Advice on Pacifiers

I also have a three year old girl who used a pacifier. She really wanted a new bed set comforter and sheet set. It came with the night light, lamp, and rug. She used 5-6 pacifiers every night. One in her mouth and one in each hand and two under her tummy, in case she lost one. Once one was lost, we never found it. Then we were down to two. I made a special box and told her that it was her time to put them in an d seal them. She did the first one a night later, and we went to get the lamp and night light. The following day, she cameup and said that she wanted to sleep in new sheets and gave me her last binkie. It was hard for her to fall asleep for a couple of nights, but she learned to hold a little teddy bear, that she still sleeps with now. Hope this helps.

I cut the tips of my 3 year olds and she started throwing them away each time she found a "broken" one.....my pediatrician recommended it this way.

My sister's two and half year old uses a pacifier and the dentist told her she had to make the child quit using it or her teeth will be bad. She has a bad over bite. I know of a family that let their daughter have the plug until she was in first grade. I'd see them drive down the alley and the plug would be in her mouth. Talk about looking funny. LOL. I don't know what I'd do. When my son quit the plug, it was because we 'lost' them or they were 'ruined'. It only took about a month. Good luck.

I think you are on the right track with the "Nuker Fairy". I think you should ask her each night before bed if she's ready to give up her last one. If she has more than one, have her leave one for the fairy every few nights until she's down to just one and she'll give it up if she's really ready.

I would ask your husband why he's so adament that she give it up and why it bothers him? Simply because he thinks she's too old? Talk with your pediatrician to see what he/she thinks. And if he's so ready to just throw them out, then I agree with what another mom said, let him be the one to deal with her when she's upset and can't sleep.

Another trick a friend of mine tried when they had one pacifier left was to snip a bit off the end of the nipple every day until it got so small her son gave it to her and said he didn't want it anymore and that was it.

We took our son's away when he was 2.5 and we just told him it was gone. He had a hard time going to sleep for 3 nights, but that was it. He never started sucking his thumb, fingers, toys, etc. It was just over. My daughter, who is now 2.5, sucks her thumb. How I wish she had been a pacifier user because we haven't been able to break the habit, which she does when she's going to sleep or upset.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I tried to take away our sons nuk when he was 18months. It didn't work, I wasn't ready. But, he was talking, a lot. So on his 2nd bday, it was his last day, and then we yanked it. Told him that Big Boys don't use them. He asked and whined for maybe, two days. Now he is 3 1/2, and it is so nice not to have a Big Boy using a babys nuk. My personal advice, is that past two, children are talking, they are little people, and need a little guidance. So they shouldn't have in anymore. It is something they find soothing, but many children do not come to the conclusion on their own, to give it up. Thats the same as thinking that they might learn everything...on there own. It won't happen. They need a role model.
Good luck

I could say I'm going through the same thing, but mine is only 2 years old. My husband wants to do away with it, me on the other hand say whenever. I remember sucking my thumb until I was 4 or 5; like you have a fear about. My mom and dad are psychologists and keep telling me to lay off, kids need the sucking sensation, some longer than others as it has to do with their mentality and calming themselves. We've tried taking it away now during the day for 2 weeks only giving it to her on naps and bedtime. However I've found she cannot calm herself when she gets very upset without one. So basically I feel your pain and if you find anything out let me know...though I'm also in no pressing hurry either.

I love how you are handling it already. If she only uses it in bed then what's the harm? You've given here a very attractive incentive and she is excited about it but obviously not ready to give the Nuk up yet. Give her time.

My son LOVED his "na na" what he called his nuk. My then husband and I agreed that we would retire the na na when he turned 2. A few months before his birthday we started telling him that on his birthday we would be too big to use his na na and that we would have to give them to the babies. We talked about this a fair amount right up until his birthday and then on his birthday he helped us to collect them all and put them in a gift bag for the babies. We told him how happy the babies would be to have his na na's and what a nice boy he was for giving his to them.

I think this helped him to prepare for no longer having his na na and he felt involved in the process too.

We took our kids pacifiers away cold turkey the day they turned 10 months old. There was a couple different reasons we did it this way (1) our pediatrician said that it's best for kids not to use them once they start getting teeth and (2) other moms I talked to said the younger you do it, the easier it is.

Good luck!

I guess this isn't as muchadvise as much as it is the same problem taken a different way. I recently took and threw away all of my 15 month old sons binkies (folks around here call them NUK's), and threw his bottles away also. I'm a single parent so I didn't have another party giving me advise which is sometimes not such a good thing.
The other day I got tired of digging his binkies and bottles out of the trash and other little stash spots around the house friend's houses and the car. So my delima now is that he seems really mad at me lately. I feel bad because maybe I should ahve waited and let him make up his own mind. I hated seeing him with a paci and having the inconvenience of still making bottles, yet it was working for him. I feel like I robbed him of that security. Now he seems to stick his hands in his mouth more, and he's extremely aggitated when it comes to laying him down for an nap. You can forget about end of the night folks because this little tirant is running the house till he passes out.
Not to mntion the fact that he seems to hav picked up more energie. I am an energetic person and active mother, but holy! I'm wondering where all this came from. I don't want to give in and give these things back to him as to not confuse him or...whatever. What should I do. I'm at my wits end and will do most anything about now even if that means giving in and buying more bottles and pacifiers.

At my whits end and going bald because of it,
Y.

My son is almost 2 and have many pacifiers. I wouldn't worry about it, especially since she only uses it to sleep of to help comfort herself. You could try to add in a special stuffed animal or a silky blanket. My daughter has a silky blanket that she sucks on for sleep and comfort and she's 3 1/2. I won't worry until my son is ready for school, by that time i hope its just a night time thing. IF your husband wants to take it away, have him do it and then he can be the one up all night trying to comfort her...then he won't think its such a good idea to take it away!! I believe when they are ready they will give it up.

Good Luck!!!
W.
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K.,
I LOVE the Nuk-Fairly idea. I think its wonderful. Your daughter will give it up when she is ready. Its a comfort and soothing thing and she will not need it forever. My daughter is 3 and sucks her thumb- its not like we can exactly throw that out to get her to stop :) You don't see any adults with thumb sucking or nuks so it does happen naturaly and I think we spend way to much time worrying about the when. I would continue to talk about the Nuk-fairy... its a strong motivator and she has expressed her excitement. One last idea is you might set her a deadline. We had to do that with potty training. So you might tell her that 4 year olds don't have nuks, when we get to be four we have to give our nuk to the nuk fairy. If thats too far away then something like New Years or Thanksgiving... have a reason why thats the deadline that makes sense to her and stick to it. You might even make the giving of the nuk a big celebration- special dinner or dessert, a special place to put the last Nuk, (like a gift she wraps up) maybe a special song that you sing all day becasue its the special Nuk giving day. Make it special and important so that she can remember that a little when she needs that soothing feel of the Nuk.
Anyway- good luck!
H. P

Hi K.,

My older sister had a similar idea. Her son Zac was almost 4 and still using a binky. She said the "Binky Fairy" was coming on his 4th birthday to take his binky's and give him a present. So they gathered all of them up and put them under his pillow, like a tooth for the tooth fairy, and the next morning there was a nice present by his bed. He never mentioned them after that. 4 seemed to be old enough to understand the concept and he was fine. Good luck!

T.

I can't give any advice because I have a 6 year old who still uses his pacifier. Same thing. At night and when he gets upset. And right after school when he needs to relax from the day. I figure he'll quit when he's ready and I don't stress it. Just sending this message to tell you you're not alone!

sometimes it's hard to know where the right time to stop is. Every kid is different and her personality may warrant it longer. But once they hit 3, you do need to think about their teeth. Even with sippy cups, that sucking momentum can push them out creating spacing problems. Yes, they'll lose their baby teeth, but you don't want to create issues with new teeth coming in behind because the baby ones have gotten so out of kilter.

I still think the best way to stop it, is all at once. it's done there's no wishy-washy, but there's still one more. yes, it may seem distressful for a few days, but they'll readjust.

My son had a blanket that he used to death and I went got something different that he liked and just switched them out. Still calling it by it's same name. And he didn't fuss about it. Just took it in stride.

Maybe you could get her a special sleep dolly.

Get rid of it now. It;s only one night of crisis and they forget about it. You do them a dis-service by letting them keep it because it will ruin teeth and they won't develop the skills they need to comfort them selves. A blanket or stuffed animal to replace it will ease the transition - but it's a bigger deal to you than it is to them. Just be firm and whatever you do - don't give it back once you take it away.

Hi K.:
My son just turned 4 on Sept 30th and pretty much had the "nuky" up until a month before that. He gave it up on his own. He just eventually forgot about it. My daycare provider told me about a study that said if you wean before they are ready that the child is likely develop an oral fixation and are more likely to develop a smoking habit. My son did not develop any teeth problems due to it, his teeth are perfect. I think that it is ok and she will give it up when she is ready.

My daughter was 3.5 when we went to the dentist and he said her teeth are not growing together in front because of her pacifier. If she didn't quick now, her bones may have formed around her crooked teeth and she would need braces! She only uses it to sleep at night (for comfort, I sucked my thumb for comfort until the age of 22...I really needed it...and I didn't want to take that comfort from her..but my teeth were fine). So we made the decision to quit, I thought her beautiful smile was more important.

So I made the hard decision to take her binky completely away from her. I sat down with her at night, put the binky in a "magical place" that the binky fairy could get to (not in her bedroom, but outsinde, and she's always wanted to sleep with the windows closed for fear the binky fairy would come and take her binky's when she's sleeping), with the promise that she could go to the toy store the next day and get any gift she wanted (within reason).

I told her what the dentist had told her earlier, that because her teeth were growing crooked, she couldn't have binkies anymore. She was ok with that. She went to sleep in our bed watching TV with me (so she didn't need her pacifier), and I moved her to her own bed once she was asleep. She woke up in the morning with a smile on her face (I think I was more traumatized than she was!). We went to the store and she got a doll.

The next night wasn't so easy. She went to bed just fine (in her own bed) but woke up for her binky at about 4:00A.M. and cried for an hour! I just held her and told her I loved her. My husband came in and told me to give her one, but she had been crying for an hour already and I didn't want all that crying to be in vein. After she fell asleep again, she was fine and hasn't cried since. Yahoo!

We have found binkies lying around that house, and we just say, "That darned binky fairy...she forgot another one!" We give each other a wink and a smile and go put it on the magic spot for her to take it that night.

I have to admit, the entire process was much worse for me than her, I was really surprised. Do it now before she gets old enough to really remember giving it up (like my step-daughter, she still feels sad and she had to give hers up when she went into kindergarten).

Oh, and my daughter has never been a thumb sucker, and still isn't today.

I personally think that she will give it up in her own time and that she won't be using it when she hits puberty. She will stop when she is ready. If you do decide to do it sooner, the gradual process as you already started with your great story is my vote for the way to go. Patience is the best medicine. I think us adults rush kids to independence.

Good luck.

I agree with your husband 100%. Throw them away. My two older kids did not take a pacifier, and my youngest was never offered one, but I had a nephew who was on one for quite some time, he was almost 3 when he was done with his. I personally feel that at the age of 3.5 kids are way to old for one. I don't know your entire situation, but I know for my sister, if was more a crutch of hers then it was an addition of the child. By that I mean, it was easier for my sister to keep him quiet and content, less stressful for her. Just give him his pacifier and he shuts up kind of thing.
Throw them away, your child willl get used to not having it, just be strong and don't give it back. It was much harder for my sister than it was for my nephew

A friend of mine cut the nipples off hers and gave them to her child. The child then gave up on them once there was nothing to "chew" on. Good Luck

Usually it is much worse for the parent and not the child.

We cut a small slit into all of my daughters pacifiers and within 2 days, she was "binkie" free and hasn't thought about it since. By looking at the binkie, you would never know anything had been done to it. Everytime she tried to suck on it, she'd get frustrated and throw it saying "it's broken!" Then she'd go get another one in the house, same thing. Same thing for the next one, etc. etc. The first night was really hard because she was so used to going to sleep with it so I suggest doing this on a weekend or some evening you don't have to get up early the next day.

I think it's an individual thing...depends on the child and the circumstances. I do think, though, that she is getting ready if she's interested in the Nuker Fairy...good idea!
~L.

PS~ although I think it would be funnier if you called it the Nuk-ie Fairy. SORRY!!!! Had to... :)

I say do what you think is best. My boys were both off of the nunnie by 2, only because they were only using it at night from 1yr old on. I was tired and working a lot when we took both of them away. So I did this, I didn't have daycare on a friday. My mom and dad were taking them both times. I told the daycare provider not to give them the nuks she had the thursday that my parents picked them up. They were so excited to go to grandma and grandpa's house they didn't even notice that I didn't bring any along on the ride to daycare. My folks picked them up and brought them to their farm where they played, did the chores, saw the animals, had lots of tractor rides. By thursday night they were so tired they just fell asleep after their baths, pretty much instantly. My parents did this all weekend. When they got home on sunday night they didn't even think to ask about the nuks. By the way while they were at the parents house I found every nuk and put it in the trash. Then put the trash in the dumpster, because I knew I wouldn't go dumpster diving in the middle of the night when they were screaming just to find one for them so they go back to sleep.

I personally would let her give it up on her own. My mom used to say how our pediatrician would take the paci's away from her when she would show up with us girls for our checkups and we had them... I went to sucking my thumb til I was waaaaay older than what your daughter would probably ever keep the paci for... I think the thumb habbit is alot harder to get rid of as the thumb is always there...

Even to this day at 38 years old, I sleep with my hand in an "L" shape with the thumb under my chin and fore finger up the side of my face... I don't suck the thumb, but the habit of my hand being there really never went away I guess...

Just my two cents... embarrassing as it may be...LOL.

L.

This is a new and fun solution that worked for us. My Abby (who turned four three weeks ago)had gotten worse and worse to the point where she had her "binki" all day and was throwing HUGE fits when she couldn't have one so we decided it was time to get rid of it. She had been asking for a Build-a-Bear for a while so I told her that she could "pay" with her binkis. We gathered up all that we could find and put them in her little purse. When we got to Build-a-Bear we told them we were here to "pay" with the binki's. The lady suggested that we put her favorite one INSIDE the bear and when ever she needed it she could hug her bear. She even named her bear Binki!! It has been 10 days and Abby hasn't had a binki once. I have to admit the first night was hard, she threw a fit for about 15 minutes, but the bear deffinatly helped soothe her. After the first night she didn't throw another fit she just hugs that bear and falls asleep! YEAH!! Good Luck!

I was in the exact same place as you just a few months ago. I talked up the 'PloopyFairy' and was ready to follow through when we found out she was going to need surgery. I was not going to take it away before her surgery. She kept it thru her surgery and then thru another week stay in the hospital. We knew she had another surgery scheduled 6 weeks later, so after that we were going to ave the fairy come, but she gave it up on her own. She will give it up when she's ready.

My son decided around a year old he wanted a pacifier, he found it in his toy box and up until then had never used one, I really didn't think anything of it. But my husband was like your husband I on the other hand really didn't care, the doctor was fine with it and he had been to the dentist numerous times and they said there is nothing wrong with it so in the end I let him decide when it was time, what I did do was, if we forgot it at home we didn't go back and get it, if he lost it in a store he had to wait until we got home to get a new one, he didn't always like it but rarely was he unbearable about it, and by age 4 - 4 1/2 it was gone he just slowly quit using it and I would follow his lead. Let her do it on her own when she is ready so will, have you ever seen a 20 year old sucking on a binky :). Good luck!

Throw the Nuk away. It's much less of an ordeal than you think. They only miss it for a day or two. My son was Nuk free in 2 days. And he hasn't put things in his mouth to compensate either.

My Peditrician told me he didn't care if my daughter had it until she was 5 if she needed it. She is 2 and uses it at nap/bed time

Hi K.,

I have 4 year old twins and understand what you are going through. Our girls also used their pacifiers only to sleep and shortly after they turned 3 we took them away. It didn't seem to affect them negatively and basically just told them that it was time. They already had favorite blankets so we told them that this would now take the place of their pacifiers. Great idea about the Nuk-er fairy though!!! Funny because it seems looking back that I have spent time thinking about how the girls would handle the different stages such as giving up bottles, pacifiers, diapers, etc and each stage has been a fairly smooth transition. Well good luck!!

it so happend we went thur this the past summer i took all my daughter nuk from her . it so happend that at the time we had some baby birds in a nest out back and we told her that the baby birdes need them so they took them and she still ask for them

Yes the fairy thing works great. I used this with both my kids! Oue rule when they started to walk was that they could only use it at bed and nap time. This rule also worked great. Then when they gave up naps around 2 years old, the fairy came. In my opinion 3.5 is too old to have a pacifier.

I will tell you even though my kids pacifier was taken away at two, both my kids have to have therapy for tongue thrusting due to sucking on the pacifier. The orthodontist said that without the therapy thier teeth will go right back inplace after braces. My daughter just finished the therapy and my son will have it in a couple years.

I do think some kids really NEED the extra sucking a pacifier provides, and that's ok, but if I had to do it over again I might have tried harder to not give it to them, especially my daughter.