2.5 Year Old Playing "Dumb"

Keep teaching. He is retaining. Ignore the negativity, and when he answers you with the wrong answer, make it funny -- tickle him and say no silly -- yesterday was ....blank... today is .......

Also, if he is not responding, go back and "play" learning later. He is 2 and a half. He isn't applying to Harvard next year. Be happy you are blessed with a bright child and praise him when you see him retain knowledge or do something you never knew he could.

Remember. HE IS TWO AND A HALF. It goes by far too quickly to worry about anything other than loving him.

You are over thinking this way too much. It's great your interested in helping to raise your boyfriend's child but if your going to do that you should read up a little on child development and parenting. The fact that he doesn't answer questions the exact same way you want him to every time you ask is very typical for his age, he's not "playing dumb" he's being a normal 2 year old. Sometimes they regress a little , sometimes they want to have some control over you and the situation and sometimes they think it's hysterical to give you the wrong answer. I would argue that all of these reactions are teaching him something about his world and how to navigate it. Sometimes the "right" answer isn't what you may think it is, he's not a little computer, he's a little person. It's great to teach him the alphabet and to count but keep the formal lessons to a minimum at this point. He is learning every minute of the day in ways we don't even understand. The best way to help him develop and get ready for school is to play games with him, color, take walks, talk about the world, and read, read, read! He won't know he's learning anything, there won't be a right answer, you'll all just be having fun. Your instinct to turn off the TV is right on. Don't worry about what other family members think just be a postitive influence on him in a loving and fun way and you'll both be better for it.

I hate to chime in and say anything about the possibility of his being "gifted". But it is a possibility you might need to consider. My daughter is gifted. And one of the things that was a HUGE indicator to ME early on (aside from her own eagerness to learn things and the ease with which she DID learn) was that when she knew something (like that it was Tuesday) and we asked her (like a little fun game to let her show what she knew) she was intentionally answer with the wrong answer. There was no mistake.. she KNEW she was giving the wrong answer. If I laughed it off... she would continue and name every other possible wrong answer and "ignore" the correct one. Whether it was because she was insulted that we asked such a "simple" question or b/c her sense of humor was also advanced... I will probably never know. Every once in a while she will do this even now (she is almost 9).

You can't control how other people relate to him, but keep talking to him and teaching him during those "teachable moments" and keep reading and all the other wonderful things you are doing with him. Continue to provide him with opportunities to expand his knowledge and ability. Just be sure to let him lead. When he is ready to play... play.

Hang in there!

He sounds like such a bright boy! So bright, that maybe he's bored by performing his knowledge for you! I think exposing him to the info is great, and it sounds like he enjoys that. It also sounds like he doesn't like being tested about this info and prefers to give you a hard time about this. He's not playing dumb. He's playing you! He's bored and playing you is making this exercise more fun. My advice would be that when it's time to enroll him in preschool, seek out a developmental preschool for him. I don't think he'll need to spend his preschool time learning shapes, colors, etc. He knows that. He should be in a school where play and socialization are stressed.

No worries!

C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com

it sounds like he is annoyed with you. "Hey, I counted to 20 once and you make me do it again? Well maybe if I get it wrong you will leave me alone." LOL Why do you make him repeat it if he got it right the first time? Perhaps he likes the attention he gets at his mom's house. If he cant feed himself then she has to be there to feed him.
I babysit occasionally for my 3 y/o grand daughter and she ALWAYS comes with a sippy cup. Then she will hold the sippy cup and suck her thumb. I ask her to put the cup on the counter because I dont "allow drinking in my living room." (a ploy)She willingly does this and then does NOT suck her thumb at all. As soon as her mom comes to get her she runs for the sippy cup and plops the thumb in her mouth. I have told her mom about it and mom says "oh shes just a baby." Her other grandmother also lets her have the cup.
So you see kids will adapt to different rules in different homes. Keep having fun with the boy while teaching him, but dont worry about him regressing.

It must be very difficult for him to be that young and already have 2 sets of parents who treat him differently. Even if his mom is treating him too much like a baby, it sounds like you are doing the other extreme and drilling/testing him too much. Expose him to things (like counting and days of the week) in fun ways and move on. Making him show you that he knows it when you already knows that he does seems to be putting stress on him, which is why he resorts to the baby/I-don't-know-this attitude because apparently he LIKES being babied. He's 2.5. Allow him to be a toddler. If he has the IQ to learn the higher skills, he will learn them whether you "test" him on it or not. Allow him to absorb the info and then let him show you when and if he feels like it that he knows it and remembers it. My daughter was reading by the time she was 4.5, so I know what it's like to have a smart kid. Quit pressuring him to perform what he knows and just be happy he knows it.

Hi Jen,

I haven't seen the other answers you received, but my first thought was that he could be challenged in a different way. It seems that when he answers your questions correctly the first time, you should move on to something else. He's playing with you until he gets bored by answering incorrectly after he's already answered something correctly. Kids are so smart! Not much gets by them. He could be learning multiple languages at this stage. I would suggest that you keep him challenged, instead of reiterating so much. But it sounds like you're doing a great job in spite of "the others". ;)

"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA

I think you are right - he is very smart. So smart, in fact, that he is playing you against his mother. Maybe he feels he has no control over where he spends his time, so he is controlling what he knows he can.

My son is 16, extremely smart, but the minute he got into structured school, it was "my way or the highway". He still is having trouble listening to others, and has hated school from the beginning.

We as parents were not very consistent, since the first two children were easy, and it didn't matter so much. But my husband is tolerant and lenient, and I am more structure oriented, so all along, he played us off each other; this was a strain on our marriage. But since it sounds like he spends a significant amount of time with the ex, you cannot have real consistency without agreement between the two parties.

I would suggest family counseling with both sides at the same time, for the boy's sake. He sounds very much like my son many years ago. I'm blogging about it as a matter of fact, so you can read more if you like at www.pyramidofpotential.com/blog - 5 lessons learned while raising a defiant 16 year old.

Best of luck!

I would lay off the "teaching" a 2and half year old. His job is to play. He will learn through play. Reading him books every day, Telling silly stories, using measuring cups into large pails. Running jumping.. What difference does it make to a child of 2 what day it is?

Now knowing the difference between 2 cookies and 3 cookies matter in his world. Being able to choose the red shirt or blue shirt matter..

I think he remembers but remember children this age still want to be a baby sometimes. To be cared for. That is part of being a toddler. Once again he is only 2.

Also I do not care for the word "Dumb".. In our home that is considered a potty word..

Its great that your teaching him all this stuff, but the fact of the matter is HE is still young. Let him be young. It's very typical at this age that children memorize sequences. (reciting numbers 1-20 or their ABC's) Most of the things you are pushing him to do, he will learn in Kindergarten.
Ease up a little. Your little one is not playing dumb, but just being a typical 2.5 year old.

> We just want him to feel happy about learning and feel proud of
> himself rather than taking learning as a negative experience.

So put yourself in his shoes. If someone is at you to do something, does that make you happy?

In general, I notice that girls are more eager to give right answers and do things in a particular sequence. Boys, not so much. Our son does this when he's not interested anymore. It's more fun to give wrong answers then. Doing something just for the sake of doing it didn't fit into the interesting category. However, if something has a point, like counting for a hide and seek game, then it was right on.

I would suggest trying to find activities he can apply his skills to instead of repetition and rote. I would also like to add that there are more types of intelligence than being able to memorize a large amount. People are very successful when they have skills in reasoning, or problem solving, or creative thinking. People are good at different things.

Let go of the babying the other people are doing. Your boyfriend's son is definitely smart enough to realize what they are doing and also what you are doing and he will respond accordingly. You are doing a great job. Remember there are many ways to learn other than Q&A , flashcard types of things.

-- response to your update --

The last sentence jumps out for me. Maybe he has learned that 'forgetting' gets him the attention from you and your boyfriend. I am in NO WAY suggesting not to give him that attention, but maybe give him his needed attention in other ways and this forgetting will disappear.

I also understand you spend a lot of time with him and do give him attention. The point I am trying to make is being aware of his perception of receiving attention. Search for Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages" and you will find that acts of service are a way people feel loved. So, perhaps for him, you feeding him is his language for hearing that "yes, you really do love him".

Hope that helps

He's only 2 1/2. My youngest son could count to 20 and say his ABCs by the time he was 18 months old. It didn't mean that every day we had a teaching session of some kind. In fact, the way he learned those was I would say them at diaper changes so it was just a fun distraction while changing him.

While I completely agree with making sure you are teaching him things, I think you should back off the every day thing and make the teaching like playtime...not school. If he starts to act like that, he is obviously telling you he is done and doesn't want to "do school" anymore. Let him have that. He's 2!!

You are worried he is going to have a negative attitude towards learning because of the family members who are not pushing him right along with you when in reality, if he comes to have a negative attitude towards learning, I would think it would come from the excessive pushing of your boyfriend and you. There is a fine line and moderation is key with EVERYTHING.

He's 2. Repeat it a few times. He's 2. The fact he's answered correctly once or twice shows he knows it...move onto something else.

I'll echo what other moms have said. Quit with the memorization, drill work and repetitiveness. 1. He's bored 2. The most important factor in teaching kids to problem solve, inspire creativity and gaining the internal motivation to learn is by letting him play. There is more to school, life and relationships than counting to 10 and learning the ABCs and that's most likely what he's trying to teach *you*. GL!

He is learning. He is still only 2. My very bright 9 year old would skip 33 until he was almost through kindergarten. We called it the 3 phobia. Keep up what you are doing and when he misses one just correct him. When he gets to kindergarten you will have taught him all his colors, numbers, letters and so much. He will be happy at that point ot show off what he knows to his teacher.
You and your BF are doing a great job.
You might also let up on him when he gets "bored". Do things a little different. ON a walk have him get so many leaves, 5 or 10. He may only have rote memorizion down and not one to one counting yet. It will come.

Maybe give it a positive outcome. Maybe a special trip to the library or a bike ride for the times he remembers without being prompted to remember. Maybe have a special game for him to play as a reward when he does the stuff correctly. Ignore the other stuff he is probably doing it for attention. Focus on the positive when he does something correct reward him. Wow that was great which game do you to do. Or have a bag of stickers and let him pick out one sticker every time he does something positive.