Help !

I think that she is just young and would benefit from another
year of 1st grade. Next year she will then be one of the oldest and do great. I have heard that no one every regrets holding them back.

I used to teach and trust me when I say, it's a process to retain a child. The teacher doesn't like to do it either, however, it's the best thing for the kid. As a parent, I personally would have a problem too if they wanted to retain my child, however, with the child's best interest, I would do it. I know it can be hard, but in the long run, it's better to do it now, rather than later! Good luck!

why not spend the money on a program like sylvan instead of psychologists. Do you think there is emotional trouble or maybe she just needs a little extra help. I wouldn't depend on the schools to give the help you need, they didn't give it to you when she was falling behind, why count on them now. I just feel like the school are too ready to hold kids back so they don't have to really help them learn. If she is doing good with some of the classes, maybe she doesn't need held back with everything.

Relax is my advice. I have two children..one is severely Learning Disabled and the other is Gifted, so obviously opposite one another. Children become better writers by reading. The more they see written words the more easily they'll be able to reproduce them in their own writing. 6 month's delay is NOT anything to be concerned about in 1st grade. A lot is changing for kids at their age and as long as her reading and spelling are up to par the writing will soon follow. If you do decide to have her tested or seen by a Child Psychologist, let me know and I'll give you some good specialists to see. I wouldn't hold her back as long as she's fine in other academic areas and her maturity is there since she is on the younger side. Typically retention does not prove to be beneficial unless it's for emotional immaturity. HOpe this helps.
M. M.

Barbara,

She's only delayed by six months so I wouldn't hold her back. I think it would damage her self esteem more if her friends progress to the next grade and she's held back.

My daughter is experiencing the same thing (having trouble getting her thoughts onto paper). She's an older kindergartener due to us moving from out of state (different age deadline).

What we're currently doing...
Handwriting without tears helps the child breakdown the shapes to get them onto paper more easily. We're also going to be receiving help from the school during 1st grade and are seeing an outside occupational therapist that has really helped. This summer is a great time to catch up.

Also, check with your school district to determine what summer programs they have available. Our daughter is in the Utica school district and will be attending Camp Literacy to help her with reading.

Good luck! You're doing a great job!

I had 2 children with birthdays in the middle of September and 1 the middle of December...They all went to what our school called developmental kindergarten first...

My daughter went on just fine ...my son took 1st grade over..the exception is he didn't want to learn to read he was just there to be social..So the second year of first grade we all thought he was doing so much better, we had his eyes checked and was told they didn't know how he could see..(so I guess he was paying more attention the first year than we thought)

My husband and I both believe the teacher the second time around made the biggest difference in his progress his needing the glass's was the second reason..and I have always said I should have been able to keep him home another year before starting the DK, K,1st grade...

If your daughter does well in all of the things you say, and is only 6 months behind I would get another opinion....

Like I said before a different teacher can make a world of difference..

The age thing for him didn't seem to be a problem, but we also always told him that he never flunked but it was our choice to hold him back so he would be able to do better...

Oh I forgot to add all of my children went through school just fine in fact the oldest is getting her masters!!!

Good luck in your decision....B.

As a first grade teacher myself, if she is 6 months behind now then it is more than likely that she does not yet have a strong foundation (the basics) which is required in the beginning of 2nd grade. If I am concerned about a student, I always tell my parents that it would be much easier to decide to hold a child back now versus later when they have to deal with self-esteem issues and thier friends knowing they are being held back.

Personally speaking, if it were my son I would do it. Especially if he had a late birthday. First grade is an extreamly important grade and honestly I think you should trust the teacher, and do what you feel is best for your daughter. I would also try retaining her and not having her tested yet for special education. She is very young at this point, and it is more than likely that she will catch up on her own with a little more time.

And NO NO NO...you should absolutley not spend money on a child psychologist!! The schools will do the testing for free if that is what you decide.

Well, I have a daughter who is now 11 and heading into the 6th grade and I sure wish I would've held her back when I had the chance. Now I definitely don't want to because this is when peer pressure is such a huge thing.

It probably won't even phase your daughter to be held back a year. Kids at that age bounce back easily, so she'll make new friends quick enough.

Also, if you haven't already, have a talk with your principle and see what services may be available to your child. They may not be able to do much this year since it's the end of the school year, but if she needs testing they can get her on the schedule for the beginning of next year. I don't think she needs a psychologist but maybe a few hours with the school resource room teacher could give her an extra boost.

Good luck!

L.,
I am a Speech-Language Pathologist in a K-2 building. My philosophy on retaining involves a couple of thoughts. The first is age; and, it sounds like your daughter is a little young and may need some extra maturity time. The demands and expectations are high and they will just keep building on one another. It would be no different than if you had put her in a Young 5's/Early 5's program. I did that with my son and have NEVER regretted it. He is one of the top of his class now. And, that brings me to my second point. When we look a retaining one of the questions that the Team asks is if the child would have the potential to be in the top 10% of their class if they retained. If she is only 6 mos behind, it might be worth the consideration. If you have the option of "doing 2nd grade over", I would do that (as a parent and professional) before I spent money on a Psychologist. And, if there is a learning problem, you shouldn't have to pay to have her evaluated by a Psychologist, your school district should take care of that. The problem with children this young, is that their difficulties don't always show through on the testing due to their ages. Anyway, it would be my opinion to talk to your daughter, and if she is truly aware of her struggle, give her some extra time for all of the information that she is learning to process and fall together. Then maybe you won't have to worry about anything else. Have a good summer.
B.

I wish I had held my daughter back a year. Her birthday is late September and she had always been a bit behind the other who were a year older. Along with the academics, she was also behind socially. My son is a December baby and always did very well in his classes. We homeschool now and it makes a huge difference in her learning. Good luck!!

what in the world can a pyschologist help you with??
what district are you in?
feel free to message me if you like. I too have a 6 year old going into 2nd grade that is months behind so I can understand - you know not all kids perform at the same level (I have two kids that far exceeded the curve and now one behind) what is the school saying exactly?
for my daughter she cant write well at all - well its fairly neat but makes no sense yet. she cant form a sentence, doesnt put periods etc etc, my daughter is just learning to read (yay!) but can spell well and gets a lot of the math :) I wouldnt worry unless the school is telling you to hold her..... summer school seems harsh! maybe its a fun place or just an hour a day? our school says to keep our daughter from backsliding this summer just read everyday... thats it! the rest will come. this fall she will get continued reading help (she got it last semester this year) and will be evaluated for speech. but no medical help is needed its just a learning thing :)

I haven't gone through this personally, but my BIL has had similar problems with my niece. He chose not to hold her back during the Kindergarten/1st grade period of her schooling. From that point on, she has always struggled academically and has earned very poor grades. He tried tutors, Sylvan Learning Center (which he's still trying to pay off), etc. She did finally have to be held back a year, but that was not until the 7th grade. She switched schools, from private to public, so not many of her new school mates knew, but she was still was very embarrassed around family (she doesn't want anyone in the family to know about it/won't talk about it).

I guess my point is that if you are going to hold her back, better to do it when your daughter is younger than older. Kids make friends easily at this time in their lives and she may not even realize that her former classmates have moved on and she hasn't. In any case, the early years are formative for learning, so if she gets the extra schooling she needs now, you are setting the stage for a more successful academic career in the years to come. You don't want her to be in the 6th or 7th grade and really hating school because she struggles in it.

Please have her tested for a learning disability She may have a problem specific to writing and catching it early as possible will help her get the skills to over come. The specialists at the school should help you with this but you may have to push to get it done.

I'm on leave currently, but before we moved I taught for 3 years to 5th and 6th graders in Rochester.

I would hold her back a year. It will make a huge difference with her confidence, which will also make all of her school years to come more enjoyable. Frustration in class, around her peers can be so h*** o* kids. She's still young...the damage you may be fearing from holding her back will be little compared to the damage she may incur from years of struggle throughout the rest of her school years. 6 months may not seem like a lot to us adults, but in the development of a child it's leaps and bounds.

Reading a lot will help improve her writing, but don't make it a pushy task to get better, make it a fun activity that you can all enjoy together. Go to the library, book store, and read in front of her yourself to help encourage her interest in books. Talk to her about stories, what you are thinking, have her guess/predict why or what will happen next, ask her how she thinks the characters feel etc... All of these things will help. Spelling is a lot of memorization and a bit different than the art of language. Even kids who can read may not comprehend what they are reading. Likewise, they may have a great vocabulary, but if they don't know how to put all of that together it can affect their overall abilities too.

I don't think a psychologist is needed. It may add more stress to the situation.

Good luck, it's a tough decision for a parent, but it is ultimately your decision. On the flip side, although suggested my parents didn't hold me back in Kindergarten, but sometimes I wonder if it would've made my schooling experience different. I was a more of a "B" student. In high school I could never seem to obtain as many "A" grades as I had wanted.

I had a similar circumstance with my daughter when she was in the third grade. I knew there was a problem because she was struggling to retain the basic academic skills which would have allowed her to passed to the fourth grade. I requested a conference with the teacher in the half-way mark of the school year and let her know what my concerns were. The teacher not only agreed that she needed another year to emotionally mature, but was also willing to take my daughter under her wing as if she were her own child. Needless to say, my daughter is the most intelligent, confident, mature adult you could ever meet! It's amazing what 1 year can do. Don't be absorbed by the "you're not with your classmates" deal; she WILL be---and yes, summer school is a perfect investment. Always be there with the moral support she'll need. As she gets older, she'll thank you over and over again.

I personaly would not have a problem holding her back. As a substitute teacher, a director of Kids Hope USA mentoring program and a mom, I give you this advise. She is very young. Why not give her the extra year to grow, and have her at the top of her class instead of struggling. This will not only help her academically but will have a huge impact on her self-esteem in the future. Holding her back in not a bad reflection on you or your partening skills. She is just young, with a fall birthday. Please give her the extra year to catch up with her peer. You will not regret it!

Hold off on that psychologist just yet. Here's our story. Our kids are all the same distances apart as yours.

I have 3 children that are all "young" compared to classmates. Oldest son is 11 and heading for 7th grade, middle son is 8 heading into 4th and youngest daughter is 6 and will turn 7 2 wks before 2nd grade begins next fall. First I must say that every child is different and my 3 prove that. Our oldest (born Oct. 22) went to k-garten at 4 even though his preschool teacher recommended a young 5 program (our school district did not offer) or another yr. of preschool. He is terriffic at math and struggles with reading. He did receive title 1 help at our previous elementary and when we moved got no help again until this year when they discovered he was reading below grade level. Mind you this child LOVES to read and whips through books pretty fast--he had real problems with fluency. After spending the entire year in our current school district's Read Naturally program, he is above grade level and I see a major amount of improvement in his reading fluency AND writing has become easier for him. Watching our oldest these last couple years of school made us realize we probably should have taken the preschool teacher's advice. He knew all his numbers, letters, etc. but was not really ready socially. It was all maturity.

I didn't teach the oldest to read, I left it to the school as I had a not yet 2yr. old and 1 wk. old infant when he started k-garten--I believe your first child is an experiment and you will inevitably wreck them in some way :) #2 & #3 are academically ahead in all areas and I attribute it to the fact that they are extremely strong readers. I taught them to read before the school started it in K-garten. (see, there's that first child being wrecked by his clueless parents thing)

Had I known our oldest was going to slip through the cracks so to speak on his reading, I would have been more pro-active earlier on. My advice to you is to definitely do the summer school but watch the curriculum. There are alot of great resources for parents to help their children get ahead/catch up that you can get at the library. Keep her reading through the summer. Join your local library's summer reading incentive program if it's offered.

You say she's reading but at what level? Use any opportunity to have her spell/write something. Just asking her to spell a word that she has in her vocabulary when you hear her say it will do alot. Just say "that was a big word, ______, can you spell it?" Make it fun. We used a Magna-Doodle in the car for on the road spelling tests with me giving while I drove and #3 daughter writing them and spelling them back for correction. (her idea) Give all 3 their own MagnaDoodle and age appropriate words/math etc. It doesn't have to be a big block of time that you spend doing this. Use those given opportunities when they are captive so to speak. When you are driving, no radio or cell phone calls. Have your 9 yr. old do flash cards in the back seat for her etc. Take some time every day and spend 15 minutes reading aloud to your children or have them read aloud to you. Hearing the words is just as important as actually reading them. Do a chapter book you will all enjoy like Charlotte's Web or Trumpet of The Swan both by E.B. White. Then all of you (yes, mom and dad read too!) sit and read silently for 15 minutes or so. My kids all LOVE to tell me about the books they are reading. Sometimes before bed I will have them read aloud to me for 10 minutes from whatever book they are reading. They love the one on one time and I don't do it every night with every child unless we start bedtime a little early.

By increasing her reading skills you will increase her other skills. Our oldest is a perfect example. He struggled with reading which explained why he struggled with writing. Now that he's improved in reading his writing has improved also. Above all, ask, ask, ask! Ask what your school system WILL do for you and what is available that they may not come right out and tell you about. And if all else fails, go with your gut. There is nothing wrong with a "do over".

Hope this long-winded essay helps.

L. B

If you are concerned that there is something else going on and want to talk to a child psychologist, you can make that request through your school. They should be evaluating her to rule out a learning disability or anything else that may be making school and/or learning more difficult. You certainly don't want your child becoming frustrated or resentful of school ESPECIALLY if there is something going on that is completely out of her (and your) control.
Is she behind socially, academically or both? Is another year to mature going to make a difference? Is it worth the stress and emotions that may come from feeling that she may have done something wrong? How does she feel about the opportunity to repeat the 1st grade?
Unfortunately this is a question that has no perfect answer. There is a lot of gray area and no way to predict the future.
I do think summer school is a great option - it certainly can't hurt and is an opportunity to help your daughter build confidence and stay fresh for the fall.
Don't be afraid to speak up on your daughter's behalf. The school needs to be evaluating her and providing every resource they have available to make sure her needs are met. If you make the request, they have to follow through. If you don't ask, they don't have to offer. If there is any way to get it done before the end of the school year, I would strongly encourage you to try.
Most importantly, no matter what you decide remember to support and encourage your daughter and her efforts. Remind her that school and learning are fun and that you are proud of her for trying her best. Remind yourself that you are doing your best too!
Good luck to you!

If you think she is going to struggle in 2nd grade (or later grades) then it's probably better that you hold her back. We had to have our daughter "tested" to see if she was ready for Kindergarten. We were told that she is socially & academically ready, but she is immature in her approach on things. She could go to Kindergarten, and worse case scenario she would need to repeat it. The teacher must have seen the horror on my face at that statement, as she followed up with "The younger they are when they have to repeat a grade the better." Better to do it now, voluntarily, than to have them tell you in 5th grade that she has to repeat it - and then she looses those well established friendships.

As far as the child psychologist - don't spend the money. The school should have someone that can test her and tell you if there are any issues. And that is free. If they see a need to refer her to someone outside of school they'll tell you. I know that I saw a speech pathologist for 2 years in elementary school - at their cost, not my parents. If the school doesn't have anyone that can work with her independently, then talk to your doctor to see what he says about a child psychologist.

The best advice I ever got was from my pediatrician who told me she has yet to have a parent come in fretting over whether they made the wrong decision by holding their child back in school.
My eldest son will be 5 in September and I still have no idea about what is best for him. Preschool or kindergarten?

Best of luck to you as you work through this. Have faith in yourself that you will figure out what is best for your little gal.

Hi L.! Well you've received a lot of good advice from both sides. I have a few questions/thoughts to add:

Has any testing been done for your daughter? Any diagnosis?

Has the Teacher/Staff helped you understand that reading/spelling are very different skills from writing?

Is the writing concern in the ability to formulate thoughts on paper? use the correct letters? Form the letters correctly? These questions would help you understand if your daughter has not yet developed fine motor skills or if it is a processing issue. Having your daughter evaluated at a Learning and Sensory Center would be valuable and the eval is low cost.

Who suggested the Psych? For an Eval or treatment? What indicates this is the best approach?

May I make a suggestion? Please don't overload her with classes this summer. Children get burned out. Children develop at different rates... if there is not a developmental issue: sensory, neurological, processing and nutritional aside. And if you lightly direct her play with toys and activities that help her develop her fine motor skills that will accomplish alot. If you get the eval, often you can ask for suggestions for play time to work on the needed skills. If you want suggestions for places to do this let me know.

Yes there are programs in school to do this. During the school year those extra services are overloaded and while the staff means well there is not enough time for each child ( I was a Title I aide for 6 years)

Is the school insisting on summer school? Look at their summer curriculum. In our school it is nothing more than baby sitting.

L., once you've researched this and talked to your husband, along with your intuition as your daughter's parents, you two will be able to make a good choice. I commend you for taking this seriously but please don't stress yourself out over it.

If there is anything else I can do for you please let me know.

warmly, M. G

Wow, she is young. If she is going to be retained in a grade, this is the right time to do it. The older they get, the harder it must be on them socially. I say, why not let her try again, perhaps taking on a new role next year as a leader and helper with other children who are sturggling. It's great for her self esteem to know she is doing really well and able to reach out.

I had the same problem but my daughter's teacher was experienced and she convinced me that it was the best for the child to hold her back in 1st grade. the schools do not want to hold a child back in older grades and if she excells they will mover her up a grade if she needs it later. We tried working with her through the year and she was trying but she just was not ready. I know there are placement tests available you could try. My daughter is now in 4th grade and doing alot better. she seems to be the leader type in the class now that she is a little older than tne rest. it Builds self esteem

Hi L.

No, don't hold her back. There is help in the schools for her as well. They just don't tell you aboutthem so they don't have to take the time. Get her activity books for the subjects that she is slow in for the summer.

Summer classes are great but keep an eye on them. A great deal depends on the teacher that she will have. Either the teacher has the childrens education at heart or they don't.

It doesn't say much for the school systems now a days. Plus I don't want to hear above the cost of health insurance. You make do with what you have and go from their.

Don't know your location, but you might want to look into changing schools if that is possible in your town.

P. W.

I haven't been there so this isn't experienced advice, however, I do have opinions. :) My daughters birthday is in August and I'm not planning on sending her to kindergarten until she is 6 years old. That said I think it would be beneficial for your daughter to do first grade again...not even for the academics really although that those will come. By just even gaining a year of life, she'll gain maturity, confidence, and skill. I wouldn't spend the money on a psychologist. I'd also not push her too hard this summer. Kids are forced to sit, sit, sit, and study at such a young age and they need so much to run and play and be outside, etc. I personally think that by just having her do first grade again, much of the problem will be solved. Best wishes!

Before you spend a ton of money on a Child Psychologist, ask for the school district to test your daughter. There could be a learning disability if she is learning, just at a slower rate. The schools have psychologists to do that testing and you do not have to pay for it.

Being that she is 6, it is probably maturational and another year may be good for her. If you choose to hold her back, I would do it now. The older she is, the more difficult it will be. I would talk to the school psychologist if it were me.

Good luck.

Absolutely not. Unless you think something has happened that warrents a Psychologist. She is very young for her grade and if the teacher says she is 6 months behind....well techinally for her age she is not. Not when there are 7 and eight year olds in the class. I would say hold her back. Let her enjoy the summer no tutoring. The kids are in school their whole life. She will probably struggle her whole life. By holding her back it will give her confidence by being the oldest in the class instead of the youngest. She will probably be the leader insead of the follower. It may give her an advantage in sports in the future. She will also graduate later and making the life altering difficult journey to college later. Kids aren't ready for it as it is. My son is 41/2 and will be turning 5 august 30th. The cutoff date at his school is sept. 1st. So he will be the youngest in his kindergarten class. He was also in his preschool and was too 6 months behind. I am going to see how he does this year and if he still struggles I will send him to all day kindergarten the following year. Oh by the way this advice comes from a teacher in training and a family full of teachers that all feel the same way. ;) I feel your situation is absolutley normal. There is nothng wrong with your daughter, it's just where the birthday falls. think about this way...If she had been born 10 days later....you wouldn't be even having to think about this situation.

Just hold her back if she is 6 months behind now, as the years go on she will be further and further behind. Its not worth sending her and having her struggle later.
She will be a much happier child if she can keep up with the rest of her peers, especially girls, they can be so cruel if you have a problem
Good luck and God Bles,
Cindy

My first question is why did the teacher tell you at the end of the year? You should have been notified when she was getting behind that way you could have done something. I have 3 girls, all were born in the late fall early winter, what I did was one my December girl had to wait because of the cut off date ,now my 2 October girls both went 1 year later. Durning Kindergarten round up they were tested and I was told to wait until next year. I am very glad I did, my 11 year old has had straight A's since her last kindergarten report card and now she is in 5th grade and the top in her class, now my 6 year old who I waited also with is doing great, she was a little shakey in the beginning of the year, but now her teacher says she is ready. I too have a Oct. birthday( the same as my 11 yr old) and I did struggle all through school, I wish my parents would have keep me back for that extra year but back then everybody sent there kids to school at age 6. I hope this helps you a little bit.

i was held back in first grade as well at that age it is easy to make new friends, and i kept all my old friends that moved up too.(at least untill they went to middle school and i was still in elementary school) a few kids tease but it was mostly my brother and i just made sure everyone knew i was held back and i didn't fail, in the end it all worked out.

Hi L.,

I am a Speech and Language Pathologist in a school district and wanted to provide you with some insight from a special education team member. First thing I want to say, despite what another mom wrote, the number one priority for the team (SLP, special education teacher, school psychologist and school social worker) is to provide services and support to all students who need it. The budget cuts that some districts are experiencing have absolutely nothing to do with testing or providing services to students who qualify for special education. I want you to know that there is no reason not to trust the special education team at your daughter's school. They are all professionals who are fully trained to complete evaluations and provide intervention and direct instruction for areas of disability. Has your daughter's teacher brought her to the attention of the team? A full initial evaluation (testing completed by each team member) should have been completed to determine if there is a learning disability or a language impairment. Unfortunately, it is the end of the school year and testing cannot be completed until the fall. However, I would recommended that you request an initial evaluation no matter what decision you make regarding the retention. I would not spend the money on a child psychologist when you have a psychologist at your daughter's school now. If she is still in school, you should try to contact that person to discuss the possibility of retention and to get their opinion. I would also talk to the psychologist about completing testing when school starts back up. You could also contact the SLP at the school to get suggestions on things to do with your daughter over the summer to continue practicing reading and writing. I hope this helps! Feel free to send an email if you can't get in touch with your school's SLP and want some suggestions! Good luck! : )

I will tell you this much. If you ever need to hold your daughter back, 1st grade is the best time to do it. My brother and other people I know had been held back in 1st grade and they went on with out struggling the rest of their school careers. If she is not ready for second grade, there is no shame in keeping her in the first grade one more year. It may be the best thing for her.

I'm not sure which is the best way for you to go, but when I went through this as a child (in second grade), the teacher told my mom I was a problem child and that I needed to stay back. My mom decided to let me go to third grade with the rest of kids in my class, and by the beginning of that year, the new teacher wanted me to skip third grade! I just needed to be challenged as I was bored in the previous class. My mom left me in third grade; I graduated on time with the rest of my class (with high honors).

My sister on the other hand, who has an October birthday, has had problems in school her entire life. She also had dislexia (sp?) and ADD. If your daughter doesn't have any of these issues, maybe try challenging her and see what happens. Good luck.

L.,
We faced the same situation with our son who was in the first grade at a young 5 and we made the decision with the help of the reading teacher, his teacher and the principle of the school. He is now in the 3rd grade and his birthday puts him right in the middle of the birthdays for the class. It has made a world of difference. His confidence by repeating the 1st grade jumped by leeps and bounds. Homework time has become an easy process without the increditable struggle. It was really a hard decission but absolutely the right one.
Good Luck!!!

Hi,

your daughter is just not as mature as the rest of her class. Skip summer school, enjoy the summer and let her repeat first grade. We did that for my son and it was the best decision we ever made. He breezed right through high school. She is already a very young first grader. Stop beating yourself up over this, everything happens for a reason. She will do great next year!!!

Good luck
L.

Hey there! I have an 9 yr old going to 4th grade and a 5yr. Kinder, who will be going to 1st grade this coming fall. If I may make a slightly different suggestion as to the others. I volunteer quite a bit as a Mom both with my 9 yr. old and Kindergartner throughout the years and one thing I noticed is that the kids at the 1st grade level start journaling, even my Kinder journaled with pictures and then later in year they put one line sentences to the picture. I have found that the kids stumble on putting their imaginations, ideas on to paper. They are also intimidated because of the short vocabulary they have with regard to the words they know how to spell correctly. What we have done which has helped tremendously is we have story time within the family and we make up stories and share. We, as parents first started this and the kids love it and have joined in. We have stretched it out a bit now and we write about what we liked with regard to the story that was told or the story that we read to the kids. It starts giving them the idea of writing. We also suggest how would you like the story to change and they write about it as well. Whether they spell correctly or not is not the point, the point is to put their thoughts on paper and get them out of that skiddish mode.

Keep reading to them all! S.

Latisha,
I can only speak from my experience. Your daughter sounds very similiar to my son. He has struggled in school since Kindgergarden. Except in my sons case the school just didn't seem to care and kept passing him along. My son also has a large vocabulary and is exceptionally mechanically inclined. But where the bookwork (reading and writing) is concerned you would never know it.This year his 6th grade science teacher told me he has a sharp mind and is good in science, but his grades didn't really reflect that because of the reading and written work involved. He will be in the 7th grade this fall and school is very very hard for him. Every year is a struggle, he is a hard worker, a good report card for him is B's and C's. Anything we can do verbally he just breezes thru it, homework at home I read aloud to him and he has no trouble, unforunately I cant be with him at school as he is too old.
I had him tested for learning disabilities ( I strongly suspect he is dyslexic and disgraphic) His school tested him twice and he was denied any extra help (school systems are very strapped for cash and it is not in their best interest to find anything wrong because its very expensive for them to give them the extra help they need) I would not trust any school testing, but we havent been able to afford private testing (however I was told that some testing wouldn't be able to find anything before the 2nd grade level anyway).
We did change school systems in the middle of his 4th grade year, and the new school has been much more helpful and supportive. I am planning on having the school test him again this year but am not expecting much.
I wish I would have had a teacher hold him back when he was in the lower grades, if 1st grade was hard then 2nd will be hard too and 3rd grade etc. I hope this helps. I know it can be a nightmare when they get older and struggle so much.

Hi L.,

Over 20 years ago I held back my son in the 1st grade also. I too, was totally confused because he tested at a 2nd grade reading level, said his first word at 6 months and had a huge vocabulary, could tell you were every country was on the globe, etc by preschool. He could remember and retain what he heard, however he hated writing, cutting and pasting, and coloring. His small motor skills were lacking. I held him back, against my husband's wishes, because I fully trusted the teacher that explained the reasoning to me. She said that until his small motor skills got developed , if I let him go forward he was smart enough to know that he was lacking and that would frustrate him. I was worried that the other kids would tease him and she said they would forget about it right away and they did. It was the BEST decision I ever made. Today he is 27 years old, extremely successful and loves what he is doing. I have never regretting the decision and he has never said anything about it being the wrong decision. If it was not for his great memory I would say he forgot about it.

Best wishes to you. Inside you know the right thing to do for your daughter. Trust yourself.

C. Biondo
www.TheCompleteYou.net

L.,

My oldest daughter was a Sept. baby and she also struggled. I wanted to hold her back in 1st grade but let her go on per the teacher's advice and I regretted it! After 2nd grade, her teacher talked to me and suggested to reapeat and I was so relieved! She was just too young when she start K. and she was THE youngest kid in her class. After we held her back she did great! And she was with kids more her own age.

Hold her back now because she will only struggle more and ruin her self esteem and make feel like giving up on learning. The 1st grade is the best grade to do it.

L.,

No one knows your child better then you! Trust your gut! You mentioned she is great with reading and spelling, but what about math and other subjects? I think looking at everything as a whole is important. I have a ending 1st grader and 3rd grader. If I were faced with the same situation, I definitely would consider what my child will face in the next grade, and if I feel that I can get my child ready, and be supportive throughout the year for them. Also, I would definitely not make any decisions to see how well my child is doing after taking the extra summer classes that you have already enrolled her in. Good luck!!

I have a daughter and two sons, the one son I held back, the other, I wanted to hold back they said no. The oldest one, did fantastic and still is. The one I didn't, just graduated last year, but struggled the whole time. He was frustrated, as was I. He really needed the extra year. Having to struggle for the next 12 years wasnt' worth it. I wish I would have fought harder to hold him back. It doesn't make you a failure or your daughter either. Some kids just need the extra time. Good luck.

Hi L.,

My son had an extra year of school, he is now in the 7th grade, and it was the best decision I made. Some children need that extra year. It is not necessarily because they are not smart enough, but their maturity/focus level. Just think when she graduates she will be 18 not 17. Personally I feel more comfortable my son being 18, almost 19, when he graduates. He will then tend to make better choices.

The director of Community Ed in our school district, who was also over the preschool, said it doesn't matter when your child graduates from school as long as they do well.

There are so many advantages to being one of the older children in a classroom versus the youngest.

If she is 6 months behind she will always be catching up.

I wish you strength and courage in making your decision.

M.