3 1/2 Year Old Acting Out

I am reading a booking titled "Your Three Year Old...Friend or Enemy" by Louise Bates Ames that my therapist recommended. Yes, therapist...that's how nuts I am with my 3 year old and 18 month old. By page 4, it described my son to a t and by page 7 I was feeling 100% better that he is totally normal. Basically, there are stages of equilibrium followed by disequillibrium which is what your daughter is in. Seems to go in 6 month increments. Our son just turned 3 last month but he is already showing behavior of three and a half. Check out her books...she has them for each year and will make you feel tons better that your daughter is going through the normal growth phases. Good luck and we will get through this!

Hi M.. My son, like many other's, went through this same stage. He's still in it actually. We have good days and bad days. The times I really notice him acting up is when he doesn't have my attention. But lets face it. They can't have our attention all the time!! I've found that if I schedule time with him during the day to have quality one on one time, (with out phone ringing or e mail checking) that this has helped tremendously. Since his little brother has been born, I've noticed this behavior get worse. I really think its just looking for attention. Try the book love and logic. That really helped me to show love and teach when they do something wrong verses punishing all the time. I hope this helps, and good luck!!

Hi M.,
Even the sweetest personalities will test their parents at times. Try to praise her a lot for the positive things she is doing: "I like the way you are playing so nicely", "I like the way you are sitting nicely on the couch". "Thank you for sharing that toy - you are such a big girl". When she does something dangerous or rebellious, remind her that behaviour is not a good choice and if she does it again, put her in time out and explain why she is in time out. If she leaves, calmly put her back in. When time out is done remind her why she was in time out and explain what a good behavious is:" The couch is for sitting". She will eventually do things to get positive praise and the negatives will decrease.

Sounds exactly like my 3 1/2 year old daughter : ) It seems that the sequence of warning of the consequence if the undesired behaviour continues and the prompt follow through when it does, is key. It is an ongoing battle, but eventually she gets it and then its good for a few days.
A friend of mine got good advice when her daughter was at that stage that the time out really only starts when there is no more crying, screaming or whining, so that eventually got the time out affair down to the time it really should take from 20+ minutes to accomplish a 3 min time out. We are still working on this part with our daughter : )

As frustrating as it is, I think it is another testing phase they need to get through.

So, good luck to both of us : )
D.

Always reward the positive. It works much better than punishing the negative. Making charts of good behavior with rewards like picnic with Mommy after she fills a row. (Have a little picnic as soon as the baby takes a nap.) My guess is that she wants one-on-one time with you. Use stickers or something fun that she would like. Don't settle and accept this as normal.

I believe it's normal when kids are trying to have some control over their lives....that it's possible they are not getting to make enough of their own choices...try looking into love and logic....

My son was that way too! My hubby and I thought we were the luckiest people in the world because our angel never went through the terrible twos. Then he turned three...I think the blank stare was the worst.

I started getting down to his level and making him look into my eyes while I talked. I was firm but not mad. I tried to act as though he wasn't "getting to me". Sometimes it worked.

Hopefully these responses make you feel better. It's nice to know that you aren't the only one who goes through these things! Good Luck.

This is so normal- sometimes kids have the terrible 3's and not 2's. It is all about growing up and figuring out the world. There are tons of books out there on just 3 year olds- it really helps put perspective on what is happening in their little minds so we can help them grow and learn without tons of yelling and demands.
We went thru it too- no worries, it is not easy but with all the support out there and knowledge we can call help one another.

M.,

I was thinking the same thing wit hmy three year old. I have the same problems. It just seemed that no amount of punishment would work. All of a sudden within a couple of weeks things just got better. I sat with my sister, she has a daughter the same age, and saw that she was having the same issues. I think it is an age thing and eventually thye will come out of it. We just have to be patient and keep inforcing the rules. Good Luck!

M.

My 3.5 year old is doing the same things! I take her to daycare 5 days a week and at least once a week, guaranteed, she throws a fit when I drop her off. just today I asked her if she was going to be good when I dropped her off, she looked at me with those puppy dog eyes and shook her head no...eerrggg!!! I think it is a stage, they are learning what different attitudes are, how to turn them on and off and how to get people to react to them. I got my daughter to walk in the room by herself because, sadly I know, I bribed her...but the spankings and "punishments" weren't phasing her! She was asking for cake all morning at home, I said she could have some when we got home, when she started her little episode, I told her the cake was gone, she straightend right up. I think if you can punish her with something that is fresh in her mind, something she really wanted not too long ago, then there's a better chance of getting something positive from her out of it...Good luck!

i hate to tell you but its really not the terrible twos but the three and fours!! i have 4 kids,and only the last one one good at those ages-the 3 GIRLS were monsters until their 5th birthdays! but then they turned good again! hang in there its just another stage! :)