What Do Moms Do When a Toddler Does Not Keep Toys/ Things in Place?

Updated on May 21, 2007
P.P. asks from Tucson, AZ
9 answers

My son is now 26 months old. He always does not want to keep toys/ things in place after he is done with them. I tries several ways.
1) Place such toys on top of refrigerator, so that he has to wait 2-3 days before he be able to play with them again. RESULT : He does not seem to bother much. He can play with other toys.
2) Going out of home without him. I told him that we really need to go out. If he would like to come with me, he would need to keep all toys in place first. He denied, so I had to pretend that I go out alone. RESULT : He cried so hard that I think I will not use this method ever again.

3) Tell him that we are not going to go out until he keep all the things in place first. RESULT : We did not go out many days because he does not wanna do that.

I often got angry for this and did not know what to do. Am I expecting too much for a 2.2 yrs old ? I think we have to start discipline early ? Please help.

Thank you and Best,

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Thank you everybody so much. I feel more relax and have got more (better) options to do. Just finish reading, dont know yet what's the result going to be, but will start right tomorrow :)

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D.D.

answers from Portland on

You are expecting a little too much. Let him learn by example. When you want the toys picked up, lead by example. Show him how you want it done and make it fun. Have him do more and more each time, example: "Ok, mommy's going to pick up the stuffed toys and you pick up the trucks." Then after time (weeks? months?) you should just be instructing him what to pick up. Eventually he will fully understand what picking up his things means.
Do you always want to clean when you have to? Sometimes everyone needs a little break.

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J.L.

answers from Portland on

You know what worked for me? When we were done playing I would say "HELPER! Mommy needs a HELPER! Can you be Mommy's HELPER?" I would simply repeat HELPER until eventually he caught on that he was assisting Mommy, and nothing has thrilled or empowered him more.

Now when I am needing anything to be done I will just call out "HELPER!" and he actually comes running. He feels needed and then we high-five and do a dance.

Please don't get discouraged. Twenty-six months is VERY early to get too emotionally involved in situations like this. Choose your battles carefully so as not to overwhelm him. Give him lots of praise and love firstmost. You will be shocked at the results it will yield!

You are doing a great job!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.H.

answers from Portland on

This is a trick that I learned that works great. This will work for potty training as well. You need to take away what ever the child wants IN THE MOMENT. IE: If you son is playing with a truck, you remove the truck and say, "you can have the truck back after you pick up your toys", or "you can have your truck back after you use the potty."

I learned this technique when my son was 3, I wish I had known earlier. I was trying to use rewards, but if your child doesn't want that reward in the moment he doesn't care. So when you say, "we will leave when your stuff is picked up", and your boy doesn't care if he leaves, he won't do it.

It's so easy and so effective. Remember, it's WHAT EVER HE WANTS IN THE MOMENT. Now my son has a good association that he must stop what he's doing to use the potty or pick up.

Also, your child is still very young. 2 year olds don't generally pick up toys or keep them put away. Even my son who's a little odd and loves to follow rules still doesn't put his toys away unless coaxed (he's 3.5).

1 mom found this helpful
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S.M.

answers from Portland on

He's only two!!
You should start discipline this early but not as forceful.. picking up should be fun.. sing a song and help him do it.. he cannot learn how to clean up unless you teach him and demanding a two year old to do anything is the wrong road to go down.. they are stubborn and really cannot understand the consequences. My two year old hates to clean up and really hates it when I force him.. but Absolutly loves it when we make a game out of it. once he sees you doing it he'll want to do it too. Make a routine out of picking up toys and he'll eventually learn.

Children are given to us so we can teach them what to be later in life. We are constantly telling them No and don't do that.. but rarely do we tell them what to do instead. I belive it is our job to tell them what their other option is. You maynot stand on the table, but you CAN stand here. You may not hit your sister, but you can tell her to stop! and ask me for help. You cannot leave the house without picking up your toys.. and here let me help you!!

Hope this helps!! :)

He wont care about his toys quite yet.. he's still a bit young.. he is still in the dumping stage.. where they have to dump and pick up and dump some more.. as frustrating as it is... that is what two year olds do!!

another great idea is to take a picture of the toys and use clear shelf paper to stick the picture to the location of where each toy belongs then he can learn where all the toys belong.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.M.

answers from Portland on

I think your expectations for a 2 year old are a bit too high. He's just a little guy, he doesn't know any better and for you to punish him is not good parenting if you have not taught him through repetition to clean things up. Try to keep in mind that he does not care and is not going to care about keeping things clean. The only thing that he is interested in right now is learning through exploring and part of his exploring is taking everything out and playing with it. It is your job as a parent to teach him with patience to pick up after he plays with something. We have a 5 year old that we're still teaching this exact same lesson. It is through repetition that children learn best. Make it a game and give hugs and positive messages when he does something right. In short I think you are being much too h*** o* him. And you will only cause emotional issues by leaving the house without him, you are his world right now and he needs you to be understanding of his developmental needs.

I would recommend that you either pick up some Child Development Books or do research on the internet on Child Development. There is a wealth of information to be had if you invest the time and energy. I've included some links that might help you along these lines (the first one here is really good in explaining what's going on with your 2 year old):

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p...

Great Book: http://www.amazon.com/Your-Two-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames...
(this book is wonderful & the author does a whole series based on each age. It's nice, short, & concise so you'll breeze right through it)

http://wondertime.go.com/learning/child-development/stage...

http://www.musckids.com/health_library/growth/twoyo.htm

1 mom found this helpful
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L.B.

answers from Portland on

My friend told me this trick that I think works really well. 1st of all you have to show them where stuff goes, but then you ask them Where does this toy live ? Doesn't live on my floor or this doesn't live in the kitchen or living room. So basically over time the learn where stuff "lives" plus it puts it in a more positive light and they are more responsive to it.
My 2.5yr son will sing the song , "clean up clean up everybody do your share, clean up clean up....." and put stuff back in his train table drawer, doesn't always happen but it is a start.
Personally I still have issues w/ my kids putting their stuff away, but we are getting better at it.

I agree 2 is a little young to be expected to put stuff away on his own but w/ encouragement it will be a skill that he will learn eventually.
Always hard to see through the trees when your are in the thick of it.
Good luck to you, and have fun w/ it.
L.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

A toddler doesn't understand the connection between putting toys away and going out. And he's only 26 months old. He doesn't understand what you even mean by put your toys away. Consequences won't help at this age.

I suggest training him to put them away. At first help him put them away. Sit down on the floor so that you're looking in his eyes when you talk with him. Decide on one place, like a toy box, to put the toys. Make it simple. You pick up a toy and put it in the box while he watches. When he seems to understand, hand him a toy and tell him to put it in the box. Do this for awhile. Then, while still sitting nearby point out toys and say, "put in box." This can take several weeks. Focus just on picking up toys. I had trouble staying with the job. I'd get them started and then leave. It's important to stay and be cheerful until he learns how to do it by himself. Besides teaching him how to pick up his toys you're teaching him how to co-operate and making this chore fun. There is a song that my grandkids learned from Barney that goes along with this. My 6 yo granddaughter still sometimes sings the song as she picks up.

A lot of people are unaware that our brains and the ability to remember/do things develops over time, until we're in our early twenties.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Portland on

While I believe cleaning up is important, he is too young to do it all the time when told. He will need you helping him for a few more years. We sing the clean-up song while we clean and I just expect him to put all his toys in his toybox not sort them or put them back on a shelf. By taking things away from him or punishing him he will learn to not like cleaning, where as if its a game or a family activity it is fun. My son asks to clean his room every night before bed because we all go in and clean and play together. And we have a lightweight "shark" cordless vaccume he uses all the time. Children learn from making messes at this age as well. Its actually healthy for them to dump the blocks all over the floor so let him mess it up and then help him pick up later. I would recomend having a certain time of day you clean like right before nap and bed so that it is expected and part of a routine, the rest of the time, let it be. (My son is 2 3/4yrs and my daugher is 11 months) Jen

1 mom found this helpful
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J.H.

answers from Portland on

I think it may be a little early to make such a fuss over neatness. Just let him be, try again later.

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