To Clean or Not to Clean, That Is the Question

I always had all the children over help pick up as I expected my son to do so when he was at a friend's house.

As they aged I still had his friends help out in the house. If you stay at my house more than one night in a row you are no longer a guest, is what I tell them. So they help set the table, clear, do dishes, take out trash, once, they all did the yard and cleaned the patio. Yet, they all still keep coming back! This crop of teen boys will tell me they do more at my house sometimes than at home - and they seem to like helping out. Odd teens.

They clean up after themselves. They are not adults who will do the same thing for you when you're visiting their house for dinner.

Kids need to learn to clean up after themselves no matter where they are or they learn they can leave a mess anywhere that is not home.

When my kids were little, I'd always give warning before playtime was up:
5 more minutes to play, then clean up time.
OK, time to clean up, Josh's mom is coming in 10 minutes.

And after snack or dinner: "everyone take your plates to the sink," and I'd often ask one person to wipe the table and someone else to put food away.

I think kids like it better when we are clear with our expectations. It only takes a few minutes to clean up and I'm happier to have them over if I'm not left with a mess. And when mom is happy, everyone is happy.

If my kids do not clean up while their friends are still there they won't do it for hours and a lot of nagging so I make everyone clean up before the friends leave.

When we have kids over at our house I have everyone help cleanup. When we go to other people's houses I have my kids help clean up. I KNOW that we will do it every single time so I plan accordingly.
It has only happened to me once where someone comes over and destroys my kid's room and doesn't help pick up. They have not been invited back.
L.

I always prompt my kids to clean at a friend's house and when friends are over I tell them all to put away the toys. Not to anyone in particular, just that it's time to clean up and the insinuation is that everyone has to help. If the parents are there, it should click in their mind to let their own kids know.

I understand your issue. However, my belief is that I am not responsible for what other people's kids do. I think if you make a mess, then you have to clean it up. When my children go play at someone's house and make a mess, they have to help clean it up before they leave...it's just the right thing to do. I cannot help it if other people do not have the same standards. My job is to raise my children with manners.

It's okay to ask the little guys to help clean up. Are the parents usually in attendance, too? I'm really surprised that they're not prompting their kids to help clean.

I would tell the kids "Okay, time to clean up now" and have everyone pitch in. If you know the cleanup takes a while, then start that well before you have to go so he does his share.

We have a rule that we leave a house the way we found it and expect that others at least make an attempt to do the same. I do not expect my son to clean up mess left by his guests. It is disrespectful to go to someone's house, make a mess, then leave it. It is up to the parents to help enforce this. What I like to do with the little ones is give everyone a specific job they are "in charge" of. There is only one boy who does not do it. His mom does it for him. That is their problem.

Your son sounds wonderful-and I doubt the entire mess is his-in any situation. All the children need to pitch in and help pick up the toys. Someday, those will be the adults who jump up from the table and help with the dishes, or food shop for a sick friend, or take in wash for a friend when their washing machine breaks, etc.

I think the kids should collectively help put things away when playtime is over. My daughter had a large group of friends over one time and they all left leaving her to clean up by herself. She was so mad that now, she tells her friends to make sure they put that toy or game back before they leave. If you have to pick up your kid, you can call ahead 15 minutes to let them know to start preparing to leave- the cue to start cleaning up and putting things away. Your son should not have to put all the toys away by himself. That's not fair.

Honestly, when my kids are at someone's house, when it gets close to leaving time I tell them it's time to clean up, just out of being polite. If the house wasn't a mess when my kids got there, I don't want it to be a mess when they leave.
I don't ask other kids to clean up at my home, but I will tell my kids clean up, and my friends, the parents of my children's friends, will usually tell their kids to help out, which is nice, but not needed. I don't want kids to be afraid of making messes in my home, my house is well lived in, and messes happen.
That said, it usually seems like the work is pretty even between my kids and their friends. If it seems uneven, maybe you should make an announcement a few minutes before the other kids leave, to your son, that it is time to clean up a little and get toys put away, and see if that changes anything. It doesn't have to be long, maybe 5 or 10 minutes?

My response is not to your direct question. It's the one I give to my son whenever he sees kids who aren't asked to do the things I ask him to do. Applied to this situation: "Every family has different rules. This is our rule: when we're the host, we clean up the mess. Other families do it differently, and that's OK."

We hae a very simple philospophy when it comes to cleaning up toys / etc. with visiting friends and family. "When I'm at your house I don't want to clean up, so I don't expect you to do it when you're here." Works great for us and the people we spend time with!

I tell my kids that they are responsible for any messes made when they have a friend over. They can either get their friend to help clean it up before they leave or clean it up themselves after their friend leaves.

Depends one situation. When it's a one on one playdate, I have my children and their friends all clean up. Same with clearing their dishes. When we have a larger party and there were lots of kids, I don't make them clean it up because the kids leave at such different times that it's not fair to the kids stilll there and playing. However, at friends houses, before we leave, I do have my children help clean up what they messed up. Sometimes I will pitch in and help too.