Learning to Let Go (Of Toys!!)

It really does depend on the child. I have a similar situation in that I have two girls in one small room. My 10 yr old understands and appreciates the ability to give to children less fortunate, but my 9 yr old refuses to give ANYTHING up - even her sister's things that have gone into the "pile". I usually have to go thru while she's not around and thin things out. She rarely notices and never suspects. But if she knows its in "storage", I get no end of hearing about it until I give it back... I hope this helps. :}

Hi S.,

I'm a mother of two and nana of three. When my daughter (29) was young I was a single parent in a small apartment too. What we did together was divide her toys into three piles and then she would select which pile she wanted to play with the most. The other two piles were bagged up and put into storage. About 4-6 months later we would back up the toys she was playing with and bring out one of the others from storage. It was like Christmas every time! Naturally during the bagging process we would weed out broken toys or ones she had outgrown. I always had her help me and made a game of it. She never had a problem with it, in fact today she uses the same method with her three little ones. Age 4 is not too young...if you leave her out of the process she is going to resent you. Just make a game of it. And as far as weeding out the toys she has out-grown, tell her the toys are going to another little girl who doesn't have any toys. That might make it a bit easier for her to let go of them.

Good luck!

Nana W. Q

We Just did this with my son he will be 4 in feburary also. We aloud him to tell us what he didnt want and we had 3 pills a keep, a get rid of, and a keep for brother(3 months old). we let him go at it and when he was done we went and made sure he didnt keep any that were broken or missing any pieces.

Also he wasnt aloud to open all of his christmas gifts until we went threw the toys. he knows we will be going threw them again after his birthday to make room for whatever he gets. I dont do it before so that he doesnt get rid of to much that he could have kept.

We gave our son the talk about kids who dont have toys and when we would make him pick which ones he wanted to give away he didnt have a problem with it, he thinks all kids should have lots of toys.

I hope this helps!!!

I also am over run with toys most of the time (two daughters, both have birthdays within a month of Christmas).

Your plan sounds pretty good to me. When I was a kid my parents had me chose a few toys to donate before Christmas and before birthdays. They explained about other children not having as much as I did and how pleased they would be to get my older toys, etc. I think I was about 6 when we started doing that. I'll tell you what I do with mine (and they are both younger than yours). I get out a box for toys to be donated, a box for toys to be sold (I also consign with the big semi-annual sale), and a box to pack up, so I can rotate later. This system works pretty well for me.

As far as how many toys to keep out, I just know that when there are too many out, my girls seem to get overwhelmed and don't really play with them. I think it's just too much and they don't seem to really know what to do or there are just too many to chose from.

Considering I've had experience with this, you need to let her be part of the getting rid of process. My daughter was 3 when I put her barbie radio in a garage sale. She still brings up the fact that I got rid of her radio (it was a small McDonald's toy, but she liked it a lot and I didn't realize how much she liked it!) She is 12 now. It's a good idea to set out toys of similar type and tell her to pick a couple to keep, then get rid of the rest. Kids have too many toys these days. They need to be part of the process of parting with them, though.

THis is fine. Every child is different and you know yours best. My son has seperation issues and issues making choices. He is overwelmed with too many even at 10. SO I do it when he is at school or when he was smaller at grandmas etc. If she doesn't ask for it between now and the sale, out it goes. She'll be fine and won't resent you for the rest of her life because you got rid of her my little pony too soon. You know what are the can't live without pieces. Just be the mom and trust your instincts.

Hey S.,

I just thinned out my toddlers toys in November with her help. She is almost 3 yrs old but I felt she needed to have a say in her stuff. I did help persuay her some in the decision making process. At first we simply thinned out baby toys for her little sister and placed them in the baby room. I made most of te decisions here, but she brought them to her sister's room. It is important to inlcude them and I would just remind her that was a baby toy. I did let her pick out two little things she wanted to hold onto from the baby stuff and she has been playing with them, but my intent is to put them in her memory box soon.
After the baby stuff was cleared through and again, due to my taking the lead some baby stuff was in the box for donation. I had my daughter go through her other toys with me. We had a keep container and a donate container. It was easily explained as giving to the children who had no toys as not everybody was as lucky as her. At first she wanted to keep everything and again i had to help lead her along. Before it was over she wanted to give everything away. Again I did alot of guiding and talking it thorough. Things like "you really don't play with this, would you want to give it to the little kids who have no toys."

She saw everything go into each container and the donate one was overflowing, so i had to get another one. I also want to mention that I did sort through my closet of clothes a few months prior and she helped by carrying things to my clear keep container, green donate and blue give to my little sister.

I think it very important that your little one help, especially with her stuff. You may need to guide her some and even select a few things for memories later. But I can not impress enough the importance of letting her help. I know that my little one rarely asks for something we donated as she remembers most things. If she does ask for something we gave away, I simply say "You gave that to the little kids without any toys and now they are happy." She just replies "oh yeah" and goes about her way.

She too recieved a large influx of Christmas toys. I have already put some away to pull out later as new again. Of course I look forward to cleaning things out again next fall. I have the time between to really examine what toys will be the memory makers and so I am observing to see what I might suggest she keep for her memory box next time.

Best Wishes on this & Happy New Year!
-MB

I go through my kids' rooms 1-2 yearly. We donate them to a local clothing room. I normally go through thier rooms by myself and they never miss what I get rid of. I have a 3yo son and a 9yo daughter.

It's hard to let go of toys. I hated to do it as a kid, and even as a parent I hate to get rid of toys that have been gifts, or that the kids had fun playing with at one point, or that *I* had fun playing with! However, you can either cull the weak toys out from the herd and see if she notices, or you can tell her you'll be giving toys away to children who have none, and she may surprise you by picking out lots of toys to give away. That way she'll learn to be generous, and to find joy in giving to others.

As far as how many toys a kid needs, John Rosemond says kids don't *need* many toys. They do better to use their imagination, and they can't do that if their toys fill every gap. He has some suggestions in books like "A Family of Value" and "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!", but generally creative toys like blocks and art supplies, items for hobbies, and things that encourage imagination (like cardboard boxes and TP rolls). But you make the decision as to how many toys you think are best; there's no one right answer.

Sounds like you have great plans already in place. I think your plans are reasonable, and should come out fine. I've purged before, and there are always things they look for, months later. They get over it!! It will be okay. My problem is that I myself need to let go of some of their toys that I just think are adorable and cuddly. Hopefully, you'll do better than I have!!

Be careful about telling them you will sell things... mine assumed if we sold them that meant she would be getting more, and they no longer appreciated getting new toys because they were waiting for the next "new" thing! I did like some of the other moms, and told them that there wasn't enough room for all their toys and we had to get rid of some of them. We went through every toy and asked "give away or keep". It was quite surprising what they wanted to keep, and what I thought they played with, they wanted to give away so they could play with other toys more. But the first thing I did was tell them the give away toys would not be replaced with new toys, so they weren't expecting new things this time.

Also, it doesn't matter if you sell it or give it away, as far as what you tell them - really at that age they just need to know if it's staying or going. Good luck!