and helps us take measures to safeguard ourselves.

All moms get plagues with "irrational" fears. It's part of our mother lion instincts being tapped into. You need to watch less overly dramatic news and concentrate of the fun days of just living and being together. What you soak in from the news and paper is what you will begin to believe and live. Stay away from thta trap. Having a good faith base also helps you to stay calm and realize that you are really not in control of the big picture and you are right where you are supposed to be. I used to always think about earthquakes happening after my kids got on the school bus.... Just always have a back up plan, that's all you can do. And like I said, stay away from the overly dramatic in your face news on a daily basis. It makes the world a very small place and will crush you with way too much info.

I can be the same way. What helped me at night was getting our dog, because now I know that if I hear something, that is it was a person my dog would be going nuts! Even during the day I keep my door locked if I am not outside, but other than that I really try not to worry, you can not live your life in fear.

Are we related?

I do that, too! I've done it since I was a very imaginative, oversensitive child who drove my mother crazy with my fears.

My faith teaches me (rightly) to depend on God for my family's safety, and I'm thankful to do it. But my imagination still wants to take off at times and render me helpless. "What-iffies" can paralyze you if you let them. Don't let them.

What if there was a strange noise in your house at night? Well, do you know what IS a strange noise? Start listening to the noises in your house. Every house in the world has weird noises; you just need to know which noises live at yours all the time and which don't.

Do you feel safer if your doors are locked during the day? Go ahead and lock them. Many people do. Make sure you have a key with you at all times in case you happen to lock yourself out! Use common sense about answering your door; what that common sense is depends on where you live.

When your local fire department offers free home inspections, get somebody to come out and give you suggestions. Then you have a few less things to imagine about. If there's a Neighborhood Watch meeting near you, go to it. The police officers who run these meetings do not want to scare you; they want to teach you to be prepared. That's a good thing.

You know how to watch out for your son. So do it. Just stay aware - be observant. Most people's children do not get kidnapped or killed. You don't have to obsess - you just have to use the common sense you have.

It's good to think. I think, "OK, really, what is the worst that can happen?" I face it - and try to make a plan for it. The worst has NEVER, EVER happened. That may not be due to my plans, but it's a fact nonetheless.

The thing is to use your common sense, do your homework, and not pass fears on to your son. He needs to see you as a confident mama - and if that confidence comes from facing your imagination and planning instead, so be it.

Robert E. Lee said, "Never take the counsel of your fears."

And your other answer-ers are right - be more careful from now on of what you watch and what you read. The writers and producers are not as interested in your safety and well-being as in getting your attention (and your money). You don't need to study every warning or sensational story that comes across the media.

I think that turning off the news it a great idea. Watching/ reading the news can make you think that crimes like what happened in CT are common, but the fact is that they are not. I really recommend 2 books by Gavin deBecker, The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift. He discusses how worry actually can make us less safe, and offers some useful information and practical advice about how to protect yourself and your family

Normal hormonal changes are at work here, Christina. It may help to know that this is a common experience, and most moms of young kids experience this to a greater or lesser degree.

It sounds like you find these thoughts intrusive enough to disturb your daily happiness and normal sleep, and that's a little over the edge. Sometimes it can be corrected medically. It could be the edge of post-partum depression, for example, not bad enough to manifest as full-fledged depression.

Counseling and medication can both be helpful if that's the case. And avoiding commercial news casts is a biggie. Studies show that the more television news watched, the more anxious and fearful the viewer tends to be.

Especially as a young mom who has the desire to enjoy your children and teach them how to be happy in the world, you might find staying away from the TV helpful. The world won't end any faster or slower for your taking care of yourself this way.

My own view is that I can live in the terror of what might go wrong, which, in terms of the reactions and symptoms your body experiences, is roughly equivalent to those things having happened already. Or I can live in what's actually happening right now, which seldom includes any of those dreadful potential events. Why borrow pain and stress from a future that may never even happen the way your imagination pictures it?

Good luck with this. It will probably get better by itself, eventually. But you'll have a greater quality of life now if you look into all options to let go of this sooner rather than later.

You're not alone. I'm the same way! I worry about EVERYTHING and I really think it started after I had my first. I try to be very faithful and keep it in God's hands. Know you're not alone...and I noticed you have a lot of other women who relate!

The world isn't getting any better, but it isn't any worse either. Crime is actually down in some places. The difference is that we have instant media and media loves violence. The truth is that most people are not murdered or kidnapped by strangers (I don't know the entire store from Chesire, but I'm guessing that somehow one of the murderers knew the family somehow).

I have noticed that I am more fearful of some things since I had children. But, listening to news won't help. If it's making you a nervous wreck, you may want to stop watching news or if you are waiting for a weather or something to come on, find the time it's usually on or DVR it and you can fast forward to what you were looking for. Also, take some defense course that could make you feel that you know what you can do which will build your self-confidence. I recently took Martial Arts and that was to increase my confidence and to get some workout in as well.
Continue protecting and advocating for your child BUT don't be over protective because he is bound to get hurt like falling or whatever you can soothe his hurts and let him know that you're there to help him, but as time goes on and he grows up, there will be things you'll have to let him do and try knowing he'll get hurt, but he will learn. It's hard but he'll be fine. You're a great Mommy!!! Good job and ask any more questions you have in the near future or long ways down the road. Congrats to your child!!

i am like this as well... it got really bad for me actually.. i got really depressed and started having anxiety attacks. i ended up going to therapy and it helped a great deal. i think (to some degree) it's normal to worry like this.. it's what we mom's do - but if it's starting to take over and you can't enjoy life or your little one, it might be time to think about talking to a professional. you aren't alone in this, at all!

That home invasion got to me too, a beautiful neighborhood, etc and what a nightmare for that mother to witness with her kids. I think I too, often think, what if something happens, what if there is a car accident, what if something happens to my husband while he is away on business, what if our son gets a serious illness, etc. I think everyone goes through it but I try to come out on the end that life is unpredictable no matter how careful you are. Everyone needs to enjoy what you have while you have it. You'll miss out on the moment if you are always worrying about the what if. I think it's natural to worry, I think if it becomes all consuming and inables you from enjoying life, there may be a need to talk to someone who can really help. good luck

Statistically, do not thiink it is any worse than years ago. Now we
have cable to let us know when something happens around the world.
Be aware of your surrounding and just try to roll. Can't live your life
that way. You will be miserable and you will make your kids paranoid.

Updated

Statistically, do not thiink it is any worse than years ago. Now we
have cable to let us know when something happens around the world.
Be aware of your surrounding and just try to roll. Can't live your life
that way. You will be miserable and you will make your kids paranoid.

Updated

Statistically, do not thiink it is any worse than years ago. Now we
have cable to let us know when something happens around the world.
Be aware of your surrounding and just try to roll. Can't live your life
that way. You will be miserable and you will make your kids paranoid.

Im not sure about your financial situation but what about a security system for your house? That has put my mind at ease tremendously, that and one very noisy dog that couldn't hurt a fly and a medium sized dog that is very protective and would attack if the situation presented itself. I also have a plan if someone is persistent enough to keep pursuing the break-in. I went through a what-if stage and I still do. Like if my kids go with their nana (or even dad) in the car without me I worry about them getting there safe. I am working on not stressing about the stuff we cannot control. Stuff does happen but the majority of the time you cannot stop it so just love your kids everyday and hope and pray that you get to see them and their grandkids.

I think the horrible incident that happened to that family effects us all. I have a daughter who is living away at college and that is my biggest nightmare. I love the show Criminal Minds but it is starting to become like a horror movie to me as well. I think all we can do is live our lives and use our best judgment. What is meant to be will be, we can't stop living, or worry all the time. It is all in God's hands. When those horrible thought come to you do your best to take yourself to a happy place, that's what I do. And, don't watch the news!!!!! It scares the you know what out of me as well.

I'm happy that you brought up this question and happy to read all the responses. It has calmed me down knowing there are many moms out there who are going through the same thing. I keep thinking about the little English girl who got kidnapped in Portugal while on vacation. I also think what if my child/children were given their first opportunity to wait for the school bus to pick them up and then I never saw them again? It kills me to think this. Now the only thing that's on my mind is that I'll be bringing them to school and picking them up until they turn 16. I will always be checking up on them no matter how old they are.

I completely understand where you are at. I get immensely worried too and sometimes the fear becomes almost a panic, a physical pain.

Have you lost someone close to you in your past? I lost my mother when I was 16 and we were very close. I have come to terms with it for the most part but I know that I am not good at all with dealing with trauma or tragedies.

It might do you some good to find someone qualified to talk to help you work through your anxiety. I believe that more often than not, such anxiousness has an underlying cause.
Also, I agree, no more news. I stopped watching it because all I saw was bad news. Life should never be so focused on tragedy.
Good luck!!

Maybe we are long lost twins. LOL

You are not alone. I am the same way.
I worry alot about the same stuff as you talked about and I also worry about me or one of my children getting cancer. I worry about me dying.

I love the LORD very much. I try to always place my fears in his hands and I always ask for peace.
But I feel like I am always struggling with this constant fear.

I talked to a Dr. about this and he just laughed at me and said " your a mother - that's normal ".

I told him " no really ~ this is getting worse for
me ".
and he just blew me off.

When we moved into our home 4 years ago, I slept in the living room at night for about 18 months.
Then we got a house alarm. That helped a little. And I was using a baby monitor from the kids rooms to my room. That helped.

But I am still not 100% at peace and I don't think I ever will be.

A friend of mine sent to me an email before about keeping a can of hornet/wasp spray in your room
( UP HIGH ) for self defense if someone broke into your home. It sprays up to 20 ft.
(( that has helped me feel better )).

I don't have any smart advice for you because I am riding in the same boat as you.

I wish you, myself, and all the others that have to deal with this total peace.

I find a few things helpful. Know that thoughts are only that - thoughts. You are in control of them - not them in control of you. So, when they come, gently send them packing and fill your mind with good thoughts. Turn off the tv and the radio and music which is about hate, abandonment, etc. Put on Pandora and type in 'classical' and have it on - it helps to fill ones mind and it's is peaceful, beautiful and joyful.

I'm sure it's not normal, but I do the same thing. BUT, my nephew was just killed 4 months ago, so that's attributing to wanting to hold my kid's hands 24/7.
I clean my daughter's room before bed every night so that she won't trip and break her bones, etc. It's a little over the top, but hey, a clean room never hurt anyone right??

Of course, cutting back on watching news can help, but learning from these stories has helped me even more. For example, the home invasion happened because they walked through an unlocked door. Just making sure that my doors are locked makes me feel more secure. I will keep the baby monitor in my 6 year old's room as long as I can. When my husband is not home at night I keep my cell phone with me as I travel the house. That's all we can really do. I may just get a can of wasp spray too! Worrying won't help or change anything. (easy to say, I know) You'll have to find peace in the statistics.
I don't know which tv shows you watch (or just have on in the background) but I stay away from crime shows and movies like this as well.
Good luck finding your peace

Hi Christina,

I see you have lots of responses to your question, so I'll keep my answer brief.

This is a choice you are making. You can choose not to think this way as well. Think of all the precious time you are missing dwelling on everything that isn't good or right. It's a huge loss.
When I was a young mother, I watched the news three hours a day at least. Now I don't watch it much at all. Ask yourself why the news is all bad. It's because bad news sells, dear. It's all about the money. There's a good news website you could check out online, but there aren't any good news channels that I know of on tv. So turn the tv off and enjoy your baby and your husband and your life. The chances of something awful happening to you are so remote, you need not worry. At all. Just be a protective mom and you'll be fine. I guarantee it.

May you enjoy a lifetime of love and peace!
"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA

I feel this way too. J took off out of the van the other day in our driveway and ran all the way to Wal-Mart, then through their parking lot, through the Murphy gas station and I pulled my van between him and the main street right before he passed the point of no saving him. I sleep in the living room so I can hear him if he tries to go out the door at night.I don't let go of his hand from the time he walks out the door until he is in his car seat and then when he gets out until he is back in. It makes it hard to go pee at the store too.

I don't know how long this phase will last for either of us but I do know he will grow out of it.