Sister Suffering from New Baby Syndrome

Updated on February 06, 2008
C.G. asks from Chesapeake, VA
5 answers

I just had a baby a couple of months ago and until 3 weeks ago, Hailey (my oldest- 4 yrs.) was the best behaved kid ever(3-4 timeouts in about 6 months). But lately she has done nothing but get in trouble. During her timeouts (which are as frequent as 3-4 times a day) she has started to throw temper tantrums. I'm cool with the tantrum. She can scream all she wants, as long as she doesn't move from the timeout spot but now during these tantrums she kicks the furniture and screams. I know that she is acting out from the new baby because she has said to strangers, who comment on how cute her sister is, "I'm here too!" I don't know what to do to make her feel secure. I've had talks with her. We have done things one-on-one with her. I don't know whats left to do. And I must say that she loves her sister. She is very helpful when it comes to getting diapers, bottles or anything else I might need (she volunteers). But how do I get to be my good girl again?

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C.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I have 4 kids. 3 years apart between the first 3 and then 7yr gap between the 3rd and 4th. Even now my youngest is almost 4 and she will get jealous if I hug another kid or even daddy. I try to help her understand they everyone gets attention from mom. And it is so and so's turn. New babies tend to get most of the attention. That's normal too. They are tiny, helpless and need it. :) Try setting a timer when she notices and starts to want your attention. Set the timer for 5-10 mins and tell her you will set the baby down and spend a little time with her when it goes off. You don't have to set the timer every time you hold your baby, just when the other one decides she needs attention. This also helps her understand that she doesn't get attention immediately just because she demands it. Sometimes the situation allows for holding baby and sitting at the table while the other colors and watching her so she has your attention. So she starts to see that attention can be shared. Timers are life savers in our house. It really helps the little ones get a grasp for time and waiting then getting the 'reward'. The reward in this situation is your undivided attention. Getting her a new special doll is an excellent thing to do also. Make sure it is new (new used works too) but new to her. So special attention is made to her new baby too. :)

1 mom found this helpful
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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughters are 7months and 4. I can appreciate your problem. It was a big adjustment in our house. We didn't go the new doll route, though I think that works for some kids, not mine. What I found really helped in our house was to pay special attention to how I was speaking to her about the baby.

If I was braiding my daughters hair rather than immediatley respond to the baby and get up and leave the the older one I'd say to the baby, right now is Ella's turn, she needs help too. You will have to wait jsut a minute. Now that meant absolutely nothing to the baby but to my daughter it was empowering. She still felt important and that she had needs too and they were being met.

Goodluck

1 mom found this helpful
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E.D.

answers from Richmond on

C., I remember when my little girl did that. All she wants is attention. Many times at this age, kids get into trouble just so you talk to them. With my daughter, instead of putting her in time out, I would set my son (the baby) down in the swing or playpen with a toy or something and then just give my daughter a hug. I'd cuddle with her for a few minutes and then go back to the baby. After a few days of this, I noticed she quit getting in trouble so much. It may be that Haily is not looking for discipline, but understanding and comfort. She wants to be hugged and cuddled like the baby is. If Haily doesn't already have one, get her a baby doll that she can do the things you're doing with her brother. That also helped my daughter. Hope this helps and keep up being patient with her, she'll come around.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Give baby a toy or whatever makes baby happy for a few min. and read a book with ALL your attention on that and your bigger child and hug , hug , hug her. thats what I do with my almost 3yr. old and 7mool
K.

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M.R.

answers from Roanoke on

Siblings Without Rivalry is a great book.

Offering special snuggle time for them, giving them responsibilities, letting them help... I'm sure you're doing some of that as well.

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