15-Month Old Screams Unless I Hold Him

Hello C.... I also have twin boys that are 16 months old & they are doing the same thing. Except it's both of them... one majority of the time, but sometimes it's both. My boys will do the same thing, fine all day with Dad and then I get home and they just have a melt down. I will pick up whoever is sadest or closest let him calm down then I will try to distract him with a toy or go outside or a book. That seems to get their mind off of me and being sad for the moment and on something else. Plus they are still getting my attention but I don't have to stand and hold them!
I don't have a lot of advise but I just wanted to let you know what seems to work for me at the moment. If you find something that works you should let me know:]

From everything I have read this is perfectly normal for some kids to do. He is fine all day but he really misses you. And when you get home, he finally feels comfortable enough to express everything he felt all day but couldn't. It is wonderful when they love us that much, isn't it? My suggestion is a Love & Logic Parenting suggestion. "Oh how sad. Mommy would LOVE to snuggle with you but I want to snuggle with a pleasant little boy. You can spend a little time in your bedroom until you can calm down." Then put him in his crib and when he is calm go in a make a big deal of getting to read a book together or whatever (and don't even mention the negative behavior). If nobody is in there with him I suspect he will eventually calm quickly. It might take a few days for him to make the connection but he will. My incredibly strong willed kiddo usually calms within seconds of this. Sometimes it takes her 1/2 hour but most days it isn't even close. Check out loveandlogic.com for more info. I am not an instructor, just a mom who is LOVING the techniques.

this is very hard! :D i relate, slightly. my son is 21 months old and theres just sometimes he needs me to hold him, no exceptions.
theres nothing wrong with putting your son into a sling again. on your back would probably be fine so hes not "in the way"
i understand though, that he might be heavy... i used the moby wrap and at all weights it has been a VERY comfortable way to hold onto my son! :D

i would just make sure that you can be as responsive as you can and understanding that this is just a hard time for him. rule out any teething, medical issues just in case, maybe even lay down with him before bed, give an extra story or two.

just keep listening to yuor instincts, they are never wrong. how you deal with this little step back determines how your son takes the next 2 steps forward... so just treat it with love and respect.
good luck

last note. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take care with the idea of kids manipulating you. little kids have needs. we need to make sure that we can care for their needs before thinking they are manipulating us. no tantrum, fuss, cry, or attitude change comes from the idea that the kid is thinking "if i can just do ___ mom would finally do things MY way" - kids are NOT thinking about how to manipulate their parents at this age. maybe 4 or 5 when they recognize the difference between truth and lies, yes, but not at 15 months old. only YOU know your child, and if you feel that a certain method works out, and is healthy for your relationship with your child, so be it. dont listen to any advice that makes your stomach turn or your heart break. thats the most important thing.

have been through and sometimes still struggle with this issue with my 2 year old (second) child. I finally started just outting her in my backpack child carrier everytime she was in need and it really helped her. Some kids just really experience an extended period of troubling seperation anxiety. Your son is at about the age when they say it can kick-back-in or reach a new level (plus with you recently returning to school...I am sure the adjustment has been difficult for him). My 2 year old is fine, even happy and content when with daddy or a sitter while I take time for me or do some charity work but the moment I walk in the door she has a meltdown because she missed me so. I find that just giving her the extra time/attention/being close to me --in a backpack carrier if necessary works to calm her down and give her the reconnect she so needs. This too is a phase and will pass as she moves more into her own. Hope tis helps .....I am a SAHM with 2 daughters, 2 and 4 years old.

Oh my goodness, this is EXACTLY what I am going through except I don't have twins. I have been back to work the same amount of time but only two days per week. I'm baffled by the fact that they are angelic all day at home w/ daddy and the second I walk in the ---- hits the fan and it's drama-licious! He has even gone to the extreme of laying down in front of my feet screaming so I can't walk! He doesn't even want me sitting down with him, only standing and holding! I don't know about you but he doesn't talk too much, not nearly as much as my now 5 yr old did at that age. I think that is part of the crying/whining...the frustration of me not understanding and his not being able to tell me what he wants. I try to work with him on learning to talk but he's just not interested. He's very strong willed and determined. I was literally in tears tonight too over this problem, I so feel your pain!!!! Please let me know if you've found anything that has worked for you and I'll do the same. Good luck and if it's any conciliation, know that there's a mom in Arizona feeling the same way you do!!!!

you are doing your best in making sure that you give them the attention that they need. As much as it hurts you and your husband you have to let them cry. sometimes it lasts for hours but they will catch on. they are used to being home with mommie and the bond is SO strong and will continue...I guess it is a way of saying that mommie is the boss. :-) put the kids in their crib and let them be. turn your baby monitor down just enough so that it doesn't pierce your ears, and get the stuff done that you need. this will take time but it will be well worth it...I did this with my kids and my daycare kids and soon they will get it that they can not be held all the time. it may seem cruel but in the long run it WORKS!

Sounds to me like he is really focused on Mommy and he needs a bit more from you. I would try wearing him in a baby backpack, like one for hiking. Wearing my girls in a backpack was great at that age, because it allowed me to do virtually anything and it kept them happy at the same time. It is also good for practicing good posture which we busy Moms don't always maintain as we should.

How frustrating! I would absolutely do the 5-10-15 (Ferber) technique for this issue as well. Your son is obviously not in pain or hurting in any way since he's quiet when you pick him up. Unfortunately he sounds SMART! And he's smart enough to manipulate the situation! I've had a smaller dose of a similar situation. What I now do when my 18 month old demands me (he's jealous of his 5 month brother), I sit on the floor and allow him to kiss and hug me, but I don't pick him up. He can sit on my lap, but brother get the other knee! Before long, he doesn't want to be just sitting anymore and he runs off to play. I think he has learned that he can get reassurance from me, but he may not always get my undivided attention. Good luck! This is harder on you than him!

I would think if it worked for the sleeping, try the 5-10-15 minute technique for this also. Give him some toys to play with and let him know that Mommy has to do the dishes (or whatever) right now and will be back to play in a little while.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I pray you find something that works very soon. It's so heart wrenching to listen to your little ones cry, isn't it? I'll be thinking of you.
~SR

I vote for 5-10-15 with the addition of a kitchen timer. Say,"Andrew, Mommy will be with you in 5 minutes when the timer rings." When the timer goes off drop what you are doing and give him a few minutes of hugs and kisses then say it's brother's turn and give him some loving. Then try to get them involved in playing together. They might forget about you for a little while and you'll be able to get a task done. In a few months time you'll be able to tell him that you are busy but he can have attention in 15 minutes and he'll believe you.