4 Yr Old Suddenly Not Wanting to Do Schoolwork

I don't think desk work is an age appropriate expectation. It's just not something 4 year olds are ready to do. I understand that you want to help prepare her for kindergarten, but it's really not necessary. Kindergarten teachers are wonderful at easing kids into the school setting. It's so much more important for you to let her take the lead. She'll be just fine in school.

Sounds like she's bored. If this is "not challenging material for her," why is it so important to you that she does it?

Let her take a break. Put the books away in a location she can see it. Wait for her to ask for it.

If it is important to you that she learns the skill of focusing with you on something for 30 minutes every day, change the activity. Maybe you could do some artwork or cooking project. Teach her to sweep the floor. Just mix it up a little.

Good luck!

Take a break. The last thing any child needs is a bad taste in their mouth over homework when they haven't even started school yet! Good luck!

I don't see that at 4 she needs any 'desk work'. Preschoolers learn by playing and by participating in the world around them. Anything you are trying to teach by telling her, she will likely learn better by seeing and doing. So - instead of looking at numbers on a page - count the cups of flour she is putting in whatever she is helping you cook. Have her identify the letters on the traffic signs - so she is 'helping' you drive.

And you are right about avoiding excessive praise - kids who are praised for it are LESS likely to try challenging things

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1122...

Let her be a 4 year old and play, play, play. Kids learn by playing, not by being forced to do school work when they are not even in school. What you are doing is having the opposite effect and will make her hate school and learning. Kids love learning in a playful way, so take her for walks to teach her about nature, to a museum of science to push buttons and have hands-on fun, to a play ground to feel the effects of gravity while learning first hand the basics of physics, etc. etc. You can explain if she asks questions, but lecturing will get tuned out.

Please don't do "schoolwork" with her. Focus on reading to her and making sure she has plenty of opportunities to learn the way a four year old learns: HANDS ON. Lots of sorting and counting with beads, coins and blocks, helping with cooking/measuring (math, spatial skills) markers/pencils/crayons, cutting, gluing and lacing (fine motor/early writing skills) working in the garden, observing animals and nature and weather (science) painting pictures, singing songs and listening to music (arts) helping around the house (personal/community responsibility) and of course lots of time outside learning how to swing, skip, balance and hop (gross motor skills/coordination.)
Even in kindergarten they only "work" in short stretches, like 15 to 20 minutes at a time, with lots of breaks and chances to get up and move around. She may have liked the work you were giving her before because it was a novelty, but at four years old that kind of thing gets old fast and just doesn't engage a child in the same way as real world learning. She has at least 13 years of school ahead of her, let her enjoy her last year of independent learning before it starts :)

LET IT GO. Of course she doesn't want to do it, she wants to play like any kid would. Let her be. If you want your child to be smart, intelligent and bright let her play and play and play. And as Albert Enstein said, "if you want your child to be bright tell them fairy tales, if you want them to be even brighter, tell them more fairy tales."
I suggest you do some research and see what intelligence is and how the brain really works. There is so much evidence now as to how children really learn.

In my opinion, preschool is more about socialization with kids her age and learning that there are rules to live by when in a group. So, when you said you were working on preschool stuff, I envisioned my sons' wonderful preschool where they learned to share, to express themselves orally at circle time, to listen when someone is speaking, to help prepare the snack, table manners, toilet manners, hand-washing, staying in line, picking up toys (even if they didn't make the mess), and not even realizing that by the end of 2 years they had also learned to read small words, count, add/subtract, and make wonderful artwork with their names written BY THEMSELVES on it. So, my advice is to keep it light and fun. She must be sensing the inner tiger mom coming out of you. My son can tell when I'm a tiger mom. I was a little too on top of him with his homework the other day, and it was his first homework of Kindergarten. He was so incredibly excited to receive it. He craves learning. I have found it best to try to suggest what I think would be fun to teach him, and he typically wants to give it a try for a little while anyway. He's 5.5 now. My younger son is 3.

You seem very driven and intelligent. I am sure your daughter is as well. You have to decide how much you are willing to push her. There are pros and cons to every method. My parents didn't push me at all, and I received almost all As my entire life. My husband's parents were very pushy, and he also received high grades and has achieved a lot of success in his career. We haven't pushed our kids too much (yet), but I hope they have the work ethic to pursue their dreams as they have seen demonstrated by us.

Her response is telling you everything you need to know. A four year old should not be doing school work. You are not making her more intelligent by forcing her to do daily work books at an age (and for an amount of time) that is simply not developmentally appropriate.

I think the power struggle you are engaging in with her, runs the risk of making her resistant to learning. It sounds like she is already struggling with issues of perfectionism -- which is not a good thing, because perfectionist don't always excel -- some simply won't engage for fear of failing.

Is she going to preschool? She'll be learning all she needs there simply by engaging socially, and learning to sit and listen to a teacher and follow directions. At home, I'd let her relax and enjoy her childhood.

Take your cues from her as to what her interest and attention level is at this age. I would put away the work books and not make it a pressure or a battlefield. Learning is not filling out answers on a piece of paper at this age (or most ages) -- it is a developing and evolving mind that is grasping new concepts -- and the most important thing you can do is instill a love of learning. There are far more interesting,engaging and developmentally appropriate ways for her to learn at this age -- that she will embrace and enjoy -- but most of them don't even remotely resemble "schoolwork".

I would give it a break. Instead put the work books on a shelf.. Maybe if she ever wants to play school you can pull out the books. you be the student, she can be the teacher and then "trade places".

Or maybe you can ask her to help YOU do a work sheet.

It was our daughter who wanted to do worksheets and "homework" she enjoyed it. Let your daughter lead the way.. We kept some of the fun workbooks in the car so when we ate out we could all work on them together.

FYI, This is why I never considered Homeschooling. Our daughter liked me being mom and liked having her teachers at school. She had very defined ideas about how she wanted things to be kept separate. .

If you can't accept that possibility that 30 minutes of school work a day is too much to ask a 4 year old, then I'm not sure why you are writing here. I hope that you will accept the possibility that you are expecting too much out of your daughter. If you don't, she will dig in her heels and you will wish you hadn't pushed her.

Right now she is supposed to learn by playing. Not by doing "school" at home. If you don't know how to teach her these things by doing fun stuff, research it. You can teach her all this stuff in ways other than the way she doesn't want to do it.

It doesn't matter if she is smart. It's like potty training. Some kids are ready at 2 and some aren't ready until 4. You cannot MAKE your daughter be emotionally ready to do this.

While you are playing with her, use manipulatives that you find wherever you are to do math. The store, the playground, everywhere you go. But not worksheets. Not sit down math. If she is as smart as you think she is, she doesn't need to learn all this before kindergarten. The reading she enjoys is what is most important. Read, read, read to her, fun books, without treating her like she has to DO something with it to make you happy.

I promise you that you'll both be happier if you let up on this. And she will still do fine in kindergarten.

Good luck,
Dawn

preschool is about creativity, play and imagination.My thought is, let a kid be a kid. She has her whole life to be in "school." Go at her pace, not yours. Same approach with potty training, if a child is not ready, let it go and watch for signs that she is ready. The more you focus on it, the more she is going to push it away. I know you say you are not pushing it, but sounds like she is telling you it is too much. back off for awhile and let her take the lead.

It's only 20 - 30 minutes, but in a four year old brain that is a loong time. When my son started part time preschool the desk work was broken up throughout his time there. The first ten minutes was practicing their name and then they went on to centers. When they did journaling, it was for five or ten minutes. They never did paper work for very long in one sitting. If you feel like it is a valuable experience for her, try breaking it into tiny parts. Ten minutes here or there. I taught middle school math and even at that age it was recommended to only "teach" in fifteen minute intervals. The kid brain goes into overload and then they shut down, even with "easy concepts. The other factor may be that this is the way she has decided to exert her independence. It sounds like you are doing a lot of hands on work with her, so I wouldn't be overly concerned about the writing part just yet.

As someone else posted - based on your "so what happened" update, it's not clear that you're really open to what folks are suggesting here; you did ask for opinions but don't seem to want to reconsider that half hour of "desk work" each day.

Sure, she's been doing nicely with it -- so far. But now the novelty is wearing off for her. She has been enjoying it -- to a degree. But did you consider that much of that enjoyment has likely come from knowing she was pleasing you, not from any innate love of "desk work"? Please consider that these factors are now what you're dealing with -- the novelty is gone for her, and she was pleasing you but now that's worn off too.

Four year olds who do pencil-and-paper worksheets daily may seem to be getting ahead, but you may be setting her up for resisting you and even resisting her kindergarten teacher next year. You clarify that you are doing lots of creative play, outdoor play, etc., but she's four. At that age they are starting to assert themselves and their wants. All the play time in the day won't make her more accepting of the desk work if she has begun to resist it. And frankly if you turn it into a discipline situation --do the desk work or you'll get this consequence -- you risk really turning her off this type of work, which she will need to do willingly in just a few years, and you don't want her associating it with discipline.

At four, the activities you mention she already does are her learning opportunities: Helping in the kitchen becomes math as she counts the grapes, adds or subtracts them, measures things, etc. Playing outside is science: She collects things, you find out their names, she writes simple labels for her own "museum." If she's a good writer, let her make her own grocery list for the next time you go to the store together (spellihg does not matter). Reading with her, which you're already doing, will help her learn to read better and better. Have her listen to books on CD at home and in the car -- that builds her imagination and comprehension. Take her to every museum you possibly can, even ones that aren't "kids' museums," and do a little research in advance to help her enjoy them as you tell her about things on her level. Folks who posted earlier had plenty of other great ideas.

I also would consider a preschool. I don't know if you have a specific reason you're not sending her to one, but preschool is about much more than the academics. Children in kindergarten are expected to be able to be absolutely ready to do the following:

Listen to, and obey, an adult who is not a parent or caregiver they know well.
Switch from activity to activity quickly and without fussing or resisting (it's time to leave art and go to story time, or it's time to stop playing and put away the toys, etc.).
Get along with other children and learn not only to share, but also to cooperate.

These and other social and group skills are ones that a good preschool helps a child develop, because when the child gets to K, the teacher has no time to work on this. Schoolteachers now are so pressed to fit in specific curriculum during specific "instructional time" that they can't do a lot to help a child learn these basics. So even if your daughter is good as gold, shares on playdates, and likes other adults, being in the school-like setting of a preschool can help her learn these skills before kindergarten, in ways that I think can't be taught at home because she's not part of a peer group at home, and she's not being told to do things by an adult who is not a parent.

If you don't like the replies you're seeing here, try asking an elementary teacher if daily desk work, however short, is age-appropriate at four, even for a very bright four-year-old. See what he or she says and go with that, whatever it is.

No, she won't be able to explain. Four-year-olds can't do that well. Forty-year-olds sometimes can't do much better.

However, your daughter's being upset when she doesn't get things perfect makes me wonder. Is she thinking, "If I don't get this right, will Mama be mad at me?" I don't know if that's the case, but you might want to let her know that not getting it perfect is okay. In fact, the reason people do homework is because it takes time to learn things well. It's all right to make mistakes!

Have you thought of taking a break? Your deciding to do that isn't giving in or giving up. It's simply getting away from the project for a while. Do the other activities - read the books - work (and play) in the kitchen. Concentrate on the relationship.

Maybe at the end of two or three weeks she'll ask to try the desk work again, and you can say, "Well, we'll go back for a while, but you need to remember that it's all right to make mistakes when you learn."

I would just take a break from it for awhile. Maybe wait until after Thanksgiving. Just do fun stuff with her, no desk work. She's only four. Is she a first born or only child? I found with my first born that he was so hesitant to make mistakes. He would rather not do something and not risk failing than give something a try. I think it is partly because our whole world revolved around him doing new things and doing them well or right. To us, it wasn't about failing or not, but about being excited for him. But, I think sometimes they take it to heart in a different way.

I'd just back off totally on worksheets. If she asks for them, casually give her one. If she changes her mind, just say okay and put it away. Nothing else. It isn't a big deal. You might even wait until Jan if you think you really must train her to sit in a desk and work on paper. Four is the age for exploring and playing. I think we push them into academics way too early to be honest.

Since Thanksgiving is coming up maybe give her a "school" holiday. Mark it on the calendar that "school" is closed until the 28th. Then when school is starting back up again - literally go school supply shopping - new crayons, paper, etc. She may just need a break.

Also, try going back to work that she already knows - she may need a confidence boost - it happens sometimes, especially when they are younger and learning new material.

My friend runs an in-home day care, which includes her own children, and has school time everyday for 30 minutes to an hour depending on the age of the children. Your 20-30 minutes a day is completely normal and moderate.

Good Luck

I think you just need to come up with a daily routine like school would.

I don't think 20-30 min is too much to ask but keep in mind she sounds as though she is already ahead. Pushing her to read is ok if she is eager to do so but it sounds as though she is not ready.

My daughter is in an awesome preschool and it's highly unlikely she will be reading by the end of the year. My oldest was in the same preschool and she wasnt, yet she was one of the top students in her kindergarten class last year and is reading like crazy this year!

Oh and FYI my oldest is a perfectionist too that may also be the reason she is resisting. My daughter hates making errors so she would just rather not do the work. Even though I never fault her. Also, in school she is the ideal student, at home its like pulling teeth to do homework.

I would read some books in early child development. I am in the play in preschool camp, but I'm not a child development expert. I work with experts and am happy to ask them if there is an appropriate book that addresses your concerns.

They have told me that children do not develop impulse control until sometime after age 5 so there are things that little ones simply are not capable of doing. More compliant children are easier to impose upon, but it sounds like you want your child to enjoy learning not just do what makes you happy.

It's hard for any of us to know what to do, but there are resources.

L

I had the same issue with my daughter. And I found a solution that worked for her. It was a reward chart. I told her evertime she did good about her homework, I would move her up. On the tenth day she would get something from the store.( Affordable of course) but Im telling you once she started fussing," I dont want to do this", I would remind her if she continues to be difficult she wouldnt beable to move up the chart. It took only one warning. :) Hope that gave you a different idea.

My daughter did/ does the same thing. Most of the time she wanted to read a book to me or write in her phonics book or work on her numbers. But, all of a sudden for a few weeks or month she would want to do anything and we wouldn't. Then, I would try again and see. All of a sudden she would want to work on everything again. Maybe you could try that?

Maybe you have to do it in short, like 5 minute chunks?

Also, find ways to do it by playing. I'm not sure how you are actually approaching it, but maybe a trip to a teacher supply store would help. Avoid the workbook section of the store, and focus on using manipulatives to learn math and maybe word puzzles or something. My son LOVED the Melissa and Doug word puzzles; I just wish they came with a zillion more words. There are similar things at teacher stores though.

I LOVE this store; not sure how close they locations are to you. http://www.lakeshorelearning.com/general_content/store_lo...#

Here's a picture of the Melissa and Doug word puzzles.
http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-2940-See-Spell/dp/B000...

I haven't read all your responses so if I repeat sorry in advance, I really don't think 4 year olds should be doing desk work. unless they just want to. you might try leaving a fun work book out on her desk and just letting her choose to do a worksheet. but not as a regular required part of the day. I have a 6th grader and he should be doing desk work, and believe me you don't want to be facing the homework struggles that I'm facing now, it only gets worse if you are setting up the behavior now it will grow bigger and bigger. we have had to hire a private tutor to work with my son to help take some of the homework stress off of me, (wont go into details but he is gifted and hates to do homework)

that being said one of the things we learned from our school counselor is that children should do about 10 minutes of homework per grade, per school day, so 1st graders do ten minutes and 6th graders do 60 minutes (give or take a few) I think the idea of teaching her skills as part of everyday life is really the direction to go in, like counting grapes or how many spoons to use when setting the table, picture grocery lists with quantities and those kind of things, there are so many ways to teach without desk work.

I also am a firm believer that we need to teach our kids to say "NO" and set boundaries with others (including adults) in a safe environment, so that they learn that their "no" can really mean NO. you never know when she will need the skill of saying "NO" to a classmate or potentially an adult (God forbid) although I understand as a parent sometimes their refusal to do something just isn't okay either.

I think it is great that you are trying to proactively get her ready for school and instill some sense of scheduling and designated learning time. If this is something you believe in, then you can't give in. 4 is old enough to do 30 minutes per day and also old enough to learn to do something that she doesn't want to do. That said, I love the idea of Lesley's to use this Thanksgiving break as an excuse to take a school break too so you sort of give her a pass on it without giving in. Next week, before the designated "holidays", if you want to continue this I think you will have to either discipline her or cajole her into it. Why not change the curriculum to "science" or "medicine" with a fun project in the dirt outside or making a fun experiment inside? Or change to art where she can make a project book to give everyone at Christmas. That way you aren't giving in. If she still balks, stay firm and just put your foot down. I think you are a great mom for doing this!