Fifth Grade Girl -- Friendships ---

I don't know. I'd be glad she's talking to anybody. My stepdaughter had such drama in late elementary and early middle school. It's such a bad time for girl friendships. Worse than HS, I think. I stopped keeping track of who was mad at whom because it wouldn't matter next week anyway. I would just give it time. If she can find someone to go to the mall or movies with from time to time, she's not totally without friends. Maybe she just avoids the cliques and drama.

Does your daughter seemed concerned? If not, then I wouldn't worry about it. But 5th grade seems still a bit young to me to have the relationship where your doing something all the time or talking on the phone all the time. I'd give it another year or so.

Actually, I'd be really glad she's not on the phone every day chatting when there's homework to be done,, or begging you to let her hang out with friends without any specific plan or activities involved. That (unfortunately) will come later.

I think it's normal to have "school friends" who are indeed your friends but whom you don't see outside school. Remember, too, these kids are young enough they still have their parents overseeing their schedules, their weekend time, their ability to get from A to B, and their phone use. So her friends can't necessarily call her any time they like, or ask her to pop by on the spur of the moment -- they can't drive themselves over, they may have after-school and weekend activities that keep them busy, etc.

If you want her to have more play dates, and at this age it really is still a play date, start setting them up with the parents and don't wait for the kids to reach out to each other.

Give her some time. It will come. It would be different if she was at recess
sitting on the sidelines alone. In todays world, kids go to after school programs because parents work so there is less time for the friendships
that we knew as children. Kids do not get home until dinner time and then
weekends are packed with family obligations and errands to run. Times
have changed

Mine is in 4th, and it is similar. She has made arrangements to meet a good friend for this or that during school breaks... like both of us going to the Fair and meeting there. Things like that. But not really big into outside of school activities... My son is older, 7th grade this year, and it is becoming more common for him to do these things. He has been doing them for years, though. It started with him when they were in private school and the classes were Really small (10-12 kids). But since he's been in public school... it waned a bit at first, now is picking up again.

I wouldn't worry. It'll happen when she is ready for it to. How will you know? Because she'll start asking you if she can call "so & so"....

Yep, sounds normal to me. My daughter is in 4th grade & there seems to be a lot of drama between all the little girls in her class also. One gets invited to a sleepover, another tells everyone else not to be friends with someone. It's crazy, but I remember going through similar stuff though I was a few years older, like 7th/8th grade.

I imagine times have changed, but I don't really remember talking on the phone until middle school. I think I was 13-yrs-old before I ever actually was permitted to have my first phone conversation. I don't remember thinking anything of it. I slept over at a few girls houses in elementary during 4th and 5th grade probably a handful of times, but maybe I was oblivious and just didn't realize that it meant anything. I would say if your daughter isn't sad about it or it doesn't seem to bother her then I wouldn't worry about. How many people had "real" friends in elementary school. I don't think those intimate friendships really develop until later in life anyway.

I don't think my daughter's friends are friends at all either. They repeatedly leave someone out, though it rotates and is not always my child. They come up to me and repeatedly invite themselves over then say they can't come if I agree to allow them over. They switch off who they sit by.
I have asked a couple of moms and they can't explain it either. I think they should be friends most of the time and want to spend time together at school and at home. She has one girl who acts like she is her best friend IF they are here, but ignores her at school in favor of two other kids. I hate that.

she will eventually get bored with people who are only around when they want something, or she will end up with the mother in law from hell that she will outlive anyway. not to worry. as long as she is not loaning them money or personal items, or they are adding unnecessary stress to her life, the last thing a 5th grade girl needs is second hand drama.
K. h.