Trouble in Paradise with One Year Old Daughter

M.,

Have you tried rewarding her when she is behaving the way you want her to behave? Many parents only give attention to their children when they misbehave. This can escalate the wrong types of behavior. It sometimes takes several tries to change a behavior. But consistency is the key.

Though she is only one she already knows how to get your attention. You may have to sit her down alone, without her brother, and give her some direct attention. i.e. reading a story. Tell her how well she is behaving . (Catch her being good and reward her with a hug or a pat on the head.)

Also, you should know that, children don't always behave at home the same as they do elsewhere. It is not unusual for a child to be great at home and awful at school or daycare, and vice versa.

If you want a behave to change you have to change the focus. So focus on the good behavior and reward it. Be consistant and it will change.

Good luck,
Mamapri

Is it possible she's feeding off of you? Tiredness, anxiety, resentment of being a single parent - babies are like little psychics, and sometimes when they smell blood in the water they turn into little sharks.

There's a parenting expert that's been quoted as saying that you have NO CHOICE in giving your child the amount of attention that he or she needs - your only choice is whether it is GOOD attention or BAD attention. I found it to be true.

That said, have you tried using rudimentary sign language with her? It may be that frustration at trying to communicate her wants - or enjoyment of seeing your panic / desire to please her - is at the heart of her tantrums. If she has a fool proof way to say food, drink, nap, snuggle - whatever - that may help put an end to it... at the very least, you'll feel better about dumping her in her room to scream it out after you've offered what she said she wanted.

Good luck - it gets better. :)

S.

Hi!

I have a son who is two, so I know what you're going through. The best way I have found to deal with tantrums is to ignore them. When my son tried throwing a fit, I would kneel down and say very calmly, "I don't know what you want, and can't understand you when you're like this. Come tell me about it when you calm down." Then I walked away, and did not watch or listen to the tantrum. Pretty soon, he stopped throwing them. They didn't get him what he wanted, and they didn't get him attention. Now, my son just tells me what he wants. Recently, we had a short period of time where he would come up doing this awful whiny voice when he wanted something. Whether I understood him or not, I just said, "I can't understand you when you whine like that. Can you tell me what you need in a normal voice?" He stopped whining.

Sometimes little ones just need an emotional release, and I wouldn't ignore a child who was honestly hurting, but tantrums are generally a way to get attention and "bully" parents into action. You may feel that your sweetheart wouldn't try to manipulate you like that, but you have to realize that one-to-three year olds are still experimenting. They don't know what gets good results, what gets bad results, what makes people happy, and what upsets people. They try out all kinds of behaviors. It's not "badness" so much as "experimentation". If you show your daughter that tantrums aren't effective and don't please you, then she's likely to stop them. She'll try something that works better. That's why it's helpful to tell the child what method *will* work while showing them that tantrums won't.

Good luck! Hopefully, this stage will pass quickly.

Jen

Yes My twins age 4, save bad behavior for at the house. They are the angels with anyone who is not their parent.With their parent they make you feel like your their sworn enemy and they must battled you to death or a padded room. I can't find anyone who as any advice. You usally can't see the blowouts comming, I think that is what makes it so hard. You don't see it comming and then there you are, and you don't why you are there.
An older woman told me know matter how bad it is remember one day they will be gone and you will miss this time, even if it does suck.
I hope I can feel that way someday.
What I have started doing is wearing a headset and play music. It gives you something to focus on and splits your attention on whatever the fit is they are having. Plus, if you get a good tune it turns into them music for a live action movie. I had Flight of the Bumblebee on once while my daughter lost her mind about wanting even amount of sprinkles on her donut. It actually made me laugh and she did not know why I was laughing but she stopped her fit to just glare at me laughing.
Hope it helps and you are not the only one having this.
Its what kids do

Hi M.

I think you are doing great! I'm sure the change from two parents to one has affected the baby as well. Alot of people don't realize it but they are people too, just smaller and harder to deal with sometimes. As long as she knows she is loved and has some your time I think things will work out. I would double check and make sure the daycare is as ok as what they say. God Bless,J.. www.jonnicewilcox.com

How much sleep is she getting? I've read that a 1 year-old should be getting about 14 to 15 hours on average. I know when my daughter doesn't get enough sleep she's a lot harder to handle. And it can creep up on you. When my parents visited my daughter started going to bed a little later, getting up a little earlier and not napping until later in the day. We let her enjoy the time with her grandparents. Now, I'm paying for it. She's actually been better the last week or two. I had to really focus on her sleep and forgo some things I wanted to do to keep her at home. It has been well worth it. She's better rested and has fewer tantrums. Also, when she has a tantrum for "no reason" or whines a lot, I send her to her room. I tell her that she is allowed to whine and be upset. However, Mommy doesn't have to hear it. She actually does go to her room most of the time (or I take her there). When she's feeling better she can come out on her own. A Mom in my MOPS group suggested this tactic. So far she does pretty well with it. Good luck.

I would suggest, to take her to a Developmental doctor. This type of doctor tells you about the development of your child by doing a serries of tests and gathering data. These doctors are for children weather the problem is physical or mental issues...we are taking my son to Dr.Harkins, he has a speach delay. If you would like the number or have more questions just email...hope this was helpful

OOOHHH! I KNOW what you are going through. I have a 2yr old grandson that put the "T" in Terrible Two's.
As a grandma and having had so much time with my grandson, I have to be 'very firm' with him so as to obtain an understanding between us. He usually acts better for me than with his mom.
It is difficult to understand what they are asking for, cause we don't know what they are saying, but THEY know what they are saying.
I played 'word' games with my grandson so that I know what it is he's saying, like "juice" when I give him a drink, and so on. When he would repeat the word, then I know how HE pronounces the word. Bringing up children is not easy and they don't come with 'manuals' so it takes alot of your time. Try about 5 words a day that pertains to her daily routine; play, drink, sit, chair...pay attention to her pronounceation of her words, maybe then you can understand what it is she wants. Otherwise, you just have to be patient and continue to ignore her when she is acting out for no apparent reason or send her to her room.
God Bless you & your family.
K. J.