It is seriously the last thing I've ever wanted for myself and for my baby. But it has been decided, boyfriend and I are splitting up. It is all a long, long story so I won't go into it here. I just need help, advice, practical how-to from mom's who have done it themselves.
A little background info on me: I'm 28 and originally from Hawaii but I've been living on my own in LA for 8 years now. I don't have any family near me and they are not in any financial situation to help either. I graduated last year with a master's in teaching history but I took this year off work because I became a mom. It is very difficult to find a teaching job in LA but I have to stay because I have to clear my credential here. I have A LOT of student loans to pay back from undergrad & grad school so I need to be working asap. Here's where I have a slight moral predicament: I've always wanted to be a teacher. I think teachers have a moral responsibility to set high expectations for themselves and for their students. When I went into grad school to become a teacher, I was ready to commit my life to my students and my craft for at least 5 years before having a family of my own. That changed 2 months before graduation. I got pregnant and motherhood came faster than what I'd hope. Anyway, every bone in my body still wants to be a teacher but I can't allow myself to be one because I know that having a baby at home with me, will not allow me to commit myself 110% to my students.
So other than this internal conflict I have about teaching, I am so scared to be a single mom. I don't even know where to begin. Do I find a lawyer first, before I move out of my boyfriend's place? Do I find a place first, and then speak with a lawyer? I have $0 to my name so lawyer and place do not even seem possible. How do single mom's balance work and taking care of a baby? It seems like it would be easier if my DD was in school already but she is only 6 months old. Does anyone know of a single mom support group in LA?
Thanks!
While I don't know about the legal side of things, I would imagine (and maybe you are still too much in the new baby fog to realise), that motherhood could give you so much more life experience, patience, insight and other intangibles that would be wonderful for a teacher to have. It could actually add to what you can offer to your students. Best of luck with everything. Set a great example to your little one, and I hope all goes well.
Good for you! You can do it! It's really difficult when they are so young and small but keep in mind... A happy mama is the best mama! You are not alone. L.A. is a big place, I'm not sure where you are geographically but I highly suggest joining a mommy group. Even if you only go a few times you may meet a lifetime friend and get some free babysitting! Search Meetup.com for single mom groups. I have a few single moms in my group based in Pasadena.. Www.meetup.com/mamasofsgv ... We have a lot of moms that work full time but have made great connections by just attending a few events. I know for a fact you can do it all and I know L.A. needs teachers like you! I think finding mamas you can relate to will help! Good Luck!
BREATHE......there is a lot of help all you have to do is ask! This is a good place to ask for help (I should know I've asked a lot lately). Google pro bono attorneys and get some advice that's a start. Pace yourself and try not to overwhelm yourself. If you can stay where you are great and remember he HAS to pay child support. If you have to move maybe look for a room for rent and start little and work your way up. You sound like a strong woman and I bet you can make it work. Let us know what happens
I have worked in Special Education as a teacher's aide since I became pregnant with my son. I was fortunate to be able to stay home with him until he was a year old, and then my husband lost his job and I had to go back to work. I filed for divorce 5 years ago, and have been happy ever since.
First, I would suggest at least getting a free consultation with a lawyer. That way you know what your options are. My lawyer asked for a small retainer, and was willing to wait until my case was over for the rest of his fees. You can also start getting child support to help you care for your daughter. This will give you peace of mind as well as help you make a decision about returning to work.
As far as teaching goes, if you love it as much as I do, you'll find that it's not that hard to focus on the students. I was able to find a really great daycare, and the fact that I am only working from 8 to 3 means I have a lot more time to spend with my child than most other working moms. I think being a mom makes you an even better teacher, because you have more empathy for what other parents are dealing with. You can start out as a substitute teacher to get your foot in the door and transition back into working. Or even look for part time teaching positions such as preschools or learning centers.
I would get as much info as you can so that you can go forward with a clear plan in place.
You can do it! Be strong and hang in there. I did it...well still doing it. Single mom of a 5 year old. I get absolutely NO support from her father (no financial, no mora, nothing)
I got pregnant while still in college and mange to graduate and started working. I have had help! Lots of help, from friends, neighbors and even strangers, just try to schedule and manage your time and try to start building some sort of network support.
If you need any more tips feel free to email me directly!
Good Luck!
Hi Alice, I am so sorry that you are in this position, nevertheless, it is time to dig your heels into the world because this may be just a bit bumpy. Good thing is that you have the right tools(Masters Degree). Now, only you can choose what you would want to do with those tools. You can raise a DD and offer your students the best you have, maybe not everything but, you can do it. I have seen it done, first things first, a job needs to be found. Secondly you need to speak with your boyfriend and find out how he is going to help support his DD. You can take this money and pay for childcare and a few other things depending on the amount. If that fails then yes, you may want to get a lawyer to help you sort out things. Your students would appreciate a teacher like you. Single parent, still hot!...Doing her thing. You are going to be tired but you will adjust and it will be a piece of cake. There are services for low income...just until you make the money you are worth. These services will help with child care and heath care. Here is one link: www.healthyfamilies.ca.gov and here is another http://www.ladpss.org/dpss/calworks/eligibility.cfm. I hope I have been helpful and not insulting. Please be encouraged..YOU CAN DO THIS GIRL!
These services will also make sure that your boyfriend pay child support for free. Look, I know its a lot to grasp all at once but you have a little one and you need to think of them and making sure that they are covered for healthcare and childcare. Then when you get a job making what you are worth drop the services and handle it yourself. They are just options and right now you may not have a lot.
