Seeking Help for 13Yr. Old Not Interested in School

I went through a similiar situation when I was in school. I had a teacher that thought outside the box. She got the school to test me. Long story short, test results showed I was on a higher level than the classes I was in. Basically I was bored. They put me in advanced classes for my basic subjects (reading, english & math). Problem solved. Paid attention, did the work, my grades raised. Just a suggestion. Hope it helps, and good luck to you.

I wouldn't push him too much. If he is getting his work done, even if it's last minute, I would just leave him alone. He doesn't have to like school, he just has to put enough effort in to get through it and move on to the next step of his life. Just like we go to work everyday and have no desire to be there, we do it anyway because we know it will help us later on(like when the bills are due!).

My son, whom is now 16, has always done this. Right before his report card came out he had an average of 51 in English. All his other classes were A's and High B's. He made up the work and recieved a permenet grade of 85.

He gets punished if this happens and I ride him through the next grading period. I check his backpack for any papers and all his notebooks. I constantly email the teachers to make sure all assignments are turned in.

Then after we get through that grading period I try to let him do it on his own again. Sometimes he does right sometimes he doesn't.

Some boys are just this way. My daughter is not... she's quite the opposite.

Austin, my son, starts screaming that I don't trust him... but then I inform him that I would if he would do his work in the first place without me breathing down his neck. Also I don't allow any grade lower than 100% on Vocabulary or Spelling test because those are give me grades that you can study for a week before hand.

A. Lynn

I was that way and my brother as well in school. I know it drove my mother crazy! But I can say thatshe involved us in activities and got with the coaches or directors and told them that if we brung in anything lower than a 75 or we didnt do good in school we couldnt play or participate. That got us motivated! And the coaches or directors agreed with her. In High school we were involved in FFA & 4-H and no pass no play rule was applied and our schools passing grade was 78 or above. She also got with the teachers in the classes we were slacking in, and she told them that if we got anything lower than a 75 on anything or we didnt get involved in, in class room work or activites she was to call my momma and we lost our privilages. This only lasted a couple of months, we got our act together and she didnt have anymore problems in that dept. Hope this helps, sorry I have a 3yrs old so i can't really say what i would do , just share what worked on me and brother.

J.,
I have a 15 year girl that has the same issue. We check her grades every week and if there any 0's or missed assignments, the weekend plans are put on hold. As for crunching, that's fine as long as the report card comes with all passing grades and nothing lower than a B....

I think you've got to make his grades HIS problem, not YOUR problem. He knows what he needs to do. I'd have a talk to establish the "rules" and help him come up with his own ideas for getting his work done. Just be sure he knows that if he does need help with an assignement that you're there for him. Maybe even set up a method for scheduling "help time" with you. When you sit down to talk with him, tell him that you've noticed he doesn't seem motivated. Talk about why and brainstorm with him some ways to get motivated. He needs to own this. Be sure you respect his ideas and don't treat them like they're unworkable or stupid. If he's having trouble verbalizing some ideas, offer a few to get him started, but be sure to listen when he gets to thinking about it and talking.
You can use privledges and chores as bargaining tools. For example, you'll be happy to let him continue going to the movies with friends, playing computer games, etc. as long as every grade is above a certain mark. When a grade falls, he loses movie night and gains mopping the kitchen floor.

As hard as it will be to detach yourself emotionally, maybe you could try. My son is only 6 and is ADHD, but still rewards tend to work! If my son finishes his work in class that day then he is rewarded (fishing with daddy, money in his piggy bank, a certain snack he isn't usually aloud to have, 30 extra minutes of play time before bed, etc.) It is always different. However, if he doesn't finish his work in class he has to do it as soon as he gets home and complete it before he does anything else. And then of course he gets no special reward! Some days are great and some days are not so great and he spends his entire afternoon working on school work and gets no play time. I have to say that since we started the reward system, there are many more good days than bad. And as far as his teacher is concerned, as far as he brings his work back the next day complete and doesn't disturb the class during the day when he isn't doing his work, then she is ok with it. Your situation is a little different, because you didn't mention ADHD which is why my little guy has a hard time concentrating on his work and keeping focused. And my little guy is only 6 so it is really easy to come up with rewards for him, a 13 year old may be a little more difficult. At any rate, as long as his grades are solid B's Í wouldn't worry too much. Good luck and I hope you figure something out soon! :)

Sounds kind of like me as a kid. I wasn't challenged. Maybe he's bored? If the work seems mundane to him and he knows he can rush at the end and get the grades anyway, what's the benefit of doing it the whole term, in his mind?

I have a twelve year old son who does the same thing. I tie his schoolwork to free time. For him it is the skate park. If he does his job during the week he is rewarded with time at the skate park on the weekends and sometimes after school. The other piece of it is to accept that he is not a child who is interested in academics. My son and I differ in that respect and it was hard for me to accept. But he can perform and so rewarding his hard work seems to be the trick for us. I stay very unemotional about it all. He does his work, he gets the skate park; he brings home a bad grade, he plays in the neighborhood. There is no punishment, just reward. I hope this helps. Every child is so different, but this has worked for us.

It really depends on your son's motivations, especially in other areas of life. If there is something he wants or something he wants to do, then use it as a motivator (do well in school, and get something you want).

You might also check into his abilities, it could be that the school work is not challenging him enough, or it is too challenging for him.

You could always try a tutor, someone other than his parents/family that he might respect or look up to that could motivate him in creative ways.

Good luck! 13 is a difficult age for everyone!