2 Dinner Issues 3Yr Old ..what Would U Do

I decided early on that I was not interested in dinner time drama OR food power struggles.
No toys at the table.
Serve dinner.
When he's done, let h get down.
What's the harm in a bowl of cereal before bed? I don't see it.
My son is almost 10 and there are about 2 foods he doesn't like and he sits with is and eats dinner every night.
I'm a firm believer that 3 is a busy age and they're just too "on the move."
No I'll effects from that philosophy here.
Good luck.

Stop. ONLY do what is acceptable. No emotion from you. Only reinforcement and explanation. NO CAVING.

I might be the only one who does it, but my son has his own dinner "menu" he chooses from. He has a choice to eat what I made or pick a main, side and get water or milk off his menu. Food shouldn't be a struggle, if it means I make something i know he will eat then fine. Seriously forcing a kid to eat something they don't want doesn't teach them anything when I could walk into any resturant or store and pick what I want.

It is dinner or nothing. He won't starve. Stop caving in. No playing at the dinner table.

My Pediatrician told me the kids control how much they eat but we control what they eat. He said to make sure it's healthy choices, especially when their appetite is low.

He also said they won't starve so letting them go hungry when they won't eat the healthy dinner is okay. It sounds like your son is hoping for something better later. I used to wrap their dinner when they wouldn't eat with the family and reheat it later when they decided they were hungry. They figured it out pretty quickly.

I never stressed out over food. Just make dinner and if he's not hungry set it aside and offer to heat it up later if he wants. Just give him a limit, like no more than 30 minutes before bedtime.
I also wouldn't have a problem with cereal as a snack or even as a dinner substitute, as long as it's not sugary. Three year olds aren't always that hungry at dinnertime anyway.
But I would NOT be feeding him at this point, he's way too old for that, and of course talking and laughing is fine but I wouldn't have any toys at the table, it's too distracting.

In our house, dinnertime has always been dinnertime. Not playtime. No tv, no distractions, just the plate in front of you. I worked for families as a nanny long before I became a mom, and saw that when toys/distractions (books, tv) were added at mealtimes, meals often became disjointed, with the kids saying "I'm hungry" about an hour later or so.

You need some new, consistent rules.

1. No toys/distractions (books, tv--anything that keeps us from focusing on eating) in the kitchen at mealtimes. Make a clean sweep before you start dinner. Let him know "no toys in here right now. You can play in the living room." (My rule in my house is no toys in the kitchen, period. That's my workspace.)

2. Have dinner at the same time each night. If you are offering a snack before dinner to tide him over, make it veggie sticks, almonds, some apple slices... just a little, and always healthy choices.

3. Sit down together. YOU eat your own food while he's eating. Do not feed him. He is a big boy now, and he feeds himself. Talk about dinner, the day, how you are enjoying your meal.

4. Explain, before the meal each and every night for a while (because he'd learning a new routine) "This is our dinner time. I'm going to eat my dinner. You will eat your dinner. When you get down, your food is all gone for today. No cereal later."

5. When he gets down, remind him "Be sure your tummy is full. This is dinner. No snacks later on." Then ask once, right then: "Do you want to eat a little more?" and let his actions be your guide.

6. When he gets down, immediately clear his plate. Don't make a big deal out of it, just do it calmly.

7. Then, stick with your plan. Later when he asks for cereal, just remind him "eating time is all done".

Unless a child is going through a growth spurt-- or unless you are eating dinner several hours before bedtime-- most kids are fine with going to bed without cereal or extra snacks. (If you must offer a snack, then offer something healthy and wholesome.)

The problem I have seen with the cereal is that both kids and parents use it as a fallback. The kid who doesn't care for dinner might not eat much because they rely on having the yummy stuff later on. The parent who is struggling with that kid will use the cereal because it's easy for them. We don't want to feel bad about sending our kids to bed hungry when *they* chose not to eat at dinnertime. Kids need to learn to eat what's served and *when* it is served;your kitchen is not a restaurant.

The first few days will be tough, but this is one of those times when you do not want to cave in and give your son *your* authority in the situation. He will challenge you on this. It doesn't mean he's starving, it just means that it's not convenient for him. :) When my son fiddles around at the table and is mad that we're all done and he's still asking for more food, I say "yes, you can have more food at breakfast time". It's great that you are addressing this now-- I've seen it go on for much longer with some families and it was maddening to watch. And if he loves cereal, offer him an extra bowl as a morning or early afternoon snack. Make sure he's hungry when he comes to the table, too. In our home, afternoon snack for my five year old is at 2:30-3 or so, and dinner is served around 5:45-6ish.

And be good to yourself during this time, too. It's hard to break bad habits, and it's so good you are wanting to do it now while he's still young. Good luck!

What time are his meals and snacks?

Is he not hungry because of a late afternoon snack? Or is he just not liking the food you prepare?

Also no toys or tv during meals..

I learned with our daughter she did best with very small portions.

She also did not like sauces on her food. Casseroles are still not her favorite.

I could put the sauce on the side of her food an she would dip the food in the sauce. She still is not that fond of salad dressing, so She tossed the light dressing on her salads.

Instead of a "salad".. I would place 3 cucumbers, 3 baby carrots, 2 cherry tomatoes, and a few leaves of lettuce or spinach on her plate.

Then a tablespoon of rice/pasta,beans.. maybe 3 or 4 pieces of grilled chicken/steak/fish..

NO bread, or rolls for any of us. Otherwise she would fill up on the bread.

If she ate the rice, I gave her a little more. No comments about how I noticed she had eaten it.

Same with the rest of the meal. She ate some green beans, I placed a few more on her plate. ..

I made sure she had a small plate and a small fork or spoon.

If it was something new, we tried not to discuss it too much in front of her.

If she started playing at the table, I knew she was finished. She would ask, "may I be excused". I would remind her "no snacks".. "Are you sure you are full?"

If we kept her up or out late, I might offer her a lite snack.. But she knew that was it for the night. Unless we got a snack, then we would share.

Sit him at the table and give him some variant on something he might eat, something he will eat and something you don't know if he'll eat. Take the toys away from the table. Tell him he's a big boy and can eat with his own spoon/fork. Praise when he does it or tries. If he won't sit, pack it up and give it to him as a snack later or only give him something really healthy as a snack later. Model what you want from him. Dinner time is for eating. Rinse and repeat.

As an example, my DD got water tonight (she had juice for lunch), and so did I. Then we gave her corn bread that we'd made to go with our chili. Knowing she won't eat chili or the avocado we put on ours, we gave her lunch meat and salad. Last night she ate tilapia cooked only in butter, salt and pepper. She had raw broccoli (mine was cooked) and rice and berries. If your son won't eat food one way, consider another way. Like raw vs cooked, sauce vs no sauce, a little cheese...

You may also find it helpful to engage him. Help him understand that it can be his turn to talk sometimes and ask him questions about his day, his favorite food, what he think he'd eat if he was an alligator...My DD is harder to get to sit at the table if she's bored.

We offer dinner & that is that... if they finish dinner they get a treat (cake, icecream, cookie, pudding or whatever we have). No snacks are alloud about 2 hrs before dinner & none after unless we eat really early.

If you stick by it, he will come around & start eating his dinner... remember he will not like all dinners, but try to make one thing he does like so that way he has something good to eat each night.

Good luck - keep trying & don't give in or up.

Good for you for realizing that he's training you. Now it's time to be the mama. Think long term, not just this meal or just this week. If he doesn't get what he wants at 3 yo, he'll be a little unhappy -- but it's what's best for him in the long run. And you know that.

Hang in there, mama.

Talk with him just before dinner, tell him that he can not play at the table and must eat what is on his plate (small child portions). Make it clear if he doesn't eat, he will will be taken from the table, put in his pj's and sent to bed early. Also let him know IF he does eat, he can have a nice dessert. If he doesn't eat, follow through and Do NOT give him anything else with the exception of a small glass of water. Mom and Dad are responsible for teaching and training children. A three year old is NOT to train you and dad.

Be consistent and you will see a change in s short period of time.

Blessings.....

Our son went thru a similar stage and I think it boils down to what's important to you. Dinner/meal time isn't as important to us with our 4-1/2yo son as other things, like walking the dogs after dinner as a family. He sees me constantly eating/multi-tasking, so I don't mind if he does. Sometimes he's great about sitting/eating with us (like last night). Other times he will only eat if I hover and remind. I don't mind him playing while eating (technically, we play with our food by moving around, cutting, dipping, etc), sometimes that's the only play time he gets with dad.

Having him seated/engaged at meal time is not an issue for me *shrugs*. He's always been a great choice maker about food, he loves broccoli and eats it almost every night. He's exposed to treats/sweets, but somehow chooses healthier options (like olives over cookies the other day), or makes the treats last (like taking a week to eat a chocolate pretzel from the store). My son gets whatever he wants to eat/drink before bedtime because he's great about getting up to use the bathroom if needed at nighttime and he makes good choices (like a slice of cheese and some water). I would say to prompt, recommend, suggest, etc and lead by example.

Good luck!

My youngest is 15 months. She's in the throwing food stage. So after dinner I usually have to give her something else. I offer either applesauce or yogurt. I keep it simple, and it's not a "snack" or "treat". It's an extension of dinner on nights she doesn't eat. My oldest (27 months) will end up eating some, too, because she can't stand to be left out. But she usually eats her dinner. Kids won't find dinner 'yucky" if you make it a routine for them. My 2 year old often says "very good" or "yummy" when eating dinner. And I cook healthy foods. I wouldn't stress over whether he's eating dinner or not. Really, it's HIS choice regardless of what you do. But make sure to offer something healthy if you're going to let him eat after dinner. If it's cereal then it should be cheerios.

Eh, you know, in the long run, it wont really matter. The moms that are so hardcore about his are probably lenient in other areas. I tried making my son eat even a small bite of the food I served for dinner and it ended up making him dread coming to the table and missing out on key social skills and really, the joy that comes with sharing food as a family around the table. I see so many moms who love to say "I am not a short order cook" but give their kids cereal or other healthy snack if they don't want the dinner. Whatever your decision, own it.

Our kids have been great eaters since they were two or three... is it training or luck? I really don't know. All I can offer is what we've done:
- We all sit down to dinner together
- We all eat the same thing
- We eat flavorful foods (most meats have a marinade or a sauce and everything is well seasoned)
- We don't force feed them, but if they don't eat they are excused from the table (as well as from the dining room)
- If they finish their dinner, they may sometimes (but not always) get a treat
- If they don't finish their dinner, nothing else until breakfast
- When they were very young, we didn't let them have their fruit until they'd eaten some of the more savory stuff (I know some "studies" say that this is wrong, but it worked for us)
We definitely had a few ugly nights, but it really was just a few. I know that it seems painful while you're in it, but it doesn't sound like your alternative is much fun either ;)

The other thing for us was that other meals and snacks weren't about fun or sweet foods. Our kids ate healthy from the start, so it wasn't like dinner was painful compared to all the treats they ate the rest of the day. Hope this helps~

I feel you. My rule is if my dd doesnt eat dinner, she doesnt get dessert or bedtime snack. So of course she refused to eat dinner, per usual. I left it on the table for a while, but she watched and as soon as I dumped it, she started begging for snack. I feel like the meanest witch ever sending her to bed hungry! She had a salad, but then refused to eat her macaroni or pork chop. She wanted fruit for a snack which made me feel.even worse for saying no.

It's hard but you said it yourself, you cave in and he's got YOU trained rather than the other way around. If dinner is the only meal time that is a problem and eats breakfast and lunch then he may not be too hungry, especially if he has a late snack. After lunch, if he needs a snack give it to him early and make it very small like a pack of fruit snacks. This will make sure he's good and hungry by dinner time. At dinner time, start him out with just a small amount of food. Make it heavy on the veggies and a bit of meat. Give him his milk after he eats his meal, or let him have a sip after each bite. He doesn't get a sip unless he takes a bite. He gets 20 minutes. No need to let him know about the time limit at his age. If he doesn't eat, he goes to bed hungry and thirsty. If he throws food he gets one warning and if he throws again he is done eating and drinking and away from the table immediately. If you are firm and strict on this and do not cave into his demands and tantrums he will start eating after a few nights of going to bed hungry. Do not make up for his missed dinner by loading up on breakfast and lunch the next day. It'll defeat the purpose of making him feel hungry and realizing the after effects. He'll soon start eating.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

stop feeding him cereal..

kids this age do not eat dinner.. they eat breakfast.. (probably the same 2 or 3 breakfast foods they like)

lunch (pbj, hot dog.. same 2 or 3 foods they like)

then dinner.. all those yucky foods no toddler likes..

so theyh dont eat.. this is normal..

but if you get in the habit of making him special dinner.. it will go on for a long long time.